how can I tell my 10 year old about sex and how much info do I give her? she has pain in her nipples - maybe she is starting to get breasts?

Jane - posted on 11/01/2010

Awww....it's easy...just be HONEST! There are so many great books out there that can help you through it but just talk to her.

This was never hard for me with my two kids...now 20 and 17 but I've just always been very opened with them from the time they were young. My motto has always been tell the truth, the facts...use correct terminology (i.e., penis, vagina, orgasm, erection, etc). Don't use cute words or made up things like woohoo, peepee, private parts, etc. A good way to start is ask her if she has any questions. If she doesn't, then lay it out on the line. She's gonna grow up whether you want her too or not so you can do it or wait but she's 10...it's time!

AND, let her shave whenever she wants. There is no RIGHT age for shaving.

Tracy - posted on 11/01/2010

I have a 10 year old girl who hit puberty 2 years back, I gave her the talk when she was 7, because I was an early starter myself. What I did was get a book appropiate to primary school age, and went through it with her, I also told her about my own experience and that it is a very natural process which every girl goes through, we all develope at different ages and no 2 girls will be the same, they will have simular experiences though. My daughter had the itchy and sore nipples and the hair is a little random to start of with. At the end of the day just treat it like your talking about anyother subject try not to get embaressed and be honest, try not to use babyish words, most primary schools give a sex talks at the end of year 6, but better to tell her yourself before she gets told things by her friends, they can get it wrong. As for periods reassure her it is easier to cope with once you have been having them for a while and nothing to be embarressed about, let her have a imput nd the sanitary towels she will be using so she will feel incontrol of it a bit instead of the other way round, it is amazing what that does for thier confidence. I have had this type of talk with my nephews and nieces too, as long as your honest treat as a everyday thing and tell them the truth, they will be fine, all they want is reassurance that they are not freaks or that it is something to be ashamed of :) I hope that helped x

Jenn - posted on 11/01/2010

@Sarah - you really don't think it's a good idea to teach her about sex? My Mum was like you and her Mum didn't tell her anything and she honestly had no idea how the sperm got to the egg to make a baby. She found out at 15 when she became pregnant with my sister. I would talk to her about some of the changes that are already happening and what is going to come - especially her period! It's probably not far off now - I was 11 when I got mine and although my Mum tried to explain it she didn't do a very good job. After my first time (which I cried over), I thought that was it! What a shock when it came back a month later!!!! I wish I'd had more information about a few things - that way I would have known I wasn't a freak when that first long black hair showed up "down there" LMAO!!

Krista - posted on 11/01/2010

This book looks pretty comprehensive and age-appropriate for your daughter:
http://www.amazon.com/Amazing-About-Sper...

Krista - posted on 11/01/2010

Um, yeah. It does sound like she's developing breasts. And she doesn't HAVE to shave at any point, but if she wants to shave, especially if she's being teased for having underarm hair, then why not let her?

As far as the sex thing goes, I think that it is imperative for people to know how their bodies work, and that includes the reproductive system. Otherwise, you get pregnant girls who thought that you couldn't get pregnant the first time, or while on their period, or if they douched afterwards, or if the guy pulled out. Basically, you get girls who are utterly ignorant about a matter that can and does have life-changing repercussions.

If you have no idea what to say to her, you might want to consider going to a bookstore. There are books out there that tell kids that age about sex in an age-appropriate and factual manner. You can give it to her and then answer her questions as they come up.

Please try to not be embarrassed. This is one of those parenting moments where we have to put our own discomfort aside and do what is right for our children. And your kid needs you to give her the information, before she gets a bunch of myths and lies from her little friends (if she hasn't already...)

Sarah - posted on 11/01/2010

I wouldn't tell her about sex at all, just let her shave when she really nees to. My daughter isn't that old yet. but being the oldest of four girls, my mom didn't tell me about my period until after it happend, then she had me read a pamplet on "kids to kids" about puberty, then she had me watch a half hour video about also, i think she got it from "always" or one of the brand name pads. she really didn't tell me about "sex" I just kind of found out for my self on my wedding night :) although after i got engaged, i had my first pap, and was on birth control.
I didn't go to a public school either. I went to a christian private school.
I hope this gives you a little bit of an idea.
sarah hughes efmt :)

Karen - posted on 02/23/2009

I have a 12 yr old daughter, and i have been talking to her for a number of years about the human body and reprodution. if she has asked me a question i have tried my best to explain the answer to her in a way she would understand, and if i thought i/she wasn't ready for the answer i  have explained to her that i will tell her everything she wants to know at a time that is appropriate; which she is happy with because i'm being honest to her. I wanted my daughter to know the truth from me not the school or her peers. and i plan to do the same with my 8yr old son. works for me and I find it helps to build our trust in our relationship.

Lisa - posted on 02/23/2009

all i can say is be honest she is going to find out soon any way and better it be in your words than that of others. my boy is 8 and i have always told him the truth and prepared him for puberty so there is no nasty shocks. he also asked about periods and why girls have them so i explained it is good to let them know.   I can say dont lie they will only find out and wonder why you lied to them

hope this helps a bit xx

Kirstie - posted on 02/23/2009

The best thing to do is give her the info that she wants to know. If you over load her with information she's not going to understand it. Start with her breast since that's bothering her. Explain what's happening and then if she starts asking more questions answer them.

Christie - posted on 02/23/2009

my mom gave me the sex talk at 5yrs because we had a child molester in the area. so i had tons of questions and my mom held nothing back..and we are sooo close today, but...Its very true that they will end up learning it all in school through sex ed.
I remember when i developed breasts...my breasts hurt!! i had my mom feel them because when i touched them i could feel knots/lumps in them...we went straight to the doctor...of course nothing they could do i was growing boobs!
my mom noticed one day i had hair under my arms too...told me about shaving and told me when i felt ready to let her know she would show me how to do it...a week later i was shaving just my under arms...a few months later she went over the legs. Just let her know what you feel she should know right now, because if you feel comfortable talking and telling her things about it then she will feel comfortable listening and asking you any questions. hope this helped you out some.

Victoria - posted on 02/23/2009

I have a 12 year old and a couple of years ago, I bought one of the American Girl books about growing up and how the body changes.  We read thru some chapters of that together.  Mostly about how her body is changing and some things to expect.  She hasn't started her period yet, but I'm looking for it any day.  Once that happens, I'll have more discussions with her about sex and such.  I don't want to give her too much too fast.  I know she hears things from friends.....especially the ones with older siblings.  I want her to have accurate information though, so we will definitely be having these talks!

Lorianne - posted on 02/23/2009

Sounds like your baby is growing up.  I totally hear you.  I recently had to buy my 7 year old training bras.  I thought that 7 was too young, but every body's body is different.  Some girls mature faster than others.

I think that you knowing your daughters intellect, you should be able to determine how much she can handle.  I made a choice when my daughter was 3 to be as honest as I could with her without being graphic or gross.  I don't want my daughter to learn about boys and sex from others.  When she started preschool another parent asked if Nev could be Hunter's girlfriend.  I was kind of "tripping" out.  It prompted me to talk to Nev about boys and let her know where we stood about "boyfriends".  Boys can definitely be your friend just like a girl.  Believe it or not, her best friend is a boy from preschool (not Hunter).  A lot of parents influence their children at a very young age. Some people look at it as "cute", I say let the kids be kids, why complicate their lives at such a young age. 

Good luck and may God give you the wisdom you need on this situation!

Lisa - posted on 02/23/2009

once she gets to high school, you will find she will be taught more about sex than you will ever think...my daughter in the first year  and came home last week to show me what she had learnt in sex education...to say the least i was shocked...it was very graphic!!! if you want her to know about the birds and the bees from you tel her the basics now or if you feel uncomfortable leave it to the school. my daughter said all her friends just found it funny, and you will probably find she knows more than you think already........and with regards to the sore and itchy nipples..my daughter has had it for couple of years now....keep thinking she going to start her periods but nothing yet...think its just all their hormones as they are growing...the shaving....my daughter started shaving her legs at 11 when she started high school only because she is very dark haired and legs were very noticeable, so i bought her own razors and showed her how to do it...i was very reluctant at first, but after talikin go friends i found most of their children were also shaving legs...kids grow up much quicker these days..i didnt shave til i was 15!!! all the best whatever you choose to do xxx