how close n age should ones children be
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Ramona - posted on 12/31/2009
Yes that is too soon! I am a mother of four boys! My first 2 children were 5 1/2 years apart, baby 2 and 3 were 25 months apart, baby 3 and 4 were 15 months apart. Let me tell you it was no walk in the park to have two in diapers, or trying to nurse one while the other wants juice. My youngest is now eleven and i know I had some higher power that helped me. I believe Three years is a good age. Your six month old is a baby let her be a baby instead of a big sister. Enjoy her walking and beginning words. Once you have begin potty training then try for baby #2 and enjoy that one also. May God be with you
Julie - posted on 12/27/2009
It's different for everyone. Only you know what's best for you. Your husband may want your children to be close in age because that's what he had in his family and they had a close bond. However you are the one that will have the majority of the responsibility and only you can decide if you can physically and mentally handle it because it's a lot of work. I have 6 daughters and the span in their ages runs the gambit. My first 2 are 17 months apart and now that they are 19 and 18 it's wonderful. They are very close. However it wasn't wonderful when I had a very precocious toddler and a colicky newborn. We did not plan to have them so close together. My ideal spacing between children is trying for the next child when the first is 2 years old. That way the oldest isn't too old to get jealous or have been the baby too long, but they are old enough to be possibly potty trained or starting and a little more independent. However I have learned that it isn't always in our hands and when my oldest was only 8 months old I found out I was pregnant again. I was not happy. My oldest was still a baby. I still wanted to give her my full attention and enjoy her longer before having another one to split my time between. I was very depressed and in denial and didn't even tell our families for 4 months. Then because I got pregnant again so soon and my uterus and cervix hadn't had enough time to completely get back to pre-pregnancy, at 20 weeks I began to dilate and go into labor. I had to spend the rest of my pregnancy on full bed rest with constant monitoring and drugs to keep me from going into labor. In spite of that I was hospitalized 5 times to stop labor and luckily they were able to. I eventually delivered to term a healthy baby, but it was rough and I had to quit my job which meant my husband had to work 3 jobs. Then as I mentioned my newborn got her days and nights mixed up and was colicky. Since my husband was still working 3 jobs, one of them graveyard, I didn't have any help. I was up all night with a colicky baby and then had a very active toddler that was up at 7 a.m. ready to get into trouble if I didn't watch her every second. I was depressed. I felt like I was losing my mind. It didn't get manageable until they were 3 and 4. Now I have a lot of friends that were superwomen who didn't mind and had like 5 kids ages 5 and under. I honestly don't know how anyone does that. I would be in the loony bin. Only you know what you can handle. I can only tell you the realities I experienced with it. Having 2 in diapers is hard, not to mention expensive. Anyway we don't always get to choose. I knew after my first 2 were so close together that I wanted to wait awhile before having another one, for my own sanity. Then 3 years later when we were ready to try I went through secondary infertility and couldn't get pregnant because I had stopped ovulating. After numerous treatments we had daughter number 3, but there are 4 years between her and daughter number 2. Then a job loss so we waited to have daughter number 4 until we were in a better financial situation and able to buy a house. So between daughters 3 and 4 there are 5 years. Then when we talked about having another child I got pregnant with daughter number 5 sooner then we planned so there are 2 years between daughters 4 and 5, but at least that was closer to my ideal spacing. Lastly when we decided we wanted to have another child I suffered 2 miscarriages before we finally had daughter number 6, six years after daughter number 5. I can tell you the big spaces aren't good either because the youngest gets so used to being the "baby" that they resent the new baby and can act out. So I've done it all and for me personally too close or too far isn't good. Anyway think about it. If you're religious, pray about it and decide what's going to work best for you and your family. Good luck. Motherhood is the most wonderful and the most challenging thing you'll ever do in your life.
Elan - posted on 12/27/2009
hi i have 2 months left until i give brith to my second child and i already have an 8 month old daughter, so she will be 10 months when this baby is born i caught really fast unexpected, just 8 weeks after she was born. i would say that it hurts your body more the second time round when its close as your body has no rest time , but there are so many benefits knowing your children will never be lonely and can bond closely the first couple of years are hard no matter what age gap there is. its your choice if you want a second child go for it, it will be worth it in the long run. good luck.
Ami - posted on 12/27/2009
This is something that is only up to you and your husband. Are you ready for another baby? Having children close together does have pros as well as cons. This is an important decision between the both of you and should be discussed in length. I would sit down and have you both make a pros and cons list and then compare.
Tracy - posted on 12/26/2009
We have three children. My first two are boys (23 months apart) and my middle and last child (last one was a girl) are 15 months apart. I won't lie that it was hard work when my kids were infants and toddlers and I did most of it myself because my husband works a lot of hours. It is hard to loss the weight (you still have weight from #2 and #3), and I felt like I was in a "stage" longer that one should be in.
Now my kids are 7,5,4 and I absolutely love it. All three of my kids play together really well and get along very well! My younger two who are 15 months apart are inseperable and the best of friends! It was nice doing everything at the same time- for example when I was potty training my son we began with my daughter and she was trained at an early age. When we began writing my son's name we did my daughter's name too and this was true with their ABC and 123,
Rhonda - posted on 12/26/2009
that is totaly up to you and him just take your health and emmas health. and remember she will be over one when baby 2 is born. i have a friend who has her children 10 months apart and she loves it then mine are 2 1/2 yrs apart and thats ok with me so in the end its up to you
Michaela - posted on 12/26/2009
It's personal preference & I don't think there's an ideal age gap. I've 3 kids, aged 10 1/2, 5yrs & 3 months. Only 1 of them was actually planned but it's worked out fine for me as the older ones have always been at school when the new baby has come along so it's meant I've had equal time to spend with all of them which I don't think I would have had if the age gaps had been any smaller.
Gail - posted on 12/26/2009
My three are all three years apart. This has been great as I have been able to give each child a lot of undivided attention as the older sibling/s attend schoolpre-school. Of course the other bonus is they were out of nappies before the next baby came along. The older siblings 6 & 3 have their moments but generally play really well together and both adore their baby brother. I have friends with children a year apart and others with children 6 years apart and all have good relationships with their siblings. I just know I couldn't have coped with a pregnancy while caring for a new baby. Do what is best for you and your family. Best of luck to you!
Monika - posted on 12/26/2009
technically no its not too soon, but I was reading you need a year of recovery for you body to begin the journey again. I am 37 and debating starting earlier to have my 2nd child; two things stop me, I want to fully enjoy my first daughter threw her infancy and devote and nurture her in her first year without dealing with a pregnancy. Secondly and this is whacky but I am all about astrological signs and I am picking on what signs I want my kids to be.
Sonia - posted on 12/26/2009
Hi, I don't think that there's a time too soon or too late! I have 3 sons, my eldest are 9 & 10 with 15 months between them (& were planned!) and then my youngest is 2. It wasn't that hard, you just get on with it. But if you're not sure yourself, I'd give it some serious thought, you have to be ready, not just your partner. Good luck!
Cristina - posted on 12/26/2009
I do not have alot of experience answering chats, but this is a close to my heart post so here it goes, I had 4 boys in 5 years, it was not planned that way but the 2 first one were, we lived away from family and I am not a very playful mom, I consider myself pretty fun but not at a little ones stage so it has been a blessing to have them together you are exhausted for the first years until potty training end but then its great! BUT later after 5 years of no new babies God had a sense of humor sending us a baby GIRL! soooooo I was so worried but it was a different stage the older kids can help you so much, but you are more relented to start and go through little details like you were before so...what is my answer? talk you your husband feel what is better and wherever you feel would help your marriage and your mothering go for it? as a note my kids are all in the honors and gifted program, speak spanish at home and english play piano and are more welling to try thing because of the other different personalities of the members of the clan...God Luck!! enjoy them E. Cristina
Neeta - posted on 12/26/2009
its to early. it will effect ur as well as ur 1st childs health also. as u will not be in the position or state to give adequate time to ur 1st child when he needs u most. neither u and ur husband will enjoy the upbringing of ur 1st child.
Ester Lumibao - posted on 12/26/2009
If you are lucky enough to get pregnant in Jan. 2010, by the time you give birth, Emma will be almost 15 months already. It's also nice to have a 2nd child soon after the first, so that the eldest have a playmate soon enough.
Lavern - posted on 12/26/2009
Of my four, the three youngest were 16 & 15 months apart. (My oldest is 3 years older.) I don't remember it being a problem having 2 in diapers and as they were growing up they had a very close bond and played very well together. But by the time I was pregnant with the youngest I was getting pretty worn out physically. I was nursing and pregnant with both of the last two and it can take a toll on your energy levels. If you are not nursing then it wouldn't be such a problem.
Sherona - posted on 12/26/2009
im pregnant with my 2nd, due in feb and my 1st is 4 in may, i think this is a good age gap, the older one understands alot more and is going to love helping with the baby. this isnt my reason for the age gap but i think it gives enough time to save enough money to buy my kids their first cars lol. my daughter has just finished toilet training so thats a good thing, otherwise it'd just be too hard!! you should also enjoy ur first before your second. i feel bad all the time cause i dont think ill be able to spend enough time with my eldest but i know ill manage!!
Geraldine - posted on 12/26/2009
Im expecting no 3 in march and my wee boy wil be 13 mths. He was 4 mths wen i fell pg. It wasnt planned but im delighted and cant wait. Ders 4 yrs between my daughter and son and i think its a little too much. I no these 2 wil grow up together.I would say go for it cause de older ur first child gets de more you put off havin another for one reason or another.
Lydie - posted on 12/25/2009
my 2 children are 1 year and 1 week apart. My daughter is 4 y and my son is 3 y.
We chose to have them close in age because I was 40 when I had my 1st child and we decide to try when baby was 3 months old. And I was pregnant right away. When my 2nd baby was born, my 1st just turned 1 year old and not walking for a while because of braces for her Club Feet. Then, baby # 2 had a heart condition/severe type of Gerd and seizure...so I had to hire someone to help... and I'm glad I did. It has been hard. They are my Irish twins, and they both play with the same toys (no gender stereotype at that point). They really love each other and of course "fight" a lot. If I were younger, I think I would have waited about 2 or 3 years so I could enjoy each one of them better without feeling that it is hard work to attend every minute of their needs for at least 3 years. It's starting to get better as my 2nd one is starting to speak better and more....
Adrienne - posted on 12/25/2009
I have three children, 4, 17 months, and 6 months....the last two are 11 months apart. It's very challenging and not how I planned it, but I regret nothing....they are precious. In my opinion, no matter what the age difference is, it's going to be an adjustment.
Sarah - posted on 12/25/2009
it really depends on how you are feeling. I know some people who wait until their oldest is potty trained. I read somewhere that doctors recommand 15-18 months between children. But I think its whatever works best for you.
Karen - posted on 12/25/2009
As a mom of six daughters, I can say that there is no 'right" answer. The biggest gap is 4 years, the closest, my "Irish twins" are 11 days less than a year apart. My children are now ages 20-32. It all works out no matter what (I think).
Crystal - posted on 12/24/2009
Everyone likes a different amount of spacing between their children. I get very sick for about half of my pregnancy, so more spacing is better for me. The "stats" say that it is healthier for women to wait until their baby is at least 9 months, but best to wait between 1 and 5 years. But if you feel healthy and up to it, it can be neat to have children close together too (so say my friends).
Shannon - posted on 12/24/2009
it's whatever you are ready for. I have four. The first 3 were really close in age. At one point I had 2 in diapers and one potty training. When #3 was born, I had a 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 year old. 4 1/2 years later they are all really close and don't fight very often. Also, it was nice because they all enjoyed the same activities around the same time so I didn't have to stop one thing and focus on another kiddo. I personally love it, however, it's not for everyone.
[peggy - posted on 12/24/2009
I am a senior adult in school we were taught that a woman does not completly heal from child birth(after giving birth) for two years. Whether that is true now I do not know but I think of this whenever someone is having their babies so close. It is one thing I was taught that I have never forgotten just thought I would pass it on.
Wendy - posted on 12/23/2009
I have 3 children and they are all almost 8 years apart, same parents. I had problems getting pregnant and staying pregnant so part of it wasn't my fault, but I am not sure I could have had two in diapers at the same time. I do wish they were a little closer in age because they have nothing in common with each other; the 16 yo is in high school, the 9 yo is in 3rd grade and the 16 month old is at home getting into their things! The 16 and 9 yo fight a lot more than I thought they would and the 16 yo and the baby get along really well. If they were closer they would be in the same school, have the same friends, be into the same things - it might be nice. On the other hand, I was able to spend time with each one alone until they started school which was very nice. It is, however, like having 3 separate children (I know they are but...) probably more than having the 3 close together. Good luck on your decision!
Tiffany - posted on 12/23/2009
There is no magic number, it is very much a personal decision. Doctors recommend you wait at least 9 months for your body to heal from having a child before getting pregnant again. My children are 2 months shy of being 4 years apart and I love that. There is no way I would have had them close together after seeing my best friend with her 3 that are. lol. But that is my personal decision. If the both of you are ready, go for it.
Alexis - posted on 12/23/2009
hi my name is alexis i have seen how my husband and his brother are now 26 and 27. I was an only child that wanted a brother or sister. I have 2 boys that i wouldnt give up for the world. i think the closer in age the better they are.mine are almost 2 1/2 years apart. they can be a handful but to know that they can help teach each other is great. My oldest thinks that it is so cool that he helped teach his brother to count and do his abc's. it made him feel good and made him want to learn so he could "help" make him smarter. Do what you feel as a mother you can handle. Two kids fighting over a toy. What they want to eat cause its going to be two different thing and be willing to make each kid "somethimes" what they want. Good luck to you in your choice and may it work out for you!
Shelly - posted on 12/23/2009
No, not as long as your ready. How do you feel about it? My 2nd was born in October & we will be trying for #3 in April, I would try sooner but I have to heal from my c-section. Honestly there are days when I don't get showers or brush my hair. I have a 21 month old & a 2 month old. I have no help because of my husbands work & it can be hard. If your ready go for it, if your not wait.
Kathy - posted on 12/23/2009
how close n age should ones children be
my husband wants us to try for kid number 2 n jan, but Emma will only be 6 months is that to soon? Let God decide when the right time is, you will have peace and acceptance whenever the Lord decides cause it will be the perfect time and the perfect plan and it has already been decided.
Stacy - posted on 12/23/2009
Just because you start trying does not mean you will get pregnant. My last 2 kids I was pregnant on another ones 1st. b-day. I have 11,8,6, and 4 year old children. I had my first at 18.. I think that time period was fine. My last one I gave my husband a year after the one before was a year to get me pregnant if he wanted one. Sure enouogh, it took us about a year to consieve angain. Just remember trying doesn't always work the first time, and it is alot of fun trying.
Lyndsay - posted on 12/23/2009
I think it depends on your family, and especially on little baby Emma. For me, personally, I think it's a little close together. But for some people that works! I also think that having kids close together is better than having them too far apart, because they grow up separately. At least if they're close in age they will grow up together, and they will always have a friend to play with and depend on.
Moneyrose - posted on 12/23/2009
you might want to wait at least a year..because your body needs its time to heal..if you dont wait your pregnancy will be horrible..i seen my cousin go through this and she had it very rough she went through pain worser than contractions,she also got real bad post partum..i say wait until your little emma is at least 1 and able to walk..its very hard my boys are a year and some months apart and i find it hard..my oldest is some what jelous and wants all the attention for himself..but now hes gotten use to his baby brother and wants to help alot..
Jenn - posted on 12/23/2009
Its when you feel you are ready. My daughter is only 15 months now and im 9 months pregnant. It was a big shock when i found out. We were not planning on having another one until my first was at least 2-3. But some other moms that i talk to love having there kids this close cause they grow up as friends. They say it is hard for the first few months until the 2nd is sleeping better. So i am hoping that all they say is true. Just do what you feel you can handle and what feels right to you :)
Great Aunt Carol - posted on 12/23/2009
Hi Kimberly: I'm a grandma now and had my 3 children in a 4 year time spread. I would not do that again if I had it to do over. According to the medical field it takes a woman's body 3 yrs to fully recover to optimum health after childbirth. That being said -each child needs it's own time to be your baby. I had 3 in diapers and all screaming "my mommy". At one point my middle child pointed to her own picture (age 2) and said "see that little girl she is sad-she doesn't have a mommy " That broke my heart. They survived -but at 33,32 and 30-they still sometimes have their days of thinking they weren't loved. They all were and still are loved very much. I would recommend spacing them 3 yrs. apart.for your own health and sanity if you can.
Katie - posted on 12/23/2009
I would follow Dr.'s suggestions to wait a year or two between pregnancies -- especially if you are not in great physical shape to start with. Think of how much restructuring your body has to go through after giving birth! Obviously, some women's bodies handle it just fine ... but I know mine would be a wreck if I tried again now, even though it has been over a year. Weaker abdominals, ouchy ligaments ... oh my!
Margaret - posted on 12/23/2009
my children are 2 years between my boys and 3 years later there sister came along. I found that was just a nice space between them only one regret I was I had had my daughter 2 year later instead of 3
Shannon - posted on 12/23/2009
Physicians recommend at least 18 months for your health and the baby's, but Psychologist recommend four years so each child gets adequate "alone" time with the parents while the other begins school. I have done it both ways. My youngest is only a year old, but I started the middle one in preschool younger than my oldest. I can't imagine having two in diapers at the same time! Sibling rivalry will happen despite the age difference. It is really up to you! Good luck!
Danette - posted on 12/23/2009
My girls are 3 years and 1 month apart and they play and are very close, even with the gap. My husband and his brother are 12 moths and 1 wwek apart and they aren't close at all. (I don't think the age gap makes the relationship between siblings work or not, has moe to do with the environment nad personality of the children.) I think you know when you are ready to go back. Sound slike you may not be just yet? Trust your instincts, you'll know! Good luck and enjoy your little one!
Jessi - posted on 12/23/2009
I didn't read the article...but it was on MSN yesterday - a new study says that you should wait 6 months before getting preggers...but I honestly think it all depends on personal opinion. I'm waiting until my first will be out of diapers by the time the 2nd is born...but if you want a 2nd sooner, go for it!!
Kirsty - posted on 12/23/2009
nope, its brilliant. lve got 14.5 months between my two and , lm not gonna lie, the first 15months of number 2 is hard, but my gosh,,,so worth it..
just make sure your as healthy as poss and strong. walk everyday with pregnancy and hopefully your birth will be a breeze. good luck.