how can i get pregnant if ive tried it all?

Janice - posted on 02/01/2012 ( 14 moms have responded )

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im a twenty three year old mother of three...i recently got married im may..me and mi husband have been trying to gt pregnant for about a year and two months now...mi husband really wants a child bi me but i cant seem to give him what he want...should i just give up and tell him to take mine as his own and forget about it?

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Pamela - posted on 02/04/2012

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Have you been to an obgyn doctor to check to see if you have any blockages that have not shown up outwardly? Sometimes one can have uterine growths/cysts that are causing blockages or the same on your ovaries. These can sometimes be caused unknowingly by medicinal use, etc.



Check with your obgyn doctor or go to a free clinic in your area. Most big cities ( and even medium sized ones) have centers for women that can refer you to doctors or who have doctors on staff for just these sorts of problems. Most free clinics do not require health insurance coverage.



Better to check it out instead of guessing, especially since you already have children.

Fiona - posted on 02/01/2012

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I would see a specialist, since you and your husband should both be tested. Also read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I am an educated person, and I thought I understood the general idea of fertility, but this really gives details about how to know when you are fertile. You may already know all of it, but it's good information.

Kate CP - posted on 02/01/2012

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Kaitlin, when you've had children before and you've been trying for over a year then yes, you should see a specialist. Secondary infertility is a very real issue that many women, like myself, have faced. I was 24 when I had my daughter and I got pregnant with her almost immediately. With my son, I spent over a year trying to get pregnant to no avail. My OBGYN talked to me, found out my cycles were completely random, and put me on clomid. I conceived my son on the first round.



Some women just can't get pregnant on their own, no matter how long and how hard they try. The longer a woman tries to get pregnant and doesn't, the worse it gets. It's a vicious cycle with people telling you "Stop trying and it'll happen" and you spiraling into a deeper and deeper depression. Thoughts of "What's wrong with me?" and "What am I doing wrong?" often float through your head whenever you see a pregnant woman or hear a baby cry or laugh. It's heart breaking.



So, yes, this woman may be young and YES she's had children before. That DOES NOT mean she doesn't need help conceiving again.

Kaitlin - posted on 02/01/2012

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I disagree with Kate. It took my husband and I over a year to get pregnant with our first son. The doctors are probably thinking the same thing I am- you're both young, you both have had children- it's a timing thing. If you just got married, that could have played crazy on your hormones and prevented you from ovulating, causing you to get your period, but not actually have a chance at concieving that month. If you haven't already done so, i would look into fertility awareness- there's a great book by Toni Weshler that is probably in your library- it can help you figure out if you actually ovulate every month.



I don't understand where people get the idea that it takes only a few months to a year to get pregnant. If you are under 35, doctors want you to be actively trying (read: not just days 12 and 14, they want you to chart your fluid, position, mucous and basal body temp every day- and using an ovulation stick doesn't count) for a year and a half. I know it is disheartening to hear them say 'just keep trying', and I know what it is like to feel like a complete failure every month when your period comes. I'm not trying to be flippant, I know this is a tough issue. But you do have children, and you do have time, and you have hope. If you were 40, this would be a whole different ball game.

Kate CP - posted on 02/01/2012

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Find a different doctor or seek a fertility specialist. If you've been trying for over a year, you need to help.

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Kaylen - posted on 04/17/2013

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Ladies: I had sex a week before my period. I was 2 days late and finally started. It was somewhat normal for two days and now it's spotting going on. I have not felt we'll at all. If I have a period of any kind like this, does this mean there is no way I am pregnant? I it is possible when can I take a test to know? My date of sex was 4/7. Started 2 days late on 4/14.

Sarah - posted on 02/02/2012

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IMO, just go to the doc and get checked out. Have him make sure nothing different has happened since your last baby, and have your partner do a semen sample and have it analyzed. If everything checks out, keep on trying, or if you want, seek other alternatives (IUI, IVF, Clomid, etc.). If he wants his own child with you and you with him, then why give up?

Janice - posted on 02/02/2012

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My husband and I tried for 3 years (actually the 1st year was lack of prevention, not really 'trying'). After testing in the 2nd year we were told everything was normal and reproductively healthy. Diagnosis unexplained infertility. I was super depressed by the time we hit 3 years. My friend suggested acupuncture to at minimum relieve stress. I was super skeptical but decided to try it. I conceived my daughter after only 5-6 appts -1 per week. I also cut caffeine out of my diet and ate organically whenever possible on the advice of the acupuncturist who specialized in fertility.



That being said you are very young so maybe you should stop trying for a bit. I know trying so hard can kill your love life and sometimes a little break to make things fun again can really help. Also has your husband been tested? If you had children with another man, it may be your husband. Hopefully not, but its good to know where you stand.

Kaitlin - posted on 02/02/2012

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Kate, I completely agree with much of what you have said. I hated when people told me 'stop trying it will happen'- that is not what I'm saying. Everything you illustrated- I went through.

My husband and I went through a difficult year- we have histories on both sides and were facing the real possibility of it not happening at all. In addition to our histories, I also had very irregular cycles. However, one of the first things a fertility specialist wants a couple to do is to rule out some easily detectable options- and they usually want you to chart for a good chunk of time to see what they are dealing with. A good doctor is not going to charge you a ton of money to do invasive tests that may not help determine what is wrong- they want to get as clear a picture as they can with the least amount of medication/procedures. I'm not saying never go see a specialist, but there are things we as women can do to help a doctor see the full picture, and help the process of determining if and what the problem is.



Janice, How old are your children (especially your youngest?) is it possible that you were trying to conceive again before you were even ovulating (some women can take a year or more to ovulate, but they still get their period, after birth, much longer if you breast fed at all).

Did the doctor do any tests or recommend anything else to you? And I would also still like to know what you have been trying. To say 'i've tried it all' but be looking for advice on an online forum doesn't really help anyone else make an informed suggestion ;) I do hope you are able to determine what your next step will be. Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 02/01/2012

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My advice is Quit trying. If you are pressuring yourself, you are causing stress. My husband and I took over 5 yrs to get preg the first time. We decided it just wasn't meant to be for us. One month later, I was pregnant. We now have two.

Sherri - posted on 02/01/2012

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I got pregnant with my first two super fast. My first two are only 18mo's apart. It took us 7yrs to get pregnant again with #3 and another 5yrs to get pregnant with #4. So sometimes it is just when your body is ready.

Janice - posted on 02/01/2012

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@kate cp...yes i have they say just keep trying....uggh!!!!!







@ katline..yes he has two children of his own..

Kaitlin - posted on 02/01/2012

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What have you tried if you say you've tried it all? You obviously can have children, seeing that you are so young and have carried three babies to term. Does he have any children of his own?



It's very normal for couples to take a year and a half to get pregnant, even with charting your temperature, mucous, cervical position and firmness.



If there is any issue, you may want to have him checked first, it's less invassive, and very quick. Testing you is painful, takes multiple appointments and doesn't rule everything out.

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