How do I get my 8 year old to stop being so violent

Christina - posted on 07/21/2011

i can reward my eight year old for being good when he is good and as soon as i do if he doesnt like his surprize he hits us. what do i do? i have taken him to spindletop and they have him on meds but they dont seem to be working. we try not to spank him cus he hits us when we do . we bearly get to talk to him cus he hits us. he does this alday. i love both my kids. i just cant get though to my eight year old. we have tried taking things away but he still does the same. he does things and saids it was an accident but we are standing right there when he does it. or we can ask him why he did something and he says i dont know. what do i do?

Christina - posted on 07/21/2011

i have an eight year old son that is very smart but we cant hardly talk to him cus he is always hitting us what do i do?

Christina - posted on 07/21/2011

how do you get though to an eight year old when all he wants to do is hit you when you try to talk to him?

Carmen - posted on 02/01/2009

Hello I have a 9yr old, I want to tell you to please make sure u give her the undivided attention that each child desires and deserves from their parents, take her once a week to pick out a meal she'd like to have as a reward for her good behavior. Have girl talk and give each other manicures/pedicures, any activity that she can spend time with her mommy, and release emotions in a good way, don't reward her if the behavior isn't improving or u don't c any effort on her part. Watch the foods that she's intaking, some foods have additives that don't react well with all who injest them (record a food diary daily, c if u notice any positive or more negative behaviors with different days, and different foods) Have her journal out her feelings and how her day went (if good or bad, she can express how she would like to make it better). Always pray over your daughter (I pray over my son while he's sleeping when he's struggling with issues, otherwise I pray normally for him whether we're near each other, or not), my family and my ex's family all have anger issues. Just like several things on earth anger is a bad spirit. Pray and pray hard, everyday after you pray tell God "thank you in advance" for healing my daughter of her anger issues in Jesus name (John 16:23-27). Don't forget- Spare the rod, spoil the child ( Proverbs 13:24), also look at (Proverbs 19:18). You don't want to loose her to society don't be too hard on her, and don't be too soft on her. Also often we as parents have to examine ourselves, and our own behaviors ( We can't say do as I say, not as I do ) Set the standard for how she needs to be, if she understands right and wrong thats over half the battle. She will get better, stay faithful and encouraged.

Lori - posted on 02/01/2009

I am  mother and also a teacher.  I have worked with severely behaviour disordered youngsters in the past.  The suggestions these moms have provided are great.  Giving her an outlet for aggression, trying to frame experiences so she can see from the perspective of the other ... creating empathy, and having her diagnosed by some helpful professionals.

I cannot emphasize strongly enough the need to find the cause of the aggression.  It is important that your daughter be assessed by a psychologist, or behavioural consultant (in Vancouver we have these through our school board).  Alternatively, taking her to the family doctor may open these avenues for assessment.  The cause could be medical, psychological ... environmental.  You really need to find out the 'why' of it before you will come up with the best way to address it.

Good luck!

Amber - posted on 02/01/2009

My son is ED. If she truly is ED, then maybe a med would help her. I did not want my son to be on meds and tried to take him off of them. But truth be told he does need them. He has been on abilify for two years now and is making remarkable progress. (However my son was terribly abused by his father for years) So your child may not need meds, but it is something you could look into. Some type of mood stabilizer.

Rebekka - posted on 02/01/2009

This is just my opinion but I have found with my three girls that they more one on one time you spend with them the less violent they are. Usually its craving attention and one of the only ways they recieve this attention is this way. Try finding time to spend alone with them, doing anything, Like going for a walk or just a drive with just them. Something that is special to just you. What about going for desert? My eight year old loves it. I know its hard to find time believe me but give it a try, No offense to anyone elses opinion but medicating isnt the answer. And when you do spend time with them make it all positive no talking about any other things that are problems. I found that with my daughters there were so many things going in the negative that I lost sight of actually re-inforcing the positive in her. Focus on positive. Remeber its the action that you dislike not the child, they often dont understand that. They think its their fault. Hope you will give this a try, Its super hard but worth everything!!!

Becky - posted on 02/01/2009

Here's a few book suggestions that you may find helpful.....

both by Mary Sheed Kurcinka.

Good luck with your daughter.

Kristie - posted on 02/01/2009

There are so many things to look at when addressing a problem such as this.  For example, you may need to look into family history, diet, environmental factor, etc.  Are  you a single mother or do you have some help?  I am not a fan of medication as the first resort.  I worked in mental health field for 5 years and b/c of my disappointment with some of its practices, I left.  I'm now working on my teaching license and I know the problems a child can have later on if these issues are not addressed early on.  If in fact your daughter does not have a medical condition that warrants intervention, it may be important to assess where you are and what your approach has been to deal with her behavior.  Sometimes as parents we are more lenient on our children than we need to be.  I don't know your case, so I'm just throwing some things out there.  Good luck.

Julie - posted on 02/01/2009

can she express when she starts to feel out of control, or does she even recongnize it is not great behavior. I remember watching an Oprah a long time ago and a child was like that and it turned out to be a very odd food allergy to something most are not allergic to like peas! Another child was affected because of allergies to cleaning chemicals in her home and school. It could be all kinds of things---doctors can be quick to dismiss allergies---just something to consider.

Stephanie - posted on 02/01/2009

My step son is 9 and he is violent too.  I give him away to take out his energy.  He doesnt mean to be mean but he is really rough.  I give him a pillow or an object that he can hit or yell at.  Then he doesnt take out his aggresion on anybody.  Another way is enroll her in Karate or some sort of martial arts.  It teaches them self control and lets them take out some anger.  I hope I helped you.

Kim - posted on 02/01/2009

I have a 7 year old who has gone through the same things. He has been suspended twice since kindergarten!!! He cannot control his temper. He recently threw a chair in school and thank God it didn't hit anyone! He was recently diagnosed with Limbic Behavior Seizures (and has had ADHD since 3 or 4). He is on the Daytrana Patch 10mg for ADHD and last week they added Depakote 250mg each night to help control the behavioral "seizures." Go to the website : rage behaviors.com and it will explain alot!!! He got a note Friday (after only 5 days on his Depakote) and it said he had a wonderful day, was well focused and behaved very well!!! These kinds of notes are a big change than the ones I usually get!! I also am a Pediatric RN for 20+ years and know alot about children and medications and I feel these 2 meds he is on are very safe. Let me know if I helped!!

Kim