How do I disipline a 12 year old girl with an attitude?

Jasmine - posted on 03/26/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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She is starting to have an attitude about everything!! Chores, brother,etc...what can I do?

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Rachel - posted on 03/28/2009

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My daughter is 11yo with major attitude. I stopped her from doing things, going out etc. Half the time it didn't work. Than i started removing things from her room. T.V , Stereo etc she had to earn everything back. She was so determined to beat me at this game she got down to only having a mattress on the floor and realised her life isn't that bad and the attitude started changing big time. Each time she back answered me i walked in and took 1 thing out. Each time she done a chore or good deed without me asking i would give her something back. Believe me she soon come to her senses. Kids nowadays think they are so hard done by until they have nothing. Hope this helps you Cheers

Frine - posted on 04/25/2013

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my daughter is almost 12 years old,but lately she has changed,she has an attitude,all she
wants to do is read stories about a show from disney,i can't get thru her,i need some advise......

User - posted on 03/26/2009

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Quoting Jasmine:

How do I disipline a 12 year old girl with an attitude?

She is starting to have an attitude about everything!! Chores, brother,etc...what can I do?



When I was 12, I was the same way. I put my poor mom through hell. I think the best approach is to remain calm but firm. She is arguing and complaining but what she is really saying is that she is going through a tough time and really needs someone to talk to who understands what she is going through. This person can be you,  or a responsible friend, aunt etc. The bottom line is she needs someone or she will go out looking for someone...and this could be the wrong person and then you'll have a bigger problem. Try to work with her and not yell. Spend time with her  so she feels comfortable confiding in you. Reassure her that you were once her age and went through or witnessed struggles and know ways of dealing with difficult situations. When she gets an attitude, without yelling, just firmly state that you love her and hearing her say the things she is saying is hurtful and unacceptable. Structure and consistancy is very important. Having a routine where certain chores are expected everyday may calm her a bit because she will get use to it. If she acts up be consistant in her punishments and stick to it. I know this time is very difficult but it does get easier and better. Just know that this is a phase. Also, try getting her involved in extra cirricular activities that she is interested in and focused on her future. This will get her mind out of the dark where she is lost and she will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Set up short and long term goals. An organized brain is a happy brain.

StacyandScott - posted on 03/26/2009

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Stay away from arguing with her I have a 20 yr old and it never goes away. Limit times with friend and the phone..This is the age when the hormones come in2 play and they don't stop.Pick and choose your battles with her let her know what is expected and what the consequences will be if she disobeys. Tell her it is not a one two three your out cause this will let her push limits.Tell her you will tell her once and that's it...

Jodie - posted on 03/26/2009

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i have a 12yr old girl who seems to have attitude about everything these days also. i try and talk to her about the problem first but if that doesnt work and she continues to make life difficult for everyone else i ban her from things such as the phone, internet and going out with her friends. while she is banned from those things i make her do extra study and extra chores.... she soon changes her attitude lol



luckily though i am usually able to talk to her. i find that at this age it is very important to let them know you understand and that you are not just a mum but a female who went through the same changes that they are going through. we're not that old that we cant remember what it was like to be their age haha

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Kristy - posted on 03/28/2009

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mine is 14 and im still trying not to pull my hair out. i think its a phase they go through.my daughteris the same way.

Nicole - posted on 03/26/2009

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Quoting Jasmine:



Amen to that!!  Hopefully we are sitting back laughing with a pretty drink in our hands!!!!






that would be nice and but I have a long way to go my oldest is 15 and youngest is 6 mo.

Lyn - posted on 03/26/2009

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I am in agreement I must say. Taking away the things she loves most at that age. I was also the same exact way. Trust me when I say that I don't agree that it doen't go away. I came to my senses and I appreciate everything my mom has done for me and I do as many wonderful things as I can for her now. It took me a couple years, not forever, to realize that she was doing what was best for me. Structure and disipline. My mom is now my Best Friend and I don't know what I would have ever done without her. I still feel like she gave me some bad advise back then but I turned out to be a caring and responsible adult. It will go away. Believe me, just love her and listen when she needs you. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Jasmine - posted on 03/26/2009

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Amen to that!!  Hopefully we are sitting back laughing with a pretty drink in our hands!!!!

Jasmine - posted on 03/26/2009

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Lord I have tried talking with her on her level..telling her I know how she feels, I've been there and all that and then telling her how her attitude affects the whole house and it's a domino effect..I've grounded her, taken her phone, no internet, not TV, extra chores (she did dishes a month straight once!) I feel I have tried everything??  I know it's a part of growing up and I was a jerk to my parents so I should understand, but being on the other side sucks, BIG TIME!!  She joined track & field at school and I don't want to use that as a punishment tool as I think the excercise and stuff is too important...so I guess it's get thru these years the best we can and hope I'm not traumatizing her too much???!!  I hope  I make it out alive!!!! ;) LOL

Nicole - posted on 03/26/2009

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Not sure how to deal w/ 12yr old w/ attitude cause I'm having trouble w/15 yr old boy. Just wanted to say hang in there one day we can sit back and laugh while they are being driven crazy by our grandchildren

Arwen - posted on 03/26/2009

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I don't have a preteen yet, but I do remember being a pain to my parents. My mom told me years later that she thought I hated her. =P



I can remember going through puberty around that time, one of the first in my class, and already being embarrassed about things. My body had to change, too?! I only had a brother living at home with me, and the comments he made to me without my parents' knowing only made my attitude worse. "What's under your shirt? hahaha!" I would be so angry if someone even looked into my room.



The teen parents here might have better advice, and I'm not sure if mine even fits your situation, but remembering my preteens and teens I can offer that she's growing up, you might have to start respecting her space more. I really appreciated my dad making everyone knock on my door and not just enter. Make sure that her brother knows to not make her feel self conscious. If she seems like she's really upset just because you want to go to the store, she might just want to watch her favorite program.



I can remember thinking at that age that my parents still knew what was going on in my head, and I would be very upset if I thought they weren't taking my feelings into consideration. They tried so hard to, though, and I didn't even know it. =) Hope this helps some!



LOL I'm starting to dread my daughter's teens!

Cheryl - posted on 03/26/2009

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Boy can I relate to what you are saying. My daughter, Heather, is 13 and can be the same way at times. Sorry that I don't have any good advice for you.

Kellie - posted on 03/26/2009

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12 yrs old is the write age they start with attitude, i take things away from my daughter and she is 17, It has been a long hard road with her, the attitude doesnt really go away,I hear they act normal again at the age of 25, you are not alone, at this age friends mean every thing to them and there phone if they have one, dont argue with her tell her she will lose her priv, they love to argue

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