Hitting a 1 yr old?

Carlita - posted on 05/25/2009 ( 395 moms have responded )

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Hello, I was talking to a friend of mine today about discipline, && we didn't see eye to eye on much. She believes in hitting her 1yr old when he does something wrong.....
Does anyone else agree? && if so why?

I am just curious as to why you would hit a 1yr old. I don't, but just wondering if anyone else does?

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Betsy - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

yes a family member of mine hit hers and threw them down onto the bed from 10 months, i think soem mums get more easily frustrated then others. we have been hitting ours (not hard) from i dont know maybe 9 months. Just a tap on the legs or belly. reasons id say would include nowadays since shes 13 months, climbing on things after us saying no over and over, and fussing a night when shes supposed to be asleep, crying when my partner is trying to put her to sleep etc. for some reason it is harder to see my partner do it then me. Maybe because i do ti out of anger not sure. i dont believe in doing it hard enough to leave marks at this age and i dont believe they fully understand at this age either. i think that comes a bit later. i also think everyone has very different opinions on here so you may get some major controversy.



I know there has been many comments about your posts and back and forth bickering, but I just read on another thread that you said you were trying for another baby. I am not trying to bash you, but really think long and hard first. If you are having struggling to where you've handled an infant's crying in getting to sleep by hitting them in the stomach, and the baby's father is controlling whether  you can't go into comfort your crying child, it seriously is not the time to have another child. I have 5 kids, and trust me, having two babies crying at bedtime, waking each other up will more than double the pressure, but quadruple it.



You shared some of your upbringing and described severe child abuse as just being human. I am so sorry you experienced those things. Those weren't just everyday human errors, but serious violent crimes, where if your mom was caught, she would be serving lengthy prison sentences. And I am sorry, but if it was reported any hitting to a child's stomach at 9 mo old, you would also be arrested for that, and there is no question that you would lose custody of your child.



I am sure you love your child with your whole heart, but it does seem, from your words, that you have many emotional scars and a very unheathy idea of what isappropriate healthy behavior in a family from your upbringing, as well as both you and your boyfriend struggling with the pressures a needy baby brings. I am sorry if that seems harsh, but adding another needy baby into that environment is honestly EXTREMELY dangerous. There are many programs and treatment in dealing with all these issues. Counseling and parenting classes could make the difference between a healthy family life and a disaterous situation PRIOR to another baby. I am sure you want a happy, healthy family with a wonderful environment for your children to grow up in. You are really not in that place now, and I really hope you put those very important factors before your desire to add to your family right now. By seeking help, not only would that be the act of a terrific mom, but it would lead to a happier mom, and future marriage also.

Dede - posted on 05/28/2009

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All I can say is that you have to have a license to drive but anyone can have a kid. God help us!!!! Smacking a 1 year old????? I couldn't sleep last night after I read all of these posts. Disgraceful!

Midge - posted on 05/26/2009

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I think smacking their hand or their bottom LIGHTLY is appropriate. Anything harder or where it would EVER leave a mark on ANY child is considered abuse. I have 2 boys (5&3) and I have smacked them, but never to the point to leave any marks and only when any other forms of punishment hasn't worked.
For example, my youngest was just on the back of the couch (and that couch is next to a railing and stairs!!! and they aren't even allowed to sit on that one). I come out of the kitchen from making breakfast and see him. I tell him to get down so he doesn't fall. He says no. I say it louder adding a 'now'. He still says no. I tell him to get down or he is going on time out. He still says no. I come over and pick him up, put him in time out and tell him he has to sit for 3 minutes. He says 'no mom, your stupid." I tell him how that hurts my feelings and he says 'oh well'. Hurts me pretty bad for him to say that to me. I walk away and continue making breakfast. I come out and he's on the back of the couch AGAIN!! I tell him he needs to go to his room. He says 'no your stupid' Hurts really bad at this point. I smack his bottom, he cries (not because it hurts physically, but it hurt his feelings).

I didn't hit him because it made me feel empowered or even better. Honestly it hurts me to spank them. I don't want to be 'that mom', but when it is necessary, it is necessary.

Paige - posted on 05/29/2009

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If someone time and time again needs to let their newborn baby cry and cry alone because they are so angry and frustrated then it sounds like they may need some help. And i do not mean going to see a shrink once a week. There are so many patient and and mentally stable married couples out there who have been trying to have their own children for YEARS and are unable to. I have a very active and mischevious 9month old girl. She is also pretty spoiled all thanks to me. But never no matter what she is doing, she could be feeding all of our lifes saving to wolves and i would never think about hitting her! There is nothing that my miracle of a baby could do to upset me that much. I created her and brought her into this world to raise her to be a wonderful happy person, that is my job as a mother. Yes, if she was 7 years old and did something terrible maybe she would get a swat on the butt and maybe grounded but there are always other forms of punishment that do not result in smacking a BABY! They are considered a baby(infant) until age 2. Babies are so weak, their bones, muscles and skin are so fragile, even that lightest smack could damage their poor inocent bodies. Please everyone pray for the babies all over the world who have to go through this. Pray they will be normal, Pray that they will survive!

Ricci - posted on 05/29/2009

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you are 5 times the size of your child. I do not think that no matter what the child does is it appropriate to hit them. I think that you should reverse it. Would you want some on that much bigger than you to even give you "a swat on the bum?" I really don't think so.

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Betsy - posted on 05/30/2009

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WIth all the debate over spanking, the fact is, hitting a 1 yr old in ANY way is criminal in the US. It is a considered a crime you can serve jail time for, and at the age of 1, the legal system doesn't care about anyone's beliefs in discipline or how light it is, but reason for a child to be removed, and the parent charged. So that is really something to think about when dealing with babies of that age. It also only takes literally a tap, with no mark, with a squirming baby/young child, to be aiming for the butt, have them move and lightly hitting the kidney, causing severe damage. There is a mom in prison who unfortunately learned that lesson and is paying for that well-intentioned error in judgment.

As for comments that if children aren't spanked, they will be troublemakers, spoiled, etc., that really is inaccurate. Sure some kids who are not disciplines at all or not consistently will fall into that category, but I know I have been raising 5 children up to age 19, and we have never had a behavior problem and never had to hit them. It takes effort, patience and putting in the work as a parent, but there is no question with our kids that when we say something, it is listened to the first time. We have that respect from putting in the patience of being consistent everytime. I look at my 19 yr old's friends whom he has know since he was little, and the ones spanked honestly have been more troubled, more agressive. The parents had more trouble with siblings fighting and hitting, pushing each other. As they became teens/young men, the parents had trouble because these kids now bigger than mom knew they weren't going to be spanked at their age/size, so the parents were then scrambling to use other discipline methods. Since the consistent foundation hadn't be already laid for obeying with discipline that works still at that age, it didn't work well. It's too late to start putting in the effort of discipline without hitting with a teenager discovering independence. We didn't have that trouble. We didn't have that problem because we had laid the foundation that worked until adulthood from the beginning. I learned that quickly working with juveniles in the juvenile courts. Plus, kids learn quickly hitting them is illegal, and many children have threatened to call and report mom and dad if they were hit. Kids knowing they have that kind of power over mom and dad in adolescence doesn't aid in successful parenting.

Carlita - posted on 05/30/2009

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Okay, I am getting sick of these damn posts where a lot of you mothers like to act as if you are "God"among the rest of us. All bcos none of us can agree on what is right && what is wrong when it comes to our children.

You want to sit there && call it "giving advice", go ahead, keep telling yourselves that till your blue in the damn face already! The way I see it, bullying, hissy fits, && little he said she said nonsense, THAT MOST OF US DO NOT WANT TO HEAR!

You want to praise yourselves on being good mothers bcos you don't "spank" or "hit" your children FINE! No one says you are wrong in how you go about what you are doing, so why not take the golden spoon out of your ass already && stop telling everyone else how to raise their kids already!

Everyone has their own methods when it comes to dealing with their kids, BCOS GUESS WHAT?!! {HERE IS A BIG SHOCKER!} ALL CHILDREN ARE DIFFERENT! JUST LIKE PARENTS ARE DIFFERENT, PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT! HELL EVEN PLANTS && ANIMALS ARE DIFFERENT OKAY?! You need to grow the hell up already, wake up && realize && accept what goes on. If you cannot accept what half these mothers are doing with their kids, && feel that you should stick your nose in where IT DOES NOT BELONG; Then I feel sorry for your kids when they grow up, bcos how are they supposed to come to you with their choices && decisions in life that differ from yours? What are you going to do? Bash them, tell them NO NO YOU ARE WRONG! Keep harrassing them, till you make your point?

I admit, some of these posts on here with the way some of these mothers treat their children is DISTURBING, but, if you feel as if the child is being ABUSED, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT ALREADY! Instead of wasting everyone's time with all this same old nonsense!

Let me tell you the actual difference between abuse && spanking.
Abuse: Is repeated OVER && OVER && OVER AGAIN!
Spanking: Is a one time thing.

If you are warning your children first, trying to make them understand, && they don't want to listen for awhile. Then yea, I can see where it comes into play!

I am so sick of some of you mothers making A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A DAMN MOLEHILL all bcos you do not agree. Give your opinion, fine. Don't sit there && throw a fit like a 2 yr old! My gosh......

I am closing this post from any further comments, cos this is just getting nowhere with some of you. You cannot understand the difference between opinions && being downright rude. OPINIONS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES EVERYONE HAS ONE!! You need to learn to either deal with it OR WALK AWAY FROM THE SITUATION!

Amanda - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Sandy:

Not only that but people and their beliefs are all different and who has the right to say which is right and which is wrong. I believe it is ok to spank ( using appropriate force ) when the situation calls for it, I do not believe however in leaving a child to sit in a wet or soilded diaper to teach them ...anything. It is not sanitary nor is it respectful...would you leave an elderly parent in a soiled diaper or underwear if they wet themselves? See how things can be turned around to make us all look bad for our beliefs? How about instead of being so quick to judge we practice more communication, understanding, and offer more productive input...


would you hit your elderly grandmother for throwing up? diferent situation and yes if I was in charge of an elderly person and they PURPOSLEY pissed their pants when they know how to ask to be taken to a toliet and they do it just to piss you off I would make them stew in it for a bit.



If my kid pees her pants in the corner you can bet your ass she will be standing there for the duration of her time out and she will be cleaning her self up because she is potty trained and knows that big girls dont do nasty things like that.



what the hell good does it do to put your kid in time out the kid pees him self just to spite you and you smack him than clean up the mess for him? I dont get it, the kid won congrats you have learned negative reinforcment! bravo. Thst just stupid, I will hit my kid for peeing his pants but I will clean him up? If you do that your kid has just pulled one over on you, your kid got you pissed off enough to hit him and made you have extra cleaning work!  Even I can see into that one. I thought it would not take a genius to figure out the motive behind that behaviour.



 



Heres an idea to all you people who take the easy way out and spank on a routine basis (every day for every wrong doing) Play with your kids and give them enough positive attention so they wont feel the need to do bad actions to get negative attention. And stop taking the lazy way out becasue thats all routine spanking is, use time outs consistantly and properly and they will work they just take longer. spanking may stop the behaviour in its tracks right away now but it can back fire later on

Mel - posted on 05/29/2009

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thanks for the post Natalie, yeah i think maybe not explaining it right is the right word and Sandy i like your post, one of the few sensible mature women on here :)

Sandy - posted on 05/29/2009

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Not only that but people and their beliefs are all different and who has the right to say which is right and which is wrong. I believe it is ok to spank ( using appropriate force ) when the situation calls for it, I do not believe however in leaving a child to sit in a wet or soilded diaper to teach them ...anything. It is not sanitary nor is it respectful...would you leave an elderly parent in a soiled diaper or underwear if they wet themselves? See how things can be turned around to make us all look bad for our beliefs? How about instead of being so quick to judge we practice more communication, understanding, and offer more productive input...

JENNIFER - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Cheryl:



Quoting Melissa:




Quoting Amanda:





Quoting Melissa:

i was only posting an answer everyone has different opinions on the topic as with the biting thread. she cries before bed while she's bein put to sleep and sweats and just upsets herself. its not nice seeing your baby do this to herself for at least 15 minutes before falling asleep









so you smack her? maybe a cuddle and shh mommys here would work just as good. maybe she is terrified of bedtime because she knows there is a smack comming












 








sometimes i do want to cuddle her but my fiance doesnt let me he puts her to sleep and wants to be the one holding her and settling her down. sometimes i wish i could. its mainly just the problem with her waking herself up by throwing up. sometimes after he puts her down i want to go in and give her a cuddle to let her know everything is ok, but i know i have to let her go to sleep. never said i was perfect but sometimes you dont know how to deal with a situation that arises every single night and its not as if she hit every single night, its very very rare. my family didnt want me doing in home child care because they said it is too dangerous these days you do or say anything they can take your rights away and report you, they didnt like the terms and condition, i then spoke to my in home carer and said my concerns, she said your an excellent mother your great with her and theres nothing to worry about there, e are only referring to seeing a mother beat her kids or something. i felt reassured after that and its good to hear how much of a good mum i am and i get the same sorts of comments from the hospital









This is your child and if you want to cuddle your child you do, your fiance is not your boss.
 If you child is a throwing up every night that is a medical problem that needs addressed, not a reason to smack a child.  All the quotes are a bit confusing, but  excellent mums do not smack babies , no matter how annoying or how often they do something.





I WOULD NEVER HIT MY CHILD. NEVER! MY DAUGHTER SLEPT IN THE SAME BED WITH ME FOR AWHILE BUT WHEN IT WAS TIME FOR HER TO SLEEP IN HER OWN BED (AT 1 YEAR OLD) SHE CRIED AND WAS SCARED BUT I TOLD HER THAT IF SHE LAID DOWN NICE AND WAS QUIET I WOULD PUT HER TV ON FOR ALITTLE BIT. I NEVER HAd a problem with her bedtime. and during the day if she acts up i put her in her room on her chair and get down to her level and explain to her very calmly why she got a time out. NEVER HIT A CHILD!!!!

Sandy - posted on 05/29/2009

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It used to be that children had a good healthy fear of consequence, now however I see far more parents afraid of their children then I do children afraid of the consequences of their actions. Not only that but when I look at the children in our small town, children of all ages it appears to me that the children who are in trouble, the bullies, misbehaved kids, etc. its the kids who do not have strong discipline and not the ones who's parents are strict and serious about discipline. What the answer is I don't know for sure. I have raised two adult boys. I believe in spanking if the situation warrants it. My boys are now responsible adults. They are not overly aggressive or abusive, they are certainly not afraid of me although...they do know right from wrong. I think sometimes people pick one extreme or the other when really the answer is somewhere in the middle. I have four girls at home right now. We are all big sucks to each other and it drives their daddy crazy all us girls. But, they do know that there is a line they do not cross behaviour wise and they know right from wrong. My six year old is at the top of her class in ever aspect of learning and is confident, happy, intelligent, etc. She is very well behaved for the most part and of course small things get by and kids will be kids but all of our kids including the 2 year old know what their boundries are and know serious consequences follow serious misbehaviour. There is a huge difference between spanking and abuse. When people say they will spank when it is necessary I don't think they are talking about hard enough to " scare the shit out of the kids" or break anything or spank hard enough to leave marks. Come on now no one is saying that that is ok. Its ridiculous some of the comments made. I understand about children who are hurt and abused and I have no tolerance for it but not everyone who believes in spanking does so out of anger or in an abusive way.

Nicole - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Amanda:



Quoting Melissa:

yes a family member of mine hit hers and threw them down onto the bed from 10 months, i think soem mums get more easily frustrated then others. we have been hitting ours (not hard) from i dont know maybe 9 months. Just a tap on the legs or belly. reasons id say would include nowadays since shes 13 months, climbing on things after us saying no over and over, and fussing a night when shes supposed to be asleep, crying when my partner is trying to put her to sleep etc. for some reason it is harder to see my partner do it then me. Maybe because i do ti out of anger not sure. i dont believe in doing it hard enough to leave marks at this age and i dont believe they fully understand at this age either. i think that comes a bit later. i also think everyone has very different opinions on here so you may get some major controversy.





MELISSA! YOU WACK YOUR BABY ON THE LEGS AND BELLY WHEN SHE CRIES AT NIGHT!






why are you telling people this. do you think this is ok.






 






you need help girl.






I try to mind my own but this is just to much. first  alcohol for babies and now wacking babies in the legs and tummy. please stop these posts





Melissa,  I would consider this discipline plan carefully, leaving marks on your children is against the law in pretty much most states and CPS will come and take you children away.

Jill - posted on 05/29/2009

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There is never an excuse for hitting your children no mattter what age they are. Children will not learn to love, respect, or see any other way to react to others when you hit them. Children are human just like we are and we all make mistakes and do things by accident. We need to learn as parents that demeaning our children by hitting them will only crush their spirit and love for life. You can discipline your children with love, I know I do every day. I have three children and could never imagine hitting my 13 month old let alone my 4 and 5 year old.

Natalie - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

no i can honestly say id never do all that to mine not even close i dont believe in it, i believe it just causes alot of distress and upset unnecessarily. i really cant remember what i did not sure why i can remember the punishments but i cant remember what i did. i was young so its hard to rememeber, but i do remember the punishment specifically. my brother wouldnt come inside from playing football after being asked already, i dont think she meant to she grabbed him and pulled him inside and he was complaining of being sore all day so my dad took him to the doc. i do remember once it because because my brother fell from the fence and my mum came out and hit me in the face asked what i did to him i said nothing so i got hit again but yeah dont remember everything would rather not dwell on it all i do know i love mine too much to do anything like that anyway .


Melissa, I think it's great that you've been able to forgive your mother for these terrible things, and that you actually not only have a relationship with her now, but a good one (by what you said earlier), but please don't let anyone ever make you think that she was " just not good at dealing with naughty kids", or "just didn't have much patience".............not having much patience is like....when you snap at someone when you don't mean to, not the things you've mentioned your mom has  has done.



 



I'm sure you love your little girl, but some of your post are questionable, maybe your just coming off wrong or not explaining yourself properly ? one thing tho,...apart from being a mum and a wife / partner,.....is you do still sound like a girl who knows she was abused, you sound like know these things were wrong, i think you want confirmation from other poeple, and i think you are scared from them, and i think they play on your mind more than you let on, I think you need o talk about them with someone, hopefully your partner . 



 



 



 



 

Shanieka - posted on 05/29/2009

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honestly it depends on the child.

some kids just really dont understand. my daughter is 15 months old and understands the meaning of no. she understand me for the most part.if i tell her to put her toys away she will go and do just that.. yes she does not understand right or wrong yet, but that is my job as her mother to teach her.

ever child is diff and response better to diff punishments but my daughter does get a pat on the butt if shes doing something she knows she is not aloud to do, not hard enough to hurt her but hard enough to get her attention...

but i think there is a huge difference to hit your child and to just tap them...

but like i said every parent is different as is every child. every parent is just trying to do the best they know how to raise there kid right,...

Francesca - posted on 05/29/2009

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in our house we also count to 5 and if my ss's still play up their on the naughty step/corner. it works well for us even tho both my boys have issues.(aspergers/developmental delay) they understand what happens when there naughty

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Melissa -



I admit to having slapped the hand of my son when he was younger for touching things that were dangerous. I am also older now and believe redirecting can be done differently. Slapping your 10 month old's belly or legs because they fuss or won't go to sleep... Do you honestly think that slapping a baby, lightly or not, has a calming effect that would put your child at ease to sleep!? You're compounding the situation and having an opposite effect. And trust me, your child is learning from the day their brain begins function in your womb. They are learning violence is okay when you strike them. Babies cry because they cannot communicate themselves in the manner that we can. They get frustrated. A better solution is to help them feel better and be patient when they don't know what they want.

Helen - posted on 05/29/2009

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i dont like hittin kids but i have done it before now n if my daughter goes far enough to deserve it n nothin else is workin i will hit her but she is only 5 months old now so if it is needed wont be for long time yet but i have known people hit there child so often that it would have no effect the child just wouldnt care and carry on doin somethin they had just been told not to do but i am hopin so much that i will neva have to hit my daughter

Melissa - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Stacey:

Alot of people think I am wrong but it wont stop me. My son is fine and is very happy. He's not afraid of me. This is post opinions not to b bashed by some1 who disagrees about my parenting skills. Then why when we are out in public and he throws a fit the only thing to calm him is smacking him? I'm not gonna stand there and talking calmly to a child who is throwing a fit bc I wont let him walk somewhere. One smack and he's fine. He knows he's not gonna get his way so he moves on to something else. Also I am a mother raising a child by myself. I dont have another woman figure there to help me or a man figure for that matter. I do what works best for me. Smacking gets a response. I dont care if people get offended. I dont leavemarks on my child. Of course I came from a home where belts were acceptable on a 10 yr old. My child is more well behaved than any other child I know. While all the others are jumping off of chairs n breaking things my son is quetily playing with his own toys. When he finds something new he shows it to me. I dont smack my son EVERY time he does something wrong bc yes he is learning. But when I tell him not to do something 3 times I'm not gonna keep telling him. He's gonna get smacked. I dont believe I should repeat myself when I know he knows better. All children like to test everyone to see what they can get away with that's y they do it. The puishment fits the crime does apply here. I should have been more specific. If a 10 yr old is climbing on furniture he gets his butt hit but if a 16 month old climbs on the furniture he gets picked up n set down. But again I only tell him a couple of times before I hit the 16 month old. If it's something I tell my son constantly he should know better and there is no excuse.



I can see how your discipline is effective for you and I see how you say your kids are respect ful not judging you or in anything but I do the time out  123 thing just would like to compare how many times a day/ week do you have to use the spank ? I use the timout maybe 2 times a week now using 123 magic curiosity I guess

Melissa - posted on 05/29/2009

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I think the differance in todays world are kids have so much new responsiblitlity so much faster it is not untypical to see a family with four kids have a cell phone and car for each right at the age 16 and cell phones at about 12 they are doing everything so fast even looking back 20- 30 years it was usually seniors in highschool who get there first vehicle which they worked for.Then looking farther back thered only be one vehicle in a household children have evolved so much that as parents and using discipline techniques they are going to evolve as well. Now we have so many parenting techniques and as log as you use consistency most are effective its all about consistency. I understand the last resort spanking but only if you can honestly say you took a breath thought about proper punishment and decided thats the best decision on the behalf of the childs interest, and not to instill fear or because you yourself are angry. They are not your personal punching bag. They are our children and I just wish people woud see that you can teach so much without raising a hand. By picking a discipline technique I chose 1-2 -3 magic effective discipline for ages 2 - 12 it took my child from constantly fighting me arguing rude swearing and being horrible at bed time, to being respectful, happy intelligent and full of great energy instead of the negative energy she had which I believe is due to having her in two seperate day cares, a baby sitter then us mom and dad and other family members disciplining her in so many differant ways and if that wasnt bad enough I possibly may have passed my OCD on to her but by us being consistent and using the 123 magic it has been so much better, she has become so kind and loving I am not saying that this is the right technique for everyone but being consitent will help everyone and by choosing a plan and sticking to it will benefit anyone. There is my babble I hope this helps people understand the parents who dont wan to spank and that we dont have wild children, and that with hard consistent work you get rewarded so much. You dont have to fight everyday and you will not be stressed and with choosing a technique that will work for you and that you can use it everyday, shopping, with family at home that way you can be consistent.

Melissa - posted on 05/29/2009

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I think the differance in todays world are kids have so much new responsiblitlity so much faster it is not untypical to see a family with four kids have a cell phone and car for each right at the age 16 and cell phones at about 12 they are doing everything so fast even looking back 20- 30 years it was usually seniors in highschool who get there first vehicle which they worked for.Then looking farther back thered only be one vehicle in a household children have evolved so much that as parents and using discipline techniques they are going to evolve as well. Now we have so many parenting techniques and as log as you use consistency most are effective its all about consistency. I understand the last resort spanking but only if you can honestly say you took a breath thought about proper punishment and decided thats the best decision on the behalf of the childs interest, and not to instill fear or because you yourself are angry. They are not your personal punching bag. They are our children and I just wish people woud see that you can teach so much without raising a hand. By picking a discipline technique I chose 1-2 -3 magic effective discipline for ages 2 - 12 it took my child from constantly fighting me arguing rude swearing and being horrible at bed time, to being respectful, happy intelligent and full of great energy instead of the negative energy she had which I believe is due to having her in two seperate day cares, a baby sitter then us mom and dad and other family members disciplining her in so many differant ways and if that wasnt bad enough I possibly may have passed my OCD on to her but by us being consistent and using the 123 magic it has been so much better, she has become so kind and loving I am not saying that this is the right technique for everyone but being consitent will help everyone and by choosing a plan and sticking to it will benefit anyone. There is my babble I hope this helps people understand the parents who dont wan to spank and that we dont have wild children, and that with hard consistent work you get rewarded so much. You dont have to fight everyday and you will not be stressed and with choosing a technique that will work for you and that you can use it everyday, shopping, with family at home that way you can be consistent.

Sandy - posted on 05/29/2009

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I am not a big fan of hitting children...I don't think ANYONE is. The world is not the way it is because of hitting ...spanking has been around a long time and kids used to be far more respectful and better behaved. In my opinion kids are the way they are now because of lack of discipline and consequence. I thinking spanking should be a last resort. But it does have its right time and place. There are alot of times kids do things that they are not supposed to very dangerous or disrespectful things, and the consequence should be more effective then simply getting down to their level and telling them that you don't want them to do it again. Also, kids are the way they are now because alot of them are bringing themselves up or other children are being left to care for them more then parents. In a world where it seems to be a race to see who has more material wise kids are being left to figure out wrong from right on their own. Some active parenting is seriously needed in todays world

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Quoting Jillian:

All I have to say anymore about this is that half of you people shouldn't be considered a circle of moms. A circle is suppossed to help and support people. It is not for people to attack others. I've seen a lot of people quote the bible, but only one person (myself) offer to pray for her. It is hard to be a mother when the only example of mother you had abused you. You have to struggle everyday to make the right decision. Melissa probably does need some guidance and maybe that is why she joined this group but instead of trying to help her you have bashed her. Offer her advice and other methods that may help her. I don't know maybe I am wrong for posting this but I just feel like someone needs to help rather than bash her all day. I am glad for all of you on here that you are perfect people who had perfect parents and know all the perfect answers perhaps if this is so true you can go back through delete your bashing comments and provide only advice for a young mother who grew up in a life of abuse. As for me I will pray for you, Melissa, as I do for myself.



I agree Jillian! I think every child is different and some kids learn better one way than others do. I post things on here to TRY AND HELP, not force my opinions or lifestyle on anyone else. I think that it is wonderful that there is a place where we can blog about our lives and ask other people's opinions, without drama and bashing! :)

Melissa - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Melissa:



Quoting Jillian:

All I have to say anymore about this is that half of you people shouldn't be considered a circle of moms. A circle is suppossed to help and support people. It is not for people to attack others. I've seen a lot of people quote the bible, but only one person (myself) offer to pray for her. It is hard to be a mother when the only example of mother you had abused you. You have to struggle everyday to make the right decision. Melissa probably does need some guidance and maybe that is why she joined this group but instead of trying to help her you have bashed her. Offer her advice and other methods that may help her. I don't know maybe I am wrong for posting this but I just feel like someone needs to help rather than bash her all day. I am glad for all of you on here that you are perfect people who had perfect parents and know all the perfect answers perhaps if this is so true you can go back through delete your bashing comments and provide only advice for a young mother who grew up in a life of abuse. As for me I will pray for you, Melissa, as I do for myse





;) thanyou i wish i could hug you right now you've made me feel really good and supported yeah it was why i joined and im sure this site nevr used to be like this. not when i first started out. i appreciate you praying for me! i have often asked my friends from church to pray for my little girl when shes been in the hospital and stuff so im really greatful to have people around me that care enough to do this. i used to pray every night but since ive had brianna i dont even remember to pray and talk to God which is really sad because it used to be an every day thing for me. im not a christian, im not religious but i do believe in God and yes i did attend church and bible study on /off since i was 12. youve made me feel so happy after feeling so drained the last 3 days, just logging on here reading this thread seeing sick people like Melissa Anderson dribble s***. i thought about leaving but im not going to ive met too many great people on here and made too many good friendships. im looking into finding another mums site that is more supportive but i really want to stick on here. thankyou again Jillian






I have completely avoided you not said anything back and it seems as though you are trying to get a rise out of  me first in other topics you warn that I may judge them and now you say MY NAME RIGHT OUT THERE. Stop or quit whining when you make people mad.

Melissa - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Melissa:



Quoting Jillian:

All I have to say anymore about this is that half of you people shouldn't be considered a circle of moms. A circle is suppossed to help and support people. It is not for people to attack others. I've seen a lot of people quote the bible, but only one person (myself) offer to pray for her. It is hard to be a mother when the only example of mother you had abused you. You have to struggle everyday to make the right decision. Melissa probably does need some guidance and maybe that is why she joined this group but instead of trying to help her you have bashed her. Offer her advice and other methods that may help her. I don't know maybe I am wrong for posting this but I just feel like someone needs to help rather than bash her all day. I am glad for all of you on here that you are perfect people who had perfect parents and know all the perfect answers perhaps if this is so true you can go back through delete your bashing comments and provide only advice for a young mother who grew up in a life of abuse. As for me I will pray for you, Melissa, as I do for myse





;) thanyou i wish i could hug you right now you've made me feel really good and supported yeah it was why i joined and im sure this site nevr used to be like this. not when i first started out. i appreciate you praying for me! i have often asked my friends from church to pray for my little girl when shes been in the hospital and stuff so im really greatful to have people around me that care enough to do this. i used to pray every night but since ive had brianna i dont even remember to pray and talk to God which is really sad because it used to be an every day thing for me. im not a christian, im not religious but i do believe in God and yes i did attend church and bible study on /off since i was 12. youve made me feel so happy after feeling so drained the last 3 days, just logging on here reading this thread seeing sick people like Melissa Anderson dribble s***. i thought about leaving but im not going to ive met too many great people on here and made too many good friendships. im looking into finding another mums site that is more supportive but i really want to stick on here. thankyou again Jillian






I have completely avoided you not said anything back and it seems as though you are trying to get a rise out of  me first in other topics you warn that I may judge them and now you say MY NAME RIGHT OUT THERE. Stop or quit whining when you make people mad.

[deleted account]

Quoting Cheryl:



Quoting Melissa:

yes a family member of mine hit hers and threw them down onto the bed from 10 months, i think soem mums get more easily frustrated then others. we have been hitting ours (not hard) from i dont know maybe 9 months. Just a tap on the legs or belly. reasons id say would include nowadays since shes 13 months, climbing on things after us saying no over and over, and fussing a night when shes supposed to be asleep, crying when my partner is trying to put her to sleep etc. for some reason it is harder to see my partner do it then me. Maybe because i do ti out of anger not sure. i dont believe in doing it hard enough to leave marks at this age and i dont believe they fully understand at this age either. i think that comes a bit later. i also think everyone has very different opinions on here so you may get some major controversy.





Anyone who hits and throws a baby ANYWHERE is guilty of child abuse and should be turned into children services.   If you leave a mark on any child under 18, you can be prosecuted and your children taken away.  Its not controversial, that is the law in just about any country you name.
A baby under two has no clue what is wrong, 5 is the earliest they understand anything and basic reasoning doesn't start until 7, so its pointless and cruel to hit a baby.





As a person who has been to school for psychology... just wondering if you had ever hear of studies showing that a child developes the most until age 5?... meaning to shape them as a person that would be where dicipline would be the most sucessful! Not forcing my opinion, but maybe that is something you had not heard. :) I agree with spankings to a certain extent. My almost 5 year old gets one smack on the leg after a warning for misbehaving. I do agree that taking them out of the situation that isn't correct is the best, but some kids are a little more hard-headed than others. It all depends on the child. My son knows exactly what to expect if he acts up, that is something a child is comfortable with 'knowing their boundaries'.

Jennifer - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Jillian:

All I have to say anymore about this is that half of you people shouldn't be considered a circle of moms. A circle is suppossed to help and support people. It is not for people to attack others. I've seen a lot of people quote the bible, but only one person (myself) offer to pray for her. It is hard to be a mother when the only example of mother you had abused you. You have to struggle everyday to make the right decision. Melissa probably does need some guidance and maybe that is why she joined this group but instead of trying to help her you have bashed her. Offer her advice and other methods that may help her. I don't know maybe I am wrong for posting this but I just feel like someone needs to help rather than bash her all day. I am glad for all of you on here that you are perfect people who had perfect parents and know all the perfect answers perhaps if this is so true you can go back through delete your bashing comments and provide only advice for a young mother who grew up in a life of abuse. As for me I will pray for you, Melissa, as I do for myself.



I agree with you 100%! This is all getting out of hand and the sad thing is that I have seen the same thing happen on many other posts.

April - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting rachel:

i dont agree with any type of discipline to a baby that young, other than the usual "no", since they dont understand what they are doing "wrong yet"!


my daughters knew what NO meant by the time they were 6 months old.  and they knew what they were doing was wrong! Sorry I disagree with you.

April - posted on 05/29/2009

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It depends on what u mean by hitting??? When my daughters both turned 1, I would lightly tap their hands to get their attention when they were getting into something they weren't suppose to..some ppl might call that hitting. I don't believe in spanking a 1 yr old at that point they don't really understand much. I think that kids around the age of 1 need to have boundaries set it place and I slight tap on the hands will help them figure that out.. JMO...

Jessica - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Jessica:



Quoting Stacey:

Alot of people think I am wrong but it wont stop me. My son is fine and is very happy. He's not afraid of me. This is post opinions not to b bashed by some1 who disagrees about my parenting skills. Then why when we are out in public and he throws a fit the only thing to calm him is smacking him? I'm not gonna stand there and talking calmly to a child who is throwing a fit bc I wont let him walk somewhere. One smack and he's fine. He knows he's not gonna get his way so he moves on to something else. Also I am a mother raising a child by myself. I dont have another woman figure there to help me or a man figure for that matter. I do what works best for me. Smacking gets a response. I dont care if people get offended. I dont leavemarks on my child. Of course I came from a home where belts were acceptable on a 10 yr old. My child is more well behaved than any other child I know. While all the others are jumping off of chairs n breaking things my son is quetily playing with his own toys. When he finds something new he shows it to me. I dont smack my son EVERY time he does something wrong bc yes he is learning. But when I tell him not to do something 3 times I'm not gonna keep telling him. He's gonna get smacked. I dont believe I should repeat myself when I know he knows better. All children like to test everyone to see what they can get away with that's y they do it. The puishment fits the crime does apply here. I should have been more specific. If a 10 yr old is climbing on furniture he gets his butt hit but if a 16 month old climbs on the furniture he gets picked up n set down. But again I only tell him a couple of times before I hit the 16 month old. If it's something I tell my son constantly he should know better and there is no excuse.






I agree with you.  I have four children and have spanked each one of them.  They are all very happy, well behaved, loved, and normal children.  They understand when they are doing wrong, even my 21 mth old knows when she's doing wrong.  I'll look at her tell her no and she'll look at me and keep going, at that point she gets smacked on her Diapered butt.  When most people smack a younger childs butt it's for attention sake to inflict pain as so many on this post seem to believe.  Of course I don't go up and tap her butt everytime she does something wrong but if I have told her repeatedly no, I feel somrthing else should be done.






I have one more thing to say and then I'm done.  Someone on here said no wonder our country is the way it is, since we spank our children.  Has anyone thought about the lack of respect today's children have, their disregard for authority, and their "i deserve it attitude"?  This is from being our children's "friends", not their parents.  I know this is going to piss off some people and I'm sorry for that but this is how I feel.






not to inflict pain, sorry if there was a misunderstanding

Jessica - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Jillian:

All I have to say anymore about this is that half of you people shouldn't be considered a circle of moms. A circle is suppossed to help and support people. It is not for people to attack others. I've seen a lot of people quote the bible, but only one person (myself) offer to pray for her. It is hard to be a mother when the only example of mother you had abused you. You have to struggle everyday to make the right decision. Melissa probably does need some guidance and maybe that is why she joined this group but instead of trying to help her you have bashed her. Offer her advice and other methods that may help her. I don't know maybe I am wrong for posting this but I just feel like someone needs to help rather than bash her all day. I am glad for all of you on here that you are perfect people who had perfect parents and know all the perfect answers perhaps if this is so true you can go back through delete your bashing comments and provide only advice for a young mother who grew up in a life of abuse. As for me I will pray for you, Melissa, as I do for myself.



I agree and am humbled by your comment.  I don't believe I have been negative but as a Christian woman I have not taken the steps I should have.  Thank you again.

Mel - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Jillian:

All I have to say anymore about this is that half of you people shouldn't be considered a circle of moms. A circle is suppossed to help and support people. It is not for people to attack others. I've seen a lot of people quote the bible, but only one person (myself) offer to pray for her. It is hard to be a mother when the only example of mother you had abused you. You have to struggle everyday to make the right decision. Melissa probably does need some guidance and maybe that is why she joined this group but instead of trying to help her you have bashed her. Offer her advice and other methods that may help her. I don't know maybe I am wrong for posting this but I just feel like someone needs to help rather than bash her all day. I am glad for all of you on here that you are perfect people who had perfect parents and know all the perfect answers perhaps if this is so true you can go back through delete your bashing comments and provide only advice for a young mother who grew up in a life of abuse. As for me I will pray for you, Melissa, as I do for myself.


 



;) thanyou i wish i could hug you right now you've made me feel really good and supported yeah it was why i joined and im sure this site nevr used to be like this. not when i first started out. i appreciate you praying for me! i have often asked my friends from church to pray for my little girl when shes been in the hospital and stuff so im really greatful to have people around me that care enough to do this. i used to pray every night but since ive had brianna i dont even remember to pray and talk to God which is really sad because it used to be an every day thing for me. im not a christian, im not religious but i do believe in God and yes i did attend church and bible study on /off since i was 12. youve made me feel so happy after feeling so drained the last 3 days, just logging on here reading this thread seeing sick people like Melissa Anderson dribble s***. i thought about leaving but im not going to ive met too many great people on here and made too many good friendships. im looking into finding another mums site that is more supportive but i really want to stick on here. thankyou again Jillian

Jillian - posted on 05/29/2009

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All I have to say anymore about this is that half of you people shouldn't be considered a circle of moms. A circle is suppossed to help and support people. It is not for people to attack others. I've seen a lot of people quote the bible, but only one person (myself) offer to pray for her. It is hard to be a mother when the only example of mother you had abused you. You have to struggle everyday to make the right decision. Melissa probably does need some guidance and maybe that is why she joined this group but instead of trying to help her you have bashed her. Offer her advice and other methods that may help her. I don't know maybe I am wrong for posting this but I just feel like someone needs to help rather than bash her all day. I am glad for all of you on here that you are perfect people who had perfect parents and know all the perfect answers perhaps if this is so true you can go back through delete your bashing comments and provide only advice for a young mother who grew up in a life of abuse. As for me I will pray for you, Melissa, as I do for myself.

Jessica - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Stacey:

Alot of people think I am wrong but it wont stop me. My son is fine and is very happy. He's not afraid of me. This is post opinions not to b bashed by some1 who disagrees about my parenting skills. Then why when we are out in public and he throws a fit the only thing to calm him is smacking him? I'm not gonna stand there and talking calmly to a child who is throwing a fit bc I wont let him walk somewhere. One smack and he's fine. He knows he's not gonna get his way so he moves on to something else. Also I am a mother raising a child by myself. I dont have another woman figure there to help me or a man figure for that matter. I do what works best for me. Smacking gets a response. I dont care if people get offended. I dont leavemarks on my child. Of course I came from a home where belts were acceptable on a 10 yr old. My child is more well behaved than any other child I know. While all the others are jumping off of chairs n breaking things my son is quetily playing with his own toys. When he finds something new he shows it to me. I dont smack my son EVERY time he does something wrong bc yes he is learning. But when I tell him not to do something 3 times I'm not gonna keep telling him. He's gonna get smacked. I dont believe I should repeat myself when I know he knows better. All children like to test everyone to see what they can get away with that's y they do it. The puishment fits the crime does apply here. I should have been more specific. If a 10 yr old is climbing on furniture he gets his butt hit but if a 16 month old climbs on the furniture he gets picked up n set down. But again I only tell him a couple of times before I hit the 16 month old. If it's something I tell my son constantly he should know better and there is no excuse.



I agree with you.  I have four children and have spanked each one of them.  They are all very happy, well behaved, loved, and normal children.  They understand when they are doing wrong, even my 21 mth old knows when she's doing wrong.  I'll look at her tell her no and she'll look at me and keep going, at that point she gets smacked on her Diapered butt.  When most people smack a younger childs butt it's for attention sake to inflict pain as so many on this post seem to believe.  Of course I don't go up and tap her butt everytime she does something wrong but if I have told her repeatedly no, I feel somrthing else should be done.



I have one more thing to say and then I'm done.  Someone on here said no wonder our country is the way it is, since we spank our children.  Has anyone thought about the lack of respect today's children have, their disregard for authority, and their "i deserve it attitude"?  This is from being our children's "friends", not their parents.  I know this is going to piss off some people and I'm sorry for that but this is how I feel.

Alexis - posted on 05/29/2009

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there is a difference between spanking and beating. i was spanked as a child and i think i came out ok. i know what its like to have a kid who throws up when she gets upset and its not a medical thing. i took her to the doctors several times and even switched doctors. all the pediatricians said the same thing its a control issue and u need to take care if it before it gets worse because if she is able to throw up so easily know she can because a bulimic easily. we tried sticking her in time out it just got worse so we started spanking her lightly on the butt and it worked. she hasn't not thrown up since and she is a completely different child. my husband is in the military and he is gone quit a bit. the only way to get my daughter to mind while he is gone is to spank her. she thinks that she can run all over me when daddy is gone and i've found the only way for her to realize that i am the parent is to spank her. if people think that makes me a bad mom i'm sorry but i feel i'm a good mom. my mom spanked me and all my siblings and we are very close to her and we all apreciate it. i was even spanked in the private school i went to from k-7th.

i think every parent has a right to choose how they discipline their children. no one is going to tell me how to discipline my child. i don't care what people think i'm the parent and its my right to discipline my child. i would never hit my child out of anger and i think that is when it turns into abuse. if u are leaving bruises or marks on ur child then that is a little overboard. if u are angry take a few minutes then discipline ur child.

i think everyone has a right to their own opinion and there is no reason to put people down for their opinion. the whole reason for this site is for people to help each other not to rip people apart.

Mel - posted on 05/29/2009

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i agree, thanks Sarah, and i have had alot of comments about that how hard people have been on me but every one of them i explain its only because a certain person on here initials trouble with me everywhere i post. shes been doing it for months so i think its just from some past threads that makes her want to start crap but she will get whats coming to her. i appreciate the comment though, and as said in my last one its no CIO, he holds her to put her to sleep so its when shes crying or when shex just thrown up that he doesnt want me taking her which like i said its because he doesnt want me to have to deal with her he doesnt realise i want to sometimes when shes upset after going thru that

[deleted account]

Quoting Sarah:



Quoting Catherine:




Quoting Sarah:











well said Kylie!! i don't think you have to instil fear of being hit into your kids to make them behave! especially from such an early age!! people on here have said that they'd rather hit their kids than have them put their fingers in a plug socket or something, but taking like 10 mins to say 'NO' firmly works just as well!! there's a few items in my house that my one yr old will point at and say 'no' and shake her head at, and i didn't have to hit her to get that point across! :)












 








At 2 years old my son decided to stick his hand down the back of the fire guard in the 30 seconds it took me to go to the bathroom.








Had he attempted this while I was in the room he would have got a firm telling off.








If I had of caught him as I walked into the room, and a smack was the quickest way to get him away from the danger, I would have done that. If it scared him into not doing it again then all the better.








Instead he learned the hard way. Got himself a nice burnt and crispy hand for christmas.








An exploring 1yr old can be equally as dangerous. If its an immediate, get them away from danger reflex, then its very different than using as a form of discipline. If I walk infront of a moving car, I hope someone gives me a hard shove out of the way. If I was accidently about to stick my hand in a paper shredder, I won't be offended if someone gives me a whallop around the head, if its to make me aware i'm in immediate danger.








Theres a huge difference in someone using a smack, tap, (call it what you will)in this situation  than hitting in temper because you've ran out of other  discipline options.









don't get me wrong, i do understand your point. i guess my kids just know that if i shout 'NO' they will stop! if i was accidently going to put my hand in a paper shredder, i'd rather they shouted 'NO' at me, than whalloping me over the head! obviously if my kids were about to walk out infront of a car, i'd pull them away, i have done that once with my eldest, shouted like you wouldn't believe and she's never done it again. no hitting involved. but, i'm sure for some, a smack get's the msg across. it's just not that way for me. :)





My eldest was diagnosed with autism at 4yrs old. Selective hearing comes with the territory. Even now I can shout at him 3 or 4 times before it registers. Goes into some sort of trance. To be honest I'm surprised nobody called social services on me the amount of times I had to visit accident and emergency all from his self inflicted injuries!



Smacking as discpline would never have worked on my son (not much point if your child routinely hits themselves in the head with random objects for a bit of sensory input), but the occassional 'tap' (I mean tap in the same way as you'd tap a friend on the back to greet them) to get his attention is easier than repeating yourself over and over again.

Sarah - posted on 05/29/2009

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Melissa D, you've had a lot of comments aimed at you on this thread, and although i don't agree with hitting kids, i am starting to feel like you're getting a really rough deal at the moment!! When you said your fiance won't let you go to your daughter, did you mean that he was being firm on the letting her cry it out thing?? i used to want to cave in and go to my daughter when she was crying at bedtime and my husband would say, 'give it a bit longer' and tho it was hard, he was right in the end. so people could say he didn't 'let' me, but that wasn't quite the truth of it. i don't want to get into bashing people for the way they do things, i do feel passionately about some things tho, so maybe that's how it comes across. i think to be honest, this thread will carry on forever and all the arguing in the world isn't going to change how people view things! anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest. :)

Mel - posted on 05/29/2009

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to Paris - sorry i did not mean for anyone to think hes controlling he is anything but he only does his because he doesnt want me to have to deal with her his intentions are all good, he doesnt want me to get angry or upset with her, but yeah sometimes i have wanted to hug her and tried to take her off him but he wont let me but thats only because he thinks i dont genuinly want to hug her i think. i dont know its confusing. i think he thinks hes doing best because im always complaining how he gets to go to work and i dont.

i did run away from home. first time when i was 11, then after that on off from 12-13 and left for good at just turned 16, never looked back, even when i was on the street with no where to go i did not call my mum. so yeah i was angry ans resentful for ages, not because of that but because of many things she had done to hurt me, but im past it now we have an excellent relationship we both think very alike (in some ways) we both have a good head on our shoulders with regards to work, money, how we look after the house things like that. i said to my mum today i was raised very different to how damo was (thats my fiance) so there are things that you may not agree with how his mother is but you need to let her do what she wants to do and if she wants to baby her kids that is her choice and we cannot butt in no matter what we think of her and she the choices she has made (she has never smacked her kids and has babied them their whole life). so everything is great with the family life now the emotional scars wont heal, the hurtful things said to me wont heal and wont be forgotten but i can and have put them to the back of my mind and now i am in a completely healthy state in every way. my partner has given her a tap maybe 2-3 times and very very lightly so its hardly violence

Paris - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

i think what Sarah just said is right there is a big difference between hitting and giving them a tap on the legs and belly. this isnt abuse at all. It is a personal choice and we've got to respect everyone else's views. i often find myself angry that my partners parents never used hittting in their family then i think to myself that was their way of doing it as long as their kids respected them it is their business and how they chose to raise their kids. Anyway Just because some of the people here are against smacking, or just tapping their kids doesnt mean its wrong in any way if they are doing the wrong thing. Pleas respect everyone else's views we are not here to judge others just to give own opinions on the question! My mother almost killed me by shaking me as a baby but my dad stopped her, she also broke my brothers collar bone and told everyone he fell, she has thrown a knife at me at one point, threatened to kill me, ripped me earrings out of my ears, dragged me around the hosue by my hair, does it make her a bad mother? No it makes her human, someone who does not deal with naughty kids very well and has some issues with patience. Even my father in law is the one who made me realise when i was younger, he said your mum is not a bad person and shes not a bad mum she just didnt know how to deal with situations, and she finds it hard to say sorry and to admit some things she has done have been the wrong thing



WAT IN THE HELL MADE UR MOTHER DO THAT TO U?????



 



if my mother did any of that i would have run away wat u jus discribed there wat ur mother did to u is abuse u may not see that as her being a bad mom but people looking from the outside in ur mom if u reported that would have had u taken away nd seen her behind bars. i had a fight with my mom wen i was 17 over my bf at the time she raised her fist at me nd i threatend to have her charged with asult if she laid a hand on me she threw alot of stuff not at me nd got real angry i went to work nd by the time i got home she had calmed down nd from that day on she has never raised her fist at me again.



 



u sound like a gwd mom but with ur feiance being the way he is controling and all id get outa that situation or find someone who can get u outa that usually people who experience abuse over a long period of time see it as normal behaviour it NOT and it can reflect on ur parenting aswel to me u not being able to cuddle ur daughter after ur partner leaves the room sounds to me like ur scared of wat hell do to u if u cuddled ur own flesh nd blood if i were u id be more interested in protecting my child from violence rather than dishing it out.

Mel - posted on 05/29/2009

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and no shes not scared of going to bed ive had a few comments like this and a few comments implying she throws up because shes scared, she definately does not get smacked enough to be scared, for her it is a habit and something her body does after she has gone to sleep. Sorry if anyone was mislead and thought this way. now as of today im only giving her 4 bottles so she will be getting put in her bed between 8 and 9pm so she will either fall asleep or cry herself to sleep. she doesnt usually cry at this age now shes a good girl and very grown up

Mel - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Paris:



Quoting Amanda:




Quoting Melissa:

i was only posting an answer everyone has different opinions on the topic as with the biting thread. she cries before bed while she's bein put to sleep and sweats and just upsets herself. its not nice seeing your baby do this to herself for at least 15 minutes before falling asleep







so you smack her? maybe a cuddle and shh mommys here would work just as good. maybe she is terrified of bedtime because she knows there is a smack comming










i dont agree on smacking a a baby coz they wont go to sleep and a cuddle and shh mummys here doesnt always work but i find controlled crying works





controlled crying is a good method i agree. hard but good

Mel - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Stacey:

Alot of people think I am wrong but it wont stop me. My son is fine and is very happy. He's not afraid of me. This is post opinions not to b bashed by some1 who disagrees about my parenting skills. Then why when we are out in public and he throws a fit the only thing to calm him is smacking him? I'm not gonna stand there and talking calmly to a child who is throwing a fit bc I wont let him walk somewhere. One smack and he's fine. He knows he's not gonna get his way so he moves on to something else. Also I am a mother raising a child by myself. I dont have another woman figure there to help me or a man figure for that matter. I do what works best for me. Smacking gets a response. I dont care if people get offended. I dont leavemarks on my child. Of course I came from a home where belts were acceptable on a 10 yr old. My child is more well behaved than any other child I know. While all the others are jumping off of chairs n breaking things my son is quetily playing with his own toys. When he finds something new he shows it to me. I dont smack my son EVERY time he does something wrong bc yes he is learning. But when I tell him not to do something 3 times I'm not gonna keep telling him. He's gonna get smacked. I dont believe I should repeat myself when I know he knows better. All children like to test everyone to see what they can get away with that's y they do it. The puishment fits the crime does apply here. I should have been more specific. If a 10 yr old is climbing on furniture he gets his butt hit but if a 16 month old climbs on the furniture he gets picked up n set down. But again I only tell him a couple of times before I hit the 16 month old. If it's something I tell my son constantly he should know better and there is no excuse.


 



I think your an excellent mother hunni your doing a fantastic job how great for you to have such a well behaved child at that age. you know your going to get heaps of s*** for this comment, they will bash you like they bash me. some of the people on here are sick in the head they threaten CPS every 5 seconds. msg me if you have any troubles if ever want to chat!

Sarah - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Catherine:



Quoting Sarah:








well said Kylie!! i don't think you have to instil fear of being hit into your kids to make them behave! especially from such an early age!! people on here have said that they'd rather hit their kids than have them put their fingers in a plug socket or something, but taking like 10 mins to say 'NO' firmly works just as well!! there's a few items in my house that my one yr old will point at and say 'no' and shake her head at, and i didn't have to hit her to get that point across! :)









 






At 2 years old my son decided to stick his hand down the back of the fire guard in the 30 seconds it took me to go to the bathroom.






Had he attempted this while I was in the room he would have got a firm telling off.






If I had of caught him as I walked into the room, and a smack was the quickest way to get him away from the danger, I would have done that. If it scared him into not doing it again then all the better.






Instead he learned the hard way. Got himself a nice burnt and crispy hand for christmas.






An exploring 1yr old can be equally as dangerous. If its an immediate, get them away from danger reflex, then its very different than using as a form of discipline. If I walk infront of a moving car, I hope someone gives me a hard shove out of the way. If I was accidently about to stick my hand in a paper shredder, I won't be offended if someone gives me a whallop around the head, if its to make me aware i'm in immediate danger.






Theres a huge difference in someone using a smack, tap, (call it what you will)in this situation  than hitting in temper because you've ran out of other  discipline options.





don't get me wrong, i do understand your point. i guess my kids just know that if i shout 'NO' they will stop! if i was accidently going to put my hand in a paper shredder, i'd rather they shouted 'NO' at me, than whalloping me over the head! obviously if my kids were about to walk out infront of a car, i'd pull them away, i have done that once with my eldest, shouted like you wouldn't believe and she's never done it again. no hitting involved. but, i'm sure for some, a smack get's the msg across. it's just not that way for me. :)

Paris - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Amanda:



Quoting Melissa:

i was only posting an answer everyone has different opinions on the topic as with the biting thread. she cries before bed while she's bein put to sleep and sweats and just upsets herself. its not nice seeing your baby do this to herself for at least 15 minutes before falling asleep





so you smack her? maybe a cuddle and shh mommys here would work just as good. maybe she is terrified of bedtime because she knows there is a smack comming






i dont agree on smacking a baby coz they cry at night is right and a cuddle nd shh mummys here doesnt always work. controlled crying works for me and i think u may be right she might be scared of going to bed my ex did the whole smacking thing with his daughter nd i ended up putting her to bed wen she was staying with us but i had to lay with her coz she was scared my advice try controlled crying it may feel crewl but its not as harsh as smacking letting them cry for 15 minutes at a time does no damage it is said it helps strengthen babes lungs. nd try putting her to bed with a warm bottle of milk if u dont already as its soothing nd relaxes them

[deleted account]

Quoting Sarah:




well said Kylie!! i don't think you have to instil fear of being hit into your kids to make them behave! especially from such an early age!! people on here have said that they'd rather hit their kids than have them put their fingers in a plug socket or something, but taking like 10 mins to say 'NO' firmly works just as well!! there's a few items in my house that my one yr old will point at and say 'no' and shake her head at, and i didn't have to hit her to get that point across! :)





 



At 2 years old my son decided to stick his hand down the back of the fire guard in the 30 seconds it took me to go to the bathroom.



Had he attempted this while I was in the room he would have got a firm telling off.



If I had of caught him as I walked into the room, and a smack was the quickest way to get him away from the danger, I would have done that. If it scared him into not doing it again then all the better.



Instead he learned the hard way. Got himself a nice burnt and crispy hand for christmas.



An exploring 1yr old can be equally as dangerous. If its an immediate, get them away from danger reflex, then its very different than using as a form of discipline. If I walk infront of a moving car, I hope someone gives me a hard shove out of the way. If I was accidently about to stick my hand in a paper shredder, I won't be offended if someone gives me a whallop around the head, if its to make me aware i'm in immediate danger.



Theres a huge difference in someone using a smack, tap, (call it what you will)in this situation  than hitting in temper because you've ran out of other  discipline options.

Paris - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Amanda:



Quoting Melissa:

i was only posting an answer everyone has different opinions on the topic as with the biting thread. she cries before bed while she's bein put to sleep and sweats and just upsets herself. its not nice seeing your baby do this to herself for at least 15 minutes before falling asleep





so you smack her? maybe a cuddle and shh mommys here would work just as good. maybe she is terrified of bedtime because she knows there is a smack comming






i dont agree on smacking a a baby coz they wont go to sleep and a cuddle and shh mummys here doesnt always work but i find controlled crying works

Amanda - posted on 05/29/2009

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why would you hit any child, do you expect to be hit when you make a mistake, its barbaric, and with the right type of parenting its not needed!

JONNA - posted on 05/29/2009

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THE CURIOSITY MEANS YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY CONTEMPLATING IT...I AM A MOTHER OF A NOW 10 YR. OLD AND WHEN SHE WAS 1 IF SHE TOUCH SOMETHING THAT WAS NO, NO OR POTENTIALLY HARMFUL I WOULD SWAT HER HAND OUT OF NATURAL REACTION...MY DAUGHTER KNOWS NOT TO OVERSTEP HER BOUNDARIES AND TRY TO GET OVER ON ME! SHE IS VERY WELL BEHAVED AND DISCIPLINED I BELIEVE THAT DISCIPLINE AT A YOUNG AGE TEACHES YOUR CHILDREN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG.....SO DON'T GO OVERBOARD BUT DEFINITELY DISCIPLINE IN A MILD MANNER!

Sarah - posted on 05/29/2009

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i don't think i've 'bashed' your parenting skills, just suggested there may be another way, and that not all children that aren't smacked are little monsters!! lol! i'm not gonna try and convince you otherwise because it would be futile, you will carry on anyway. if it works for you and you are confident that it's the only way in certain situations then fair enough, i'm not here to bash anyone just debate! :)

Stacey - posted on 05/29/2009

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Alot of people think I am wrong but it wont stop me. My son is fine and is very happy. He's not afraid of me. This is post opinions not to b bashed by some1 who disagrees about my parenting skills. Then why when we are out in public and he throws a fit the only thing to calm him is smacking him? I'm not gonna stand there and talking calmly to a child who is throwing a fit bc I wont let him walk somewhere. One smack and he's fine. He knows he's not gonna get his way so he moves on to something else. Also I am a mother raising a child by myself. I dont have another woman figure there to help me or a man figure for that matter. I do what works best for me. Smacking gets a response. I dont care if people get offended. I dont leavemarks on my child. Of course I came from a home where belts were acceptable on a 10 yr old. My child is more well behaved than any other child I know. While all the others are jumping off of chairs n breaking things my son is quetily playing with his own toys. When he finds something new he shows it to me. I dont smack my son EVERY time he does something wrong bc yes he is learning. But when I tell him not to do something 3 times I'm not gonna keep telling him. He's gonna get smacked. I dont believe I should repeat myself when I know he knows better. All children like to test everyone to see what they can get away with that's y they do it. The puishment fits the crime does apply here. I should have been more specific. If a 10 yr old is climbing on furniture he gets his butt hit but if a 16 month old climbs on the furniture he gets picked up n set down. But again I only tell him a couple of times before I hit the 16 month old. If it's something I tell my son constantly he should know better and there is no excuse.

Sarah - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Kylie:



Quoting Stacey:

I smack my 16 month old n started pretty young i guess. They are smarter than people let on. If he's old enough to know his name he's old enough to b smacked. My childs behavior will shock most. He's 16 months old n already puts his toys away by himself n now all i have to do is say AH AH AH n he knows to stop wat he's doing. I dont hit him very hard just enough where it makes him know he's not suppossed to do that n I tell him y he's not supossed to do sumthing. I just dont tell im no n take his toy away. What would u do if u were drinking somthing n i said no n took it away. U'd have no clue y i took it away from u n would b mad. Kids r smarter than people let on. All the other toddlers i know that arent smacked do whatever they want n have broken many things. They climb on things n break glasses as my son does not. I got smacked when I was lil n i'm fine. I assure u i dont have a twitch n i'm not an evil bad person. The punishment should fit the crime.





My 2 year old has  been putting away his toys for months now, without  being asked. He always says please when asking for something and all I have to do is hold his hands and look in his eyes and tell him to be a good boy and calm down and he says "okay mama" and he doesn't do it out of fear because I don't hit him. I agree, children are smarter than people think, which is why they can be educated without bullying. Hitting is wrong. As for punishment fitting crime, learning and making mistakes are not a crime when you're a 16 month old.





well said Kylie!! i don't think you have to instil fear of being hit into your kids to make them behave! especially from such an early age!! people on here have said that they'd rather hit their kids than have them put their fingers in a plug socket or something, but taking like 10 mins to say 'NO' firmly works just as well!! there's a few items in my house that my one yr old will point at and say 'no' and shake her head at, and i didn't have to hit her to get that point across! :)

Stacey - posted on 05/29/2009

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I smack my 16 month old n started pretty young i guess. They are smarter than people let on. If he's old enough to know his name he's old enough to b smacked. My childs behavior will shock most. He's 16 months old n already puts his toys away by himself n now all i have to do is say AH AH AH n he knows to stop wat he's doing. I dont hit him very hard just enough where it makes him know he's not suppossed to do that n I tell him y he's not supossed to do sumthing. I just dont tell im no n take his toy away. What would u do if u were drinking somthing n i said no n took it away. U'd have no clue y i took it away from u n would b mad. Kids r smarter than people let on. All the other toddlers i know that arent smacked do whatever they want n have broken many things. They climb on things n break glasses as my son does not. I got smacked when I was lil n i'm fine. I assure u i dont have a twitch n i'm not an evil bad person. The punishment should fit the crime.

Kylie - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Stacey:

I smack my 16 month old n started pretty young i guess. They are smarter than people let on. If he's old enough to know his name he's old enough to b smacked. My childs behavior will shock most. He's 16 months old n already puts his toys away by himself n now all i have to do is say AH AH AH n he knows to stop wat he's doing. I dont hit him very hard just enough where it makes him know he's not suppossed to do that n I tell him y he's not supossed to do sumthing. I just dont tell im no n take his toy away. What would u do if u were drinking somthing n i said no n took it away. U'd have no clue y i took it away from u n would b mad. Kids r smarter than people let on. All the other toddlers i know that arent smacked do whatever they want n have broken many things. They climb on things n break glasses as my son does not. I got smacked when I was lil n i'm fine. I assure u i dont have a twitch n i'm not an evil bad person. The punishment should fit the crime.


My 2 year old has  been putting away his toys for months now, without  being asked. He always says please when asking for something and all I have to do is hold his hands and look in his eyes and tell him to be a good boy and calm down and he says "okay mama" and he doesn't do it out of fear because I don't hit him. I agree, children are smarter than people think, which is why they can be educated without bullying. Hitting is wrong. As for punishment fitting crime, learning and making mistakes are not a crime when you're a 16 month old.

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