How can a non-custodial parent try to get child support for a child that he/she doesn't have custody

Robin - posted on 10/01/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My husband is filling for child support for our son and he does not have custody. His mother does.

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Donna - posted on 10/01/2009

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Regardless of whether or not the father has actual custody, if the his mother is raising your son and it is not set legally in court papers then he can and has the right to file for child support. You are his mother and you should pay child support for your son. If you had custody, I am sure you would expect your ex to pay you child support - right? The sad thing is, you can't control what the money is spent on and I understand you not wanting your ex to have it - I am sensing that you feel the mother would use it more properly to take care of your son. It would be the same way if your ex was paying you - he wouldn't want it to go to you for you to spend how you see fit - he would want to know what it was spent on. You can request that it be used for a portion of the different things that are needed to provide for your son - such as rent, electricity, water, food, clothes, school supplies and a savings account. It doesn't mean that it will be proportioned that way in the court order but you can try. Maybe the mother will receive it and it is just that your ex has to file for it because the mother does not have anything legal. If you want to ensure things are different you could always consider legally signing him to the mother - but then it will make it harder when you do get on your feet to get him back. In order for you to get him back in most cases you have to prove the other guardian unfit. Sometimes that is hard - try to take a step back and look at things as if the shoe was on the other foot and know in your heart that this is supposed to be for your son - and try to move on and be there the best way you can for your son. I do not know your situation and I can imagine it is hard but if you are at a point in your life to where you can not provide for your son, then in your heart you did what you had to in order to have him taken care of. All I can truly tell you is that I can pray for you and your family. May God bless you all.

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Tammy - posted on 01/15/2012

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This isn't about whether your husband deserving money, this is about your CHILD deserving the money. PERIOD. I understand bitter feelings, but your child deserves your support - both emotionally and finiancially. This money is for your child, not his father.



(I know you love your child, and I'm not trying to question that. I am just suggesting, because I've been there, to step back and look at this not as a marital but a parental issue.)

Maureen - posted on 10/01/2009

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As the father is residing in the same home as the child, the documents could specify the support will be forwarded to her during this period of custody arrangement.

Leslie - posted on 10/01/2009

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If I understand correctly neither you or your husband have custody. I am assuming this was done through court and they gave her custody. If that is the case then you both should be paying his mother for child support. If he files then he would have to show documents stating he is the legal guardian/custodial parent of the child.

Maureen - posted on 10/01/2009

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As your child is not currently in your care, if you are financially able to you do have a responsibility to provide support. The only reason it may be temporarily waived is if you are currently receiving state or provincial social assistance. As the father of the child is living in the same home that may be why he is officially pursuing financial support.



Where I live, custody and support can be dealt with on the same court application.

You may also be able to work through a mediator ( is there is one close to you ) and avoid some of the court costs. There are standard charts available listing gross annual income and the amount of support per # of children.

Bianca - posted on 10/01/2009

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Quoting Cheri:

Why don't you sit down and see if you can come up with an agreement out of court....offer whatever you can afford each month to your husband. If you don't trust what he will do with the money then give each payment to your mother in law. You shouldn't be upset about him filing for child support....you should be helping money wise if you don't have custody.



I agree with Cheri here. You are his mother and are equally responisble of financially proving for your son. Just deal with the mother in law if you don't trust his judgement with the child support given.

Robin - posted on 10/01/2009

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I don't have a problem trying to help support my son. My mother-in-law does not like me and never has. And my husband is a (well we'll just leave that one alone). We have been seperated for over a year and will never come to an agreement. If I don't have to give him a cent and I can put it in an account for my son, then I would rather do it that way than give the money to hubby or his mom.

Cheri - posted on 10/01/2009

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Why don't you sit down and see if you can come up with an agreement out of court....offer whatever you can afford each month to your husband. If you don't trust what he will do with the money then give each payment to your mother in law. You shouldn't be upset about him filing for child support....you should be helping money wise if you don't have custody.

Robin - posted on 10/01/2009

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Thank you for your feed back. I was told the same thing in a way the other day by a friend. I just hope that the papers are wrong and I don't have to give the money to him as he damn sure doesn't deserve it.

Anna - posted on 10/01/2009

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You need to check the custody papers it could be that he do have custody but his mother is listed as having physical custody because they live with her....if that is the case that means he still has a say so in what happens with you all's son, and in some states as long as he is in the home with the child and his rights as the parent was not taken away from him, it's possible he may be able to file for child support, but you have to read your custody order carefully, or take it to a lawyer and have him/her interpret the legal mumbo jumbo for you........Good Luck

Cynthia - posted on 10/01/2009

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not to sure, guess u wouold have to check with your local domestic relations in Pa, what I went through I didn't have custody of my son at first then i filed and after that i filed for support, but the judge told me support and custody are two seperate things.

Robin - posted on 10/01/2009

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My mother-in-law has custody of my son since March of this year. I am unable to take care of him at this point in time. My husband and my son live with her and her boyfriend and his nephew.

Carmen - posted on 10/01/2009

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Is the child w/ you & your husband? & if so, then why don't you contest custody if they child is in your care.

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