how do i get my 9yr old out of being to girly?

Charmaine - posted on 03/27/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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my son has always copied me wearing my shoes being really girly ive tried doing boyish things with and so has his dad and brother .i thought he would grow out of it but he just never changes.what do i do?any advise would great

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Cheryl - posted on 03/27/2009

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He's still young, and children boys & girls should be exposed to every sport or activity regardless of gender. Because he likes to act "girly" doesn't mean it's a bad thing, and I assume you are concerned this may lead to being gay, thats not necassarly true. I think you need to let kids be themselves as long as they're not getter hurt or hurting others, giving them self confidence at a young age is more important than worring about his actions meaning he'll be a gay adult.

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Melissa - posted on 03/27/2009

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I saw this article in Wondertime Magazine. http://wondertime.go.com/parent-to-paren... It focuses on kids a bit younger than your son but talks about why some boys like to wear girly things. If the behaviour persists it may not be a phase like they are discussing in the article and he may be telling you that he likes fashion or that he is more feminine than your other son in some aspects which may or may not affect his sexuality. It is important that he knows that at home he is loved no matter what. You cannot control what the outside world will think of him--no mother can do that even for kids who behave more typically. Kids can get picked on for their height, their nose, how poor they are, being biracial, ect. The world is a cruel place especially in the school yard. If he knows you and your husband love him it will go far to help him be well adjusted whether this is a phase or who he is going to be. If you feel that you need to get a counselor involved in how to help him deal with the teasing and seek their advice on whether or not you should tell him he can only dress this way at home or if you should try to discourage it at all. I would not want to advise you in that regard as I am not a child psychologist. I only wanted to share the article and some common sense advice. For the big decisions I would say it is best to talk to someone with experience dealing with this issue.

[deleted account]

Quoting Anna:



Quoting Shannon:

You need to astablish for him that he is a boy dont let him put your shoes on tell him that boys dont wear shoes like thay and show him what kind of shoes boys do wear. I is your job as his mom to help him with is idenity.....he sounds comfused so make sure he know what boys do and wear!!!





Actually no its not her job to tell him what his IDENTITY  is, its his. What her job is is to support her son no matter what shoes he puts on of what activities he likes to play. A sure fire way to confuse a child is to tell them that something they enjoy to do like dress up, is wrong and he is less of a boy if he does it.






This is how homophobia is born.





AMEN Anna! 

Tamara - posted on 03/27/2009

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Quoting Gabrielle:

In the long run, you're protecting his feelings more by showing him that you support him no matter what, rather than telling him to change to avoid censure by the masses. Instead of stopping him from doing what he likes, talk to him about how to stand up for himself and ignore the teasing. That will make him a stronger man, no matter what kind of man he grows up to be. (That being said, I hear you about wanting to protect your child. But when you tell him to stop, you're actually becoming one of the tormentors, too, by not standing up for him.)


This.  You said it so much better than I could, Gabrielle.

Gabrielle - posted on 03/27/2009

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In the long run, you're protecting his feelings more by showing him that you support him no matter what, rather than telling him to change to avoid censure by the masses. Instead of stopping him from doing what he likes, talk to him about how to stand up for himself and ignore the teasing. That will make him a stronger man, no matter what kind of man he grows up to be. (That being said, I hear you about wanting to protect your child. But when you tell him to stop, you're actually becoming one of the tormentors, too, by not standing up for him.)

Tamara - posted on 03/27/2009

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Quoting Charmaine:



thank you everyone but i think what my real concern is that with my son showing to much of his feminin side and at his age he does get picked on alot for it he is a highly sensative boy and i would'nt change him for the world i would also be there for him no matter how he turns out when hes an adult but as all mums would agree with me here i just want to protect his feelings.





While I understand you want to protect his feelings, by forcing him to change, you risk stifling his desire to express himself in whatever manner he wishes.  My advice, roll with it and if he grows out of it, than that's great.  If not, than that's great too.  He's still your son.

Charmaine - posted on 03/27/2009

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thank you everyone but i think what my real concern is that with my son showing to much of his feminin side and at his age he does get picked on alot for it he is a highly sensative boy and i would'nt change him for the world i would also be there for him no matter how he turns out when hes an adult but as all mums would agree with me here i just want to protect his feelings.

Gabrielle - posted on 03/27/2009

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Two thumbs up for Anna! (Cheryl, too) Charmaine, your son isn't trying to be girly - he's having fun, imitating someone he loves (you), and he's only 9. Give him time, don't make a big deal out of it.

Debbie - posted on 03/27/2009

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My son went through a phase of loving all things pink and girly too.  It lasted about a year, and when I asked him why he liked doing it, he just said that he liked the colour pink, and he liked carrying a handbag.   He knew what boys did and what they wore, and did those things as well.  We didnt make an issue of it, just kept an eye on him, and now he's a typical little boy.  Little boys very often want to be just like their mothers - she is the biggest influence in their lives after all!!!  But they do grow up...



You cannot force anybody to be something they are not.  Make sure he knows he can talk to you about anything, and if he has a problem - or a question - he'll know he can come to you.

Anna - posted on 03/27/2009

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Quoting Shannon:

You need to astablish for him that he is a boy dont let him put your shoes on tell him that boys dont wear shoes like thay and show him what kind of shoes boys do wear. I is your job as his mom to help him with is idenity.....he sounds comfused so make sure he know what boys do and wear!!!


Actually no its not her job to tell him what his IDENTITY  is, its his. What her job is is to support her son no matter what shoes he puts on of what activities he likes to play. A sure fire way to confuse a child is to tell them that something they enjoy to do like dress up, is wrong and he is less of a boy if he does it.



This is how homophobia is born.

Shannon - posted on 03/27/2009

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You need to astablish for him that he is a boy dont let him put your shoes on tell him that boys dont wear shoes like thay and show him what kind of shoes boys do wear. I is your job as his mom to help him with is idenity.....he sounds comfused so make sure he know what boys do and wear!!!

Jackie - posted on 03/27/2009

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My daughter always wanted to be a boy. She didn't just show it in her actions she also vocalized it to both me and my husband. She really thought that boys got to do things she couldn't do. Boy did she get over that... but she was around your sons age when I started to notice the difference in her. I wouldn't be worried about it and I would take it a bit as a compliment. He wants to experience life in your shoes :). Hopefully it will help him become a good understanding man!

Leah - posted on 03/27/2009

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i have a son 9, 11, and 21. My 11 yr old loved to wear my 22yr old daughters shoes. Then one day he put them on and I had my nephew and his brother over...they laughted at him for being a girl:( It never bothered me that he did that...he is just more sensitive then my others. so I was upset with my nephews for teasing him. their just more sensitive and we get to learn that everyone is their own person;)

LaTosha - posted on 03/27/2009

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I don't think u should discourage her from being to girly. When she gets older you'll wish she was.

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