How do I break her bedtime habits?

Megan - posted on 02/16/2010

Try sitting on the floor next to her bed and putting her until she sleeps. Make sure both of your hand are on her, one on her back and the other on her head/legs, She will cry, but create a new routine with her. Read a book, sing a song, pat her back and then leave her to sleep. Each night make the patting part of the routine just a little bit shorter than the night before. I know that she is only 5 mths, but creating this routine now will help stop other problems from creeping up as she gets older. This is something you can continue into her toddler years.

Your doc is right, sometimes they do just need to cry it out, you are not a bad parent for letting her cry. But being that she was born a preemie, she may need a little more help with this than most kids, you held her a lot when she was first brought home and she is used to that contact. But don't force anything that neither of you are ready for yet.

Renae - posted on 02/16/2010

How long is she crying for? Most babies will cry for 45 minutes, the absolute minimum is 20 minutes and the max is 1 hour. That is if they are left the whole time, if you are going in it at timed intervals it can be much longer, the average is 1 hour and the max is 4 hours.



The 1st thing you need to know is that sleep training techniques often do not work until the baby is physiologically ready to sleep through the night. If you are going to her when she cries at night because she needs to be fed, then crying at the start of the night usually does not work.



The 2nd thing you need to know is that (in my experience) most doctors know nothing about sleep training or that there are several methods which are suitable for different situations and different babies.



You have several options. Crying methods and no-cry methods.



If you use a crying method you should wait until she can sleep through without feeding. Then I recommend you use crying it out with cry interpretation. I am not an advocate of control crying or any method where you go in and check on them as each time you go into them, you must leave again, and when you leave they go through the initial distress of being left all over again and it makes the baby more and more distressed. If you use a crying method and leave her to figure out she is supposed to go to sleep and do some research on cry interpretation and listen to her cries so that you know if she needs you, you can cry it out without distressing your baby. This method is very effective and is usually not nearly as bad as mum's expected. You are welcome to msg me for info on cry interpretation when your baby is old enough.



The no-cry method most commonly used by behaviourists and sleep consultants is gradual withdrawal. This method you can use any time, with any aged baby. Infact it works quicker and easier on younger babies like yours. This is where you gradually withdraw the baby from needing your help to go to sleep. This has an 80% success rate and takes 2-4 weeks. I will give you instructions on this method at the end of this post as I believe this is the most suitable method for your situation.



Another no-cry method is that of UK baby whisperer Tracey Hogg, called Pick-up/Put-down. She has a website with a support forum for people using the method. You can msg me for instructions or google for her website. For this method though you should wait until she can sleep through without feeding.



A parental presence method where you sit by her until she falls asleep and then gradually move yourself further and further away may work. I personally dont like this method because it makes some babies more distressed, but, I will give you instructions if you want to try it.



Gradual Withdrawal:

1. Get her used to being put in her cot relaxed but awake and pat or jiggle her until she is fast asleep.

2. After a few days when she is used to going to sleep this way, stop patting a little bit sooner, just after she goes to sleep.

3. After a few more days, stop patting just after she closes her eyes but is not asleep.

4. Then just as she is about to close her eyes.

5. Then when she looks really sleepy.

6. At this point time how long you are patting for (probably 10 minutes) and reduce the time by 1 minute every couple of days until you just put her down and walk away and she goes to sleep without crying.

7. If you stop and try to leave the room and she cries (which will happen especially in the first week), pick her up, calm her down, put her back in the cot and start again. You may have to start again up to 5 times the first few days.

8. Wait until she completely masters each step (2-3 days) before moving on to the next step. The whole process will take 2-4 weeks. Be consistent every time she goes to sleep, day and night.



You are welcome to contact me with any questions and I will help if I can.

Abbie - posted on 02/15/2010

that is way too young to self sooth ( I think personally) I don't see a problem with holding her til she is asleep, but maybe time is an issue. I guess eventually she will learn that crying won't get her picked up.

Marci - posted on 02/15/2010

Try putting her down in her crib after your usual bedtime routine, and then just sit on the floor of her room and do not look at her just sit there and be still. This worked great for me and you are still there with her instead of that feeling a mom can get when ignoring her baby's cry. And if the crying goes on for a really long time there is no rule that says you can hold her and sooth her, give her a drink and then try again. She will get used to this and the best part is you won't have to sit in the middle of the room forever, eventually she will go to sleep herself.

One of my daughters was pre-mature by 6 weeks, 5 pounds 5 ounces. I didn't hold her constantly and she is a happy, healthy 6 year old girl. Don't feel guilty if you don't want to hold her all the time. My first daughter had colic and I wanted nothing more than for her to go to sleep. Just do what you can :)

Emily - posted on 02/15/2010

Be patient with her. She is only 5 months. Well, less than that considering she's a preemie. She needs you.. and needs even more of that closeness because she probably didn't have it when she was in the NICU. If she needs to be held, hold her. She won't need to be held forever.. she will outgrow it in her own time. Every baby is different.