Tyler - posted on 12/03/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )
Hello, I need to know how to get someone to contribute more when it comes to housework, and the person in question is my mother. So since this site is all about moms I decided that this is the perfect place to ask this question about my mom.
So here's the skinny, my mom is the only employed person in our household of three people. The three people are;
Me I'm a 19 soon to be 20 year old male, I am unemployed and a recent high school graduate.
My brother who is 22 years old, he attended Vo-Tech and finished his classes last year. He is on food-stamps.
My mother who is 42 years old, she has a job that pays $2.75 over minimum wage but only allows her 30 hours a week.
My brother is extraordinarily lazy, his goal in life is to play games all day every day... seriously... not joking. And as such that is what he does right now, all he does is play games ALL day.
My mother is extraordinarily lazy as well. She is the only employed member of this house but that is not for a lack of trying on my part I spend hours upon hours everyday looking for any type of employment I can find and I have been unsuccessful as of yet, I am a recent high school graduate with little experience and no marketable skills so its not exactly easy. But I digress. My mother is lazy when she is at the house, her goal is to watch shows and movies on her computer and eat herself to death.
The thing is that my brother is insanely lazy but he'll do housework to avoid ticking off my mom because she turns into Satan, horns and all, when she gets mad. So he is content with doing what is necessary to keep things the way they are because he never looks for a job and plays games all day. I, as much as I hate to say it, am getting "lazier" by the day, not because I am actually lazy I have no problem doing work and helping out but because I am getting fed up and I guess I'm being a little childish by kind of passively-aggressively trying to irritate my mom because she ins't doing her fair share. But I'd like to point out that I am trying to learn of ways to talk with her about doing work around the house, so I'm not all bad.
My issue is that she doesn't help with any of the housework, Literally ANY of it. It goes farther than that, she doesn't get her own drinks, she has cooked two TWO meals in the last two years, she doesn't do he own laundry, which used to be uncomfortable for me because I'm a little bashful and having to handle someone else's dirty delicates just isn't on my list of stuff I enjoy doing, but that doesn't happen anymore but not because she started doing them herself mind you. A lot of the chores around the house fall to me, I've become something of a handyman in recent years, to be honest the only work I don't do 100% of around the house is dishes, because I can't stand doing dishes, mostly because we have a small sink and its uncomfortable for me, but even that I share with my brother 50/50.
I do all the outdoor work and I usually end up doing it for my neighbor (my grandma..... yay...) as well as my aunt. I also take care of my mother's plants and our pets (At this point I'm going to go ahead and say they are mine, because all she does for them is buy the food.)
She gets home from work everyday and she finds some reason to yell at us, then she tells us to get her drinks and she complains about being sore and tired from work.... she has a desk job and literally all she has to do while she's on the clock is MAYBE roll around in her chair a bit between her desks. She constantly complains that we (me and my brother) don't have jobs, I've got postings on craigslist, I've combed through every single job posting on at least a few hundred different sites, I have no qualms with ANY type of work, but nonetheless there are no jobs around me and I can't find any jobs that offer to pay for my relocation. Military isn't an option at the moment for me, because my mother hates the idea and for once I agree with her.
The problem boils down to my mom has a job but other than that contributes nothing to the household. She is mean, unfair, and rude to us, she has no respect for me or my brother and sees us as slaves to be at her beck and call.
I mean COME ON, she recently started a diet, not because she got fed up with being fat and lethargic all the time but because her sister got her some really expensive dieting stuff as an early Christmas present, but my mom won't get off her lazy behind to get her own drink? I'm just waiting for the day when she starts telling us to carry her to the bathroom...
So after giving you all the pertinent information (I think...) and having a little bit of a vent I want to ask a few questions.
Do you think my mom is lazy or am I just being...?
Do you have anyone that does something similar?
Do you have any ideas, suggestions, or plans to get someone to contribute more to the household?
Honestly for me it comes down to two problems, the first being that the unfair and uneven distribution of work around the house and the lack of respect and thanks is poisoning the household, I can't stand looking or even thinking of my mom or brother without resentment and instantly becoming a furious seething ball of silently controlled rage. And my second issue being that I don't want to have to do all the dang work around here, I am looking for a job I need as much time as possible to dedicate to that, I don't take a day off from cleaning or job searching, I can't remember the last time I got more than four or five hours of sleep, I spend all my time looking for jobs and cleaning this house, I haven't had any "me" time in forever, I want to be able to sit back and let my mom take care of ME for a day. I'd like to be able to sit in my room on my computer and have people treat me like royalty. But the Royal treatment is reserved for my mother alone, and my brother just sits on his computer all the time, every day is a day off for the two of them, I'm at my wits end I can't handle doing everything by myself, if it were just me I'd have no problem I can clean up after myself and everything perfectly fine but me taking care of three people two pets and having to help my grandma and aunt all the time? While constantly looking for a job and trying to make sure that we have all the food and stuff that we need? I'm tired, I want a day off and I don't think its too selfish to want one.
I probably sound like a whiny teenager but this is my HOME this should be a place that I enjoy being at, this should be a place I want to be, this should be a place of love and happiness, I should relish every second I'm in this house and instead I can't help but think about how much I hate my life, how lazy my mother is, how lazy my brother is, how tired I am, how unfair it all is. If I had a job I'd save up and move out, but I don't so I'm opting for the more difficult option try and fix it and get things to the way they SHOULD be.
So any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated and I do apologize for ranting a bit, but at this point I spend all my time cleaning or looking for a job, or shopping for groceries, and I have no time for anything else, I have no friends I can talk to, no parent's I can talk to, heck I have no one to talk to, and no way to relieve all the stress and tension that keeps building up. I used to smoke but my mom told me I can't smoke while I live here. So basically I can't smoke or she'll kick me out, which wouldn't be a bad thing if it weren't for the fact that I have no where to go and no job, I've been looking for employment for the past six months... vigorously, I have searched every single day, I don't play online games or jump on facebook or youtube or any of that I literally and honestly spend all my time online looking for jobs excluding about 30 minutes to an hour once a week when I try and enjoy myself a little bit. I'm going to go ahead and stop here because I have to go make breakfast for my brother since he just woke up and I've tried to stop typing like three other times so I've run long and rambled for long enough. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and I really appreciate your input, thanks a million.