How do I deal with a mother in law and sister in law from hell?

Kile - posted on 11/19/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My mother in law and sister in law both think that they need to run my life and tell me how to live. They both harassed me for months to get a Job and said they would watch my kids so I could work and still go to school an when I get a job I have to decline the job because now it's not the right kind of job they think I should have. Because of my sister in law my mother in law was not even allowed to take me over to talk to my boss. ( my husband had to take my car to work or I would have taken myself.)

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Shawnn - posted on 11/19/2012

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Lacye, I had my "polite pants" on...LOL...it's the only way I don't strangle students during registration time...

Shawnn - posted on 11/19/2012

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How old are you? Why are you letting these women be in control of you?



Do they tell your husband when he's allowed to have sex with you, and whether or not you're allowed to enjoy it, too?



Good grief. The way that you stop this behaviour is that you tell them, politely, to shove off! When they hassle you about something, you thank them for their concern, and move on. When they tell you that "that job isn't the right one", you ask them if they'll be the ones working there, or if you will?



Bottom line, if you don't step up, they'll step you out. Just sayin'



Time to start driving your husband to work so that you have transportation, and if YOU and YOUR HUSBAND agree that it's time for you to be working, then you start looking. At places that interest YOU, not your MIL and SIL. As far as child care, if you can't afford it, don't go to work. Don't give them one more way to think that they are in control. I can pretty much guarantee that if you DO get a job, and they watch your kids, the next post we'll see is "MY MIL AND SIL WON'T LET ME RAISE MY OWN KIDS"...



Best of luck honey.

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Faye - posted on 11/20/2012

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I am so sorry to those which go through this on a regular basis.



While I will agree with all the points that others have posted, I will say that I am so glad both of my MIL were angels! I was blessed with the first for 17 years while the second has been in my life for 6 years now. Neither would EVER think of interfering in their child's lives like this.



STAND YOUR GROUND! Keep your husband informed of all that is going on and, if needed, blow up at them while he is present so he can see how they are ignoring you. Good Luck!

Ashley - posted on 11/20/2012

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put your foot down, and tell them how it is. you are a grown woman and they should not have control over you. talk to your husband about this and have him tell them to back off. whether you work or not is a decision between you and your husband, not the whole family. and where you choose to work is your decision, if it makes you happy then there opinions dont matter. my mil is on xanex and when she gets them every month, she tries to control our lives also. she tries to tell us who to have in our house, who to be friends with, what to wear, what to eat, tells me to take my fiance to work so i can run her around or clean her house all day, (i have my own shit to do at my own house.), she tries to rearrange my bedroom and living room everytime she comes over. when my moms husband passed away a few months ago, she called and asked what i was doing and told her i was going to my moms to help her get ready for the celebration of life and she said f*ck that, she can do that by her self, shes a grown woman, you need to get over here and help me clean my house and go to the laundary mat with me. she really pissed me off that day, and it was the first time i actually let her know exactly what was on my mind. i mean, i have never let her control us, but that day, i didnt try to be nice, and i had no problem telling her how i felt and pretty much that she could kiss my a**. last month, she asked my fiance to bring her a cheeseburger from mcdonald's, and yeah, it only costs a dollar and probably would have been easier to get it for her, but he told her no because we took her to the store 2 days earlier and spent 100 dollars on groceries for her, and that we didnt even have the money to buy our kids mcdonalds, so we sure the hell were not buying it for someone else. she threw a huge fit, and tried saying if we cant afford to get her a cheeseburger than we could not afford to feed our kids and she was going to have them taken away, and then she told us she's gonna kill herself. just a couple days ago she called me and told me i need to kick my fiance's best friend out right now, and i told her no, and she said well you better do it before i come over and throw him out. i told her she wasnt welcome in my house if she didnt feel the need to respect us and anyone we choose to have in our home. when she asks my fiance to do something, she expects it the second she asks. we usually take her a plate of dinner every night after we eat. the other night, she asked if he was bringing dinner, and he said yes, were just now sitting down at the table to eat(as a family), and he would when we were done. so they hang up, and before he was able to sit his phone down, she already sent him a text and said, im hungry, you need to bring it now, and you can eat with me, you dont have to eat with yoiur family every night. he ignored her til we were all done eating, and then called her to tell her he was done and would be there in a few minutes, and they got in a fight because he didnt do what she said to do in her text, needless to say, we didnt take her dinner that night. i dont know what she ate, but i do know she had 100 dollars worth of groceries in her kitchen that we bought, so when she called bitching the day after that because she didnt get any dinner and had to starve all night, we told her it was her own fault and we didnt feel bad because we knew she had food, whether she chose to cook herself something or not was on her. in laws should give more respect and they might get more in return, same with anyone else in this world, do what you want and if they dont like it, that is there problem.

Kile - posted on 11/19/2012

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Thank you guys for your input I really appreciate all the advice I have gotten thus far and look forward to reading more.

Shawnn - posted on 11/19/2012

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Girl, you stand your ground. And make sure to let hubby know what's going on!



Sounds to me like they're jealous of you. You have proven that you can do things for yourself (they obviously cannot do so!)



Good job so far, and good luck with the rest. Like I said, stand your ground. Tell them (lacye's version this time) to fuck off, and fix their lives first.

Kile - posted on 11/19/2012

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Oh and I'm 25 :) sorry didnt see that question. With our oldest I was a single mother and raised him the first 3 years o his life by my self and he's actually alive! ( we are in he middle of an adoptions for my husband and son)

Kile - posted on 11/19/2012

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Oh and a half acre veggie garden that needed to be tended daily. Plus my neice and 2 nephews everyday to earn a little extra money. But I'm lazy.

Kile - posted on 11/19/2012

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My husband is fine wih me staying home. He actually prefers me to stay home with our two kids. He was annoverhe road truck driver so as soon as he left thy started to jump my shit. It dosnt matter what I say to them they still have their noses up my ass. I have snapped at them both several times but its like I never said anything or they didnt hear me. I have low thyroid disease two kids 4 dogs 2 goats 30 chickens and three cats. Oh and did I mention I'm in collage as well. I was dealing with all of this on my own while my husban was gone. But if you ask them it wasn't enough. They think I need a full time job at night while the kids are sleeping. This coming from a sister in law who's parents and grand parents are rich and she has never had to lift a finger in her life and a mother in law that didnt raise her kids her ex husband raised her first two and her in laws raised my husband. She has had 7 failed marriages and is not even 50 yet. I chose to get a part time job to help with Xmas. Good thing my new boss is also my husbands new boss and we work opposite shifts 3 days a week.

Lacye - posted on 11/19/2012

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I basically agree with Shawnn, except instead of telling them to shove off, I would say fuck off. :D But yeah, you need to start taking control of your own life and stop allowing them to run you over. If you don't stop it now, it will get worse as the kids get older.

Dove - posted on 11/19/2012

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Did your husband want you to get a job? Or is he ok with you staying home?



Why are you letting these people have any input in your life?



I am so glad I don't have in-laws and when I did.... they were on the other side of the country from us.

Javeia - posted on 11/19/2012

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I am in almost in the same situation and with Thanksgiving coming up, it doesn't make things better. I have graduated from community college with an associates degree however, I don't have the family near by to help out with my little one so I am currently a SAHM and love it. But my husbands mother calls and harasses him about me finding a job (because clearly I went to school for my health!) So here is one thing I read, let them know this is your first time (if it is) being a daughter in law/ sister in law, and hopefully you all can get along because you are here to stay. You and your husband have to make the right choices for *your* family together. Their input may be nice but you can also politely decline it like, "thank you for that advice I'll consider that" or Oh, I look into it- whether you do or not is completely up to you. Ultimately, if the situation gets too out of hand you can ask your husband to step in to mediate because they are getting away with this madness because he tolerates it. Good luck

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