hi need help

Michael Scott - posted on 12/14/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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i know this is a websites for moms but im a new father my newborn is 6 days old and the grandmother on her side is saying i cant see my kid even tho the mother wants me too the mother is 17 and i am 19 and i want to know what i can do about this situation

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Kimberly - posted on 12/15/2012

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Yikes, I shudder at the suggestion you get married! Sure, if its what you want, I'm not at all against young marriage especially when its RIGHT, but not for the kids. Not being married won't make you lose anything much less the everything suggested in that post. If you get your rights well established, there is very little short of having you declared unfit in court that can happen to make you lose out entirely. Now, making it difficult to see your child can definitely happen especially if they know you are pursuing it legally. Tread lightly there. Possibly consider NOT telling them that you are looking into your legal rights so they don't bolt. If they DO, it isn't necessarily legal on their part. You have rights no matter your age and you have every right to exercise those rights. And it sounds like you WANT to which is refreshing! Cyber high five to you good sir! Keep at getting those rights in place, and eventually they won't be able to say anything. I definitely concur with the recco that you get a DNA test in place stating you are the father so there is no question. Its the biggest and best thing you have going for you aside from your desire to parent!

Amber - posted on 12/15/2012

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First I want to commend you for being a great young man who wants all the help he can to do the right thing! It is fantastic to see. Second, yes do whatever you can to get a papers filed, search online and do research on what papers it will take exactly. Sometimes the court house will let you know what papers you need, but that is all they can do. You don't necessarily need a lawyer, as long as you do enough research, get a free consultation with a lawyer let them know the situation and see what they recommend. Main thing to do, for your new bundle, show respect to all parties involved, your new baby will one day thank you.

Jessica - posted on 12/15/2012

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I agree with the previous answers. If you have the law on your side in this then she has nothing to prevent you from seeing you child unless she wants to tangle with the law herself. Also, I don't know about everyone else on here, but please feel free to continue asking questions. We're here to help!!!!

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Julie - posted on 12/16/2012

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Are you with the mom of your baby? If not, then yes you do have to go through the courts. If you start the process it will look better than if someone else does. Go to your child support office and they'll help you set up a child support court date. Then you can get visitation... which will unlikely be joint for now. Especially if the baby is nursed. But any visitation is better than none and you can eventually have more and more time with your baby as s/he gets older.

If you and the mom are together grandma will have little control of if you see the baby. The mom can bring the baby to you, etc.

Good luck, and good for you being a man about this and wanting to be in the baby's life. So many 'men' older than you act much younger. You should be proud of yourself. You'll see your baby.

Julie - posted on 12/15/2012

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Arrange to meet away from grandmothers home , get some legal advice !!
Any reason grandmother dislikes the idea of you seeing your child ?

Ericka - posted on 12/15/2012

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Definitely get legal help. Grandparents normally do not have rights that supersede those of the biological parents.

Also, I was shocked to read one response... I perceived it be a judgmental reply, with a hint of scare tactic to back it up. Marriage, -marriage is not the only answer, and it certainly is NOT a bandaid...
Having both parents together is not always best for the child, especially if the parents do not get along, and/or there is a palpable level of tension between the two. Children are more perceptive than they seem and a hostile type of environment can be very psychologically damaging.

Additionally, again, I encourage you to seek legal assistance. Also, not sure what state you are in, or of your finances... But many states do have groups that provide free/discount legal advice. I would suggest googling the topic for your local area. Again, is your name on the birth certificate? Do you plan on paying child support? These are both items that weigh in your favor.
I wish you the best of luck, and please, for the sake of you and your baby pursue a custody arrangement through legal channels. An agreement with the Mother's baby/Grandmother is nice, however it is not legally binding. It would not be enforceable if the Mother/Baby were to attempt to move out of state.

Janette - posted on 12/15/2012

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For a more immediate solution the Grandmother can refuse to let you see the baby if the Mother and child are at her home; maybe the Mother could bring the child to see you?

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Is marriage not an option? Yes, it's tough at your age, but, people do make it. My grandparents were 16 (pregnant) and 17--never divorced. You have to think about who that child will call Dad if she marries someone else later, no matter what visitation the court allows. They could move away later.

Seems to me this girl wants to work it out and a whole intact family is better, statistically (not knowing your situation).

If I were the grandmother I might be reeling from the shock. She probably didn't plan on raising another child or having her daughter's education derailed. I don't know the grandmother, but, maybe if you demonstrate financial/emotional responsibility and acknowledge she is providing for your child and thanking her for that? Bring diapers to the house? Babysit while Mom sleeps? Then, if/when you seek legal action, they should know it will be to both establish child support as well as visitation. Do get the DNA test, even if you're sure. It will keep people from telling your child otherwise later.

I have kids your ages and another of mine is adopted (local). There are options. I commend you at trying to make the best of it for your child. Lots of people much older than you put their rights ahead of what's best for the child. Our bio Mom didn't do that. She is a good Mom.

Erin - posted on 12/15/2012

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Did she put your name on the birth certificate? Call your local child support to get a paternity test done so that you can start the custody process

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