How do I explain puberty to my transgender child?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/14/2012

I am actually fortunate to have been a part of the transgender community (not me, but friends), transvestite, lesbian, and gay. I have a lot of understanding from knowing such a vast group of people. I wish more people could say the same so it could broaden peoples horizons, and less closed mindedness would be in the general public. Unfortunately the reality of it, people being different creates fear among the masses.

Tori - posted on 04/14/2012

Dont really have any advice (sorry) but just wanted to see how lovely it is to see a mum supporting their child no matter what, especially in what is a very confusing & stressful situation, I wish you & your family all the best!x

Krista - posted on 04/13/2012

That's what I was going to suggest, was the hormone blockers. A lot of transgender individuals find puberty EXTREMELY distressing, as they lose any possibility of "passing" for their true, mental gender, and instead start to look more and more like their false, external gender. Due to the delays you mentioned, were I in your shoes, I would set the wheels in motion NOW for the hormone blockers, because at age 10, puberty isn't just "not far away" -- it's arrived, and will soon be changing your child's body in ways that will be extremely upsetting to him.

She is going to get periods, breasts and body hair like a woman. This is going to cause her a massive amount of stress if her family have already accepted her as a boy.

Louise, if this child truly IS transgendered, then his family NOT accepting him as a boy would cause more stress than you can imagine. Because in that child's mind, he IS a boy. So to get breasts and a period will be horrible enough for him...but then for his family to not even acknowledge that he really is a boy? Devastating. The rate of suicide among transgendered youth is alarmingly high -- and if the parents can be understanding and supportive, that goes a long way towards helping the child not feel so alone and misunderstood.

I would urge all of you to read up on transgenderism. It is really very misunderstood in society, which unfortunately, leads to a lot of damage towards these extremely vulnerable children.

Chrystal - posted on 04/13/2012

Not sure if you've already heard of this group or if they are even any good but they are based in Australia so thought is was worth sharing just encase.

http://www.truecolours.org.au

Medic - posted on 04/13/2012

I think you are doing an awesome job, my childhood best friend (since we were 5 and we are 26) is now a he. He always knew he was a boy and he is now an amazing man. Both of his parents are psycologists and they delt with it all as it came. I think the best for your child is to follow his lead. Thank god my friend is so understanding because he legally became a he about 5 years ago and to this day I still mess up sometimes but he knows I don't care what he is as long as he is true to himself. I have pics from when we were teens and he looked male everyone thought he was. He was not tormented, or bullied, we happened to live in a very accepting area of Texas of all places. Now he lives in San Fransisco and is loving it.

I guess my long out of the way rambling was just to give you hope. Screw those that think "god" is always right and our children should fit into the nice little box society accepts. I personally love the fact that Cole had the confidence to live and color outside the lines and I love that both of my kids have the confidence to do the same.

Kim - posted on 04/13/2012

Thanks guys for all your replies! I am soooo very glad to be able to discuss this and believe me there is an emmense feeling of relief I am feeling right now! There seems to be alot of different opinions regarding transgender and obviously I am taking on board everything that is written as I try to be as objective as I can. We have been seeing a child psychiatrist that specialises in gender for approx 1 year. As we live in Australia, there seem to be not very many "professionals" dealing with this type of thing. It took us a very long time and lots and lots of appointments with these so called "professionals" and unfortunately most of them were very dismissive of the situation and provided no advice whatsoever, so we are just going by the way we feel is helpful. We have had extensive hormone testing, pelvic ultrasounds and the like and everything has come back with a "normal" female reproduction system, so it is pretty clear to me that it is not just a passing phase, especially after 2 years. It has also been very difficult dealing not only with this, but having to deal with trichotillomania and anxiety in a child so young, so we are really dealing with 3 issues (that may or may not be linked). We have discussed the future with the psychiatrist and she has explained that there is a lot to "changing" sexes - as in the child needs to be definate about the gender they want to live with, then it is possible to use hormone blockers but this needs to go thru another thorough psyc assessment then the case has to be taken to court before it can even be passed as a "real" thing. If the hormone blockers are given close to puberty, the body will stay in it's present state (eg. developing breasts) and menstruation will be halted for a specific time and if it is then decided that we want to continue as a female, the blockers will be stopped and female puberty will commence again, only a little later. But if it is decided to continue as a male, then the appropriate hormones will be given and continue on to male puberty. Obviously this is a HUGE time in our lives and although I sometimes wish things could be more "simple" I love my child no matter what and I could never make him/her into something that I want, they can only be themselves and we have to be there to support them through whatever issues they have in life, either as a young person or when they get older. Once again, thank you for your answers and I look forward to being in touch alot more! :-)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/13/2012

WOW Laura. She is not talking about changing her childs sex right now. That first of all is not even legal. Secondly, you do not undergo major surgery like that until you are fully developed, grown, been through hormone therapy for years, along with psychiatry to determine this is the best thing to do. Can you imagine going through your life feeling like you do as a women right now, but being trapped in a mans body...but told to "get over it, enjoy being a women".

Laura Zoey - posted on 04/13/2012

I mean this in the most kind and respectful way possible but the brain is not perfect. Sometimes people's brains fail them and they hallucinateor think they should do or say or eat things they shouldn't. Many disprders exist where the persons brain fails them and isn't working right.

As an unexperienced uneducated mom I feel like before we say, oh sure why not change your sex, we should look into the possibility that the child simply has a hormone deficiency or something else which is causing her to think she is male.



It's not my child so I can't advise this mom what to do but if it were me I would first try to help my female child feel happy being who she is.

Beyond that I can not say! I'd have to be living it myself.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/13/2012

Laura, being transgender is not about hating yourself. It is knowing who you are really suppose to be. People who are transgender were literally born into the wrong body. It is not about trying to "fix" them to love their bodies. It is like telling someone who is gay, just not to be. That they don't have to be attracted to the same sex, and to try to be sexually attracted to the opposite sex. I hope that makes sense.

If anything, the hormone therapy that HE would get, would be male hormones to prevent normal female puberty from happening, or at least delaying it.

Laura Zoey - posted on 04/13/2012

I think this sounds like a very difficult time for you and for her and you sound like you're already doing a good job trying to help her out!

My first uneducated thought would be what about giving her some sort of hormonal therapy so she can receive extra female hormones and maybe feel more like who she is?

You should ask her dr and see what is possible to help be able to identify with herself more.

As I said, I'm not an expert here in any sense of the word, but this would be my first step,seeing if I could help my daughter love herself just the way she is.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/13/2012

You will find a wonderful supportive community of mothers here, with a mixture of unfortunate judgement. I really hope you talk with us further, and just ignore the negativity.

Chrystal - posted on 04/13/2012

First of all I would like to say you are doing a great job it's so wonderful to see parents willing to put aside their own perception of who their child is in order to let to the child figure that out for themselves. If you haven't already I'd really suggest trying to find a psychologist and doctor that have experience with transgender individuals especially children. They can help you and your child get through puberty and make choices on how to do that. It is possible for your child to go through female or male puberty each having it's own set of risks physically, socially, and psychologically. Trained professionals are the best to help with making those choices that are best for your child both now and in the future. No matter the choices your child will need support through puberty because it is more challenging for them. http://www.genderspectrum.org/ this site may be of help to you in answering some questions and finding resources on your journey. You are doing a wonderful job as a parent and it'll help keep your child from some of the horrible fates so many transgenders have had because they didn't have that kind of love and support. I wish the best for you all

Louise - posted on 04/13/2012

Sorry I cant get my hear around this. You call your daughter a him and support the fact that she wants to be a him. At 10! Really! I am all for parental support but dont you think this is going to far. First things first counceling and guidance this is not normal at 10! Most children get these feelings around puberty but you say you have done this for a couple of years! Wow!

Your daughter needs help, there is nothing wrong with the transgender thing but she has to accept she is a woman and there is nothing you can do about that until later in life when she is fully grown. She is going to get periods, breasts and body hair like a woman. This is going to cause her a massive amount of stress if her family have already accepted her as a boy. Ring your doctors and ask to be referred to a medical expert in these matters that can guide you and your daughter through the mine field of puberty. She is very very young and has to know that just because she has chosen to live her childhood as a boy it does not mean that she has to live her adult life as a man. Hormones are strange things and disrupt even the girliest of girls.

If this was my child I would let her dress however she wanted that made her feel comfortable but she would still be refered to as my daughter, because that is who she is.

This is not a get at you, it really is not. I can see the pain and confusion this is going to cause as her friends develop into women and she is still very much the tom boy. It is a hard life she is choosing for herself. Being different as a teenager is a life of bullying and ridicule, whether it is over sexual preference, colour of skin or financial capabilities.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/13/2012

WOW! You impress the hell out of me! Way to go momma! Love to hear stories of complete support of their children in situations like this. I am not sure that I can offer any advice. Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job. Just keep explaining it to him. Have you tried counseling for him to help sort through the emotions? It may help during puberty to have an experts help on this circumstance. It is a tricky one, especially since he is already having anxiety. What a confusing time in any childs life. I truly wish you the best of luck! And once again, great job momma!