How can you get mommy time and leave you kid with the daddy?

Sapphire - posted on 07/31/2010

Too bad, so sad, time for Daddy to suck it up and be a parent. No need to sneak away, just go! Time for you also to call the shots instead of letting him control you. If your family won't emotionally support you, then find supportive and nuturing friends. You are not in a parentership, you are in a dictatorship. I know this may sound harsh, but it's the truth. Stand up to him and be strong! You can do it!

Nikkole - posted on 07/30/2010

i wouldnt put up with his bull shit! You just need to leave. he isnt going to get any better. and if you have another baby its just going to get worst. good luck

Deanna - posted on 07/30/2010

Kick your husband out and if he doesn't go then change the locks while he is gone and throw his crap out on the curb.
NO child should EVER be subjected to that from a parent much less a father. Best to get rid of the a$$ now than to watch him hurt your son as your son grows up.

Abbie - posted on 07/29/2010

I read this to my husband, and he says your hubby needs to buck up and be a MAN!! My husband is very helpful, sure he likes to come to the store with me but sometimes; he knows I need to go buy groceries alone. Also though what concerns me more, is that your son probably realizes Daddy doesn't want him, but doesn't understand that Mommy just needs a break. I honestly would tell him, help or leave!!! Because I am guessing if he pulls this crap he pulls other crap!

Stifler's - posted on 07/29/2010

How is leaving him going to make things better? She will just be on her own and have no choice but to do all the parenting. Stick up for yourself I say and if there's violence take him for everything.

Stifler's - posted on 07/29/2010

Tell him to fuck off and you're going alone. It's not fair that he never looks after the kid.

Angie - posted on 07/27/2010

I was a SAHM for 13 years (and my husband was often away from home for up to a month at a time) so I understand needing time to yourself. Instead of leaving the house, how about making time for yourself at home. I take a bubble bath with a book to relax and have since my oldest (now 17) was an infant. Believe it or not, I used to take a pillow and lie on the floor of my walk-in closet and read. I would lock my bedroom door and go into hiding. My husband would play with the kiddos until I got an hour or so of time to destress.

Lois - posted on 07/27/2010

there might be someplace in your community that offers respit care You could put up an add at either your local library or at your house of worship to exchange baby sitting with an other Mom-say she takes your son for part of an afternoon and you take her child ffor a part of another afternoon( it realy isn't more trouble to have two kids underfoot than one-they play together).It sounds like your husband is AFRAID to take care of your son,or he is very selfish.

Sarah - posted on 07/27/2010

you dont need to leave him,unless you want to. My husband was like this with our first and we have no family nearby to help,hes a lorry driver so i did begin to feel very much like a single mum on my own, but then i took a stand and at first just got ready without telling him till i was going out the door and went to the shops for an hour, when i returned all was fine, he did at the beginning referred to it as "babysitting" which i soon put him straight on, ive just had my second and have arranged to go out on a girlie night out, ive pre warned him of the event and will be going out and turning my phone off till i return home, they are his children as well i managed on my own so can he, good luck Alyssa

Brandi - posted on 07/26/2010

Sweetie you need to get away from him. He is controlling your life which is just another form of abuse. I apalls me that your family refuses to help you but if you are truely on your own then you need to take action. There are social service programs for women who have children and need to get to a safer environment. I would take advantage of them if I were you. You do not want your child to grow up thinking that this is the way that women should be treated. I know that other people have said to just leave the baby and go, but I am against that idea completely. If he is exhibiting this kind of abusive behavior with you, do you think it safe to leave a helpless baby with him? You have to worry about you and the child first.

Tracy - posted on 07/23/2010

Oh, and I don't have family near where I live. I had 3 friends, because everyone else we knew were HIS friends. I had 0 support nearby. I got myself into counseling and found the strength in ME to pull the final plug and file. You CAN do it

Tracy - posted on 07/23/2010

RUN. With the baby. Haul ass. Do you have your own car? If so, pack and leave while he's at work. If not, call the number Krista listed, they WILL find you help. This person is not a husband, he thinks he is a slave owner. He's not a father, he's a sperm donor. You need to get out now, or it'll only get worse. And you son will think it's ok to treat women like possessions/slaves.

I'm not kidding. My ex was very similar, except he WANTED me to work. So he could spend my paycheck too..... Usually up his nose. I couldn't do anything without the kids, except rarely. And those nights were usually ruined by coming home to a screaming match because I didn't make his arbitrary, uncommunicated curfew. But he'd go out for happy hour and come home at some point the next day.... Run!

Dominique - posted on 07/23/2010

And to add, my boyfriend had me quit my job when he got his (yes i was complaining about that one the boss was a major douche and she was scheduling me to work all night) thats another thing though when i worked all night 12am till 8am i had to stay awake and take care of my daughter without any sleep because he wouldn't watch her. I feel you girl. It's really hard when you have no one else, my mom works way to much and she has a 2 year old so i can't just ask her to keep my daughter for any length of time. He has gone out many times to hang out with his friends and i havent since ive had our daughter. He thinks that if i ever left that he would be able to gain custody but theres no possible way when he doesn't even know how to make a bottle for her. It's ridiculous I play mommy and daddy so no breaks!

Dominique - posted on 07/23/2010

This sounds like my story lol. I'm seriously 24/7 with my daughter, sometimes it seems like i'm complaining but really i just need a break. My b/f refuses to keep her i go through the same thing. I can't leave to go to the store without me having to take her but if he leaves anywhere he will not take her. I even have to give her, her bath when i take a shower because he won't watch her then. I'm not complaining I just want a 15-20 min break or at least to take a shower by myself. Its ridiculous i know exactly how you feel.

Krista - posted on 07/23/2010

Yeah, the alarm bells are getting louder, honey. He's trying to get you pregnant again, even though you're already run ragged by taking care of one child, due to your husband's unhelpful nature? Obviously I can't diagnose your marriage based on a few posts, but it really does sound like he wants you completely and utterly under his thumb. And that is NOT right. In fact, I think you could classify this as emotional abuse-- he's showing absolutely no regard whatsoever for your emotional and physical well-being.

Find a phone outside of the house, and I want you to call 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) and tell them everything that you've told us. They will give you advice and resources. Normally, I suggest counselling, but I'm guessing that you would have no luck whatsoever bringing him to counselling, as he obviously doesn't think there's a problem at all. You may need to leave him, even if it's just a temporary arrangement so that he has a wake-up call.

And consider asking your parents again, even if it's just to go for a weekend visit -- being away for a few days will give you a break from Pol Pot, some perspective, and at the very least, you might be able to get a little bit more sleep.

Jacki - posted on 07/23/2010

you need to get out ther are places you can go to get help they will give you somewere to stay and even help you look after your son and help you look for a job and when your ready they will help you find a place of your own they have helped many of my friends who were in abusive relationships. i wish you all the very best of luck and i hope everything works out for you

Claudia - posted on 07/23/2010

I dont ean to be nosy u dont have to answer but did u both plan ur baby. regardless hes the father for a reason. there are may people out there that cant have babies. we are one of the lucky ones. Well what i do is that i have my kids in day care 5hrs a day this way i can clean the houese do my errands and have food ready for the kids myslef and my hubby.

Julia - posted on 07/23/2010

I don't like the fact that you say he won't let you work, that really should be your choice.

Katherine - posted on 07/23/2010

You need some help and support. He is a control freak and will never change.
I can't believe your parents aren't helping you. I would advise you get out.

Alyssa - posted on 07/23/2010

I have tried to ask him why and he doesnt really give me an answer. I didnt want to get pregnant in the first place we were using condoms and he took it off in the middle of it, so thats how I got pregnant. He keeps trying to get me off birth control too. I told him I dont want any more kids, but he keeps on. My mom and dad wont help out with our son and I dont know many people where we are now so I cant just trust anyone ya know? My family doesnt want me to come back they told me I need to sort things out since I got pregnant. In the last 2 days I've gotten 4 hours of sleep he has gotten 24 hours he sleeps 12 hours a day. I asked him to get up with him this morning and he ended up waking me up by slamming thing and making noise. I dont know how much more I can take. And no I didnt choose to stay at home he told me he didnt want our son in daycare or for me to work, but yet we need extra money and he wont get a second job. He said I need to get used to living this way bc nothing is going to change as far as having money to do things. My son gets what he needs, my husband gets cigs and whatever he wants and I cant get a pair of pants.

Kathy - posted on 07/23/2010

Time for Dad to realize he is as much a parent as you are. Have a talk. Let him know enough is enough. Plan a day where you want to go out and let him know when you will be leaving and make it clear you will NOT be taking the baby with. If he complains, tell him to call someone who cares. Then when the time comes, kiss him goodbye, kiss your son goodbye, and walk out. Don't look back, don't respond to whines. Just go! When you get home-act like all is normal. Once again, ignore all complaints. Plan to do something the next week and do it again. I had do this with our first-he actually told me that he didn't like babysitting! Oh boy did I set that man straight! Parenting is so not babysitting. I then joined a bowling team just to get out. Still on that team all these years later and boy do I miss it during the summer! Good luck!

Rachael - posted on 07/23/2010

leave. or get counselling because he clearly has issues. he is lazy. he is half responsible for the baby so he should take part of the responsability for caring for him as well. and he also seems to want to keep u stuck with him. seriously get him professional help or get out. go stay with family

Katherine - posted on 07/23/2010

Ok that's ridiculous!!!! I've been there too. You have to tell your husband that you need time to yourself. Yes he works, but you work 24/7. I'm sure you agreed to be a stay at home mom because it was financially better. I did.

What's his deal? Does he tell you why? I mean you are going to lose it if he doesn't let you have a minute.

Krista - posted on 07/23/2010

Have you asked him WHY he doesn't want to spend any time alone with your son? He's obviously being a dick, but he might be scared that he's not capable of taking care of your kid or that something will go wrong.

But the fact that he won't let you work or barely leave the house? Big warning bells.

I think you need to hire a sitter and leave the house to get to a counsellor to talk to her about your marriage, because what is going on right now is NOT healthy at all. Your husband is treating you like a slave, not a partner.

Alyssa - posted on 07/23/2010

I stay at home with him all the time. He gets to go to work. He wont let me work either. I'm lucky if I get to leave the house.