how do i cope with my daughters hormonal mood swings

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Lyndi - posted on 10/22/2012

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hi to all, my daughter is 30 she has black mood swings where she can not see any thing positive in her life, she will argue and have a real nasty go at any one she thinks is not in her corner, it takes her about 2-5 days to re instate her positive side but by this time she and her partner have split for a day or so & theres a waist of cash trying to put in motion a recovery process,

Both my daughters had a difficult past where i did not help by being emotionally absent after finding out that my own mother had prostituted me & my sister she her self was an emotional blank, so on my quest to dig deep in to my past i think my girls have had to face issues to leaving them both with an emotional knock, thing is i help both of them whilst staying afloat my self, i need to help her out of the dark mood she goes into & im just wondering if she is mimicking me as a younger mum but i never went in such dark moods & never let my girls see me at my worst always staying up beat & ultra protective how could she copy me, i think maybe she has seen me sometime or other but even then why would she be the same way as she has a plus on every thing in her life, is she following a life choice she dose not really want or is she getting in to a deep emotional crisis.

Shanna - posted on 09/21/2011

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I have two girls, 13 and 11. The mood swings at my house are a nightmare because both of the girls swing in different ways. With my oldest, one-on-one is best, even if it is just sitting outside together with both of us reading. With my youngest it is better to give her space. We talk alot about why they are having the mood swings, and trying to teach them to recognize that the reason is hormonal has really helped them learn how to control it. The more they are able to learn about how their bodies deal with things, the easier it has gotten.

Jennifer - posted on 02/23/2009

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Hi Clare,



My daughter is 13 and here is what works for me.... I pray a lot. Remain calm. Determined to love her ESPECIALLY when she acts in a way that is unl;ovable and hurts me. I try to forgive and do the hard thing..which is remain patient and love her at all times. Take good care of myself and spend time with God so I have the strength to do my best for her. Loving her when she is angry eventually breaks thru the ice. We have a great relationship, but for me it has taken giving her space, lots of prayer and LOTS of love and patience!!

Peggy - posted on 02/08/2014

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My daughter has just turned 13, her breast are pretty large. She has major major mood swings. I know we all go through this. But at 6 years old she had a 2 pound tumor that grew off of her ovary. They needed to take the ovary also ( no cancer Thank the lord ). But her mood swings have been so so bad at home. She is a great kid. But her moods are rude, hurtful and so careless. She has gotten to the point were she will push me. I have tried to just let her be. She seems to be worst the next time. So today she was pushing and screaming til she decides she can breath.. I can not walk away and let her think she can win with this behavior. I consider us pretty close. We spend a lot of time together ( one on one, girl scouting, shopping and just long car rides). I am so afraid of her turning to the rough side of life. She is the most loving person when she is not in a mood. I truly don't know

Marjorie - posted on 02/20/2009

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Quoting clare cropper:

how do i cope with my daughters hormonal mood swings




Hi Clare,  My kids's (girls) are all grown and I even have some teen grandkids.  Your question really takes me back.  The first time my wonderful daughter started having moods I was so surprised but why I didn't realize it was GOING to happen I will never know.  I didn't cope very well but looking back all those years ago I could probably give you at least some comfort. 



First you said mood swings.  A swing goes back and forth so at one point she will be in a good mood and another time a not so good mood.  Sometimes you can handle things better when she is in a good mood time and talk about her actions etc. when she is in a more reasonable state of mind. 



 



Secondly, every person is going to be different and every situation too.  So no one knows how to advise you exactly because we aren't there in your "tee pee" and wearing your moccasins.  So we can just give you generalized  hints. 



 



I think that just accepting that she is a woman (although young still) with these moods will help YOU.  The moods WILL come.  Be kind, listen before you answer, admit you don't have all the answers to her problems.  Try to help her identify how she feels and get her to figure out how to cope in the proper way.  If she thinks she has figured it out she will be more apt to handle her moods in a more self controlled manner.    Let her know you understand but never in a "been there done that" type of attitude.  Respect her intellegence and respect her right to feel sad, angry, crabby.  Everyone does not feel wonderful all the time.  What do you do when you feel moody.  Teach her some of your coping tools.  Moods are feelings.  The real problems are when the feelings become actions.  Teach her to control her actions with her intellegence not her moods.  Be an example in this.  It's OK for her to slam the door, stamp her feet and cry.  Other things are no acceptable.  Teach her what it's OK to do in that respect.   Don't be jealous if she wants to talk to someone else.  Make sure there is another adult you trust with your same values that would be there for her to vent to.  Sometimes all she needs is someone to listen to her.  Sometimes she may just want to change her scenery for a short time.  Find some place for her to go that is safe and good for her to be when she feels moodly.  (My grandSON just likes to hang out at Grandma's sometimes.)  Maybe she could just hang out with someone like that. 



 



Raising kids is not easy.  I think girls ARE harder than boys but girls are really wonderful when they become women and they are your wonderful daughter and friend all at the same time.  I love my girls so much but when they were teenagers I thought my life was a war zone.  Another mom who advised me used to say, " This will pass."  Hang in there Clare

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Colleen - posted on 08/23/2013

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My daughter is almost 12 and she has bad mood swings. She has not gotten her period yet but has developed small boobs and has hair under her arms and i am guessing she has some downstairs as well. She gets stomach pains ever so oftern. someone suggested to me Prime rose oil can help with PMS. So i got my daughter on to the tablets. i cant actually say they have helped cause she dosent take then everyday. She forgets. But Even something as simple as finding something to wear can be so draining. I tend to just let her be when she gets in that mood. Sometimes me talking to her or trying to help her can make it worse. But I live with my mother also and she is a bit more old school. And when my daughter gets moody she will always tell me things like you need to talk to her, her behaviour is disgusting. Etc etc

Claire - posted on 03/04/2013

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I have a 3yr old step daughter, She will wake up some mornings crying when we ask her why she is crying she replies "i dont know". This accures at any time, and the answer is always the same, "i dont know".
we hug her and let her know that if there is anything wrong we can try to help and she calms down.
is she starting to acumalate womenly hormones already?
We just cant seem to understand why she is crying.

Madrene - posted on 02/25/2009

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Just gotta love the mood swings! Are the mood swings because of her monthly cycle? Or has that not started yet. Is her sugar level staying even? If her moods r up and down because of her periods, there is a Natural Approach called CRAMP BARK. Vitamin aisle at GNC or a natural store, take one w/ breakfast and one w/ dinner. I'm in my 40's and take this, my 2 grown daughters also, and it works wonders!

Sugar level? What are her eating habits? May want to cut out the sugars and push a little more portein. Peanut butter is a great thing to help.

Good luck and let us know!

Rebekah - posted on 02/25/2009

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My daughter is the same and she is nearly 12, what I have found that works is having 1 on 1 time doing girly things, haircuts, clothes shopping, having afternoon tea, with no other brothers or sisters around.  This will also give you the opportunity to find out what is running through your daughters mind.  Also I found that being honest with her and telling her how when you were growing up how hard you found things with these hormones running wild and that your parents found it hard work to (I dont know you but ask your mum how you were going through it all lol)  Then she will know she is not the only one who has been through these changes.  The frown and the short temperdness is a big give away and wat I do is say why dont u just go and have some chill out time and listen to music, this will help to ease both of your stresses I am sure  when we feel up tight I guess this is wat we all do, we remove ourselves from the situation and have a bit of time out...She'll come back out of her room when she is ready, and just give her a big hug and say did it help havin a bit of time for yourself....I am still learning myself on this 1 but this seems to work for us..Good Luck Hunnie x 

Anet - posted on 02/25/2009

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Sorry for laughing, as this is surely waiting for us when our 2 boys hit the teens!



I recall my mother walking away how many times when I would slam my bedroom door!



Many cups of coffee, deep breaths, lotsa laughter and talking to the troubled daughter....



I had many sessions with my grandmother(bless her soul!) and my dad.(with all his wisdom). My mother and I were not always on the best of footing...BUT this has taught me to talk to our boys.



Find somebody that she can talk to and relate to.



Good luck!

Marjorie - posted on 02/23/2009

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Clare,  Don't let her play the guilt card.  She is trying to manipulate you when she does that.  The first time she sees that it works she will use it  again.  Also with the drama stuff -  I had one of those in my four.  She could really fool me good.  Just know her style and when the drama kicks in be calm, don't show that she is getting your reaction other than I am listening and I care but the drama isn't going to change anything.  Make the right moves and decisions based on what is right for her and you then not on how she is trying to pull your chain.  Sometimes it helps to say things like, " You are really doing a good job of expressing /demonstrating how you feel.  Now what is the best/right way to handle this? "  I was watching my one daughter and her husband with their 3 year old.  What I really liked about what I saw was that they just EXPECTED him to obey/do the right thing when they told him something.  Sometimes 12 year olds need to understand that they are still the child (without demeaning them of course) and you are still the parent.  When the 3 year old tried using  the voice change, whining stuff, they told him that it was not acceptable and that he could ask without whining.  The answer was still the same and then they addressed any reaction to the answer when it came up.  But the point is that the child WILL use manipulation in many forms (drama voice etc.) but the parent must remain the parent. not the affected audience.  One of the biggest tips here is that when you answer when drama is used do not use drama back especially in your tone of voice.  Answer calmly and in your normal tone but let what you say prove you mean it.  Don't promise or threaten unless you mean to make good on it because then if you don't want to do what you said you would you won't be trapped.  Make conscequences occur the first time not the next time or the next time after that.  Through all this you can still include kindness, love and understanding but the main thing is that when you feel like loosing it yourself YOU DON'T. 

Clare Cropper - posted on 02/21/2009

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thank you for all your kind messages and advice. my daughter is 12 and she is a massive drama queen who often plays the guilt card but it really helps to know that i am not alone in this situation thanks mums xx

Mary - posted on 02/20/2009

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Ps if they haven't started menses then there is what I call "the pms year before they bleed".



PMS - Power Mistakingly Supressed

Mary - posted on 02/20/2009

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When my daughters hit that time in their life I had a discussion about moontime(menses) and the emotional stuff that came along with the cycle. Basically I explained that women have a "downloading of excess baggage each month" "that is was an important part of being a woman, to release each month" and "that it is important to spend time alone and relaxing through whatever comes up... tears anger etc. and not to dump them on other people where the energy justs gets focused right back to you."



we had download days where I would serve them and eventually they served me on occasion.



I teach this to women, that your moontime is a time to rest... do not cook or overdue. The more you honor yourself during this time the less you go through heavy mood swings.



feel free to contact me if you want to discuss this further.

Heather - posted on 02/20/2009

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I'm so glad to see that I am not the only one with a nine year old drama queen.  I believe that alot of the emotional issues have to do with her transition from child to young lady.  I can only support her and encourage her to continue growing up to be the best that she can be, even if it causes a whole head of gray hair.  I can't wait for the other one to start.

Linda - posted on 02/20/2009

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I need to know the answer too. My daughter is nine and I feel like I have to tippy toe around her!!

Michelle - posted on 02/20/2009

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How old is your daughter?  I am 27 and I have always had extreme mood swings and my nine yr old is beginning to have some as well.  When I am going through it the best way for me to handle it is to just be left alone and be allowed to get control of it on my own.  I can't control my emotions when this happens and I can easily become irritated and irrational so I can not talk to people during this; I just have to be left alone.  My nine yr old begins to get really upset and starts to cry uncontrollably and pull at her hair and I know it's because she is so overwhelmed by her emotions b/c I go through the same thing.  I tell her nicely that she just needs to calm down and go to her room and chill out.  I don't allow her siblings to bother her and if she needs to lock the door I let her lock it.  Sometimes it helps to just get away from it all.  Writing also really helps me and so if she doesn't already have a journal or diary then I would recommend getting one.  It's very tough to understand someone who has such severe mood swings.  We can't help it, it isn't anything that someone has done to us, it's just a temporary loss of control and we just need time to bring ourselves back together.  Hope this is a little helpful in your situation.

Heidi - posted on 02/20/2009

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Quoting clare cropper:

how do i cope with my daughters hormonal mood swings



 




I hope someone know the answer to this because i would love to know it



 





 

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