How do i discipline my 15 Month old son?

Megan - posted on 11/01/2012 ( 233 moms have responded )

15

0

1

I am struggling on how to deal with my 15 month old son. I understand everyone says just to redirect them to something else n get on there level n tell them no n a stern voice and i do this over n over every time with him n he goes right back to it n then finds everything around him that i say no to n do it he wont listen to me at all n he seems to know what he is doing wrong n does it over n over n over when nothing works what do u do? His temper tantrums are getting worse as well his biggest thing is to open n shut the outside door when we are outside he just wont leave it alone n we cant leave the door open i try to get him to play with his ball but it dont help all he wants to do is play with the door n i dont know how to get him to stop nothing seems to work with him i guess my biggest ?in is what do u do when you try everything n it dont work?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

233 Comments

View replies by

Amanda - posted on 12/02/2012

1

0

0

Make sure u r doing it right maybe? U may already be but .....in case->

1)always make eye contact/get on their level, in their face so u know if they understand (by facial expressions).

2)redirect as u said, join them in doing small,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@____@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@,,,,,,,,,,,,?????????????????,

TealRose - posted on 12/01/2012

215

1

2

No child, 'begs for a swat', any more than you as an adult do when you are cheeky to your husband/partner, or when you fail to pay a bill on time. NO ONE should be being hit period. And yes, swatting, popping and spanking ALL is hitting - and if I did it to you I would be arrested quiet rightly. And if you or I didn't it to a child here where I live in Europe - we would be arrested quite rightly too !!!!



We aren't living in a child led hell. Far from it. Children are respected - and in turn they respect adults. One teaches with love and gentleness - not with violence.

TealRose - posted on 12/01/2012

215

1

2

No child, 'begs for a swat', any more than you as an adult do when you are cheeky to your husband/partner, or when you fail to pay a bill on time. NO ONE should be being hit period. And yes, swatting, popping and spanking ALL is hitting - and if I did it to you I would be arrested quiet rightly. And if you or I didn't it to a child here where I live in Europe - we would be arrested quite rightly too !!!!



We aren't living in a child led hell. Far from it. Children are respected - and in turn they respect adults. One teaches with love and gentleness - not with violence.

Tamara - posted on 12/01/2012

5

0

1

We started at 18 months with timeout. Now an 18 month old does not sit still for a timeout so we put her in the playpen for 1 min. She screamed like we were killing her but she did eventually learn what timeout meant and we used the 1 min per year rule as well. When she turned 2 we put her on the floor in the hallway away from everything and always gave her an explanation why she was being placed in timeout, also a timer was set to beep at the end. Telling her not to move until the timer goes off. Once the timeout has been served a followup on the reason and ask for an apology for the behavior, also reminding that you do love them. The key is to be consistent from all caregivers, there is to be no verbal or eye contact during the timeout. Trust me when you see the little face crying you all but rush to comfort. We always give a warning first on the behavior that is unacceptable that if she does not listen it will result in a timeout. It has worked very well and now that she is 2 1/2 even the mention of being out in "timeout" makes her stop in her tracks. We have chosen this route as it builds respect and confidence, however that being said there has been the odd occasion where a pop on the hand was necessary...like when she tried to touch the hot stove while cooking. It only took once for the stove incident to make her not try again. Everyone is entitled to raise their children as they see fit...the only thing is to remember how it would make you feel if someone did that to you...

Barbara - posted on 12/01/2012

153

0

19

He's just a baby. He hasn't figured out yet what you don't want him to do. He's learning at a very fast pace, being a baby, but he's still very little! Take your house keys with you and lock the door. He will soon find out that this game simply doesn't work anymore. He's headed into the terrible twos and his tantrums may increase over the next several months. When he tantrums, he needs to be held firmly but tenderly with soft cooing sounds from mom much as you would do with a baby to lullaby them to sleep. He's a determined toddler and is learning how things work, practicing his little boy skills and even may be watching for your reactions to him. I wouldn't be harsh or angry with him. This can be a frustrating age since the things they want to play with can often hurt them and they don't know this yet. Redirection your involvement with him will help. He may continue to engage in this because it continues to draw your attention, which may be exactly what he is after.

Laura - posted on 12/01/2012

6

0

1

Actually, I should rephrase my comment. I don't think the parents 'learned better' with the younger ones. They were more experienced by the time they had the other two and had learned more effective parenting skills, and, had learned more patience :)

Laura - posted on 12/01/2012

6

0

1

"begs for a swat" - oh lordy!!! I am so curious as to the age of the child who is begging for the swat.

Well, I know someone from a family of four children. The two older ones were spanked, when the parents learned better, they stopped spanking. The two younger ones never got spanked. One of the children ended up in jail. It was the oldest child - the one who was spanked the most. So, there goes your ''theory''.

Tanya - posted on 12/01/2012

2

6

0

There's a difference between spanking for dicipline, and abusively 'smacking your kid around'. And no one dicipline works on every child -- with some, redirection works, some time out works, some even just 'the look' or a stearn voice. But there are some kids who need more. I had a friend who refused to spank her kids because of the old 'it's teaching them to hit' bs. Her son did whatever he wanted. He actually told his friend when they were throwing rocks at cars, "I won't get in trouble, I will just get a time out". But his friend said, "My dad will beat my butt!!" And the friend stopped. Guess where my friend's son is today, because he lived his life without any consequences that really 'hurt'. Jail. Where he has been since was old enough to go there. I say, do whatever it takes for that child to respect authority. Or he will get into school and treat adults the same way he treats you, and unfortunately, they can't spank kids there anymore either. By the way, I have seven children, and am raising three small grandchildren, including a set of one and a half yr old twin boys. One of them obeys with a time out, the other begs for a swat.

Chana - posted on 12/01/2012

53

0

8

You may want to have your child tested. My son was very similar and it was nearly impossible to prevent his destructive behavior. I found what he love (e.g. the vacuum) and made these things available to him. He is a healthy 10-year-old now.

Chana - posted on 12/01/2012

53

0

8

My son is on the austism spectrum, my daughter is "normal". I found that the only and best way to discipline them both at that age is through redirection. Offer them a distraction from their "bad" behavior. Never ever spank your child. I cannot stress this enough. My parents used corporal punishment and I ended up in a series domestic violence relationships. As your child grows, you will be able to guide them verbally, explaining why he must not behave poorly.

Pat - posted on 11/30/2012

5

0

0

I too read all the comments here. I wish there was a way to delete all the cat fights and all the name calling and just leave you with some sound advice on how to work with your little boy. I'm sure you are able to weed out the good from the bad. It's just so time consuming and annoying when you realize there are so many wonderful ideas here. I love the redirection and praising when he listens to you. And keeping your baby in a safe place when doing tummy time. Not in a place your son can touch her. I also believed the woman who was talking about your son learning cause and effect. He must be very smart to be so interested in making something open and close. The sound, the motion, the shadows. It sounds very exciting to think how his brain and understanding is growing. Awesome! I was told once to treat certain behaviors like this - if you saw your son was going to put his hand into a fire, what would you do? Do the same thing when he goes to touch the baby or goes to do something inappropriate. He will get the point that it's wrong by your reaction.



I will leave you with what I took from your post. Your beautiful son walks to the door? That to me means he has two strong legs. He can touch the door? Strong arms. He sees the door? He hears you talking to him? That's wonderful! He can hear and see. You have a baby girl? You have been very blessed to be given not one child but two! By the time you read this, your son will have outgrown this behavior and has moved onto something else. You have your children for such a short time. Once they go to school, time warps into super time. Be thankful you have a house with a door, a computer to write your concerns on and two beautiful souls to raise. Ask one mom with a child in a wheelchair what it would mean to have a child walk to a door. Enough said. Your children are blessed to have you for their mom.

Carlene - posted on 11/30/2012

1

0

0

My 2 year old son is the same. children at that age are learning, and when they are told not to do somthing they understand not to do it but dont understand the concept of not repeating and dont listen to the way we speak to them at our level. I bought a book called How to speak to your children so they can listen. I got it at coles book store. It helps speak to children and helped with my son going through the destructo phase. Good luck, you are a good mom :)

Julie - posted on 11/29/2012

67

41

6

The manner in which you must have started correcting your child , to your child seems like a joke (sorry am not calling you a joke) but kids do think when they parents talk to them at this stage its very funny and its hard to recognize the seriousness of it since most of them only hear the first few words of any conversation. I wont profess to be and expert but as a parent myself I see uncontrolled ,untrained children way to often and its a shame when the parents rub it off as saying they are kids or ignore them totally . Its nice that you are seeking advice.

I have a 3 year old that has only had two tantrums, and why it never went further...... First off her first one was given into so she believed she had me. her second one I left her on the floor of a store to scream it out, and when she stopped screaming I kneel down to her and had a chat ..asked her if she felt better now that she got that out and explained to her she is still not allowed to have whatever she was crying for because that's not how we ask for the things we need or want she was 2 at that time ..when we got home we had that same talk again for a couple of days to let her know that this kind of behavior is not acceptable and when talking to her I would shake my head saying " its a no no" so wherever we go certain things when I say its a no no she got it right away .

as I said before kids only hear a few words so make the first few words very demanding but not angry and use his full name at the start to grab his attention. Don't ever tell a child you are going to punish them for their actions if you don't intend to do so they will take you for a joke always. If you are going to discipline your child by spanking always seat with your child and look him in the eyes and tell him why he is being punished let him know that action is not acceptable then spank ..after spanking and he cries it out ..seat with your child again and explain why you just did what you did to your child ..don't punish your child and comfort them at the same time you will be sending the wrong signal .. you talk to you child and walk away if possible so they can seat alone and process this . I know at 15 months it could be hell but you have to be consistent with your discipline routine always . Good luck ,God never gives more than you can handle ..you have a job to do.

Amanda - posted on 11/28/2012

14

0

0

To each their own. When my brothers, sister and I were little.. we got spanked. we did one thing wrong we got popped. It was discipline which in turn taught us self discipline. And we weren't abused. The 8 of us now are grown up - good careers, good people with loving parents. There is a fine line between spanking and abusing... Don't confuse the 2 because they are not the same. When we were bad at school the teachers took us out in the hall w the paddle and spanked us. It depends on the temperment of the child. Luckily my kids don't need to be spanked, Time out works just fine. Just because time out works for my kids doesn't mean its going to work for everyones kids. You have to do what ya have to do and if its a spanking to teach them then thats ok!!!

Jessica - posted on 11/28/2012

12

1

2

As far as my feelings go, if someone is still measuring a child's age in months, that counts as a BABY. Big girls don't hit babies. (Just me perhaps, dears, but a pop is a hit.)



But to try to be helpful, I'd say use patience honey. Try to see the situation for what it is and decide what the important thing is to you. You're concerned about leaving the door open? Maybe you could let him be the one in charge of opening certain doors in the house? I've found that when I get to that point of "tried everything with no result", I let the little person lead and see where it goes. Obviously, not letting him open and shut the door into the wee hours of the night though. ;) But maybe direct that desire to play with the door. Maybe he could be the "Going out to play Door Marshal"? The "Potty Guardian", "Bedroom Doorman"?



Other than that, toddlers and preschoolers are crazy unreasonable beasts! That is, until you think about what's going on in their development. :) I'd love to write more, but there's a baby that needs some love. Happy trails to you!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/28/2012

18,939

9

3002

Peggy, clearly you have not met any children that don't get spanked. That really makes me sad for all the children around you. Please open your eyes and mind, and see there are other ways to raise children without beating them into submission.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/28/2012

18,939

9

3002

Really Peggy? Cause I remember getting spanked and it hurt. Otherwise what is the point if it doesn't? And secondly, kids don't run scams. At that age, they know what is comforting, and they want whatever comforts them. I am all about binkies for kids, and I don't care how old they are. My son had his until he was 3 1/2. I WISH my daughter would have taken one.

Laura - posted on 11/28/2012

6

0

1

When I had my daycare, most of the kids under 3 had a pacifier or special blanket. All but my kids. They just never really wanted that kind of stuff. When it was time to get everyone everyone ready for nap time, they self-soothed. All but my kids. They didn't have anything to help them with that. In my opinion, bottles, pacifiers, blankets, whatever it is to help soothe, is fine - at least up until a kid can communicate better with words what it is they need or want (and in general, boys take longer to learn to talk and communicate than girls 2 1/2 or even 3 for some kids) I personally don't know any harm done to a kid who had something to use to self-soothe. I know dentists say pacifiers can mess up teeth. Not sure that I even believe that but I'm not a dentist. I do know that one of my kids needed braces for a huge overbite - and never used a pacifier.

I don't think corporal punishment teaches respect. I think the exact opposite.

Peggy - posted on 11/28/2012

14

12

0

A child should not be on a bottle or pacifier Past one year old. They don't need it after that. I had both my kids on a cup by then. Dion't give in to their demands just because your three month old has a bottle. Then they are running you. The child is not the boss and you need to show them that. Corporal punishment gives them limits and teaches respect for you and their elders. A spanking on their behind doesn't hurt them and will go far to show them consequences for wrong actions.

Patrisia - posted on 11/28/2012

2

0

0

Megan Try This it has worked for me for many years ! my oldest is 30 and he has two children his oldest boy is 4 but he used to throw tantrums at 2 and 3 years old . They live in Georgia and I am in Florida. I went to visit and we were in Walmart and he wanted something and my Daughter in Law said I am sorry Jade you cannot have that .... Well all Heck broke loose lol she got upset , and fustrated telling him to get up he was on floor going crazy she started to look around and people were making faces holding their ears ! I said Relax watch I started clapping and saying look everyone we have a young man here break dancing for us ! look how great he is doing ! so people around us understood what I was doing and before you know it everyone was clapping , and the tantrum stopped ! he got up and came to me and I kneeled down and held him Gently and he said Grandma ? I said yes ? he said you barrassed me lol. I said well baby I did not mean to , but weren't you break dancing in a sort of funny voice and he said no Grandma I was not acting Good ! ( So he understood that he was not acting right which was a goo thing) I said and whywould you not act good ? your my big boy ! he said i want that toy , and I said well mom right now is not abl to get you that toy you want and mommie loves you yes ? he said so much ! I said so if your mommie loves you so much why would she want to not give you that toy ? he said I don't know , and I said maybe because she does not have the money for it right now ? he said OHHH and put his hand on his forehead lol . I said so ? are you going to say your sorry to your mommie for " Not Break Dancing"? and for not acting good ? he said yes . My grandson never threw his body on the floor outside again. My daughter looked at meand said how did you do that ? I said I have three sons that all loved the floor outside lol . Try it , but just dont make him feel like your belittling him he will look at you like your crazy and maybe he will change his ways . it can't hurt ! also and tell him how you feel when he does this and how much you love him.

Amber - posted on 11/28/2012

2

0

0

Sorry but I argee with Holly I have 2 sons 1 doesn't challenge authority he responds well to positive reinforcement and redirection my second challenges me on all fronts I've spent a lot of time reading books talking to other moms , doctors, psychiatrist and u know what a tap on the hand has proven to work for him kids are all different and there is a big difference between a tap and a beating eventually all children step out of line and I'd rather tap mine now then have society smack him in the face later for not knowing how to act and treat others with respect and obey laws

Laura - posted on 11/27/2012

6

0

1

I had a home daycare and have 3 kids. I think temper tantrums are often due to being tired. If he is getting enough sleep, then just ignore the temper tantrums (as long as he is in a safe spot, not banging his head into the corner of a wall or something :) ) If he gets little or no reaction from you when he has a temper tantrum, then he won't be so into doing it anymore. (but it takes many times of you ignoring it before it will really work)

Redirect him. I started using time out at about 18 months. They will keep doing the behavior for a while, but will start to realize that it is not acceptable. Time outs don't work like magic.. they are a slow process but do work.

Save smacking on hand or butt for big stuff (continuing to run out into the street or something dangerous like that). If you smack for little stuff, it won't carry much weight and be meaningless if you really want to use that for the big stuff.

Evelyn - posted on 11/26/2012

13

2

0

the problem with the door is put a hing that will slip down from the top and lock the screen door. so that takes care of that problem. I must agree with the redirect approach with a twist, he is not the one that is in need of redirecting it is you and who ever else is caring for him, See children are never the problem. The problem always lay with the parents, or there is a organic matter thing going on with diet, No process food, the dye in them cause hyper action, the way that we feed a child does cause hyper action...... then your doctor will want to label your son ADD or ADHD. I found that laying on the floor, when he does his thing is how I stop my son from acting out. I have had to do this while shopping it was that are spank him, so I chose to do what he was doing made the same sound that we was doing and he look at me as I lay in the floor rolling around with all the other shoppers looking on, then when he stopped we made eye contact and I smiled at him and he smiled at me and I ask him if I can I have a hug he came over to me and we rolled around on the floor in the store and had a fun time shopping. He is calling for attention and some children need much much more attention then others. does he have a shovel and broom and bucket that he can put sand in, don't let him eat the sand. take him to the zoo and the fish Aquarium. Are you a stay at home mom? IF so then you both are lucky, just entertain him and dinner can be oven meals giving you more time for your baby and for your self. If you have a grand mother that can come over that would help a lot. My grand daughter had taken to hitting her mom and dad, and she never did that with me. why because she like to run a lot at 15 month and I took her own many walks, I talk to her a lot, Your 15 month old just may be bored. See I never take my eyes off of my grand child, they need to make a lot of eye contact cause if they feel that you are not looking and watching every move .....they don't feel safe and then they get your attention in nonproductive ways. He can even sleep on the floor with blankets and pillow and don't feel bad about throwing some pillows down on the floor for you and dad. He is just fine but this has to stop because this is learned behavior and needs to be address by trial and error, Not too much error I hope :) I am not adding the Blue underlined stuff that is pop up seek commercial sales. I had to look at my grand daughter and look very worried cause they read faces like radar! And fake a cry that cause her to cry and then mom and dad cried and we all did a group hug and all was well, they were not talking to her enough, Noah, is the best little sonogram boy boy who turned out to be the sweetest little girl child who we now call Noa, she is 6 years old now and doing very well in 1st grade she is a wiz at math and reads at least two book each night and she get to pick the book, When a child act out, the need more attention or there is a organic issue like diet or something else. Don't don't worry about the house, it can clean it self mine did, You have to order out and invite family and friends over to help with the house work or hire some one as needed to come in and help. Mom need time of Mom if you want to be successful at giving him time that is slow and comfortable for him. Yes being a mother mean that your life is not your any longer, Yes you live for the children, but, to do well don't forget that when you lay in the floor with your child, that is considered rest time for you ( any time you are off your feet is rest time). You must have time to go out once a week and get your hand and feet done, Trust me it is a live saver for sure, and just make sure that your hair is clean and keep it in a ponytail like Angelina Jolie. The day has to be involved or get a big brother from the big sister and big brother.. There is shared parenting for those who would like to decide if they want to have children or not, sit down with you and your children in the comfort and safety of your home on your time and you all get to parent, Do something with some one who will be friend with you guys for for years, cause adults can't just be there one day than just gone one day, trust me the child will react. so choose some on that you like and get a good vibe from.. Good luck, my name is Evelyn Murray and I am the oldest girl of 4 sisters and 12 brothers, who have given me 12 grand daughters, 9 grand sons, 2 great grand daughters, and 2 great grand sons, there are at least 11 people in the birthing room when some one in the family is having a baby. You are going to be just fine, he needs a lot a people around him like my family, if your mom live on the other side of the country tell her she has to move are you and your child may not make it :) ha ha ha Once he see that you are on the floor with them or if they see a lot of other people looking at them as well they stop immediately. These small people are smart and need the same things as the old children like us. You may be a parent now but you are someones old child who will get older every day, I don't know what you are doing were he keeps opening the screen door. treat this like where is Elmo, find Elmo. it may take a bit but you will see that your pouncing baby boy is going to just fine and you are going to live mom, go do your thing girl, and no don't even think that they can wait for any thing, just drop what you doing and give all attention to your bouncing baby boy. I love it when some one blow wash my hair and blow dry and just put it in a pony tail. Now that you are spending your old play money on diaper and shoes because his feet will grown until they are 25 years old for boys and the same for girls. if he is on a feeding schedule put and end to that, just make sure that his food is healthy. My 6 year old grand daughter Noa, love anything green and healthy, her snacks are carrots, apples, and I lost my mind once and took her to Burgerville she would not walk into the place because their were chemicals in the meat and the bread. Her dad is a Buddhist who cheats and eat those frozen Lasagna. My 6 year old fuss at him about his diet. Yes she is a mouthy and bossy person just like me, but her heart is in the right place



Evelyn Murray, aka "Grannybay" grannybay@hotmail.com



I ma the woman in the yard cutting roses

Portlandia One Moore Episode, Battlestar Galactica segments, HD 720p 10min32sec



Portlandia season 2 episode 2, One Moore Episode in 720p, just the 3 Battlestar Galactica segments, with some extra music and credits. This exact thing happe...





that me in the bed being a old 87 year old illitrate Jim Crow grand mother http://vimeo.com/23710950



http://familynurturingcaringforfamilyweb...

Chasmodai - posted on 11/26/2012

115

4

2

Peggy, I HAVE raised children successfully. Spanking is NOT the only way children learn respect and the difference between right and wrong. Spanking teaches fear. Spanking conditions people to believe that it is okay for those in power to oppress and intimidate those who are weaker. It perpetuates the fear and oppression in our society. It teaches inequality. It teaches that if you don't want to be the one on the receiving end of the oppression, you have to become the oppressor.

Peggy - posted on 11/26/2012

14

12

0

These people havent raised kids alteady and their advice is poor. Dont listen to them. Corporal punishment is the ONLY way your child will learn to respect you and understand the difference between right and wrong. You will be the sorry one if you don't clamp down on him now!

Peggy - posted on 11/26/2012

14

12

0

You needed to start disciplining him earlier and should now spank him. Spanking on the behind will not hurt him and will teach him that he is doing something wrong. This corporal punishment teaches the child that wrong behavior has a consequence. It's biblically sound and it works. I've raised two children and it was used on them. They respect me as well as authority.

Tamera - posted on 11/25/2012

3

0

1

I have a son who is 19 months and very advanced.... He was walking at 9 months and is talking and is able to say words and and use them appropriately. I try to redirect him but I am very specific. Just an example of something I might say. J that will hurt you and then i will show him an alternative to that. So, if he is jumping off the chair I might say how about rolling this ball across the floor and when he does what he wants you to do with the redirection make a big deal... I give him a high five and tell he you did a great job listening with your ears and then we point to his ears.... Not an expert by any means but you have to encourage him when he is doing what you want and expect an then not yell/scream or holler but change your tone and let him know that no that's not nice etc..

Tamera - posted on 11/24/2012

3

0

1

I have a son who is 19 months and very advanced.... He was walking at 9 months and is talking and is able to say words and and use them appropriately. I try to redirect him but I am very specific. Just an example of something I might say. J that will hurt you and then i will show him an alternative to that. So, if he is jumping off the chair I might say how about rolling this ball across the floor and when he does what he wants you to do with the redirection make a big deal... I give him a high five and tell he you did a great job listening with your ears and then we point to his ears.... Not an expert by any means but you have to encourage him when he is doing what you want and expect an then not yell/scream or holler but change your tone and let him know that no that's not nice etc..

Laura - posted on 11/24/2012

3

0

0

In reply to Amanda Ham's post: Eek, it seems like your idea of punishment is a little harsh. Not an approach I would take. Using corporal punishment as a form of discipline is like walking a very fine line. As you described your form, it seems as if you are walking a little far off that line. I would suggest holding their hands and asking them why they did a certain thing instead of applying pressure to sensitive areas on their bodies. A risk you do run when using this type of discipline is having your kids play roughly with others at school, using the same way(s) to get others to do what they want. Adressing what you want from them can be made better by reflecting on how well this way works for you, and how your children react when you approach them to use it. Asking them is also a good way to guage whether or not you're being too harsh. If neccessary, ask a pediatrition or seek out a case manager at your local child services to seek out different forms of discipline or just ask their opinions and options on corporal punishment. Because the bottom line is that we want our children to grow up knowing what not to do out of their understanding of right and wrong, not their understanding of fear and pain.

Chasmodai - posted on 11/24/2012

115

4

2

Okay, now I have read over the posts, and the one that really stands out is the one from Connie Oman. I forgot to mention the importance of learning to understand child development. There are books on that too. Everything a 15 month old does is for a reason.



Some parents try to force their children to behave the way they want them to behave by using physical force and punishment. But I wonder if those parents understand why their child behaves that way from the perspective of child development? If they DO understand why their child is doing what they do from that perspective, and they know there is an alternative to causing pain, why would they still harm and intimidate their children? The behavior is unwanted, inconvenient, or whatever, and so the parent forces the child to quit without taking the time to learn about it. We are lucky to live in an age where we have an alternative.

Chasmodai - posted on 11/24/2012

115

4

2

I feel your pain! A 15 month old is a lot of work! They require constant attention and supervision and need to be redirected and shown repeatedly how to behave.



I haven't read all the replies, but I have come to the conclusion that children learn to behave out of respect. Respect for the rules that make society and the home run smoothly, respect for others. The respect starts with respect for the self, and children learn self respect by being respected by their parents. I put a lot of effort into teaching my children that I have high expectations of their behavior. I try to teach by example most of all. I explain things a lot at age appropriate levels. I have spent a lot of time teaching then why we don't do certain things.



If your child is only 15 months old, then you are very lucky. This is the perfect time to work with your child to develop intrinsic values. This is where they do the right thing because it's the right thing, not to get what they want or avoid punishment. A big part of this comes from how well the child is loved and cared for. There is an old verse called, "Children Learn What They Live." It can easily be found in a Google search, and it's very true. http://www.empowermentresources.com/info...



One thing I try to avoid is to get my children to behave by sending the message, "You must do what I say in order to please me and not make me mad." Or, "Don't do that or I'll hit you." Instead, I try to get them to think for themselves. When they were little, we called time-outs, "sitting in the thinking chair." They were not put there out of anger. It was always just, "now it's time to think about. . . "



There are a few good books on the subject. Raising a Thinking Child, by Myrna Shure Ph.D., Raising Children Who Think For Themselves, by Elisa Medhus M.D., and also "Parenting With Love And Logic," by Foster Cline. Although, when reading this or any parenting book, you may find that you do not agree with it 100%, and you also have to apply your own common sense.



I have spanked my children, but not very many times, and each time I regretted it. Each time, it was because I was scared my child would come to a bad end and didn't know what else to do. Each time, I sat and thought about how I might have handled it more effectively and resolved to do better next time. It takes a thinking parent to raise a thinking child.



One more thought: If nothing truly does work, try taking your child to a behavioral therapist. Have your child evaluated to rule out oppositional defiant disorder. If you do find out that this is more than typical toddler behavior, you can get appropriate help. A child with special needs requires a lot more effort and dedication from the parents. It is necessary to learn new skills, but out of love for our children we all do what is necessary so they can grow up to be successful adults.

Chasmodai - posted on 11/24/2012

115

4

2

Holly, I don't see where anyone attacked you, but merely disagreed with you. It's enough to agree to disagree, and it takes a mature person to state their opinion while simultaneously allowing another person to state theirs. You might be interested to know that today's modern child experts state that physical punishment is emotionally damaging to children and can cause them to be less well adjusted. Here is a link: http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/02/health/shu...

Stacey - posted on 11/24/2012

2

0

0

Hi Megan. You're a busy Mom with a toddler and a baby! The more babyproof you can make your home the less you will have to say 'no'.

Your son is capable of being gentle to his sister...BUT he is still a toddler. He is NOT yet able to always remember to be gentle. Also he is to young to truely understand the potential dangers in 'manhandling' his sister. And also sonetimes when toddlers are excited they have trouble controlling their movements enough to be gentle. The bottom line is that at the ages your children are right now they have to be supervised when they are together for their own safety. Not because they are bad or mean or rough. Only because they are too little to 'be careful'.

All that good work you are doing with teaching him to be gentle...keep it up! He can do lots with his sister and learn to be a big helper- with your guidance and supervision. The more you involve him the more positive attention you will be giving him. Then he won't act up for attention as much.

And the whole door thing...toddlers love to open and shut things and fill and dump containers (mostly dump). Maybe take a container with a lid he is able to open and shut and use it to distract him from the door. The best would be something that opens and shuts on a hing like a door and has a place for him to grip like a nob or whatever.

Then let him do the door thing while you say open when he opens it and close when he closes it. Let him do that a few times then show him the container and show him how you open and close it while you say those words again. Then offer him the container.

Hope these suggestions are helpful.

Good luck busy Mommy Megan. Don't forget to take care of yourself.

Julia - posted on 11/24/2012

1

10

0

I am a 50 year old mother of six children and 19 grand babies. I realize that all the studies they have done, have shown that spanking is not recommended. Well I have six very successful children that is proof it did not hurt them. I do not recommend beating your child. When my children were toddlers, I would discourage them touching things they were not suppose to, then if they continued I would slap their hand a few times. Temper tantrums, I would pop them on the but and put them in time out. They would not be permitted to get up from time out until, they quit crying, screaming, etc. Hope this helps you out, it is a difficult time for moms, but there is hope.

Ann - posted on 11/24/2012

2

10

0

Being a parent you have been doing the best that you know how.....applaud you for trying different angles with him and then being strong enough to ask for help. No one has all the answers for what works on every child. I have worked with them for sixteen years and also have BSHD. So my suggestions are to really push with positive praise even for the smaller of things. He is seeking attention and he does not care how he has to get as long as he gets it, negative it positive. Some children are just really bright and continually needs to be stimulates. I need this van take white a bit of your time at first but he will learn how to do more things and strive to makeyou happy. Introduce crayons and blank paper for drawing, wood puzzles, painting and maybe playdough. Remember pick your battles, kids do not come out understanding. Good luck and may God bless you and you family.

Linda - posted on 11/23/2012

4

0

0

one of my grand children seemed not to hear when she was told something I learned that touching her and getting eye contact worked. I would touch her hand, shoulder back or such to get her attention then talk to her. She could hear well but was usually off in her own world and would ignore. Try touching him to get his attention then talk to him when he is doing something you do not want him to do. You could start singing one of his favorite songs from a show that he likes or do something silly and fun and he may just join in then you will have a happier child and that takes away a ton of stress and frustation. give both of your little ones a great big hug for me : )

Janice - posted on 11/23/2012

3

0

0

Amanda Ham your methods are shocking and disturbing. You may feel justified giving your advice but I hope no person with children is foolish enough to take it. If you are so sure that it is not abuse then please take a course and share your methods there. Then you can receive feedback from a professional about the disgusting intimidation you inflict on your children. When they are bigger than you and feel you are doing something wrong is this how you'd like to be corrected? Elder abuse and child abuse differ only in the age of the victims.

Rhonda - posted on 11/23/2012

6

0

0

alicia, time outs are always really hard to enforce especially with children that have alot of energy, the best way I have found to deal with them is to really pour alot of your time into them until they signal to you that they dont need to have you in there space for a while, granted it does take alot of persistance but then children need persisitant consitancy. Trust me, they do love you for it, all they want is your attention, they love you.

Rhonda - posted on 11/23/2012

6

0

0

So what if you go ahead and play with the door for a while once he sees your interested in playing with the door he is definately going to want to play with what you dont want to play with, thats always how it goes with parents and kids and every once in a while you get that rare time where you two get doing something and it turns out to be fun and a funny moment for them and maybe playing with that door is one of those time where you two bond it is really an amazing time when your kids are toddlers, now that I am the mother of teenagers its a little more than a door but the concept stays the same and the love is always there, just please remember whatever you read in these threads never never ever hit your children for any reason that is never dicipline its abuse. Always teach your children with love if you ever feel overwhelmed find a neighbor, church, fire dept, hospital anyone ask for help its ok to ask for a minute while you count to ten.

Alisha - posted on 11/23/2012

5

0

2

I did the time outs 1 minute for every year of his age. my son is 21 months it took him a month or two to stop needing time outs as much but it worked for the most part. I don't believe in spankings or anything or even hitting his hand lightly because he'll think its okay to do to others

Brandi - posted on 11/23/2012

48

0

2

Erica,

My youngest daughter could hold a conversation under 15 months old, and so was my oldest daughter. Not all children "don't understand" until they are 18 months old. All children are different. My oldest daughter was a very good child, very rarely needed to be spanked but did get her hand popped a few times. My middle daughter was hard from day one. She threw fits and cried and was/is very strong willed. Spanking only made things worse with her. My youngest daughter is a very good child and at 4 years old has only been spanked a handful of times. My step daughter, on the other hand, tells her school that I am putting bruises on her (which is a lie) and nothing happens to her. She was never spanked or disciplined in any way by her father until she was 10 years old. After he spanked her that first time, I did not have a problem with her for 2 weeks. Maybe if she'd get her butt whipped more often she would not give me the problems that she does. Every child is different in understanding and in discipline. Discipline, in my opinion, should be trial and error with every child.

[deleted account]

"We are not intimidating our children. They are learning respect which no kids these days know."



Wow, thats' one of the creepier things I've read lately. You're putting a grip right by a kid's throat and that's not scary at all? wow, I am a proponent of spanking when needed so perhaps I'm being hypocritical but dude, if I did that to you, would you respect me afterwards?



I somehow dont' think so.

Erica - posted on 11/22/2012

15

0

3

You cannot really "discipline" him until 18 months. He won't understand. Until then, just redirect him.

D. - posted on 11/21/2012

35

18

11

Ah yes, it was Parenting with Love and Logic. I should have read the post above mine!

D. - posted on 11/21/2012

35

18

11

I wish I could remember the name of the book I read that was really helpful to me, but I can't. Not even enough to google.



Anyway, I think 15 months is too young for time out. I've learned that trying time out with a baby is that you're going to have to redirect them to time out anyway. So, my thought is to strictly redirect. With regard to the infant, I agree with the mom who said to show him how to handle his new sibling. I absolutely do not agree with spanking a 15 month old. I have a hard time believing any parent who says they don't spank out of frustration when dealing with a frustrating situation...like redirecting a baby every ten seconds.



I personally don't think time out works on children under two because they aren't really able to remember what it is they did wrong. Short term memory and all. I think that's why they keep going back to doing whatever it is you don't want them to do, and you have to redirect.



As for the tantrums...at that age, it is how they communicate their displeasure. What I've learned is to take away anything harmful to the child, then ignore the tantrum. The more you pay attention to it, the more you feed it, and eventually the child learns tantrum = mommy's attention.



Lastly, I'm in complete disbelief that any state would not make illegal the type of discipline Amanda and her husband practices in the home. You want to know why her children are so "respectful" and "good?" They know that if they're not, they will be physically hurt. They get bad grades, they will be hurt. They express a feeling that mommy and daddy do not agree with? They get hurt. Cause and effect. And while parents are pleased with the outcome they are getting, the lasting harm comes in your child, in his/her teen years, not coming to mom and dad when they've made a big mistake. Like drinking (and they decide to drive because they know what will happen if mom or dad finds out he/she went out and drank). Like having a dating issue where he/she knows mom and dad will not be pleased. Then, as adults, these children won't go to mom and dad with even the slightest issue. There's an emotional disconnect there. They grew up learning to fear mom and dad. It isn't about respect. It's about having ingrained in them mistakes equal physical pain and intimidation. Ask me how I know but this.



Really, I try to stay away from commenting about how other parents discipline their children. But what Amanda has described as discipline transcends it. It is both physical and emotional abuse, both are so very damaging to human beings.

Kathryn - posted on 11/21/2012

4

0

0

My pediatrician suggested the book Your Child's Health by Barton Schmidt. It is my favorite resource for all questions from Discipline to Health Issues. It is very clear about what pediatricians find to be the best protocol. Another excellent resource is Parenting with Love and Logic.

Get those resources on your Christmas list : )

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms