how can I help my son remember his daddy

Chantal - posted on 02/17/2010

show him pictures and if u have a recording of his voice play it but i can tell you stright up he will not forget him me and my hubby split up for 4 months and he didnt get to see him until we got back together

Candi - posted on 02/17/2010

Oh, and if he looks different in the video then now you can put a picture of him in front of the screen, that'll help so he's not like "wait, that's daddy's voice but that's not the man I see"

Candi - posted on 02/17/2010

Ok, you can take him to your husbands pics everyday and tell him "Daddy loves you... There's Daddy" and when he starts babbling Mama and Dada you can show your son your hubby's picture and say "Dada"... If you have a video of your husband talking you can show it to your son at random times and tell him something like "look! there's Daddy" then pause it and have your son wave saying hi... It'll help when your husband gets back start using the same phrases you used with the pictures and/or videos and he'll make the connection, plus if you get your little boy seeing the man in the pictures is daddy he won't get confused and think someone else (like your dad, brother ect.) is... Good luck Mindy, being away that long is hard and even more when you have a little one but it'll be alright!

Julie - posted on 02/17/2010

These are all great suggestions! Since I was in your exact position (my husband left for Army basic training and AIT when our youngest was 3 months old), I wanted to share what we did. My in-laws took us to Build-a-Bear Workshop and had a bear made for each of our boys. My husband recorded a voice message to put in each one, then we dressed them in army clothes. I kept the bear in my son's crib and played the message each time I laid him down for a nap or bedtime. When he saw daddy again, he didn't recognize him at first, but as soon as he heard his voice, he got a big smile. Even though my husband has been gone for most of my son's life (he was gone for the better part of 14 1/2 month), my son is very much a Daddy's boy and at 21 months, he definately remembers his daddy. Since your husband has already left, he won't be able to do a recording until after Basic, but maybe you can put him on speakerphone for those brief phone calls he is able to make. Also, Sassy makes these "Who loves baby?" books that you can insert your own pictures in and your son can look at without crinkling them or drooling on them.

Becky - posted on 02/17/2010

Everyone else has some great advice. the only other thing I would add is, can you Skype with him via webcam? then your son could see him live. We do this with our boys' grandparents, who live far away, and it does help our older son remember them.

The good news is, at 4 1/2 months, they are still pretty flexible, so he will adjust to having his daddy back home quite quickly and won't view him as a stranger for very long, if at all.

Shantel - posted on 02/17/2010

i would personally keep lots of photos of daddy around bub in everyroom perhaps, and just keep talking about him constantly, and when you do talk about him show photos of him to your son, your son will pick it up!

Darby Fay - posted on 02/17/2010

I agree to Liz Kalisvaart's comment. That's one way your son will remember his dad. so that when he comes home, he will not be a stranger to his son.

Stacey - posted on 02/15/2010

Send him several books and a tape recorder and have him record himself reading the books. Play one of the stories at the same time each night before he goes to bed and it will be a great routine to get him in so when your husband comes home, he can read the books to him in person. Also hang a picture next to your sons crib so when he wakes up it is something he will see.

Nancy - posted on 02/14/2010

My mom watched my nephew when my brother was deployed, and she ordered a "Flat Daddy" through the service. It was free. She sent them a photo and they printed it life size. All my mom had to do was find some cardboard so the photo was sturdy.

Melissa - posted on 02/14/2010

Get him to send you a shirt he's worn of his, and put it in his crib & record him speaking and play it a few times every day...babies go by sent, sound and touch so that might help!!

Danielle - posted on 02/14/2010

i am in the military and so is my husband. My husband was deployed when our son was born..he didnt meet daddy for the first time until he was going on 2months. Lots of pictures of daddy and talking about daddy helped alot. He has been on many dets also. My hubby on deployment again right now and to help our son keep remembering who daddy is we use skype. Although he can not use it in basic he can use it when he goes to his training school for his mos. we also bought soft infant books that you can put pictures in...so I did that and we have daddy story time. Where i put in pictures and tell a story about daddy.

Just remember to give her time when your husband does come home. Just because she does not recognize him does not mean she will not bond with him. After a couple of days the bonding will be there, but you have to remember that she is use to you and being around you. SO naturally she will be very clingy since to her you are her ultimate provider and care giver. But let me tell you children are resiliant little people. Also expect her to be very needy/clingy when he comes home and has to leave again. Important thing is, is that your daughter will love her father regardless. .to be honest when my hubby got home from deployment my son wounde up becoming a daddies boy...kinda hurt my feeling lol. But I was happy non the less about it.

Carolyn - posted on 02/14/2010

That is going to be a constant task on your part. I would say, take several pictures that you may have or borrowed ones. So that you can make a book and write your own story on what you want him to know about his father. Like if he played ball at one point, a photo of him on the field or just at the game, your writing can be all about the photo and all you have to do is describe the picture in words. If you were all at a picnic or at a family gathering at a particular home. Just describe the photo whom is in it and what it means to you and his father. Now I know you said he is young. Please do not be discouraged by that. Just like anything else, they only learn what you teach him just as any child. If you read this story each time before nap or bedtime. You may be surprised he'll start picking that story as his favorite one. The more you expose him to about his father the more he will be interested to learn about him. If his father means a lot to you he will also mean a lot to your son. Best of Luck to you and your family during this hard time. Please tell your husband a special THANK YOU from me.

Melisa - posted on 02/14/2010

You could tape your husbands voice on a recorder reading a bedtime story to your son or just talking to him. so the baby will recognize his voice when he returns home. keep lots if pictures around to. and talk about his daddy to him. but he will always know who his dad is. Melisa Masters

Heather - posted on 02/14/2010

pictures and stories about him. and when possible phone calls

Jessica - posted on 02/14/2010

show your son lots of pictures of daddy and hearing his voice on the phone or over the computer (video chat especially) can help. My husband is facing deployment in December or January and our youngest will only be about 6 months old. We will be apart for a year though not including any leave he can get. We are going to trade video and spend as much time video chatting as possible.

Tamara - posted on 02/14/2010

I did "mommy n me" books for my older 2 boys when I was going away. You can also get a life size photo printed that your son can see each day (kinkos). If you can get a micro recorder also have your husband record himself talking to your son saying hi and maybe reading a book or telling a story for your son to listen to. That will be easier to do once he is in ait then at bootcamp level.

I was usually gone a lot longer then 2 mos but my boys never forgot mommy. When the towers came down I was out of the Corps. By my oldest who was 1st grade then watched what happened on tv quietly walled upstairs and got my bdu shirt I had given him to play with. Brought it down stairs and said to me " Here mommy, I think you need to go back to work". It took all my strength not to cry. Kids even young understand way more then any adult relizes. Do a book, talk about daddy and what daddy does. Your son won't forget him in the 2 mos. :) Good luck its going to be harder on you then your son.

Lisa - posted on 02/13/2010

I am a grief educator and have some wonderful resources on different types of loss. I recently bought a DVD/book put out by Sesame Street for children ages 2-11. It comes with a booklet and posters. Although your son is an infant this material will help you to understand normal reactions in children when a parent is gone and returns. I think if you purchased this on Amazon.com you would find it helpful. It is called Talk, Listen, Connect: Deployments, Homecomings and Changes. It stars Elmo as the little child who has to say goodbye to his daddy. They talk about him leaving and coming back. Elmo talks about feeling funny when daddy returns because he has been away for such a long time and now feels a bit shy around dad. He talks about missing him and hwat helps him (like looking at the same moon at night that daddy is also looking at). Your son won't be quite at the stranger anxiety stage yet, so hopefully he won't react as if dad is a stranger. However know that it will be an adjustment for all of you to have your husband back home, which this DVD also discusses. I think having lots of photos and even showing video of daddy on tv (if you have video) is helpful. Having your son hear his voice too, on the web cast (if your husband is able to talk via computer to you once in a while) will be helpful. Most of all your son has you with him giving him so much love and care and to maintain his routine, and that will help him feel safe and adjust to the changes. Good luck and I would also suggest that you get involved in some of the military support programs for families so that you and your son have others also going through similar situations. You can email me if you like at lisa@griefspeaks.com and I will find you some support program that may be helpful too in your area.

Kristin - posted on 02/12/2010

I was away from my 2 year old for 7 weeks this summer which seemed liked forever but we had a couple of tricks up our sleeves. First off I read a bunch of bed time stories on the video camera and then we put those and some family movies onto a DVD for my daughter to watch any time she wanted and we also got this thing called a flat daddy not sure of the website but you can google them. Its a cardboard cut out from the waist up, my daughter use to take it everywhere with her. Anyway, she remembered me just fine when she got home. Also her Dad just spent 7 months away in Iraq and she remembered him as well, we just looked at a lot of pictures and prayed for him at night while he was gone, she's no worse for the ware though and she remembered us both.

Nancy - posted on 02/11/2010

your son will remember your husband smell,touch ,voice,Don't worry And if your afraid of baby forgetting him have him record Daddy loves you and the baby by name

Sarah - posted on 02/11/2010

My husband is in the military as well, and I've been through this myself. The truth is, you can't do anything to absolutely guarantee that he'll remember your husband when he returns. However, there are things you can do to make it easier for him to remember, and for your husband to as least look familiar to him. The best thing you can do is show him pictures of Daddy, everyday, several times a day. (I put a picture in the hallway and pointed it out to my daughter every time we passed by it.) If you have home videos of him, that will help, too.
When my husband return from deployment, it was obvious that my daughter recognized my husband, but was still a little confused as to who, exactly, he was. She wouldn't go to him for about half an hour, but after that, he was her Daddy again. Don't force your son into your husbands arms to quickly, or you might scare him. He'll warm-up to him soon enough. Good luck!

Serena - posted on 02/11/2010

I had this problem with my first son. My husband had to get underway for almost three months (we are also a military family) and I was afraid of the same thing. We made a home movie for our son of just my husband talking to him. We tried to watch it everyday and he would smile but in the end he still didn't recognize daddy when he got back. Kids are resilient though and your son will embrace him within a week. It helps though if after the first day or two, they spend quality time without you. I know it sounds cruel but you as mommy will be a distraction so as soon as you feel your son is comfortable with daddy let them have bonding time which will also be good for you cause you get a break.
I have learned watching the difference between other neighbors and us (we live in military housing) that if they grow up with daddy coming and going its easier on them, then it is for the older children embracing the same routine. My son is used to it by now but I watch the four year old across the street just freak out everytime his daddy has to leave.
So I want to commend you now because us wives are the unsung heroes :) Good luck!

Carol - posted on 02/11/2010

Mindy, I am a former military wife and had the same situation over and over . Our youngest was only 2 weeks when her dad went overseas. He was gone a year before she saw him again.Pictures go a long way and always , always talk about daddy and that he misses you both and if you have any tapes of his voice play them for your son . He will know who daddy is when he comes home ,be prepared for a little shyness on your sons part and don't over react. Good luck and God bless you and your family.

Mindy - posted on 02/10/2010

Thank you all soooo much for your great suggestions! I will give them all a try that I can as daddy has already left for Basic Training.

CARLA - posted on 02/10/2010

We're in the military for 8years now and what I did was let my son sleep with his Dads shirt that smelt like him and also had tons of pictures everywhere when we passed one we would "say hi to daddy, he'll be home soon". Not to mention i had my hubby record "Hello Son, I miss you and love you very much! Be Good to mommie and I'll see you soon!" My son is now 6 and still has the recorder when my husband was in Iraq I would walk by and hear my son playing the tape. Kids have a GREAT memory so make and take pictures involve him in the delivery process wait for the mailman to give him daddys present he made ect.
Being a Military Wife is the toughest job in the military! Welcome to the family!

Maureen - posted on 02/10/2010

My son really started bonding closely at 6 months, so while it's hard it's kind of nice that Daddy's gone while he's so young. Something I did since my fiance is always gone for work for weeks at a time, is take videos of him reading books from the perspective of my baby. So point the camera right at Daddy's face. Then you can make storytime with Daddy part of your bedtime ritual, just sit with your baby in front of the computer. (most cameras have a video feature for minutes-long videos, I'm assuming you have one!). Good luck mama, it's hard to be a one woman parenting machine!

Jill - posted on 02/10/2010

Mindy my husband was shipped out when my daughter was only a few months old, I showed her pictures and let her hear his voice over the phone. When he came back (he was gone for two and a half months) she still seemed to know who he is. He deployed again when she was one and we did the same thing i showed lots of pictures and constantly talked about daddy. She is now 19months old and loves her daddy. I don't think she honestly remembers that he even left. Just show your son lots of love and always talk about daddy positive!! :) Good luck!!

Leanne - posted on 02/10/2010

Hi Mindy! Maybe Video or record Your husband talking to your son before he leaves for the army, so you can play it to your son on a daily basis to help him reconize/remember his voice. Also, Maybe lye an item of your husbands clothing (one that has been worn but not washed) next to your son because at this age, babies reconize smell alot too. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. I hope this helps. Good luck! xx

Holly - posted on 02/10/2010

And as liz said, Thanks to your husband! He is appreciated!

Holly - posted on 02/10/2010

Do you have home videos that you can show him of them together? Maybe if you have the opportunity you could do that and show him the videos every day, stressing who daddy is, who baby is... Good luck to you!

Tanya - posted on 02/10/2010

try recording his voice when he gets to ait. they get breaks so he will be able to do it then. The also have army dolls that you put your husbands face on. babies love pictures so maybe a mobile with pictures of him hanging above his crib. Good luck!

Liz - posted on 02/10/2010

My aunt had the same problem when her daughter was born - show your son a picture of his dad every day, talk about daddy as much as you can. If you ever talk to him on the phone - put him on speaker... Or better yet - ask him to leave a message on your anwsering machine talking to your son - and play it whenever you want.. Voice Recognition goes a long way - Im sure there is more, but I hope this will help.



Good Luck, and thank you for sacrificing so much for our country. Please thank your husband for us all... we appreciate it.