How did we survive?!?

Christina - posted on 07/24/2010

Although my heart goes out to those of you that have experienced the loss of a child or sibbling while young, SOME of you really need to lighten up. This was obviously typed as a light hearted comment.

Jennifer - posted on 07/23/2010

I think our generation tends to over react and over prepare for everything. Doctors (and many others) are so afraid of being sued that they have taught mothers to be overly cautious and no one takes risks anymore. Our society has also become more violent which means we are not as trusting. People are waiting until they are older to start families and mothers are more educated and career oriented. Things have definitely changed. My mom had 3 kids and none of us every rode in a car seat. By the grace of God we all survived. There were no outlet covers. You got shocked and learned never to stick your finger in there again! We also went out to play and didn't need to come in until dark. No way would I let my son stay outdoors unsupervised. Why? Because we can trust strangers anymore. In a lot of ways it's sad how things have changed. The innocence of the "old days" is lost.

Tracy - posted on 07/23/2010

Lawn Darts! My hubby and I were just talking about those the other day. We all had them when we were kids, and NOBODY EVER threw them at ANYBODY, because you KNEW they were LETHAL. Not only could you potentially KILL your friend, but your parents would kill YOU (emphasis added by my father LOL) But now, they're 'safe'...the ends are no longer pointed (they never were sharp by the way) now they're just weighted, about two pounds each, and I've seen the neighbourhood kids whipping them at each other. Which generation is seeing more lawn dart injuries? The ones who knew and respected the risk and dangers of mishandling the originals, or the ones who have been freely handed a supposedly safe version and been sent off to leave daddy to watch football in peace? I bet it's them young'uns :)

Marnie - posted on 07/23/2010

Its just because of all the media attention and corporations these days that scare us into thinking that the worst WILL happen if we dont wrap our children in a plastic bubble. Well im not a sucker and just use common sense!!! Accidents will happen no matter what you do so i say just dont stress about it!!!!

Isobel - posted on 07/23/2010

For those who never let their kids outside alone, I certainly hope that you are also NEVER going to leave your children alone with any of your trusted friends or any of their friends' parents...since most cases of molestation involve people close to the children...the chance of being attacked or molested by a stranger is akin to being struck by lightening.

Andrea - posted on 07/23/2010

I don't think I go overboard with my son, but when you have lost a child it is really hard to allow bad things to happen to your other child(ren). I am just so afraid of losing my other son and that is something I need to work through. For now I will do everything in my power to keep my son safe...and alive!



Michelle: Death is a part of life, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do whatever we can to prevent it from happening...especially a child.

Jacki - posted on 07/23/2010

I am 21 years old and i have a 1 yr old daughter who eats dirt, plays with bugs dead or alive ( i do watch her mind you ) she rumages through the bins if she gets the chance, she loves playing out in the yard and loves it when the dogs lick her face. I like it when she is clean and tidy for visitors but she is a child she will get messy, i dont like it when my generation is put down as a whole, we are not all mums who keep our kids in bubbles, i am sick of people looking down there noses at me for not only being a young mum but my kid has a dirty face, i have had enough

Angie - posted on 07/23/2010

The rules have changed because a lot people didn't survive childhood. I know families that lost kids in car accidents. I have friends who's children who are brain damaged because they didn't wear bike helmet. My son pulled his hand out of mine and ran away from us when he was 2 and almost fell over a cliff - so he wore a leash On the other hand, I also have friends who coddle their children and have a big boo hoo party when a scratch happens. We have learned over time that drinking and alcohol are not safe during pregnancy. We've learned that smoking is not only bad for the smoker but even more unsafe for those exposed to it through second hand smoke. I'm sure when our parents were told that their children couldn't stand in the front seat of the car - they thought " we did it and we survived, what's the big deal?"

Renae - posted on 07/23/2010

My child will be on a leash because I have personally ripped a 3 year old little girl from the arms of a kidnapper who I chased down in a shopping centre. There always were and always will be sick people in the world. I dont know anyone who doesn't want their child falling down or just being a kid - but the media has made us more aware of the things that can happen.

Isobel - posted on 07/23/2010

ps...can you believe ANYBODY was ever allowed to play with lawn darts :O ...now THOSE were crazy!

Isobel - posted on 07/23/2010

I really wish people would stop saying that these are different times...You're right, they are SAFER times (when it comes to crime)...I believe that the 80s were the first time we saw the big spike in abductions because TV was in every house, and as they say in the news...if it bleeds it leads.

When it comes to baby proofing your house...yes, it has saved tons of lives, but some people definitely take it over board...by all means lock up your bleach, but you probably don't need cushions on the corners of all your tables.

Germophobes...There is a theory that the over-sterilization of our society is what has led to the current epidemic of allergies.

And that's all I have to say about that ;P

Kathy - posted on 07/23/2010

We survived because we were allowed to fall down and hurt ourselves. We were allowed to get dirty. We weren't sanatized. I let my kids get dirty and hurt and not wash their hands before dinner. Sleep on the floor, roam the neighborhood (ok not like I was). I ache in my chest from letting have that freedom but my kids are healthy and strong, well behaved, respectful, smart, independant. Everything I want for my children. Yes they aren't playing in the woods like I was or out til the street lights come on. Yet they are outside most of the day playing-ok the teenager is "hanging". I guess living in my hometown-heck on the street I grew up on helps. My husband and I just know we need to give them space to grow as much as sometimes it is hard.

Angela - posted on 07/23/2010

i know, i still drink and smoke. ill have a drink every now and then, but when i get into that kinda like drunk mood i dont do it around my daughter. and she has never been on a leash and never will. when i see a child on a leash i automatically think omg, that person treats their child like a dog. but they are good for those little kids that are really bad and their hard to handle and wont stay still i guess.

Tara - posted on 07/23/2010

I think we are more exposed to and aware of the bad things that can happen, and it elevates our sense of risk. That said, life is risky and you can't stop that.

Re: leashes (or I think you are refering to "hovering" over our kids in general) we all have different aged kids, different comfort levels with our children's abilities to manage in the world. I take no chances near water or in a parking lot, so I hang on tight to my child in that situation. At a park or playground we know, I am comfortable giving a lot more space to her and I don't hover.

C. - posted on 07/22/2010

Different times call for different tactics. Unfortunately, there are too many weirdos that like to go around kidnapping kids. And there has since been a ton of research on the effects of parents smoking/drinking around their children. Some people choose to use that information to learn something and provide a healthier (emotionally and physically) environment for their child(ren) and some choose to do the same stupid mistakes that have been done by many in the past.

JuLeah - posted on 07/22/2010

:)

Turth is, many of us didn't. But, have we gone overboard somewhat, yah we have. I grew up with a kid who had one eye. Her brother shot out the other with a BB gun. I knew a kid in school whoes little sister (I think) died - the was in a bad way. She drank bleach and had to have her stomach taken out ... don't remember the details, I was a kid. I can think of many other stories .... I know we rode around in the back of an open pick up truck, no one had seat belts, we didn't 'baby proof' houses .... different times, different culture from our parents day.

Danielle - posted on 07/22/2010

Oh and I'd just like to add...I'm not an anal mother who won't let my child run around and play. He's not in a plastic bubble nor does he wear a helmet around. He gets bumps, scrapes, and bruises. And I think those kiddy leashes are absolutely ridiculous. However, I do not allow smoking in my home (my fiance had to smoke on the balcony when he was a smoker), I sterilized bottles every day until my son was 5 months old (every mother in my family has always done this, and I was instructed to do so by our local health unit), I keep my house very clean (it's messy and disorganized but it's a clean mess), and I never put my son to sleep on his tummy until he started rolling over.

Danielle - posted on 07/22/2010

Things were a lot more laid back in our parents day for sure. But to be honest...there have been consequences from how they took care of us. My mom smoked a pack a day when she was pregnant with me. She used to sit around the table with my aunts, me in the middle of the table in a baby chair while they smoked and drank coffee. I was born small (not dangerously small but I was smaller than average) and I developed severe asthma as a child. I still suffer from this as an adult. Is this because of all the smoke I inhaled as a child? Maybe.



Also parents used to put babies to bed on their tummies all the time because back then it was thought that they could choke on their vomit if they threw up while sleeping on their backs. Since people have realized there is a link between tummy sleeping and SIDS, the SIDS death rate has declined by something like 50%. More kids died of SIDS before 1990 than ever before.



I think my parents gave me more freedom and independence because where I live it was a lot safer here when we were kids. Like literally you heard of a murder maybe once every 5 years. Now it's once every few months, there are gangs beating kids up for no reason other than boredom, people don't just punch each other in the face anymore they stab each other in the back, etc.



So...yeah...we survived...but I still feel things have improved since we've become more knowledgeable.

Rebecca - posted on 07/22/2010

My kids don't wear a leash but i am very cautious about how far away they get from me. My family has history with child predators and i will do anything in my power to keep my kids safe. Yes they run and fall down but they will not be out of my arms reach when in a shopping center and they will not walk around alone.
We live in different times. When you look back to "our" times too, you can probably see a spike in child abductions and abuse as well so i think we were raised in a time when it wasn't too common but we saw the spike and it scared us. I don't know, maybe i'm just too paranoid but i think we have to be to an extent to keep us on our toes.

Amy - posted on 07/22/2010

Chrissa I wouldn't be able to show my house to potential buyers, especially since I'm now working full time again. My son goes outside without shoes on, my husband doesn't like it but I used to run around without shoes on. I'm not a germ-a-phobe by any means a little dirt doesn't hurt anyone, your clarification of the original post changes everything!

Francesca - posted on 07/22/2010

My mom smoked through most of her pregnancies. And for my siblings, some were only 2 lbs, stuck in NICU and were on a mechanized breathing machine for most of their childhood. She was also an alcoholic. Too many times did i wake up to go to school to see my mother past out on the floor. So I promised to never drink anything in front of my daughter, not even one. But then again, I rarely drink. But thats my frame of reference.



And we are past 25. So I don't think its something that is only valid to the hyper helicopter parents today. Reckless is just reckless.



My kid gets bumps and bruises. She loves to play in dirt and grass. And I get yelled at all the time by family for it. But I am not neive enough to think that there aren't bad people and preventable illnesses out there. She doesn't leave my side when we are out. Or do you not pay attention to Amber Alerts and all the kids at Sick Kids?



The difference between now and then, we know better now. We hear the horror stories. Or worse, they have happened within our own network. So judging them based on their bubble is unfair. At least they learned a lesson from the dangers. Rather than ignorantly raising their children in LaLa land. And unfortunately, on either side of the spectrum, people do the extremes. Where they are alcoholics and substance abusers who let their children roam free to those that helicopter over their colleged aged children. So I really don't understand why you wrote the post. What education do you have to deem yourself and expert and judge other peoples choices? If you have never been a part of such an horrible circumstance how can you judge others? You only know whats right for your own child. Not anyone elses. And definitely not mine.



LaLa Land vs. the Bubble. Who is really right here? Everyone is doing the best they can.



Next time someone recommends you do something that a "Bubble" mother would do, just take it as a good thing. Thats what I do. That they clearly care about your child enough to mention something. You don't have to do it. All I do is say thank you. But at least other people are looking out for your little one. Thats not such a bad thing, is it?

Chrissa - posted on 07/22/2010

This was just a post sort of like a "WTH" kind of thing. I wasn't so much asking for a response on why these things happen now versus yesterday. Just reading some of these Q&A's on here makes me upset because the way I parent, others would think I was a horrible parent. You can be careful, but I also think you can be TOO careful. I know mothers that have an absolutely spotless house - clean it every day. And since I don't have baseboards scrubbed and floors mopped everyday, I'm a bad mother because I expose my baby to "toxins" and "germs". But how else is my baby going to build up an immune system? We don't live in filth, mind you, but we don't live in a house that could be shown to potential buyers, either. That's kind of what I meant by this question.

As for drinking, there's a difference between drinking and being drunk. I'm not drunk in front of my baby. DH and I go out occasionally, but she is staying at my in-laws. And I have had drinks after she's gone to bed because that's how I roll. Sometimes, Mommy just needs a glass of wine or a beer. I didn't mean in my original question the extreme of all of the things I mentioned - smoking like a chimney in the house, drinking to oblivion, ect, ect. I was just talking about the occasional stuff.

@Amy Lea - all of your comments are valid, and I think most (if not all) would agree that we would do these things. It's the "living in a bubble" mentality that some people have that bothers me. My MIL is afraid to let my nephews walk without shoes on for fear they might step on something (in the house). Or won't let them play in the yard where they can't see them (they don't live in a busy neighborhood). But my husband recalls being a child and staying in the woods behind his house all day long without his mother calling for him once. This is the thing I'm talking about.

As for all of you that have lost loved ones at an early age, I do sympathize. Please don't think that this post is making light of what you and your family had to go through. I was just speaking of the general atmosphere of things. And the things I mentioned in my first question about drinking and smoking, I did not mean while pregnant. It was meant after the child was born.

Thanks for all of your answers!

Amy - posted on 07/22/2010

Michelle yes death is a part of life but I don't want to have the awful experience of burying my child, especially if it's at all preventable! I agree with the fact that there isn't more crime such as kidnappings you just hear about them now because of tv and the Internet. My son is always scared he's going to get hurt I'm sure his father and I played a part to some degree but I also think it's personality. I don't keep my son on a leash but when we're out shopping he's right next to me, I work retail it scares me how many parents have complete disregard for where there children are and how many times I have to take a crying child to look for there parents who don't even know they're missing. I can't imagine the pain that someone suffers when they lose a child and it's not something I want to experience.

Toni - posted on 07/22/2010

Well I try to parent in a similar method to my mom because she was good and we turned out ok, although whereas my grandparents smoked around us my hubby and I only know a handful of smokers and would NEVER allow them to smoke around my son (my smoker friends did not even smoke around me when I was pregnant - but I did not need to ask them they just did it because they are great). As for drinking a couple of drinks are fine BUT I do not want my son around people who are falling over drunk that is just not neccessary.

My son crawls on dirt and grass and gets generally mucky he is a child that is what they are supposed to do! I have had comments from other moms on how they 'could not let their child get dirty like that *face pull*' I just respond that they can bath and a bit of dirt does no harm. I think the over use of anti-bacterial is part of the reason more kids are allergic to things nowadays, children need exposing to dirt to build immunities!

I like to see where my son is because he is the most precious thing in my life and I would never forgive myself if s=he went missing or something really bad happened but as he gets older I will have to let him out of my sight (he is only 9 months at the mo) because he needs independance. :-)

Alison - posted on 07/22/2010

I believe in the concept of free range kids, but I used a leash because I expected my toddler to walk long distances and it made it easier. Having the odd drink while your kids are allowed to play and fall down is fine, but being intoxicated is irresponsible. It's a parents choice to smoke, not the childs. Exposing children to second-hand smoke is neglectful parenting.

Louise - posted on 07/22/2010

I think there are as many bad people today as there were years ago the difference is with the media today you get to hear about it via networking sites and phone and tv. I protect my children but do not suffocate them. If they want to climb a tree off they go. We all loved our childhoods of being carefree and in a way it was the best times of our lives lets not take that away from our kids with political correctness and fear.

Angela - posted on 07/21/2010

to a point i feel parent to today are to soft on kids

Johnny - posted on 07/21/2010

Also, as for crime & public safety issues, since the mid-1990's crime rates have fallen, quite drastically, all over North America. So in that sense, we are actually safer than we were in the past.

Johnny - posted on 07/21/2010

Not all did. Childhood mortality has been significantly improved due to these safety changes. Not to mention our potential life spans being increased. Do some research.

Nikki - posted on 07/21/2010

my mom smoked with both me and my brother, during pregnancy in the house hell I have pics of her with a smoke in one hand and me in the other, Im sure she drank too. Both me and my brother are in perfect health. I did however take my walker down the stairs and end up in a coma. I got my head stuck in the railing to the stairs my parents used butter to get me out. I put a razor in my mouth , chewed on sandpaper, ate an ash tray full of cigarettes. I was one crazy kid, there was no stopping me, hell it took my mom 5 years to want to have another one. But 28 years later , Im perfectly healthy.

Now we sterilize, sanitize, vaccinate everything. Its insane, from one extreme to the next.

I am a smoker, but I dont smoke around my son EVER nor do I allow anyone else to do so.(not in the house , not in the car, not on my porch) Yes I wsh my hands and face, but not my clothes, yes my child gets exposed to 3rd hand, but whether I smoke or not, 3rd hand is everywhere, so is smog and pollution I live in a big city I cant avoid it no matter what we do.) I stopped sterilizing by 3 months and let him get accustomed to the real world, because I wanted him not to live in a bubble and be able to build an immune system and in 13 months he has been sick only once. I am considered a horrible mother because I didnt breastfeed, I had no milk and when I mean no milk not an OUNCE, after I had my son they made me stay in the hospital for a week with a lactation specialist with me at all times, even a pump was considered horrible, yet no matter what, I produced nothing, my husband had to go to the store and buy formula because my son hadnt eaten in a day and they refused to allow me to bottle feed. To be honest after that nightmare and hell they put me through for a week even if my milk eventually did come in I was done with BF'ing. My son is the healthiest , happiest, strongest, advanced lil boy and he thrived off the bottle, so call me a bad mom all you want. I had no choice and I made the choice to FEED my son and not let him starve to death, that in itself is enough to show that I am an amazing mom. Also I have a little boy who is 13 months and runs into everything he falls down and gets right back up, and everyone of my family members wants to hold him 24/7. Im sorry but my child needs to explore and learn not to bump into things and keep his balance, hes a boy, they get bumps and bruises and we're both ok with that.

I have always said to each their own.

Iridescent - posted on 07/21/2010

This is true, but there are things that are preventable. Bicycle accidents without a helmet? Totally preventable. Car accident and child not properly buckled/in a car seat? Totally preventable. Eating lead paint off walls and dying of lead poisoning? Preventable. Falling down stairs and breaking their skull or neck? Preventable. Running out into traffic and being hit by a car? Preventable. Since all of these things can be prevented, I choose to do so. Those that don't, it's up to them, but that won't make me value my children's safety less simply because they don't agree.

Michelle - posted on 07/21/2010

I am not trying to take away anyone's pain of losing a loved one, however. Death is a part of life. No one wants it to happen, but even if we wrapped our kids in bubble wrap and made them live in plastic bubbles, eventually shit happens. I don't honestly believe that there are more rapist or pedophiles or murders in the world then there were 25 or 30 years ago either. The population is just that much bigger than it was. More people = more bad people

Iridescent - posted on 07/21/2010

Because a lot of us didn't. I have 3 dead siblings. Many others can say the same. Some families were so aware of death rates of children that they'd name several male infants the same name to insure it carried on, so occasionally you see siblings with the exact same name. It still happens today in some areas. I'd rather not have 50% of my children die as children, as my parents did. So I'm careful.

Sharon - posted on 07/21/2010

Because we are a different generation, we have different ideas and some things have been proven to be harmful that parents weren't aware of before.
And as for "leashes", they have been around for a long time. I am 40 and I wore one as a toddler.
And the question..."How did we survive?".. well, unfortunately not everyone did survive which is how we have become so over-protective now.

Tracy - posted on 07/21/2010

Don't forget we also weren't antibacterial soaped to nnth degree either!!! My kids fall down, get hurt, get back up and keep going. Unless there's blood. I let them be KIDS

April - posted on 07/21/2010

Well I think leashes on children are weird.However sadly we do live in a different time where people kidnap way more often,Depends on the reason I guess people chose to put those on their children. I say watch you kids,hold their hand.disapline them better.Train them well, or put them in a stroller ? I am just as baffled as you are Chrissa:) Sorry I am not much help

Michelle - posted on 07/21/2010

LOL....I still smoke and drink and my daughter never wears a stupid leash.... SO I guess some of us are still crazy:)