How can I help my friend whos husband cheated on her while she was pregnan and now she is suspecting hes doing it again?

Erika - posted on 06/24/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My friend Emily has a 4 month old baby boy and her husband cheated on her while she was pregnantt when she confronted him he denied it and said how do you think i would do that to you while your pregnant. she let it pass and now 4 months later she suspects of him again?

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Tamara - posted on 06/24/2011

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All you can do is be there and support her. Listen don't judge or try to fix her problems. If you have space and she decides to leave offer her a safe place to go. If you start judging and things you may loose your friend.

[deleted account]

I also think you should educate yourself about depression...and watch your friend VERY closely. When my best friend was going through this...I tried to stand behind her...support her...
but when she mentioned one day she was thinking about getting in the bathtub and blowing her brains out...she turned to me and said, "don't worry, I'll close the shower door so all the mess will be inside the shower, you won't have much to clean up."
I HAD. I HAD. I HAD..... I HAD TO GET HELP FOR HER.
I didn't shut up about it until she went with me to her family doctor and told him about what was going on. If we hadn't gotten her those anti-depressants...she could be dead today. Please watch your friend...don't let her spiral down that far.

JuLeah - posted on 06/24/2011

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They don't stop, cheaters. He is cheating on her again.
What can you do? Support her. Don't tell her what to do. Don't bad mouth him. Whatever she opts as the best course for her right now, support it. Trust her to figure it out, find the strength ... in her own time, in her own way.
Parrot back her words, but don't preach or nag.
Just be there for her, but don't try to fix this, it is hers and the lessons are also hers to learn.

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Like others said, simply be there for your friend for support. The marriage/relationship is something your friend & her husband to deal with. She'll need someone strong to be there for emotional support. I suspect (and of course I could be quite wrong) that because of their young age, this couple got married for the wrong reasons-young and pregnant. It's very challenging to assume a wife & mother role in such a short time frame. Of course I could be quite wrong. In any event, if your friend's goal is to get her education, perhaps you can offer babysitting serives. Or going on job interviews, offer to drive her, if needed. Please try hard to stay out of the marriage/relationship. While the guy sounds like a slimebucket, the marriage is not yours to try to salvage or doom. Perhaps your friends really does want to work through the infidelity and perhaps this guy is willing to grow up. It's not your call-just be there in a supportive way, no matter what she decides.

Erika - posted on 06/25/2011

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It is a huge help with these thoughtful comments. I thank each and every one of you. The good thing about her is that she seems very centered on just having in mind that she isnt going to stay just because of her baby. She told me last night in between tears that the night before her husband had come home at 1 in the morning after 18 hours of work and he never ever works long hours at least 8 to 9 hours the most. She found proof that luckily he was telling the truth about being at work and right now they are not doing so good due to her confronting him about that night. I hate seeing her so down shes always happy and crazy and an amazing mother and wife. I hope she doesnt fall into a depression because she has so much of life ahead of her. She is extremely young (19 yrs) and she didnt finish school and wants to go back but she feels like to this point there really isnt much evidence into her actually leaving...I hope that no matter what I can help her but its hard to tell at this point...

Tara - posted on 06/24/2011

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The only thing you can do is be there for her as a support. You can't do anything about it yourself - it is her choice and lesson to learn. If she decides to leave, make sure you support her choice an help her find a safe place.
Honestly, I couldn't stay with someone who cheated on me, but I know that a lot of women do and that is their choice. I know it's really hard not to judge or try to "Fix" it, but she has to make the decision on staying or not herself.
If she suspects he is cheating again, the best thing she can do is gather proof if she can so that when she confronts him she can let him know she has positive proof and that he is lying.

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