how do i get my kids to do more around the house,

Debra - posted on 03/03/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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ive just started work part time 3 days a week and im still doing all the housework and picking up after 1 hubby, a 16 1/2 yr old daughter, 13 1/2 yr old, 12 yr old and a 3 yr old, ive asked nicely, told them nicely, screamed, shouted and all i get is moaning and arguing. I am at my wits end, HELP

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Patty - posted on 03/03/2009

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Quoting Debra:

how do i get my kids to do more around the house,

ive just started work part time 3 days a week and im still doing all the housework and picking up after 1 hubby, a 16 1/2 yr old daughter, 13 1/2 yr old, 12 yr old and a 3 yr old, ive asked nicely, told them nicely, screamed, shouted and all i get is moaning and arguing. I am at my wits end, HELP


when I was raising my children, I would put chores in a cup ( as many as children) one big chore, or two little chores on each paper, they would choose a chore, they could trade, but they had to do them, or go to bed, it worked for a while, you have to ahve a consequence if they don't do them, like go to bed.

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Beth - posted on 03/03/2009

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Hi Debra. I have 3 boys. I offer a $5.00 allowance a week for their chores. For each infraction, I take a .25 cents away. This includes making beds and picking up clothes as well as turning off lights and loading the dishwasher. Everytime I see a dish out, I write their name down along with the date and time and minus the .25 cents.
When the kids see their allowance given out in front of each other, it sure makes a difference on who gets their $5.00 and who only gets .50 cents.
Let me know how things are going

Shelly - posted on 03/03/2009

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Debra,



  I can feel your pain...What we ended up doing is started taking things away from them.  If they don't want to be apart of the family then you will quit giving them what they want...With your 16,13 & 12 year old I would let them know they need to start doing thier own laundry.  It don't matter if they are boys or girls they all need to know how to wash, dry and fold thier own close mom's not always going to be there to do it for them...If they don't have clean close well guess what that washer works for them in the same way for them as it does for you...And then if they still don't want to help out then you start taking away the things that they hold near and dear to them ie. cell phone, MP3 dvd's etc....and you tell them that if they don't want to be a funtioning part of the family then they are not going to have the advantages of a family member...One other thing you might try is telling all of them if they want to act like the 3 yro you can treat them like they are 3 no friends, no phones, only certain TV programs, no MP3s &  bed time at what ever time you have set for your 3 yro...Don't worry this will not last very long it took may be two nights of them going to bed at 7:00 pm it amazing how much thier attitudes changed.. It will be a fight at first but hang in there it does work!!!  Good Luck

Jacquie - posted on 03/03/2009

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stop doing the housework. remind them that you are going out to work to improve their life style and the least they can do is keep their rooms tidy, take turns in cleaning the kitchen and bathroom and bring their washing to the washing machine. the three older ones could have a washbasket each, and a day to do their washing, if they dont do it , it wont get done. remember, you are not being unkind,  they are. You are teaching them to look after themselves for when they are older.

Kathi - posted on 03/03/2009

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Also, I stated that I was using Math pages as punishment for my daughter when she got sassy or would not do the chores and I just wanted to add that she was commended in Math on the TAKS last year.

Kathi - posted on 03/03/2009

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For chores that do not get done I have been assigning math and reading.  If the kids get smart with me or sassy I give them 2 pages of math.  If they talk back I keep adding 2 pages at a time.  It is really working for the smaller kids.  My 19 year old would not pick up poop last week after being asked for 5 days straight.  I asked nicely on the 5th day and she said that she just did not have time that she was going to a show.  I quietly took her keys out of her room.  When she realized that she had lost her keys she asked me if I knew where they were and I told her that I would return them once the dog poop was picked up.  It got done in a real hurry.

Rebecca - posted on 03/03/2009

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chore charts work great for me I work 3-4 times a week so they work great for me I have a 10,8,&4 year old and they all have jobs to do. I do get alot of moaning and complaining I just tell them its not fair that I have to do all the work and they dont have to help we are a family and we stick together dirt and all. Dont do your chores well consequences are going to happen. I had a MOm that did everything for me and my 3 siblings I am the oldest and when she died I was 12 years old because she did everything for us we didnt know how to do anything.My aunt came and stayed with us for a month and taught us how to make beds, do the dishes all that stuff. Even though I loved my Mom the worst thing she could have done was not make us do chores.and looking back well the best thing anyone did for us was teach us to be responable and clean up after ourselves. We dont live forever and one day we might be gone whos going to clean up after that.I remind my kids everyday that you never know what might happen to that we stick together and clean together. Hope this helps.

LaTasha - posted on 03/03/2009

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Try making out a list of things that you normally do on a weekly basis. Then split these chores up evenly amongst your kids. As a motivation to do these things you can use incentitives such as sleep overs, favorite dinner/breakfast, most things that your kids are interested in. Remember all kids are different. :)

Heather - posted on 03/03/2009

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We have 3 that live with us, an 11y.o., 9y.o., and an 8 y.o. and two , another 11 y.o. and 9 y.o., that are with us once a week and every other weekend.  My husband and I developed a chore chart that rotates chores that they are quite capable of doing like dishes, sweep, mop, clean bathrooms, clear/ wipe/ set table, bring clothes down to be washed, vacuum, etc...  They understand that in order for them to be able to play (the Wii or go outside, etc...) they need to FIRST have their chores done.  Sometimes it has been even being able to go do something with the family, like a movie or skating.  Find what motivates them and use it to your advantage.  Now, understand that we have had to sacrifice going places and such to stick to the rules as well, but it has not been often and many times we have gotten a sitter to stay with the uncompliant child.  Once they see that you mean business, and that they can do more things by contributing to the order of the house, I have found that our children get on board.  We've been doing it for almost a year now and it has given us a little more sanity.



We don't use a money reward unless it's something that's not on the chore chart.  I know that it's easier to just do it ourselves, but we believe that it is teaching our children to be part of and contribute to the family unit, being part of a team.  They have seen that if one person doesn't do their part, it messed up the flow of things, like if one child doesn't empty the dishwasher, the other child who has the job of loading it can't do their job.  Trust me, the pressure is on to make sure they're not the one who is "singled" out and holding everyone else up. 



Can't say that this works for everyone, but it has for us.  We think consistency is the key.  Hope this helps in some way.  Thanks for sharing. :)



 

Debra - posted on 03/03/2009

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they have 2 things they are supposed to do 1 is wash the pots, they ALWAYS moan, the other is tidy thier bedroom on a saturday, again they moan, if i ask them to do anything else you would have thought i'd asked them to murder someone, i ban computers, gameboys ps2s etc they dont get pocket money as such, but nothing changes

Lisa - posted on 03/03/2009

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I am a mom of 5 aged 23 on down to 11 and this is the never ending battle. The ways I have dealt with this in the past is to assign each kid their own job and keep it their job... for example my 11 year old takes out the trash and he is the only one who does it, so believe me the other kids make sure he does it!!   I still have to do a lot of reminding but at least they know what is expected of them and occasionally I have to apply some reminders like taking away cell phones etc. but  usually get the message across.  Hope this helps.

Lolly_loulou - posted on 03/03/2009

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i sympathize with u. as for the older ones let them know if they dont help then u will stop washing clothes and giving them lifts, and pocket money and also any junk they leave littering the floor u will treat as rubbish and throw it away. the 3year old, you could always make it a game, see who can put all the toys back in toy box fastest. as for the hubby he should know better. don cook or clean and see how long they all will live in a tip for.. and if the mess gets to you first. take a walk get away from it. hope this helps

Paula - posted on 03/03/2009

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Well with children of their ages you could either stop their pocket money, or you could stop doing things for them. I have a 12 year old daughter and if she wanted something i would make her earn it by tidying or washing dishes ect. I hope that you get things sorted soon. Please keep us informed on what action you take and how you get on. xxx

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