How do i discipline my 15 Month old son?

Megan - posted on 11/01/2012 ( 233 moms have responded )

15

0

1

I am struggling on how to deal with my 15 month old son. I understand everyone says just to redirect them to something else n get on there level n tell them no n a stern voice and i do this over n over every time with him n he goes right back to it n then finds everything around him that i say no to n do it he wont listen to me at all n he seems to know what he is doing wrong n does it over n over n over when nothing works what do u do? His temper tantrums are getting worse as well his biggest thing is to open n shut the outside door when we are outside he just wont leave it alone n we cant leave the door open i try to get him to play with his ball but it dont help all he wants to do is play with the door n i dont know how to get him to stop nothing seems to work with him i guess my biggest ?in is what do u do when you try everything n it dont work?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

233 Comments

View replies by

Amanda - posted on 11/02/2012

234

5

21

As I said 'little miss can't be wrong' this is my opinion, not yours(so you don't have to worry about it). You are obviously the mature type that feels the need to harass everyone on here who does not share your point of view. My children are not being abused, they are loved beyond explanation(but apparently my parenting doesn't show that?). I have seen you on so many other threads being rude to others as well. Your name suits you very well. I think it's about time someone reported you. We all have the freedom to give our advice without having to worry about someone like you attacking us.

Kimberlee - posted on 11/02/2012

80

0

4

Do you have any toys for him that open and close? My kids had a wood board toy that had a small door and other things. If you don't have something like that then I would advise you to get something like that. He's exploring his world and learning through doing .



Please don't hit .

Sara - posted on 11/02/2012

53

7

1

One thing that worked for me was to say "if you do that again I am taking toys." and whatever the favorite toy was that day, I would confiscate it if the bad behavior was repeated after this warning. When the fit ensued, I would give one more chance, making clear that they could have it back if they would calm down, and as long as they did not do X again. The other effective threat was "don't make me put my leg on you." I would sit down on the floor and cross my leg across the kid's lap, effectively but gently pinning him to the floor in a sitting position. When he was done having a fit, I'd let him up, explaining that if he messed with that whatever again, I was gonna have to put my leg on him again. Both these things worked very well. Don't kid yourself the child can understand you fine, and you have to be consistent, but not mean. one more chance usually gets the behavior to stop because it gets the kid to develop an interest in controlling himself, having had a taste of you controlling him contrary to his interests.

Shelly - posted on 11/02/2012

61

0

0

I'm not sure I have that much advice for all your problems, but my son had some temper issues, and would start screaming when things didn't go his way. When he did, he got put in his room, and left there till he calmed down. You can also reverse this, and give yourself a time out, and go to your room till he calms down. I would tell him that I didn't like being around him when he acted that way, and I would be back when he was pleasant. It took a while, but eventually he got it.



As for doors, use the lock or install a handle that he can't open. There are a few products out there that make a door hard for a young child to open.

Connie - posted on 11/02/2012

178

43

12

As a childcare provider, I just completed a mandatory class on child abuse, and any pressure to the soft tissue of a child is considered mandatory reportable child abuse.



Now to address the question. Funny, this came up in a childcare forum yesterday as well with a provider contemplating terminating care for a 17 month old because they were driving her batty. She is a new, inexperienced provider. This is an age/stage issue. The child will get through this in a few months. They realize all of these new abilities they posses, like being able to MOVE THINGS. They have a new epiphany that if I DO THIS, then THIS HAPPENS. A child opening and closing a door is learning physics, cause and effect, they may be watching how the shadows move, or the light reflects. It is LEARNING! What you see as an irritation, is your child's brain wiring itself with new connections. This is a good thing. They have absolutely no self-control at this age. They may KNOW it is not something they should do, they may not WANT to get into trouble, but they lack the ability to self-regulate and control their impulses. It is WRONG to punish a child for something they have no control over. That ability will form by the time they are two, and then time-out and the expectation of compliance is appropriate. This is not the child's problem. This is an adult having unrealistic expectations of the child problem. The solution...



As someone said, re-direction when possible. However, children this age are very determined and stubborn. The way they get things figured out is through dogged determination, and theirs is most likely higher than yours. Which leads to adult frustration.



Pick your battles. Discipline means TO TEACH, not punish. TEACH your child what TO DO instead, such a nice touch for the baby. Gently rub his hand over the back and repeatedly say "NICE touch." If it isn't harming the child or another human being, let them at it for now. This is a huge time of brain development and blocking those explorations that interest them hold them back.



Change the environment. You can beat a child this age black and blue and they still will not back down from a chosen course. In a few months you can work on compliance to rules and commands, but for now, if it's an issue, move things, put things away, block things, put a tight wedge under that door, create a segregated play area they can't get out of that is a safe zone where they are free to do whatever they want.



Consider the child's self-perspective. If they are constantly being told NO, DON'T, STOP, and being punished, then they are learning that they are bad and wrong. This not what you want for your child. It is up to adults to create an environment where a child can make good choices and leads to acceptable behavior at this age. Around 2 is when they can begin self-control and assessing right/wrong choices and comply with those decisions.



I put the infants down for tummy time within a play yard gate, so that the toddlers can't get to them. Such as this one...http://www.amazon.com/North-States-Super...



This is also a good yard if you want to segregate your toddler to play, but you'll need to make sure it is secured down in some way so they can't just lift it up or scoot it along the floor. You'll also need to make sure they don't have large toys that they can use to climb out.



I know it is frustrating. I have a 15 month old now that loves to bang, climb, throw, etc. But it is a very important growth stage and will pass quicker than you realize. Best of luck.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/02/2012

18,939

9

3002

WOW! You think your kids don't fear you when you are intentionally intimidating the shit out of them. My stomach just took a dive. Not only do you intimidate them by standing over them and applying painful force on them continuously until they comply, you hit them in the mouth. That is fucking fantastic. Parenting classes anyone?



Yeah your kids are scared of you. When they see you get up and walking over to them to intimidate them and hurt them until essentially they say uncle, you bet your ass they are scared. Just give them 20 years and ask them how they liked your technique. And if they try it, and have kids, I would love to see how their wives react to it. Wholly shit.

Amanda - posted on 11/01/2012

234

5

21

What I'm going to say a lot of mom's will disagree with it. With that being said, it is my opinion and we are all adults, so there's no need to say things about it. How we discipline our boys is.....if we tell them to do something and they don't do it the first time, we go up to them and just hold them by their upper shoulder where the neck meets is. Just hold it there and tell them that you're only going to tell them one time. Then you tell them what you had asked them to do and they have to say yes and they go do it. If they still don't, do it again, but squeeze a little harder this time. Keep doing that until they are compliant. You can also do this by their elbow, just above it on both sides of the arm. For myself, is they talk back or hit me, I do this same thing. For my husband, if they talk back he will swat their mouth, it they hit he will swat their hand. I will only spank on the bum if it's the last resort. I grew up being spanked(and it was complete abuse. I would instantly be bruised after a spanking), but I am not against it in any way. But, it has to be done right. Now onward......when you do those 'grips', make sure that you praise them 10 times for each time you do it. So, when they listen to you, praise them for it. Constantly tell them you love them, and so on. So, if your son is playing with the door and you don't want him to and you've already told him no, than just go up to him and do that. Kids need to learn to respect their parents(not fear them), and by doing nothing or doing timeouts or redirection, you're teaching your kids that they can get away with things without any consequences. I would rather make my children cry now than have them make me cry later. By the way, I am a huge fan of attachment parenting, so I'm not this cruel parent who is a dictator. As I said earlier, I don't need people commenting on this. I didn't come here to start a debate, I am simply giving my two cents.

Jennifer - posted on 11/01/2012

6

18

0

With toddlers, the name of the game is pick your battles :) With a new baby, he is craving your attention - and I understand about not bring able to leave the baby alone. My third is 2 months and my 3 y/o loves him... a bit too much, lol! Unfortunately, you do have to redirect and entertain - children understand discipline better around 2. 15 mos is way too young for time outs, spankings, etc. The more you fuss over the door, the bigger deal it will become. Maybe make a game of it ("Thank you for opening the door for mommy!" Or "You've opened the door... Now it's closed! Can you keep it closed and count to ten?"). Again, it all goes back to picking your battles and saving the NO for what is truly dangerous. Good luck!

Desiree - posted on 11/01/2012

21

38

3

I started time out with my 2 when they each hit a year old. They are 13 months apart. Be stern and be strong. It's not going to be perfect but I tell you it works. And it gives them time to calm down or think about what they've done. And I did give a pop on the hand when needed and no longer have to... Bc they give me no reason. Find what works best for you but time out has done great things.

Larae - posted on 11/01/2012

7

0

1

If you find he keeps going back to the same activity it may be that he has figured out it gets your attention. It may also be interesting to him as he is learning how his world works. If the activity isn't dangerous like the opening and closing of the door, I suggest making it a game with him. Play "open and shut the door" with him. He will resolve his curiosity about the action and will get to play with his favorite person in the world. Often once children have figured out how the thing works they loose their fascination with that item.



I know this won't solve all you concerns, but it can help with some of the repeating behavior.

Good luck to you and your little one.

Sheryl - posted on 11/01/2012

3

14

0

I have never heard of cutting milk with water so yes I would stop doing that. My doctor has only ever recomended whole milk. We do cut out juice with water but onlu bottled water and thats because tap water out here is gross. I brush & occasionally floss his teeth, he loves both of those things. With my daughter i did that as well but she still grows in yellow teeth. Its just how she is, and she is 10 now with no cavities. Next time you go to the doctor ask, I'm sure he will have more suggestions as to what may help.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2012

18,939

9

3002

Hmmm....he is 15 months? Usually by that age the doctor wants you to switch them to 2%. Well between that age and 2. I would just give a ring to your doctor and see what he/she recommends. You can just give straight water also. But I guess you giving whole with water would be about the equivalent of 2% milk? Also, you can certainly see a dentist once he cuts. It is recommended once they start getting teeth to see one to ensure proper care and growth of teeth.

Megan - posted on 11/01/2012

15

0

1

okay i have been putting half watter a whole milk n his bottle bc i was afraid whole milk was to harsh on his teeth but there is floride in tap water so do u think i should stop doing that?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2012

18,939

9

3002

If you can get him on a sippy cup that would be awesome Megan. But kids that love milk, will still want it for sure. My daughter is 2 1/2 and still goes cuckoo for her sippy. Have you been brushing his gums and teeth that are cutting? It may actually help sooth them, and if they are grimy, that might be why they are colored.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2012

18,939

9

3002

Holly, you certainly do not need to validate yourself to me. I have not attacked you. Report away. Clearly it does matter what I have said, otherwise it would not have bothered you so much. Anyones kids can be wholly terrors. Hitting a child does not deter that. My sister is a fucking lunatic, through childhood and adulthood. She was spanked. Now she beats her kids, because that is what she thinks she was taught. I was spanked, and I am normal. i do not hit or beat my kids because I do not believe in that kind of discipline. You never know how spanking a child will truly affect them. If you feel good about spanking your kids, and you feel it is the right thing to do, someone from the internet that you have never met should not piss you off so dearly.



ETA: And surprise surprise, my sisters kids are monsters.

Sheryl - posted on 11/01/2012

3

14

0

My son still has his bottle. I wouldn't be concerned over that. My oldest daughter grew in yellow teeth. The dentist said it was because she had too much floride but it was ok. I don't want to open another can of worms with oeople debating spanking. With that said, giving my son a quick tap on his padded diaper while saying no was the only thing that got his attention. Before that though we would put him in his bed until he calmed down but when we let him out he would do whatever ge had just gotten in trouble for. It was beyond frustrating.

Megan - posted on 11/01/2012

15

0

1

Thank u It is def, frustrating i hope as he gets older n starts to understand better he starts doing better as well.. He is also cutting his top teeth finally only thing that also worries me with him is they are cutting through with some discolor to them n i dont know wether to take the bottle away is a good thing or not bc he is always wanting one bc i have a 3month old with the same type of bottle except pink n when she gets one he wants one n dont know what exactly to do with his teeth do u have any suggestions ??

Megan - posted on 11/01/2012

15

0

1

Thank u It is def, frustrating i hope as he gets older n starts to understand better he starts doing better as well.. He is also cutting his top teeth finally only thing that also worries me with him is they are cutting through with some discolor to them n i dont know wether to take the bottle away is a good thing or not bc he is always wanting one bc i have a 3month old with the same type of bottle except pink n when she gets one he wants one n dont know what exactly to do with his teeth do u have any suggestions ??

Sheryl - posted on 11/01/2012

3

14

0

My son has neen throwing screaming fits since he was 15ths months as well. He is now 22 months old. I tried redirecrion, time outs, spanking him on the butt,and anything else I was suggested to try. He still throws giant fits. Now, however, when he starts getting out of hand, I make him look me in the eyes and I ask him if he wants to be in big trouble and he will say no. Then I suggest that he goes play trucks or watch TV. He grabs a sippy and will go do it. I thought I would loose my mind for a while there when nothing would work. Good luck to you and your son.

Holly - posted on 11/01/2012

1,250

18

518

well my children could EASILY turn out to be like my sister's monsters.... guess what... she doesn't spank her kids... and i am GLAD that my kids don't act like that, i might have LOST it long ago if they had. i do not HIT my children in a violent or disrespectful way... and i CERTAINLY do not hit them out of anger. I do not need to validate myself to you, i am sorry but your ATTACKS at the way that i raise my kids REALLY does piss me off. but since you are of no importance to me, i will let it go, otherwise i will report you. i am just giving you a fair warning, since i am so courteous.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2012

18,939

9

3002

Yup. It is always a challenge to start time outs. Just stick to your guns. But only use it when he does something bad. And give him warnings before hand "if you do that one more time, you go to time out". After always explain to him at eye level why he was in timeout and end it with a hug.

Megan - posted on 11/01/2012

15

0

1

Thank u both for your reply everyone has different ways n what works for there children n im trying to learn what works for me n my son n i always tell him easy n when im telling him he does listen n be easy just sometimes he isnt i will keep trying with that just he tries to pick her up while she is in the swing or anywhere n his reach n that makes me nervous i have a crib for her n that is mostly where i have to keep her n i spend all my free time playing with him while she sleeps n now is a lot of them time i just wish he would listen to me when i try to tell him no i will try the time out for 1min n see how that works bc i only did it a few times n it seem to upset me more then anything bc it seemed to really hurt his feelings for me to do it but maybe if i stick to it he will start to listen

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2012

18,939

9

3002

Good, I am glad your kids are so awesome. It has nothing to do with you spanking them though. Don't you think that hitting them is disrespecting them and their bodies? Apparently not. Why is it ok for parents to kit there kids, but can be sent to jail for hitting another adult? Because it is wrong to use physical violence against someone. And yes, hitting is physical violence. And yes, hitting your child strikes fear in them. Otherwise you hitting them would not deter them from doing that thing they got hit for in the first place. They fear being hit.

Holly - posted on 11/01/2012

1,250

18

518

i would suggest that ANY TIME you put your infant down for tummy time, to not leave her side. If you need to put her down to cook or anyhting do you have a play pen or a play yard? if not these are great investments... ALSO do you have a crib for her? if you do, that might also be a good place to put her for tummy time if you have to cook or leave her side.

Holly - posted on 11/01/2012

1,250

18

518

lol I will have to just say that i will have to be inclined to agree to disagree on this, we are on both sides of the fence on this... I will just say that my children are VERY understanding well adjusted happy, intelligent, well spoken children. and 99.9 percent of the time they didn't need spankings, but when they flat out disobey me, or flat out disrespect me, i remind them of who is in charge, and who will be the obedient child. let me tell you, they are not afraid of me, they truly and honestly respect me, with out fear.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2012

18,939

9

3002

Well, concerning your baby, of course you need to be careful. But you can certainly teach him HOW to touch her. Say gentle everytime, and just tell him how fragile she is. This really actually explains a lot. He may be acting out because he is not getting all of mommies attention any more. Set aside time in your day that you only spend with him. Give him lots of love and positive encouragement. When he does something well, really let him know how proud you are of him. He may be doing things simply to get your attention. He has no idea that is why he is doing them though.



I stand firm with hitting him is not the answer. Trying to understand his needs is the answer.

Megan - posted on 11/01/2012

15

0

1

I've tried to give him light pops n tell him no n he throws a complete fit n screams like no other i tried the timeout as well n it didnt seem to do anything and one more thing is that i have a 3month old baby girl now n i dont know how to get him to stop trying to pick her up i cant put her on her belly for tummy time on the floor or leave her side for even a sec. bc im afraid he will hurt her n i know he dont know any better he just wants to play with her he is very sweet to her n wants to give her kisses over n over n over just sometimes he is to hard n makes me nervous bc her soft spot n also he sees mommy pat her on her back to burp her n sometimes he tries to do the same thing when she is laying down only much harder n i dont want to make him feel bad bc i feel like he just trying to do what he seen me doing i dont want him to feel upset bc of her but when it could hurt her what to u do ?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2012

18,939

9

3002

Yup. That is usually what pro-spankers say. But then again, if you are hitting your child to try and teach them not to hit....it doesn't work. All kids eventually hit. Or kick. Teaching them new things without having to smack them around is in my opinion the best approach. I grew up being spanked. Just because you grew up that way, does not make it the best way to handle your children.

Holly - posted on 11/01/2012

1,250

18

518

i don't know, my kids are fine, and don't hit anyone and play just fine in their rooms, and this is how i raised them. maybe it can for some kids, but mine turned out just fine... and i know this is how i was raised, and i turned out just fine.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2012

18,939

9

3002

No...don't "pop" him on his hand. That will just teach him hitting is the way to get what you want. Kids are curious. If you let them do the door thing, as annoying as it is, he will probably get tired of it. Or you can use time out. In my experience, the more I say no...the more they do it. Redirection is key, and I know you are trying that....but if you do it without no and get him really interested in something else, it may work.



Also, bedrooms should not be a time out spot. It can give them a bad feeling about their room, and associate it with them being in trouble. FInd a local spot in the house where he can stand or sit, and have that spot ONLY be for timeouts. It is 1 minute per year.

Holly - posted on 11/01/2012

1,250

18

518

pop him on his hand, not hard, don't hurt him.... but give his hand a pop and tell him "no sir, you don't touch the door!" if he doesn't listen put him in his room for a minute... yes 60 seconds of time out....

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms