Hitting a 1 yr old?

Krys - posted on 05/26/2009

my daughter is 15months, we tap her on the hand when she is doing something really naughty/dangerous and after repeatedly telling her no.. when she throws tantrums we count to 5/10 depending on the tantrum and after 5/10 if she keeps goin she gets a small tap on the bum and put in her cot to calm down or her rocker... we usually get to the count of 4 and she stops.

Sarah - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Kylie:

Yes well i think your husband better give you a smack for not supervising your child correctly Diane. oh but wait thats not acceptable is it! we only hit people younger and smaller than us...that makes total sense!

Wow talk about a comment that is uncalled for!  Just because you choose not to smack/spank your children does NOT mean it is wrong.  Supervising your child correctly?  So I guess your children never move...never get into anything that they shouldn't?  You can't keep your children in a bubble forever, they will be in situations where they can get hurt no matter how closely you watch them. 

Kylie - posted on 05/26/2009

Yes well i think your husband better give you a smack for not supervising your child correctly Diane. oh but wait thats not acceptable is it! we only hit people younger and smaller than us...that makes total sense!

Amanda - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Rachel:

Quoting Melissa:

I believe most people who are angry with Melissa D are angry for more then just this post there have been other posts that put worry and fear into everyones mind. Its not just this one post at all its a variety.

OK FIRSTLY I THIK WE ALL NEED TO GROW UP AND AGREE TO DISAGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

It seems like every time i read a post on here you, Amanda and the other Melissa are going back and forth at each other and it's starting to get ridiculous.  Y is it that the 3 of you cant just agree to disagree??? LOL.  We all do things differently in this world but we are all mothers who love our children. How we discipline our children is up to us as individuals to decide for the benefit of OUR CHILDREN not someone elses!!!! I Have given all 3 of my kids a tap on the hand or but from time to time and i am NOT ashamed to admit it, however i have never hit my child in anger  and nor would i. I try everything,  time outs, naughty chair , taking toys and grounding my older one who's 8 for a week and if all this fails and they want to continue with their bad behaviour then i will tap there butts not enough to hurt but enough to let them know that i have had enough of their bad behaviour and that i mean business. With my eldest i did'nt want to tap/smack him at all but if he would continue to do something that i had already said no to and had taken him away from then yes i would tap him on his nappy and he would'nt do it again. And as this worked for him i have used the same method with my daughters and i have never had a problem because they know it does'nt hurt but it's the fact that i have given them a shock that has made them realise that it's not the right thing to do. In saying this my children are 8,5 and 2 and i have'nt had to tap my 8 or 5 yr old since they were about 2, and my youngest is 2 1/2 and she has'nt had a tap on the butt since she was about 20 mths and that was only because she touched the power point 3 times and i had already removed her from the situation and she still went back and that has been the only one that she has had in her life and my older 2 only ever got tapped a handfull of times. A light tap on the hand or but is not going to hurt a child in anyway shape or form and spanking can be a very effective form of discipline ONLY  WHEN USED CORRECTLY.

 

OMG its you again. listen did you even read the thread? did you read the posts? all of them?

well if you did read them and you do not find anything wrong with the parenting styles such as smacking a child in the stomach because they vomit and wont go to sleep or throwing your 10 month old onto a bed after hitting him or any of the other things that were mentioned than you also have problems.

This is not a fight with melissa d. Actually Melissa D and I have exchanged a few pleasent constructive notes back and forth privatley. This is not about past threads this is about this thread. weather it is ok to hit a baby. I read things I saw as abuse and I commented on them. If you did not like what we said you didnt need to reply. No one was dismissing a little tap on the hand we were talking about the acts of whacking a baby in the tummy and legs, throwing a tot onto a bed after smacking him and admiting to having feelings of hitting a newborn because she cried. these are not normal situations and all myself, melissa A and most of the other moms were trying to do was to adress the comments for what they were and to sugest that melissa D get some parenting help so she can find better ways of dealing with her baby.

I agree everyone has their own way to dicipline and there is nothing wrong with a good old fashioned spank on the bum over the clothes every once and a while. I have spanked my oldest. she got her first one at 2.5 and has had maybe 10 spankings in her life. she is now 5 years old.

When someone thinks that throwing a baby, hitting them in the gut, breaking a childs arm, dragging a kid around the house by the hair or throwing knives at a kid is just dicipline than they need help. this is beyound the normal tap on the hand for toddlers in danger (about to touch the hot stove ect) or a swat on the bum for an older child.

Francesca - posted on 05/26/2009

children learn from us!!!!!! if you slap/smack/hit/beat a child they will think its ok to do it as well. if a child tried to run across the road isn't it the parents fault for not keeping them near you?? why hit them for your own misstake?? my niece touched something hot the other day, yes we should of kept an eye on her and we all felt guilty, but she will never touch it again. children are sooo clever.

Diane - posted on 05/26/2009

I've read (and agree) its ok to spank a 1 year old (obviously not smack/beat/hurt though....but a firm thwap on the bottom) if they are about to do something they shouldn't that could seriously hurt them. For example if they were going to run into the street, touch a hot stove, or something else particularly dangerous, you want to startle them and make an impact so they don't do it again. But for trivial things like, not cleaning up toys or just acting out, I think a time-out is or other form of non-contact punishment is appropriate.

Emily - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Rachel:

Quoting Melissa:

I believe most people who are angry with Melissa D are angry for more then just this post there have been other posts that put worry and fear into everyones mind. Its not just this one post at all its a variety.

OK FIRSTLY I THIK WE ALL NEED TO GROW UP AND AGREE TO DISAGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

It seems like every time i read a post on here you, Amanda and the other Melissa are going back and forth at each other and it's starting to get ridiculous.  Y is it that the 3 of you cant just agree to disagree??? LOL.  We all do things differently in this world but we are all mothers who love our children. How we discipline our children is up to us as individuals to decide for the benefit of OUR CHILDREN not someone elses!!!! I Have given all 3 of my kids a tap on the hand or but from time to time and i am NOT ashamed to admit it, however i have never hit my child in anger  and nor would i. I try everything,  time outs, naughty chair , taking toys and grounding my older one who's 8 for a week and if all this fails and they want to continue with their bad behaviour then i will tap there butts not enough to hurt but enough to let them know that i have had enough of their bad behaviour and that i mean business. With my eldest i did'nt want to tap/smack him at all but if he would continue to do something that i had already said no to and had taken him away from then yes i would tap him on his nappy and he would'nt do it again. And as this worked for him i have used the same method with my daughters and i have never had a problem because they know it does'nt hurt but it's the fact that i have given them a shock that has made them realise that it's not the right thing to do. In saying this my children are 8,5 and 2 and i have'nt had to tap my 8 or 5 yr old since they were about 2, and my youngest is 2 1/2 and she has'nt had a tap on the butt since she was about 20 mths and that was only because she touched the power point 3 times and i had already removed her from the situation and she still went back and that has been the only one that she has had in her life and my older 2 only ever got tapped a handfull of times. A light tap on the hand or but is not going to hurt a child in anyway shape or form and spanking can be a very effective form of discipline ONLY  WHEN USED CORRECTLY.

 

omg you guise, please dont fight on the internetssss :(

Kate CP - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Rachel:

Quoting Melissa:

I believe most people who are angry with Melissa D are angry for more then just this post there have been other posts that put worry and fear into everyones mind. Its not just this one post at all its a variety.

OK FIRSTLY I THIK WE ALL NEED TO GROW UP AND AGREE TO DISAGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

It seems like every time i read a post on here you, Amanda and the other Melissa are going back and forth at each other and it's starting to get ridiculous.  Y is it that the 3 of you cant just agree to disagree??? LOL.  We all do things differently in this world but we are all mothers who love our children. How we discipline our children is up to us as individuals to decide for the benefit of OUR CHILDREN not someone elses!!!! I Have given all 3 of my kids a tap on the hand or but from time to time and i am NOT ashamed to admit it, however i have never hit my child in anger  and nor would i. I try everything,  time outs, naughty chair , taking toys and grounding my older one who's 8 for a week and if all this fails and they want to continue with their bad behaviour then i will tap there butts not enough to hurt but enough to let them know that i have had enough of their bad behaviour and that i mean business. With my eldest i did'nt want to tap/smack him at all but if he would continue to do something that i had already said no to and had taken him away from then yes i would tap him on his nappy and he would'nt do it again. And as this worked for him i have used the same method with my daughters and i have never had a problem because they know it does'nt hurt but it's the fact that i have given them a shock that has made them realise that it's not the right thing to do. In saying this my children are 8,5 and 2 and i have'nt had to tap my 8 or 5 yr old since they were about 2, and my youngest is 2 1/2 and she has'nt had a tap on the butt since she was about 20 mths and that was only because she touched the power point 3 times and i had already removed her from the situation and she still went back and that has been the only one that she has had in her life and my older 2 only ever got tapped a handfull of times. A light tap on the hand or but is not going to hurt a child in anyway shape or form and spanking can be a very effective form of discipline ONLY  WHEN USED CORRECTLY.

 

No one is saying that taps on the hand are "bad". Any kind of strike on a child's abdomen is a major no-no. I don't care how light it is: you DO NOT strike a child on their abdomen. 

Melissa - posted on 05/26/2009

You do not know the personal messages I am ecieving in regard to Melissa D I had to make my page private I hav eavoided her as much as I could till I read what she wrote Im not the only one pissed about this I am not going to go on but my friends were getting pivate messages from melissa d and everything I tried to back off I ignored it I even asked her to stay away from creeping my wall and from writing on it...... I will not back down when it is child abuse.

Rachel - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Melissa:

I believe most people who are angry with Melissa D are angry for more then just this post there have been other posts that put worry and fear into everyones mind. Its not just this one post at all its a variety.

OK FIRSTLY I THIK WE ALL NEED TO GROW UP AND AGREE TO DISAGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It seems like every time i read a post on here you, Amanda and the other Melissa are going back and forth at each other and it's starting to get ridiculous.  Y is it that the 3 of you cant just agree to disagree??? LOL.  We all do things differently in this world but we are all mothers who love our children. How we discipline our children is up to us as individuals to decide for the benefit of OUR CHILDREN not someone elses!!!! I Have given all 3 of my kids a tap on the hand or but from time to time and i am NOT ashamed to admit it, however i have never hit my child in anger  and nor would i. I try everything,  time outs, naughty chair , taking toys and grounding my older one who's 8 for a week and if all this fails and they want to continue with their bad behaviour then i will tap there butts not enough to hurt but enough to let them know that i have had enough of their bad behaviour and that i mean business. With my eldest i did'nt want to tap/smack him at all but if he would continue to do something that i had already said no to and had taken him away from then yes i would tap him on his nappy and he would'nt do it again. And as this worked for him i have used the same method with my daughters and i have never had a problem because they know it does'nt hurt but it's the fact that i have given them a shock that has made them realise that it's not the right thing to do. In saying this my children are 8,5 and 2 and i have'nt had to tap my 8 or 5 yr old since they were about 2, and my youngest is 2 1/2 and she has'nt had a tap on the butt since she was about 20 mths and that was only because she touched the power point 3 times and i had already removed her from the situation and she still went back and that has been the only one that she has had in her life and my older 2 only ever got tapped a handfull of times. A light tap on the hand or but is not going to hurt a child in anyway shape or form and spanking can be a very effective form of discipline ONLY  WHEN USED CORRECTLY.

Francesca - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Melissa:

to SC - when my daughter was a new born i used to get angry with her crying and sure like every other mum i used to feel like hitting her, but i never did. Yeah some people judged me for leaving her to cry but my counsellor made me realise i was actually looking after her by doing so , so i didnt do anything to harm her. So it took me a bit to realise crying wont kill them, picking a baby up when your angry can. I looked after my baby to the best of my ability, i remember some times where she would be crying for an hour id watch her id be upset to but i couldnt pick her up. i dont know why maybe i had slight depression after she was born maybe its just as my counselor said what alot of mothers go through. doesnt make them a bad mother. anyway a little off track! End of the day i enjoy spending time playing with my little one during the day. Its all i ever wanted was to be a mother

im actually shocked and amazed of what you have written.

NO not every women feels like hitting their new born.

Hitting a baby/child on the belly is WRONG.

An hour of watching your baby cry!!!????

do you have an anger problem??? it does sound like it.

are you still seeing a counselor??

Melissa - posted on 05/26/2009

Yes because the nerves in the hand are not protected to much it is a risk but usually not in your situation more less in a daily way to discipline or when its done to hard.. I guess in moderstion it may be safe I just have been scared since reading that so I woulod never let someone else hit my child hands for sure incase they do cause damage being babysitters or family. I will try to send you more information I have on this and how the nerves may be come damaged if you are interested

Chantel - posted on 05/26/2009

I have tapped my one year old on the hand a couple of times for not listening but I wouldn't hit her. Melissa A, I didn't know that about nerves in the hand. Can you damage their hands if they're hit too often? Not that I do it often, not for a while now either as I found out it doesn't work with her any way. She still just goes back and does whatever it was she wasn't supposed to!

Melissa D, I'm sorry but I do disagree with the smacking your child in the belly because she cries at bedtime:( If my daughter cries I pick her up, I can't listen to her, it breaks my heart. Also, what you said about your mom is abuse. She pulled your earrings out!! Thats horrible! And I don't know your situation any more than any one else on here but if your daughter is crying and you want to pick her up, do it!! You're her mommy!! Brianna sounds like she has a hard life with her feeding tube and everything, she deserves some spoiling! They're only this little once.

Laura - posted on 05/26/2009

I had, and I say HAD, a friend that would flick her 6 month old in the mouth when she was bad or wouldn't open her mouth to eat, or pinch her nose until she would open her mouth to breathe and shove the food in her mouth. The sad thing is she used to work in a day care and do the same to other peoples children. It was a hard decision to make because my boyfriend is very good friends with her boyfriend. We had to stop seeing them. She was also one of those competative mothers always putting down my son and making fun of how big he is. Anyway, we had to cut out ties because there is no sense in hitting a child that doesn't know the difference between yes and no. I can't watch while someone abuses their child and I certainly don't want my son exposed to that. I was spanked growing up and I got more out of being punished or grounded. My brother spanked his kids and when he decided it wasn't working went to time outs and taking away fun things, his kids are much better behaved. Spanking is a personal choice but you should not spank a child that doesn't understand the difference between right and wrong, it has no effect and will only impact the child in a negative way.

Laura - posted on 05/26/2009

I had, and I say HAD, a friend that would flick her 6 month old in the mouth when she was bad or wouldn't open her mouth to eat, or pinch her nose until she would open her mouth to breathe and shove the food in her mouth. The sad thing is she used to work in a day care and do the same to other peoples children. It was a hard decision to make because my boyfriend is very good friends with her boyfriend. We had to stop seeing them. She was also one of those competative mothers always putting down my son and making fun of how big he is. Anyway, we had to cut out ties because there is no sense in hitting a child that doesn't know the difference between yes and no. I can't watch while someone abuses their child and I certainly don't want my son exposed to that. I was spanked growing up and I got more out of being punished or grounded. My brother spanked his kids and when he decided it wasn't working went to time outs and taking away fun things, his kids are much better behaved. Spanking is a personal choice but you should not spank a child that doesn't understand the difference between right and wrong, it has no effect and will only impact the child in a negative way.

~Jennifer - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Shelagh:

'sometimes i do want to cuddle her but my fiance doesnt let me he puts her to sleep and wants to be the one holding her and settling her down. sometimes i wish i could. its mainly just the problem with her waking herself up by throwing up. sometimes after he puts her down i want to go in and give her a cuddle to let her know everything is ok, but i know i have to let her go to sleep. '

I've just read this - am I the only person who is very suspicious of why this man wants to put the child to bed himself every night? 'My fiance doesn't let me'??? Melissa, please, it's your child, he can't stop you, and if he's not open to some sort of reason, you need to think very hard about why he's doing this, and what he's getting out of it.

I can't speak for anyone else but myself on this, and I do not know Melissa personally, but....

My husband is 'in charge' of bedtimes in our house simply because I'm such a mush with my kids that I'd be in their rooms back and forth every time they whimpered until the alarm clock went off in the morning.  He's strict about bedtime being BEDTIME.....and I'm the one that will do the cuddle / play/ tickle thing, so we've decided that he puts the kids to bed.  He's never harsh with them - he just believes that children need structure and part of that is a consistant bedtime.  I will say that since he's been 'in charge' - the kids are in bed at 8 and asleep at 8:30.

Amanda - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Shelagh:

'sometimes i do want to cuddle her but my fiance doesnt let me he puts her to sleep and wants to be the one holding her and settling her down. sometimes i wish i could. its mainly just the problem with her waking herself up by throwing up. sometimes after he puts her down i want to go in and give her a cuddle to let her know everything is ok, but i know i have to let her go to sleep. '

I've just read this - am I the only person who is very suspicious of why this man wants to put the child to bed himself every night? 'My fiance doesn't let me'??? Melissa, please, it's your child, he can't stop you, and if he's not open to some sort of reason, you need to think very hard about why he's doing this, and what he's getting out of it.

wow! good point and well made. yes it seems very suspicious to me

Shelagh - posted on 05/26/2009

no, no, and again no. At one year old???? No.

I'm interested to know what a one year old could do that could justify physical violence?

Shelagh - posted on 05/26/2009

'sometimes i do want to cuddle her but my fiance doesnt let me he puts her to sleep and wants to be the one holding her and settling her down. sometimes i wish i could. its mainly just the problem with her waking herself up by throwing up. sometimes after he puts her down i want to go in and give her a cuddle to let her know everything is ok, but i know i have to let her go to sleep. '

I've just read this - am I the only person who is very suspicious of why this man wants to put the child to bed himself every night? 'My fiance doesn't let me'??? Melissa, please, it's your child, he can't stop you, and if he's not open to some sort of reason, you need to think very hard about why he's doing this, and what he's getting out of it.

Sarah - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Shelagh:

no, no, and again no. At one year old???? No.
I'm interested to know what a one year old could do that could justify physical violence?

that's what i keep asking!! :)

Jami - posted on 05/26/2009

if anyone hits a baby or any child for that matter they are cruel, put yourself in that childs shoes would you want someone to hit and smack on you???? i just read the story on the little boy named peter that is so sad no child should ever have to go through that.. it only takes one little push or hit or smack whatever you want to call it to seriouly hurt or kill a baby.. that poor little baby had to go through so much in his little life that is so sad.. keep that little boy in your mind everyday you'll think twice about touching a child..

Shelagh - posted on 05/26/2009

no, no, and again no. At one year old???? No.

I'm interested to know what a one year old could do that could justify physical violence?

Kylie - posted on 05/26/2009

Well i didn't even think a child would soil them selves to get out of 2 minuets of time out, I thought weeing and spewing was a fear based reaction. My mistake. Her question was loaded anyway, if you keep reading the thread, she wanted to prove smacking works for her child over time outs.

Carmen - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Kylie:

Quoting Sarah:

Ok new question. What do you do if your child soils itself when put on the naughty spot? Or vomits everywhere when it is told off? No smacking involved there - plain "good parenting" passive tactics.

Where do you go with disapline then?

I have to be very careful when I use time out because my eldest wets himself if I put him in the time out spot. Another poster tonight says her child vomits when told off.

So should we just ignore their behaviour?

 

If your child is doing that you’re taking the discipline too far. Your aim is not to scare the*sht* out of them or have them crying until they spew...what you do when this happens is clean them up, get down on their level and look them in the eyes and tell them we never want to have this happen again, there’s no need to fight and get worked up like this. Say sorry and have the child say sorry for what ever they did wrong in the first place then big hugs and move on. Aim to praise the good behaviors and choose to ignore the bad behavior or use time out but don’t scream and demean the child. If they get very upset during time out tell them clearly ..when you are calm and ready to behave you can come out and join the family. It's really not that difficult. if a child is getting distressed and wetting their pants this needs to be addressed calmly. if he is doing it every time you put him in time out, even though your are calm and have given him a warning first then let him sit in his wee for the 4 mins and have him help you put his clothes in the washing machine and clean up.

My daughter has had a few melt downs in time out - screaming and kicking the walls, hiccupping from crying, but i give her clear choices and she can choose to calm down and come out and we have a hug and move on. She's never wet herself or spewed

Why do you think that the punishment is going too far? Some children are very smart and know how to work their way out of a punishment.  I agree with the ideas you posted, but I know my youngest is very hard headed.  He would wet himself just to prove he is in control!  It has nothing to do with the punishment goping too far.  And when he has done this in the past we just clean it up and then he still has his punishment.  I do not let him sit in his wet pants, because then he is concentrating on his wet pants, not thinking about why he is sitting in the time out in the 1st place.

Melissa - posted on 05/26/2009

I just want to say alot of people slap on the hands I know thats what we are all taught but in taking anatomy and development courses the hand has so many nerves so this isnt a great thing to do daily I understand alot of you said once or twice or for very serious things just thought Id share that also On the doctors show they stated the same and if you do feel the need for a spanking it would be done on the fatty side of the hip I cant remember the reason not being the bum I. But I did study the hands alot and I remembered that clearly as I always thought slapping the hands was the way to go as well...

Amanda - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Sarah:

Ok new question. What do you do if your child soils itself when put on the naughty spot? Or vomits everywhere when it is told off? No smacking involved there - plain "good parenting" passive tactics.

Where do you go with disapline then?

I have to be very careful when I use time out because my eldest wets himself if I put him in the time out spot. Another poster tonight says her child vomits when told off.

So should we just ignore their behaviour?

well sarah here is what you do when your child soils him self while in time out. You make him finish the time out in his dirty pants and then he him self under your supervison marches himself to the bathroom where he then claens him self up, cleans up the urine on the floor and removes the soild articles to the laundry. You look at him sternly and tell him that urinating in his pants is disgusting and it will not be acceptable because he is not a baby. If he does it again make him stay in the wet pants a few extra minutes. he will feel uncomfortable, then proceed with him fixing the mess.

Now if a child is vomiting there must be something wrong, maybe he is terrified and it is a reaction to stress. this child should be taken to a psychologist for an evaluation and the parent should be given some technique to help him manage his stress level better

Sarah - posted on 05/26/2009

i still don't understand what a one year old could possibly do to deserve being hit?? i tapped my daughter's hand once for repeatedly pulling coal out of the fireplace, it was hardly even a tap and it made no difference, i just had to take the time and sit there saying 'no no no no' until she got the msg. seriously, what can a one yr old let alone a younger baby do t deserve a smack???

Melissa - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Emily:

Quoting Melissa:

agreed. your right Carlita, what are we teaching our children if we are resorting to being nasty to others. some of the things said on here i dont always agree with but you respectfully let them know if they are clearly wrong otherwise you respectfully tell them your opinion.

 

I'm a little late here, but I just read this comment and I find it delightfully ironic. What are we teaching our children by hitting them? That its okay to hit someone when you are angry? That mom can hit, but you cant? What kind of message does that send? Hitting a 9 month old child in any form is abuse.

As usual love your reply its like we can treat our kids like crap but god forbid us say something to the mom who is admitting it on the internet. It makes no sense to me There are so many practical ways to parent you never have to hit a 9 month old ever how could you? I kinda guess I understand people who have tried everything with MUCH  OLDER kids and have to spank but not when they do it in anger.....or for there own selfish reasons Id like them to hit someone there own size that way they get it back and know how it feels.... BABIES DO NOT NEED A  SPANKING THEY NEED LOVE AND TO LEARN TRUST NOT ABUSE

Carlita - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Midge:

Quoting Ruth:

Quoting Kylie:

Whenever i hear people using the quote "spare the rod, spoil the child" i feel like beating them over the head with their bible. God says i better smack my kid with a stick or she will end up a spoiled brat..what a cop out.

Absolutely! There are many, many effective ways to discipline a child without beating them. The bible is completely irrelevant here.  Let's keep religion out of the debate.

 

Why does this need to be a debate? Why can't we all agree to disagree? My children are different than yours, hers, and everyone elses. I choose the way they are raised because I am their mother. Everyone will have different opinions, that is what makes us individuals. This is 2009, why haven't we realized by now that we are all different and have different views, opinions, and feelings on every situation. Yes, maybe we should leave religion out of it, but why make it an attack on people who feel differently? My children are happy, healthy, smart boys and I think that is because I raise them to be so.

 

They are not niglected or abused, but yes, I SPANK MY BOYS WHEN NECESSARY!!!  (There I said it!!)

HOW DARE YOU ADMIT YOU SPANK YOUR BOYS!! YOUR WRONG WRONG WRONG!

{Note my sarcasm)

As you can see I am joking;

I agree when you have tried all you could do with the time-outs, the punishments, the taking the toys away, the talking to them, && they still tend to walk all over you, then it might be caused for a quick smack on the butt;

I don't see why thats called for abuse? Its not like she is beating her kids behind over && over again. Every child is different, they all have their own personas, their own ways of doing things, they all learn differently from the things we do. So why is this cause for yelling at someone just bcos she feels a quick smack to the butt is her way of teaching her kids.

She isn't beating them to a bloody pulp. Ugggh idk, everyone is different so therefor why can't we just do what Midge just said. Agree to disagree && walk away from all of this before we start going any further then we need to.

Karen - posted on 05/26/2009

You are absolutely right it is just too stressfull. And all it does is alienate your own kid and thats no good. Life is way to short to have your kids hate you for always smackin on them.

Ramona - posted on 05/26/2009

NO! I used to be a hand poppin-butt spankin mom....but I was just stressen out and not getting the positive response from my lil ones on top of feeling like a bully. I attended a parenting class and comletely learned positive ways to dicipline my children by way of bein consistant and use of time-outs and problem solving and I have to say that IT MAY BE TIME CONSUMING AND HARD WORK BUT things run so smoothly and my children are having less "bad days" and more GOOD! Parenting classes can help mother and fathers who are "A LIL LOST!"

Karen - posted on 05/26/2009

Are you kidding me, hit a 1 year old. What is wrong with that woman. For what reason would you hit a child of that age? I couldn't even imagine spanking a 1 year old. I have three girls and never once hit or spanked them at that age. It's just not called for.

Emily - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Melissa:

agreed. your right Carlita, what are we teaching our children if we are resorting to being nasty to others. some of the things said on here i dont always agree with but you respectfully let them know if they are clearly wrong otherwise you respectfully tell them your opinion.

I'm a little late here, but I just read this comment and I find it delightfully ironic. What are we teaching our children by hitting them? That its okay to hit someone when you are angry? That mom can hit, but you cant? What kind of message does that send? Hitting a 9 month old child in any form is abuse.

Melissa - posted on 05/26/2009

I believe most people who are angry with Melissa D are angry for more then just this post there have been other posts that put worry and fear into everyones mind. Its not just this one post at all its a variety.

Midge - posted on 05/26/2009

I think we need to stop attacking each other ... if your angry about child abuse, please talk to your congressman and make the punishments for those who beat, molest & endanger children harsher.

We are all parents or soon-to-be parents and we are here for advice, not critique and certianly not to be attacked!!

Alisha - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Kate:

Quoting Alisha:

Quoting Melissa:

yes a family member of mine hit hers and threw them down onto the bed from 10 months, i think soem mums get more easily frustrated then others. we have been hitting ours (not hard) from i dont know maybe 9 months. Just a tap on the legs or belly. reasons id say would include nowadays since shes 13 months, climbing on things after us saying no over and over, and fussing a night when shes supposed to be asleep, crying when my partner is trying to put her to sleep etc. for some reason it is harder to see my partner do it then me. Maybe because i do ti out of anger not sure. i dont believe in doing it hard enough to leave marks at this age and i dont believe they fully understand at this age either. i think that comes a bit later. i also think everyone has very different opinions on here so you may get some major controversy.

In Melissa's defense, not once did she say she "smacks" her child.  A tap is not a smack!!!  I've been working with kids for 13 yrs now and honestly by tapping a child on the hand or bottom, isn't abuse in any form and even a 9 month old understands that they did something wrong.  It just amazes me how many people think children as young as 9 months don't know anything.  They're SOOOO much smarter than we think/know!!  You can remove a child from doing something all you want and most of the time that only works for so long before the child continues to do it and you're either left with a timeout or a smacked bottom.  I'm not saying beat your child at 9 months or a yr, so DON'T bash me for saying that smacking/spanking/tapping is ok.  Everyone has their own opinions and beliefs and for you all to be attacking someone because of how they choose to discipline their child is a little messed up.  You were asking for an opinion and she gave you hers, so you might not agree with it, but goodness gracious, I didn't see anything in her post that would deem her a "child abuser" there are people out there who do far worse to their children than a slight tap on the leg or tummy.  So give us all a break and keep the bashing of people to a minimum, we're all human and we're all giving our opinions.  Discipline is a trial and error thing anyway, it will take different discipline tactics for each child.  For some kids, all it takes is that one good smack on the bottom.  For others timeout works.  In my 13 yrs of working with children, honestly the kids who were smacked on the bottom once or twice behaved 2 times better than the children who were just put in timeout. 

No, I don't have any kids YET!  I'm due with my first in Sept and when it comes time to discipline I'll deem what is necessary for my child and at what age to discipline.

You. Should. Not. Hit/tap/smack/punch. A Child. In. The. Stomach. 

PERIOD.

And yes, children are much smarter than most people give them credit for. So why are we automatically going to smacking kids instead of talking to them?

First of all, hitting/smacking/punching in the stomach is not ok and I know this!  But a gentle tap isn't going to harm the child.  No one ever said anything about hitting/punching/smacking in the stomach, her words were taken out of context completely!

Also stated, everyone has their own ways of disciplining their children and as someone else stated each child is their own person and no two children are alike in any way, so removing them or talking to them or even putting them in timeout will work, so unfortunately a different method is needed.  Again, I'm not saying beat your child, but a spank on the bottom isn't a big deal, unless you're doing it out of anger.

Karla - posted on 05/26/2009

all depends on what they have done, but i think it is a bit to young, but i dont see a problem if they older aslong as it in an appropriate place i.e not round the face etc and it is for a severe punishment then they should get tapped on the bum

Kate CP - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Alisha:

Quoting Melissa:

yes a family member of mine hit hers and threw them down onto the bed from 10 months, i think soem mums get more easily frustrated then others. we have been hitting ours (not hard) from i dont know maybe 9 months. Just a tap on the legs or belly. reasons id say would include nowadays since shes 13 months, climbing on things after us saying no over and over, and fussing a night when shes supposed to be asleep, crying when my partner is trying to put her to sleep etc. for some reason it is harder to see my partner do it then me. Maybe because i do ti out of anger not sure. i dont believe in doing it hard enough to leave marks at this age and i dont believe they fully understand at this age either. i think that comes a bit later. i also think everyone has very different opinions on here so you may get some major controversy.

In Melissa's defense, not once did she say she "smacks" her child.  A tap is not a smack!!!  I've been working with kids for 13 yrs now and honestly by tapping a child on the hand or bottom, isn't abuse in any form and even a 9 month old understands that they did something wrong.  It just amazes me how many people think children as young as 9 months don't know anything.  They're SOOOO much smarter than we think/know!!  You can remove a child from doing something all you want and most of the time that only works for so long before the child continues to do it and you're either left with a timeout or a smacked bottom.  I'm not saying beat your child at 9 months or a yr, so DON'T bash me for saying that smacking/spanking/tapping is ok.  Everyone has their own opinions and beliefs and for you all to be attacking someone because of how they choose to discipline their child is a little messed up.  You were asking for an opinion and she gave you hers, so you might not agree with it, but goodness gracious, I didn't see anything in her post that would deem her a "child abuser" there are people out there who do far worse to their children than a slight tap on the leg or tummy.  So give us all a break and keep the bashing of people to a minimum, we're all human and we're all giving our opinions.  Discipline is a trial and error thing anyway, it will take different discipline tactics for each child.  For some kids, all it takes is that one good smack on the bottom.  For others timeout works.  In my 13 yrs of working with children, honestly the kids who were smacked on the bottom once or twice behaved 2 times better than the children who were just put in timeout. 

No, I don't have any kids YET!  I'm due with my first in Sept and when it comes time to discipline I'll deem what is necessary for my child and at what age to discipline.

You. Should. Not. Hit/tap/smack/punch. A Child. In. The. Stomach. 

PERIOD.

And yes, children are much smarter than most people give them credit for. So why are we automatically going to smacking kids instead of talking to them?

Alisha - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Melissa:

yes a family member of mine hit hers and threw them down onto the bed from 10 months, i think soem mums get more easily frustrated then others. we have been hitting ours (not hard) from i dont know maybe 9 months. Just a tap on the legs or belly. reasons id say would include nowadays since shes 13 months, climbing on things after us saying no over and over, and fussing a night when shes supposed to be asleep, crying when my partner is trying to put her to sleep etc. for some reason it is harder to see my partner do it then me. Maybe because i do ti out of anger not sure. i dont believe in doing it hard enough to leave marks at this age and i dont believe they fully understand at this age either. i think that comes a bit later. i also think everyone has very different opinions on here so you may get some major controversy.

In Melissa's defense, not once did she say she "smacks" her child.  A tap is not a smack!!!  I've been working with kids for 13 yrs now and honestly by tapping a child on the hand or bottom, isn't abuse in any form and even a 9 month old understands that they did something wrong.  It just amazes me how many people think children as young as 9 months don't know anything.  They're SOOOO much smarter than we think/know!!  You can remove a child from doing something all you want and most of the time that only works for so long before the child continues to do it and you're either left with a timeout or a smacked bottom.  I'm not saying beat your child at 9 months or a yr, so DON'T bash me for saying that smacking/spanking/tapping is ok.  Everyone has their own opinions and beliefs and for you all to be attacking someone because of how they choose to discipline their child is a little messed up.  You were asking for an opinion and she gave you hers, so you might not agree with it, but goodness gracious, I didn't see anything in her post that would deem her a "child abuser" there are people out there who do far worse to their children than a slight tap on the leg or tummy.  So give us all a break and keep the bashing of people to a minimum, we're all human and we're all giving our opinions.  Discipline is a trial and error thing anyway, it will take different discipline tactics for each child.  For some kids, all it takes is that one good smack on the bottom.  For others timeout works.  In my 13 yrs of working with children, honestly the kids who were smacked on the bottom once or twice behaved 2 times better than the children who were just put in timeout. 

No, I don't have any kids YET!  I'm due with my first in Sept and when it comes time to discipline I'll deem what is necessary for my child and at what age to discipline.

Helen - posted on 05/26/2009

I have only smacked (tapped his hand) my little boy once. A friend had not closed the safety gate properly and my little man crawled into the room where i was ironing and grabbed the cable for the iron. My first reaction ( appart from grabbing the iron was to smack his hand and shout no ( could not take his hand away as my other hand was holding the iron) this was enough to shock him into letting go. he had just turned 10 months. this was 3 weeks ago and i still feel so guilty even though i did it for his own safety. I cant see me ever smacking my child again uless he is in danger.

Helen - posted on 05/26/2009

I have only smacked (tapped his hand) my little boy once. A friend had not closed the safety gate properly and my little man crawled into the room where i was ironing and grabbed the cable for the iron. My first reaction ( appart from grabbing the iron was to smack his hand and shout no ( could not take his hand away as my other hand was holding the iron) this was enough to shock him into letting go. he had just turned 10 months. this was 3 weeks ago and i still feel so guilty even though i did it for his own safety. I cant see me ever smacking my child again uless he is in danger.

Francesca - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Sarah:

Ok new question. What do you do if your child soils itself when put on the naughty spot? Or vomits everywhere when it is told off? No smacking involved there - plain "good parenting" passive tactics.

Where do you go with disapline then?

I have to be very careful when I use time out because my eldest wets himself if I put him in the time out spot. Another poster tonight says her child vomits when told off.

So should we just ignore their behaviour?

my stepson used to make himself sick when he couldn't get his own way.

hitting/smacking is not the answer, we cleaned him up and let him still sit in the naughty corner, told him it is naughty and told him he can sit for a further 3 mins(or how ever old the child is) never shout because it doesn't help. and if you did  the child would know what he/she is doing(getting to you) children are very clever.

Cheryl - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Rayna:

Quoting Cheryl:

Quoting Melissa:

yes a family member of mine hit hers and threw them down onto the bed from 10 months, i think soem mums get more easily frustrated then others. we have been hitting ours (not hard) from i dont know maybe 9 months. Just a tap on the legs or belly. reasons id say would include nowadays since shes 13 months, climbing on things after us saying no over and over, and fussing a night when shes supposed to be asleep, crying when my partner is trying to put her to sleep etc. for some reason it is harder to see my partner do it then me. Maybe because i do ti out of anger not sure. i dont believe in doing it hard enough to leave marks at this age and i dont believe they fully understand at this age either. i think that comes a bit later. i also think everyone has very different opinions on here so you may get some major controversy.

Anyone who hits and throws a baby ANYWHERE is guilty of child abuse and should be turned into children services.   If you leave a mark on any child under 18, you can be prosecuted and your children taken away.  Its not controversial, that is the law in just about any country you name.
A baby under two has no clue what is wrong, 5 is the earliest they understand anything and basic reasoning doesn't start until 7, so its pointless and cruel to hit a baby.

Cheryl,

You are ridiculous!  Maybe you should look up your state laws.  They don't say anything about spanking.  I guarantee our forefathers spanked their children with a lot worse than their hands!  I agree that no one should hit an infant but spanking is in the Bible!  "Spare the rod, spoil the child..."  CHILD, not infant, not young adult.  There are fine lines.

I am quoting state law, I was married to a caseworker. You leave a mark on your child and you can be prosecuted. You hit your child on the face you can be prosecuted. You hit an infant you will be prosecuted. And yes I spanked my kids when they were older, but not in anger,not hard, and never very hit hard enough to leave a mark.

Midge - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Ruth:

Quoting Kylie:

Whenever i hear people using the quote "spare the rod, spoil the child" i feel like beating them over the head with their bible. God says i better smack my kid with a stick or she will end up a spoiled brat..what a cop out.

Absolutely! There are many, many effective ways to discipline a child without beating them. The bible is completely irrelevant here.  Let's keep religion out of the debate.

Why does this need to be a debate? Why can't we all agree to disagree? My children are different than yours, hers, and everyone elses. I choose the way they are raised because I am their mother. Everyone will have different opinions, that is what makes us individuals. This is 2009, why haven't we realized by now that we are all different and have different views, opinions, and feelings on every situation. Yes, maybe we should leave religion out of it, but why make it an attack on people who feel differently? My children are happy, healthy, smart boys and I think that is because I raise them to be so.

They are not niglected or abused, but yes, I SPANK MY BOYS WHEN NECESSARY!!!  (There I said it!!)

Ruth - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Kylie:

Whenever i hear people using the quote "spare the rod, spoil the child" i feel like beating them over the head with their bible. God says i better smack my kid with a stick or she will end up a spoiled brat..what a cop out.

Absolutely! There are many, many effective ways to discipline a child without beating them. The bible is completely irrelevant here.  Let's keep religion out of the debate.

Mel - posted on 05/26/2009

to SC - when my daughter was a new born i used to get angry with her crying and sure like every other mum i used to feel like hitting her, but i never did. Yeah some people judged me for leaving her to cry but my counsellor made me realise i was actually looking after her by doing so , so i didnt do anything to harm her. So it took me a bit to realise crying wont kill them, picking a baby up when your angry can. I looked after my baby to the best of my ability, i remember some times where she would be crying for an hour id watch her id be upset to but i couldnt pick her up. i dont know why maybe i had slight depression after she was born maybe its just as my counselor said what alot of mothers go through. doesnt make them a bad mother. anyway a little off track! End of the day i enjoy spending time playing with my little one during the day. Its all i ever wanted was to be a mother

Kate CP - posted on 05/26/2009

Quoting Midge:

Ruth, my sister has always taken her children away from the situation, again taken them away, put them out time out, explained to them repetitively why what they did was wrong, taken things away, in my opinion, a strong parent, but they feel they are bigger therefore they are in control. I'm not saying to physically beat your children or to just take physical punishment over trying alternative methods. If you read my entire post that wasn't what I was saying. I was saying that every child is different and parents are different as well. Please read the entire post ... I said in my experiences with my two children that there are two different styles that work for them. The oldest responds to the verbal punishments and time out, my youngest will continue to do the same thing over and over again until you smack him on the bottom. He is right now playing with my hair for the 10th time in 5 minutes and I have already asked him to stop, moved him to the floor, asked him again, moved him again. Each time telling him it hurts me when he pulls my hair and that he isn't to continue to do it. Each time he continues to do it. I just smacked his hand and told him to stop. He is now sitting on the floor crying without tears because I hurt his feelings, not his hand.

Not every child will respond to the same punishments as another child, you need to find out what works best for each child.

I have to say: good on ya! I'm really happy to hear that you use physical punishment as a last resort. I'm not against spankings, I just think they should be a last resort type thing. 

Good job, Mommy. :)

Andrea - posted on 05/26/2009

Oh Kylie you are so right..I believe if a child is crying there is a reason for it...they're communicating with us...and i don't believe that picking up your baby too much spoils them...i pick my baby girl up all the time and she is the happiest baby in the world and she sleeps her nights )10-11 hours a night) because she is loved and attended to during the day... She feels safe and is able to fall asleep on her own without ever letting her cry...so stressing out and smacking your kids..doesn't work man! By the way you have 2 beautiful children! :D

Midge - posted on 05/26/2009

Ruth, my sister has always taken her children away from the situation, again taken them away, put them out time out, explained to them repetitively why what they did was wrong, taken things away, in my opinion, a strong parent, but they feel they are bigger therefore they are in control. I'm not saying to physically beat your children or to just take physical punishment over trying alternative methods. If you read my entire post that wasn't what I was saying. I was saying that every child is different and parents are different as well. Please read the entire post ... I said in my experiences with my two children that there are two different styles that work for them. The oldest responds to the verbal punishments and time out, my youngest will continue to do the same thing over and over again until you smack him on the bottom. He is right now playing with my hair for the 10th time in 5 minutes and I have already asked him to stop, moved him to the floor, asked him again, moved him again. Each time telling him it hurts me when he pulls my hair and that he isn't to continue to do it. Each time he continues to do it. I just smacked his hand and told him to stop. He is now sitting on the floor crying without tears because I hurt his feelings, not his hand.

Not every child will respond to the same punishments as another child, you need to find out what works best for each child.

S - posted on 05/26/2009

I fear that your own experience of child abuse as a child has colored both your parenting techniques and your view on what is normal. Please, please speak to a professional psychologist or psychiatrist to help you determine appropriate boundaries and punishments.

Rather than fear judgement of what you deem a parenting style, you should explore why others are horrified that you think your mother throwing a knife at you didn't make her a bad mother. Please realize that it is okay not to always know how to deal with your children. Rather than spank, hit, or punish in anger you should walk away until your anger subsides. Remember that a child who is "accidentally" injured or killed by a parent lashing out in anger is injured or dead - despite the lack of intent. Children have parents for a reason -- to protect them and keep them safe and to teach them what it means to grow up and become a good person.