How do I get my 16 week old daughter to stop being so clingy?

Katie - posted on 03/02/2009

I know that hearing people say, "Enjoy it while you can!" doesn't help at ALL, but it's true.  That being said, when you can't even pee because baby won't let you put her down, it's past the point of enjoyment.

HOPEFULLY it's just a phase...but I'd recommend doing as much as you can to distract her!  Introduce her to a new toy or something to stare at, and if she's having trouble bonding with others, try to introduce her to them when you DON'T need to run off and do something else.  If Daddy can hold her while you sit next to them, she may become more comfortable with him because you're still near...eventually, she'll be cool with just him.

If nothing else works, just try your best to shrug your shoulders and say, "This is the way it's gotta be!" Acceptance makes everything easier, I've found.  Good luck!

Hayley - posted on 03/02/2009

I think I'm finding it harder because I have had the support of my partner up until just last week when he returned to university. Now I can't give her to him (or anyone for that matter) when I need a break. What adds to this issue and makes it more difficult is the fact that shes grizzly when I put her down or hold her, I just want to help her but when I can't it gets very frustrating. She also doesn't sleep alot during the day so I don't get a minute to myself. If I put her down to go to the toilet she cries, if i put her down to make dinner she cries, if I have her with me shes still grizzly. I just want my baby to be happy and I don't know what to do to help!!

Malinda - posted on 02/27/2009

I agree with those who recommend a baby carrier or sling! There are many great ones on the market (my personal favorite is the Ergo Baby, but it isn't cheap) that will help your baby feel close to you and allow you to get things done around the home.

Lisset - posted on 02/27/2009

At 16 weeks aren't they supposed to be clingy? Breastfeeding is the best thing you can do for your baby. She just wants mom to comfort her. Soon it will go away, and she will find other interesting things to do. Enjoy it while it lasts!

Pauline - posted on 02/27/2009

It is not a bad habit for a 4 month old baby to want to be held all the time.  It means she is forming a healthy attachment to you.  You can't "spoil" her at this age.  I wouldn't worry too much about it.  As Paige said, it won't be too long before you will be wishing she'd let you give her a hug.  That said, you need to take care of you too and if you're feeling like you can never put her down and it's frustrating you that can be a problem.  Is there someone who can give you a break so you can spend some by yourself?  That can make it easier to take when you've got a little "Clingon" as we call this stage in my family. 

Jenni - posted on 02/27/2009

i wouldn't worry about it.. she's not feeling good... she just wants comforting

Sharon - posted on 02/27/2009

I don't think the breastfeeding is causing this, it is more likely just a phase. If anything breastfeeding should make her feel more secure, since that is your special time together.  I second the recommendation for a sling or baby carrier (I had both a sling and a Baby Bjorn and used one or the other depending on my son's preference). That way they are snuggled up against you but you can still GET SOMETHING DONE!!  Your daughter is still very little and although I know it seems like she will be this age forever, it will be over faster than you might imagine.

Be sure if you need a break that you still get dad, uncle, mom, grandma, neighbor, whoEVER and then leave the house, even if it is just for 1/2 hour to regroup. When someone was able to give me a break, I would just get in the car and drive around the block....it felt like I'd been on vacation. :-)

Emily - posted on 02/27/2009

It could just be she is wanting mommy. If you are wanting to try and put some space between you put her in a swing or bouncy seat wear she can see and hear you she may fuss a little but don't pick her up. If you talk to her she will realize that you are there and clam down. That is the theory that is suspost to work. It didn't with my son he just grew out of it. It lasted for about 3 months wewar all he wanted was mommy. Just remember you are her safe place and that is why she is cling so much.

Tanya - posted on 02/27/2009

I went though this stage with my dd. It's not an easy one but you'll get through it. She'll get over her clingy stage and begin to play with other people again. Try not to feel guilty about it and try not to push her to be social at this point. It could make things worse as it had for myself and my other mom friends. Just a suggestion not a "must do". My dd was around the five month point when she began to react in a similar fashion. It's perfectly normal and it's totally ok! Though it seems like forever..it's truly a very short time! :)

Ally - posted on 02/27/2009

you should take it as a compliment that you baby wants to be with you..she is in the developmental stage of learning healthy attachments to her caregivers and needs to know you are there for her. try using a sling that way she is being held and you have some free hand i have one called a wrap and wear that i love! it isnt a bad habit it means you're doing a great job as a mom..and keep up with the breastfeeding its by far one of the best things you can do for your baby!

Amie - posted on 02/27/2009

My daughter is 9 months and she still has her clingy moments. I don't think it's a habit you should try to break. I don't think it's a habit. I know sometimes it's hard when you still have so many other things you have to do. I used one of those baby carriers alot, and that really helped me. I had to free hands and still had my little girl right where she belonged, close to me. Your daughter is still so little. She was attached to you for 9 months, mommy and daddy is all she knows. She just wants to know your still there. I hope this helps. Good luck

Susan - posted on 02/27/2009

Children go through so many changes (and believe me this will change too) !! Don't try to change it , enjoy it because it won't last long. You may think it's taking forever while you are going through it with her but when you look back on it you'll see it really wasn't that long at all!! Just be patient and love her bunches!!!! Good luck

Karlie - posted on 02/26/2009

my son went through the clingy stage at 6 months. i found that letting dad or grandma or any one that they know play with them on the floor while you leave the room should get them used to being away from you. what i would do is get them playing together and then go into another room for a few mins and then go back to them and show her that your still there, do this at least once a day. i dont no if it will work for you but it is worth a try. oh and each day leave for a little bit longer. good luck

Lisa - posted on 02/26/2009

16weeks arent they suppose to cling to us then? Honey, enjoy it while it lasts. there will come a day when all you will do is reflect, reflect reflect and will dream about the good ole days of raising your wonderful pain in the butts.Do not discourage her wanting to be close to you as she grows up, you want the lines of communication open and this is a great way to mold that with her, enjoy the bond she is reaching out to you for. Please don't get frustrated because she is too clingy. The fact that she is clinging tells me that she trusts your care for her, she trusts you, she is relaxed with you and loves her mommy! :) She feels bonded with you. You sound like a great mom I honestly do not see anything wrong with it only because she will not cling to you forever, this is temporary.

Stefanie - posted on 02/26/2009

I totally sympathize with you. When my daughter was 4 months old she went through this phase of clingyness. It was hard at first because I valued the time when other people could take her from me because I could get other things done. I read a great book by Dr. Sears called the baby book. In it they talk about attachment parenting. Your baby wanting to be held by you is not a bad habit. You're her lifeline. So, I did what they said and made sure I held her when she wanted to be held and calmed her when she needed her mother to calm her. The clingy phase didn't last long after that. Once she realized that I was there for her when she needed me she felt safe and became very independent. She is now 2 years old and the only time she ever gets clingy is when something big happens (like us moving or her new baby sister being born) and even then it doesn't last longer than a couple weeks. It may be hard to feel like you're baby needs you so much but don't worry if you help her now it will only help you in the future. Also, make sure that you don't let her cry it out. It could make the problem worse. She needs to feel like when she needs you you are there for her. Once she learns that she'll be off doing things on her own.

Kimberly - posted on 02/26/2009

It's just a phase. Be calm and gentle and understanding. When she's 16 she'll want nothing to do with you and you'll look back at this time and wonder why you didn't just enjoy the closeness.

Amanda - posted on 02/26/2009

Get a sling!! just google babywearing and you will get a lot of great sites with information about finding the right fit and style for you and your baby. I know it sounds a little crazy at first and you feel like you look a little funny, but when you get through an afternoon with baby in tow you might just change your mind. It is probably just a stage, but babies were hugged tight for 9 months inside you and lots of babies desire that after they are born. You can even breastfeed in the sling once you get it figured out. My daughter was a clingy clingy baby and now at 2 1/2 still loves to get on my back in my wrap. Some people say that babies that are held too much don't get enough activity so they walk later etc, but my experience with both of my kids is more independence. They let you know when they want down and they get to see the world from your viewpoint while you get two free hands. Good luck--I agree with Paige snuggle while you can!

Christy - posted on 02/26/2009

Awww..she is beautiful! We all want our mommies when we don't feel good, like the teething. Definately let her be w/ Dad and uncle even if she seems upset at the start, because she needs to know that DAd and uncle are safe people too.

It will pass, feeding time is an awesome cuddle time and make sure you are sleeping her in her own bed/crib at night and for naps. This helps them become more confident and not afraid to be "a little further" away from mommy. And like the other mom said, enjoy it while you can.....it does not last! enjoy your floor play time w/ her and then when you have to get up to cook, or whatever, pop in a new toy that will keep her entertained:)

Those floor gyms are a great hit at that age!

Jodie - posted on 02/26/2009

No...... Breast feeding is sooo good for your baby.... I was pretty upset to stop breastfeeding when I did at 8 months... I am telling you now- you may feel constantly being wanted and constantly feeling like you are the only one she wants , but look at it this way because I sure do now, you are the mommy, she was inside you for 9 months and now that she is out she still needs YOU more then ever! And that is a good thing! While I was breast feeding I was going crazy it was like omg does this baby ever stop eating I had no life I didnt do any thing except feed her rock her sing to her hold her  feed her and love her and it seemed like soo much all at once! But I was the mom! And that is what they need! My advice would be enjoy it while you can because in 12 months from now that baby will wanting to run and play and she will not need you as much as she does now! And as she gets older she will need you even less!  I don't know... just my opion! I hope things will get better for you!  One thing I use to do when i needed a break was put her in the stroller and take a walk ! you get fresh air and you some what get some time apart! Good luck!

Paige - posted on 02/26/2009

Enjoy it while you can! I miss my baby girl wanting to snuggle with me, and she is only 6 months. Its probably just a stage though. Have you tried laying right next to her on the floor when she plays!