How did your relationship change after the baby was born?

Erin - posted on 08/05/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I keep hearing that things change and get so much better after the baby is born. So I just want to hear different women's experiences because everyone's situation/relationship is different. How did things change with the baby's father, your mom, his family, your family, friends, etc.? Right now things are awkward with me and the baby's father but I still decided to move in with him last week. We're both 20. He's in the Navy and we used to live in different states. So living together he will be able to see our daughter more once she's born. My relationship with my mom sucks. I have a better relationship with his family than my own. They are the only ones calling me and checking on me during my pregnancy. But people keep saying 'when the baby comes things will get better'. I'm not so sure about that though (first-time mom). Please share your experiences and if you live in the Hampton Roads area please add me to your circle.

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Lydia - posted on 08/11/2009

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My relationship with my fiance changed - not better nor worsejust different. We are more like a team now than we were before being parents. Its true that we are closer now - there have been times of sheer frustration as we work out what our roles are and how they need to change for the future but the good times are better than ever in very subtle ways.

It has also brought me closer to my sister and my parents but my relationship with his parents didnt change (it was also a good one prebaby).



I think that if you can support each other (including family) and work together through the first few months (as Sharon calls 'the reality hit') then you will find yourself closer at the other side. Just give yourselves the time and space to enjoy the experience - dont try and do everything (especially not by yourself).

Lisa - posted on 08/11/2009

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well actually my relationship got better, He was so happy to have the baby home it was like a lite candle smiling and getting up at night with the baby. Also my sex drive increased like crazy not really sure why but we have no complaints. I was like you my relation with my mom also sucks it was horrible she never called to check on me and it was frustrating. If you guys had a good relationship before and he actually wanted this baby then I think it will get even better and it's like falling in love with that person all over again.



Good Luck and Congrads

Lisa M Mother of 2

Mary - posted on 08/08/2009

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Erin, it's true that ALL the relationships in your life will change after you have a baby...some will get better, and some will become even harder. A lot will depend on how people treat/love/support you and your baby. I found that I had a whole different love, respect and understanding for my own parents, BUT...despite my family's tendency to be a bit confrontational, they have always loved and supported me...After my daughter was born, I understood just how very much they loved and lived for me.

As for my husband...wow, does that relationship change!! It's no longer all about "us", and some of our "coupleness" has taken a bit of a hit...but nothing fills my heart quite like watching him snuggle or play with our daughter. I find that I love him in a deeper way now, because of how much he loves and cherishes our baby. Gotta say, if he wasn't like that, things would be rather rocky indeed. The initial sleep deprivation, exhaustion and frustrating moments of life with a newborn can be challenging, and the hubby and I had a whole lot more bickering and snapping than we were used to, but it also seemed less important somehow...for us, those little baby coos, smiles and cuddles made everything else worthwhile, and some things a little less relevant.



I wish you all the best...motherhood is challenging, but it comes with so many blessings and rewards as well. Yes, your priorities and many of your realtionships will change, but that is not always a bad thing!

LaToya - posted on 08/08/2009

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Hi Erin,



I agree with most of what Sharon Grey had to say. Most important is the health and safety of your child. You do not need to be stressed about anything especially while you are with child or even when the child is born.



I have two daughters and an adopted baby girl and all three instances were different! As you will find if you decide to have another child.



You both are so young and really have a lot to learn about life. With constant constructive communication (no shouting) between you and the father everything can work out fine.



But an old wise women once told me when I was your age... "Learn to seperate your heart from your mind" It took me a while to get it but I got it and that is how I live my life. If you would ever love to talk I am here for you. We have a lot in common.

Sharon - posted on 08/05/2009

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Hi Erin! Aw hun you aren't in a comfy spot for this are you?



The baby being born it gets better for a little bit - everyone is so thrilled with a new baby, that they are all happy.



Then reality sets in. The diapers, the sleepless nights, the exhaustion, the cost, the lack of family & friendship.



If you guys can handle that stuff - you'll be ok. Hubby & I argued most about how much was his responsibility in the beginning. It took 3 years to get it hammered out that if "I've" had a bad day dinner is his responsibility and 99 cent burgers don't count!



I don't really have any words of wisdom here, just {{ hugs }} and an ear if you need it.

Allison - posted on 08/05/2009

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It sounds like you're in a tricky situation. The only relationship you need to worry about right now is the relationship you will have with your child. I'm sure you don't want your child to grow up saying your relationship sucks. Maybe your mom will "come around" once the baby is born. They say there's just something about grandchildren! If you are in a loveless relationship, that is not healthy for the child either. So try not to stress about any of it and just worry about what's most important...your baby!

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