How can I stop the whining?

Michelle Wendy - posted on 04/19/2010

yes it is hard my daugther chloe is going though the same,give yourselves time out and take big breaths and be calm, when you talk to him and give him eye contact when you talk to him as well,hang in there and good luck, and as you know being a mum is the hardest job in the world

Kathy - posted on 04/19/2010

We are going through this as well with our 3 yr old, and we are basically doing what has been outlined here. We have developed a side effect from the whining in that we almost automatically say "NO" to what ever she is asking. I had to take a step back. Now when she asks I pause and ask myself...Is it the end of the world if I say yes? They do have to win some of the time. I am trying to save the "NOs" for the big stuff otherwise my constant saying "NO" is not much different than her whining...they are both irritating and meaningless.





ETA...spelling error.

Danielle - posted on 04/18/2010

My son is 8 and we make him pay a quarter every times he whines. He owes his grandfather $12.

Fiona - posted on 04/18/2010

Just the age, oh yes indeed. I was sick of hearing myself say "that whiny tone will not get you anything missy". It stopped, possibly because she just grew out of it, or it never got her anything, or maybe because my response was VERY consistent throughout, same words every time.

Christin - posted on 04/18/2010

Hi Melissa,

You mentioned that your son did not throw tantrums at two but does at three. Well, I had the same experience with my 3 girls! I found three to be the most frustrating age! At two my girls still wanted to please me a little, at three, they really just wanted it all their way. I refused to give in and have a child run my family as you mentioned. Now my girls are 12, 9, and 5 and they are amazing and we are complimented often about their wonderful behavior and manners. I never gave into the whining, as someone else mentioned I would say that I couldn't understand them. Or I would just say, "how do you ask" and then they would fix it, if not, then I just ignored them until they did. If they threw a fit, then they received a time-out. If they asked multiple times, I would say, "asked and answered", but I would not continue to talk about the same thing over and over. I also told my girls that "no" was not an opening for negotiations. Consistency is the key, if you NEVER give in to the behavior then he will soon learn that you mean what you say. If you give in just once that will tell him that he just needs to keep going until he wears you down. It sounds like you know what you need to do and that you are doing it. He is just testing the boundaries to see where they are, don't give in. And yes, some of this is b/c you have a baby in the house, but don't let him win despite that, you still have to stay consistent.

It is great that you are starting to discipline for this now, giving in and waiting until they are 4 like the previous post, will get you no where. Then you end up with a whiny 4 y/o. Keep in mind, if the behavior they are exhibiting will not be "cute" at an older age, then now is the time to train them out of it.

Good luck and stay strong. :)

Lynete - posted on 04/18/2010

Hie Melissa

I think its the age because i'm also having the same problem with my 2 and half year old daughter. When i say no she continues asking over and over again that it becomes very noisy in my ears that i end up giving in. At the end of the day she has all her way all the time. I'm sure we just have to be patient till they turn 4 at least.

Take care

Claudine - posted on 04/18/2010

I have 3 whiners myself, but they are much older now and have learned that whining is just not effective anymore...they use it as a tool to "wear you down" to get the answer/thing that they want and learn good results from this at a very early age. Best way to deal, in my opinion, is use very simple language such as "I'm sorry you're upset, but the answer is "no." and then walk away or just turn your back to them. Attention is what feeds the whining! You must portray that whining WILL NOT get a rise out of you, because that's what they want. When you do this, you show them that you are in control--and that's what they need to know...

Jayda - posted on 04/17/2010

My son is almost three and I am going through the same thing. I think it is just a stage and the only thing you can do is wait it out. I do try to get eye level with my son and tell him that he won't get what he wants by whining. It will work sometimes but he will whine about something else 5 min. later. My mom told me I did the same thing when I was that age.......so try to be patient, it will pass!!

Jan - posted on 04/17/2010

you cannot reason with a three year old. Let them know that when they whine they will not get anything. In time they will learn that you mean business. Question... do you give in to their demands? If you do, STOP!!! they learn very early on when you do or do not mean business. Be consistent. What do they like to do? go to the park, store? Use what they like to do as a a means of reward for good behavior and will take that away if they keep up with the whining. I find that positive reinforcement works better than punishment..

Abbie - posted on 04/17/2010

My son just turned 2 and we are going through this as well. For us, depending on the situation will depend on how we deal with it. Right now my son doesn't want to go up and down the steps - he wants to be carried. Well he has been going up and down since he was 10 months. So now being close to 30#, he needs to walk up as my back is sore most days. I just take his hand tell him I'll walk with him, he whines most of the way up, but when he gets upstairs, I tell him good boy. If he whines for NO reason just to whine. I ignore it. Today he wanted to sit in the sink while I was brushing my teeth. I didn't finish fast enough for his liking, but I just let him stand there and whine. Everyone tells me its a stage..........sure hope they are right!!! LOL

Kathy - posted on 04/17/2010

It is the age. I finally got to the point where I told my children that I don't respond to the whiney voice and I would ignore them. I would have to remind them to change the tome of their voices. This takes time and patience (ohh boy the patience is hard). My daughter is now 14 and she started whining at me the other day so I started whining back-that shut her up! LOL My son is 7 and a quick reminder usually works. Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 04/17/2010

I guess I should have mentioned before that I have a degree in early childhood education and taught before I decided to stay home with my son. I have tried a lot of the techniques that I used in my classroom but they don't seem to work so I am just looking for ideas. This to me doesn't seem like communication issue he has a very big vocabulary for his age. He also knows how to ask for things the correct way. Most of the time it's asking the same question over and over again even though we gave him our answer the first time he asked(this is when he gets a time out) and yes many times it turn into a tantrum because he is not getting his way. A lot of you said it was an age thing and I would have to agree it seems like all of the kids I know this age are doing the same thing I am also sure that some of it has to do with having a 6 month old sister and being a little jealous. I am just surprised by it because he never threw tantums when he was two. I just want him to realize that he can't always do what ever he wants to and that no matter how many times he asks the same question the answer is not going to change, at least not for a while anyways. I have seen families where their kids run the house and I don't want that.

Mindy - posted on 04/16/2010

I agree 100% with Salena.. At 3 and 4 a child is learning to communicate with you, they are the student and you are the teacher. So if a 3 year old gets upset for whatever reason, they whine- that is there way of communicating with you. You always hear teachers or counselers tell children to "use their words" when they are upset, well you have a three year old and whine is there way of using there words. :-)



So now it is your job as a parent to teach them how not to use the whine. Teach him about his big boy voice, and how that gets him what he wants much easier. I don't think time outs (no offense to anyone) are really effective here. Your child is upset and trying to communicate that no matter how petty his problem may be to you, it is HUGE to him. So don't punish him for trying to communicate with you. That will only frusturate him worse and probobly not make him comfortable telling you if something is bothering him in the future. He will be afraid he will get in trouble for getting upset.. Instead teach him how to talk to you the right way.



If whining turns into a tantrum.... Well then time out is probobly appropriate. :-)

Kim - posted on 04/16/2010

Its the age, my daughter is 3 1/2 and does the exact same thing. We use timeouts, and she doesn't get out of timeout until she is quiet for 3 mins. Whatever she is whining about we don't give it to her unless she stops and asks for it properly. Or if she continually asks for something we just don't give it to her - we tell her why she isn't getting it. If she starts to whine about not getting it - we warn her to stop or timeout. It is an everyday battle, but I know it will pass. Stages - I can't wait to see what comes next (lol)!

Selena - posted on 04/15/2010

Hi Melissa, I've worked in Child Care (Youth Programs, Daycare & Nanny) for years and I found that around 3-4 is the "whining years" ;)

I used to tell the kids that I really couldn't understand what they were saying because I didn't speak "whine". I would say it in a playful way and then tell them that when they were ready to speak to me in their "regular voice" I was here and totally ready to listen to what they had to say. This worked about 99% of the time. Best thing to remember is to not give them your full attention when they whine because it encourages the behaviour.

Good luck! I totally feel your pain ;)

Gwen - posted on 04/15/2010

I whine back at my daughter and it makes her laugh. Then (usually) she asks again more nicely. :-)

Sarah - posted on 04/15/2010

This is the age when kids are really starting to push boundaries. They know what gets on your nerves and are experts at pushing your buttons. If he knows that gets to you, he's not gonna stop. You are going to have to bring you acting skills to play here. He's only gonna do something that works, so you are gonna have to pretend it doesn't bother you in the least and don't give in when he whines. And, no, reasoning usually doesn't work with a 3 year old when he's trying to push your buttons. Teach him the correct way to ask for something. Say, "That's not the way you ask for something... Say it this way...." Then after he's got it down, if he whines, say "How are you supposed to ask for something?" and don't give it to him til he asks right.



Good Luck!