How do I get my 19mnth old to sleep in his crib all night and not in our bed, he is really attached to me, as he needs to rub my arm to fall asleep most of the time..

Cassie-Marie - posted on 01/05/2009

My partner and I had the same problem with our son, he would only sleep in our bed and could only fall asleep by holding my ear, it got very frustrating and starting causing my partner and I to fight so I made sure I put him in his own bed by 730 with 1 teddy and let him cry it was so difficult to hear him cry but he put himself to sleep. we were really lucky he only cried for the first 2 nights and now he only sleeps in his bed it's great such a relief good luck

Jeana - posted on 01/05/2009

let him cry!! sit with him and let him hear your voice. my baby needs to pull my hair to go tosleep. im also in the same process as you. i let her cry but she knows im there and she calms down when she realizes this fact. good luck!! let me know any pointers you may learn.

Liz - posted on 01/05/2009

the self soothing thing didnt help my son all all, and i tried it, just letting him cry, but he would wake up in the middle of the night, and im telling u, going to work with a few hrs of sleep isnt easy.  so, at 2, i got him a toddler bed. and i put it right next to my bed, cause my son is also very attached to me.  he actually has to hold my hand, or i have to put my arm over him, so instead of sleeping on my bed, which he loves, i put his bed right next to me.  hes in the comfort of his bed, and im in mine, and well, im rite next to him.  and odd enough,, he started sleeping the whole nite.  now, no more crying, although, i dont work no more.  but we both get the sleep we missed out on.  everybody tells me to put him in his room, but when the time is rite.  hes a baby still.  hes afraid of being alone.  and hes always thinking im going to leave him.  so, this way, i no hes safe, and he knows im right next to him.  eventually he ll go to his room.  but they do grow up fast.  y no enjoy him as a child before he stops wanting my hugs and kisses...lol.  good luck. 

oh, i tried the music, the teddy bear, the blanket, reading a good nite story, and nothing worked for me.  every child is different. 

Jen - posted on 01/05/2009

Quoting Cassie:

its sounds cruel and mean but its the only sure fire method. but him on a bed time, put him in his crib, have a soft blanket or a soft stuffed animal in there, leave the room, close the door so there is only a small crack and let him cry himself to sleep. if he's still screaming go in every 15 min rub his back for a minute tell him you love him but its bedtime and leave the room. he should fall asleep in an hour maybe and 1 1/2 hrs. continue this routine every night and he will fall asleep faster and faster each time. This was the only way i could get my son to sleep in his bed and sleep through the night. But its going to take a lot of will power so be strong. You can do it.

After trying a couple of different things, I can honestly say that this is the only thing that worked for us.  It was really hard and I wanted to give in a couple of times, but I am now rewarded with two kids - ages 4 and 5 - who go to bed every night at a regular bedtime and all they need is a story, a drink, and some cuddles.  

Both of my kids were about the same age as your little one.  He will cry and be upset, but it will all be fine.  Best of luck to you!

Kathy - posted on 01/05/2009

That is what I did I would walk my child back to his room tell him it was bedtime I love you and tuck him in and walk away.  I would have to do this over and over agian to make him stay there but eventually the times between the walks got longer and longer then befor I knew it he was sleepng.  Took about a week or so.  With my daughter  I would lay with her for a moment in her bed until she got really droopy eyed then while she was still awake I kissed her and said goodnight..  She has never given me trouble at bed time.  My 11 year old boy stll has trouble so I lay with him for a minute and then I say goodnight before you know it lights out sleeping soundly.

Julie - posted on 01/05/2009

This may be tiring, but keep walking him back to his room & put him in his bed. He will get tired of getting up to walk to your room & crash in his bed. I also laid down for a few mins until my daughter fell asleep.

Dana - posted on 01/05/2009

I agree...do the crying out. It only takes a week or so and it will be done with. Just remember if you do not do it now he will be 5 and sleeping with you....believe me I KNOW. It is a really good time because soon he will be in a toddler bed and than you can no longer put him down and leave and know he is crying out for you and not because he is into something. I really really wish I would've done it sooner. GOOD LUCK!!

Cheryl - posted on 01/05/2009

For me with my son I knew he was very attached to me early on so I had to let him self sooth and put him self to sleep I started when he was 6 months old. I listened and cryed the whole time, it will be hard but if you do it propperly it will be a no tear solution in the end. when I did it for the first time it took 20 min I listened the whole time and I could tell in his crying there was katches in his voice that he was trying his hardest to sooth himself. and after a week he cryed bloody murder for a while just to test out how far he could push the limits with this new system, I went and checked on him and nothing was that matter. I gave him huggs and kisses and said the same things over and over which was nighty night, mommy loves you sweet dreams. that is all i would say for comunication. it took less than 2 weeks and he does not make a sound you just have to catch the starting signs they are getting tired, if he gets over tired it is harder for him. I also really praised him when he woke up, with happy and excited words. I also had a stuffed animal that i wore for a few days in my shirt so it had my smell and to this day it is his fav and always takes it to bed.



whatever it is you end up doing be consistant and he will learn fast.



good luck I know how hard it is.

Christine - posted on 01/05/2009

I had the same problem with my daughter when she was 9 months, I was told by the public health nurse a few things that may help. first, make sure he has his own bedroom. make sure you have a baby monitor so you can make sure all is ok. you will have to let him cry, the first couple nights will be ridiculously hard, beleive me I know, if he cries longer than 10 minutes, go in and rub his back or whatever but DO NOT take him out of the crib. then leave again. it will be insanely difficult for the first few nights but day after day it gets so much better. I cried nonstop for the first few nights but now, she gets put in her crib at night, grabs her blanky and cuddles up, sometimes talks for a bit and then I don't hear a peep out of her till the next morning. But I do miss sleeeping with her soooo much, probably more than she does now..lol

Brenda - posted on 01/05/2009

When my son had problems falling asleep we would give him "something special" this was a variation of his daddy's tee shirt he was wearing that day to my childhood blankey, this always worked. My husband was on the routine of sleeping on his floor until our son was a sleep, I wasn't happy about that, so I had to come up with some idea. Kyle who is now 4 sleeps alone in his own bed and never asks for that "something special' anymore. Good luck!

Erica - posted on 01/05/2009

I agree w/ Zoe. With our boys (now 4yrs & 16 months) as soon as they could walk we transitioned them to twin beds on the floor & laid down with them. We gated the bedroom door, and they both sleep through the night with no problem. Niether of them liked the crib for very long & the twin allows us to lay with them to comfort them as they fall asleep & then leave without having to move them.

Cassie - posted on 01/05/2009

its sounds cruel and mean but its the only sure fire method. but him on a bed time, put him in his crib, have a soft blanket or a soft stuffed animal in there, leave the room, close the door so there is only a small crack and let him cry himself to sleep. if he's still screaming go in every 15 min rub his back for a minute tell him you love him but its bedtime and leave the room. he should fall asleep in an hour maybe and 1 1/2 hrs. continue this routine every night and he will fall asleep faster and faster each time. This was the only way i could get my son to sleep in his bed and sleep through the night. But its going to take a lot of will power so be strong. You can do it.

Zoe - posted on 01/05/2009

I laid down with my son to get him to sleep until he was 2.5/ 3. He is now 5 and has been going to sleep on his own for years. He has never tried to avoid going to bed, I think because it was never an isolating experience for him. He had the comfort he needed, until he was old enough to understand he could do it on his own. Megan's advice (below) is very good, if you feel you really don't want to lie with your son any more. But my point is that if it's for his sake you want to cut this out, there really is no harm in lying with him while he falls asleep. He will grow out of it when he's ready.

Katie - posted on 01/05/2009

my doctor teaches a gradual separation. Only for 7-10 days, after the 10 days if still problems then you let them cry it out, shutting the door. I was shocked though that it did not even take the full 10 days. You start out changing as much as you can in the room, rearranging, and making the bed time VERY apparent. Then at bedtime you go and lay the child in their bed, doing whatever your bedtime routine is..books, prayer, whatever, then tell them goodnight, you then sit in a chair far enough from the child's reach for 30 mins, then get up and leave the room. For my baby it never took it, he went on to sleep. Then every night after keep doing the same routine, thing is your chair moves towards the door each night. Last night your chair is outside the door of your child. My doctor said to start out only with bedtime, not naps. But it all fell together. He sleeps in his bed every night with NO trouble. Its amazing...hope it works!

Aunt Bev - posted on 01/05/2009

Just a thought, but maybe if you had a tshirt made with a picture of mommy on it, and wore it for a couple of weeks, and called it the "mommy t-shirt", then let your baby have it to sleep with so he can sleep with mommy, that might work. Good luck.

MOMMY - posted on 01/05/2009

He is old enough now to sleep in his crib, so you may have to let him cry a bit to get used to it. It helped my oldest to have something that smelled like me in the crib with her like a small teddy bear or lightly spritzing the sheet with my perfume. I also used to warm her bed slightly to give her the feeling of being near me. When she got up and came to my room, I would just take her right back to her crib and tell her it was time to go sleep.