Hitting & Not Hitting

Stephanie - posted on 03/01/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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What do you do when one parent believes in hitting and the other doesn't? This starts A LOT of arguments, and I don't know what we should do.

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When your kids act up, first thing to do is calm YOURSELF down.  I have a hard time at this myself, but it helps to clear your head so you can give them the appropriate discipline.  Talk to your hubby about this.  Sometimes, you are so angry with what they did, that your first instinct is to physically discipline your child, even if it is a minor offense. 



If our kids misbehave, and it is a minor offense, we give them a time out.  If they create a major offense (like destruction of something, or causing harm to a sibling), then we move on to physical discipline.  We start with a hand smack.  We place our child's hand in ours, explain what behavior deserved this, and then smack thier hands.  This makes them acknowledge the consequence for thier actions, and by having our hands underneath thiers, we can feel how hard they are being smacked.  If the behavior continues, they get a spanking.  My parents spanked me when I was a kid, but never while they were angry.  This personally made me think through things before I did them because I didn't want the spanking.  I could outlast them for HOURS in a timeout though. 



 



Personally, I don't think parents today do ENOUGH parenting!  How many times are you out in public and see kids screaming, throwing tantrums, misbehaving, and the parent does NOTHING to discipline the child because "people are watching"?  Personally, I look at the person as a bad parent because they AREN'T doing anything to stop the behavior!

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Tasha - posted on 03/01/2009

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from my experiance with my dad when i was growing is that smacking was always out of his own frustration not necessarily because me or my siblings deserved it so i am soooo against even smacking.Also its sending mixed messages to children as if they smack they get punished/time out and told off yet parents smack and its ok??? i think there is always other ways to deal with situations.

Katherine - posted on 03/01/2009

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You are dealing with a child.  There is no benefit to striking them with anything but an open palm and/or any more than 3-4 times.  Have him think of it this way: your palm can never be misplaced or hidden. 

Stephanie - posted on 03/01/2009

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I want to compromise, but we're from 2 different worlds and we're both a little stubborn. I was never even tapped on the hand and his father was hit with anything his parents had in sight.  There are just so many situations that can arise that it's hard to set rules.

Katherine - posted on 03/01/2009

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I agree with Kelli.  Not every little thing calls for a spanking. 



I started with spanking because that's what my parents did, but I quickly found out that all it did was have both kids crying instead of just one.  My kids have learned the rules: if you just push your brother, you get put in time out; if you push your brother off the sofa, you get spanked.  I've found this has lead to more time-outs than spankings. 

Amy - posted on 03/01/2009

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hmmm....im no authority on this one, but my opinion would be: try to compromise. The term "hitting" sounds harsh....I think a little spank is in order for certain things, since that's how I was raised, but not out of anger, and only on the butt. I learned that "time-outs" work better for my son though...maybe do some research on spanking together and discuss it, and then decide.

Kelli - posted on 03/01/2009

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I think the only compromise that can be made here is to have a discussion on what calls for a spank and what doesn't. You can't spank for everything. I spank, but only if there is deliberate disrespect or one of my children do something that can put their safety at risk. Other than that, if neither is willing to compromise on this issue or neither is willing to "give in", the conflict will never end. Hope all works out well for you and your family!

Katie - posted on 03/01/2009

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try making a pros and cons list... when im in a situation and dont see how there could b a possible happy healthy outcome it seems to help. then, which ever of you has fewer valid points, will have to concede. hope this helps, its a tough situation

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