how do i get my one month old to sleep in her bed...

Lisa - posted on 04/06/2010

(Prior to reading this message, please know my tone behind this message is not of sarcasm or anger). Megan, I completely respect your opinion. After re-reading my suggestion though, I didn't feel that it came off as pressuring her. ?? She asked for suggestions and we all have given her some ideas. She responded to one of my posts, she sked me further questions and I answered her. That's what this Circle of Mom's is all about. Every mother has their own special touch, special way, tricks...whatever you want to call it. I've been an early childhood educator for 10+ years and I'm giving my suggestions based on my own personal experience working with other babies, young children and my own. If it works for her and others, great. If not, she or whomever will read all of these posts, try them and find what works. :)

Delia - posted on 04/06/2010

It's too long when your tummy and your instincts tell you so. A 1 month old doesn't cry to manipulate, that's why your instinct is telling you to comfort her. It does get better! If you feel you're about to snap, put her down, leave for a few minutes until your ready to go back and work with her again.

Delia - posted on 04/06/2010

Take her to bed and nurse her. You'll get more sleep, she'll feel more secure. Make sure her head is away from the pillows, no comforters near her face, and no drugs or alcohol for Mommy or Daddy who are sleeping with her.

Tammie - posted on 04/05/2010

My son was the same. He was such a light sleeper that he would wake up if I tried to put him in his bed. The thing that worked for him and my 7 month old daughter is putting them to sleep on their stomachs. I would hold them until they were heavily asleep then transfer them to the crib on their bellies. If they woke up, it would be square one all over again but eventually it worked. They were just stomach sleepers, not back sleepers. I put a pillow without the pillowcase in the crib so they would feel like they were on a person still and it would not give them gas all of the time. My son spit out his paci every night as well. I would get up and put it in. This lasted for only 2 months because after that, he would not take it at all. Be patient. Do whatever works. If you are tired, remember, it is a stage they will grow out of.

Megan - posted on 04/05/2010

Don't let anyone pressure you into letting her cry for ages, I can't do it either! I listen for the different cries - there are times where it seems he just wants to know where I am (it's just like a Wah! and then stops to wait for a reaction, then another Wah! if I haven't come to see him yet), and others where there's something really wrong. Most of the time I'll stand at the doorway where he can't see me and just watch him cry for a minute, if it seems like he's going to get worse I go in, give him a cuddle and put him back down. He once cried for about 2 minutes and then went silent, I went in a few minutes later to check on him and found him fast asleep. I cannot let him cry for hours though, it feels like I'm abandoning him. Remember, very young babies do not learn things like independence! You are her mother and she depends on YOU for her comfort. Don't let anyone tell you that ALL babies can self soothe or that they'll learn that their bed means sleep time. Just because one woman's baby can fall asleep as soon as their head hits the mattress, does not mean yours will. I'm still patting my baby to sleep in my arms then putting him down in his bassinet, and yes, most of the time he'll wake up a few minutes later, but I just go in and do it again, eventually he stays asleep. I also co-sleep in the morning when all I want to do is sleep and all my baby wants to do is prevent me from sleeping. As soon as he's on my chest and I'm falling back to sleep, he can't fight it! I may not be doing it 'by the book' but I'm doing what I feel I need to to make sure my baby gets healthy sleep during the day and night (it also keeps me from pulling my hair out and wondering why my baby isn't like all these other mum's babies!) Do what YOU feel you need to do to put her to sleep, and don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Cynthia - posted on 04/05/2010

lights out-leave as few lights as possible . light signals daytime to your baby

hush mommy- try not to talk to your baby or engage with smiles or eye contact at night during middle nire snack, after feeding put baby immediatly back into crib

quick change- change quickly and quietly as possible before feeding mid-nite snack if possible, use warm washcloth instead of a cold wipe (cold can wake baby up)

burpies- if rubbing back brings up burps, then pat in the day & rub at night (more soothing)

wakey wakey- no daytime naps longer than 3hrs, wake thoroughly after daytime naps so baby learns to distinguish between day & night

bundled joy- if baby is nice and snug & comfy bundled up, baby is less likley to wake up

:) hope this helps . . really worked for me ♥

Carla - posted on 04/05/2010

Hi Shannon... Here is what i did with my kids.. I set the room up for sleep.. made it dark, put on some music had a dim light on.. gave them a little cuddle then put them to bed.. i would tap a leg/ bottom or back depending on how they slept and walked away... if they woke up crying i wouldn't pick them up i just went back in and patted them again as long they didn't require anything else. My son was a bit of a pain so i did use a t shirt of mine in the cot for a little while. During the day i wasn't so strict and my kids did spend some time sleeping in a swing or bassinette for the pram just so they were use to noise... also look to see if she is needing something for comfort.. around that time i worked out my kids were tactile and my daughter ended up with a blanket she alway went to bed with and my son ended up with a hot water bottle cover.. usually it is something soft.. with my son the water bottle cover is shaped like a dog so used the dogs face to support the dummy/paci in his mouth.. this way he felt cosy without feeling restrained.. the other thing i did was use wollen blankets and underblankets.. they gave better warmth and helped with the cosy feel. Hope this helps a little bit as for your husband take the stress of waking him up away by giving him ear plugs.. that way you can do what you need to to sort this out for your sanity... Good Luck honey.. hope it helps

Donna - posted on 04/05/2010

Shannon, I went and to a certain degree am still going through this, my daughter is 2years old, the only thing I found that helped was sharing my bed with her, I understand that this may not be pratical for you but if it gets you some sound sleep give it a try, I was worried about rolling on to her when she was younger but she used to sleep on me listening to my heat beat. Now when its time for bed we have as she calls them umpty cuddles she sits in my lap with her head on my chest listening, she dozes off very quickly then and I am able to put her in her bed. She never used to sleep in my bed every night but often enough that she was assured that I was there for her

Lisa - posted on 04/05/2010

She will eventually fall a sleep. For parents that have children struggling with colic that cry for hours and hours on end, experts suggest that after you've cared for their primary needs as I mentioned above, step outside when you feel like you are about to give in. Take some deep breaths, try to regain your strength and go back inside when you feel ready. She will soon learn that her needs are being met and she will learn to self sooth her way to sleep. My daughter struggled with the paci also. She could never keep it in. I played her bear that sounded like heart beats. To this day we use a sooth machine. It plays the ocean, waterfall, etc. I got it from Walgreens. Very inexpensive, but a life saver. She eventually found her fingers. At that moment, I should have tried the paci again once she had the motor skills/strength to bring her fingers straight to her mouth. It will be easier to ween her off the paci vs. getting her to stop sucking her thumb or fingers.

Shannon - posted on 04/05/2010

If I just lay her down and let her cry it out...how long is to long for her to be crying? Cause I've tried it before and all she does is cry. I let her cry for an hour once and it about killed me I had to go get her. When is it to long?

Lisa - posted on 04/05/2010

There is no wrong or right answer. This is what works for me. I'm a believer in allowing them to cry it out. As long as I have taken care of their primary needs: being fed, changed diaper, nothing in harms way...I let my child cry it out. It is hard at first, I know. No one like to hear thier child cry and cry. The fact is, it works. If you can stay strong and consistant, it can work. Go in when it is time for them to eat, be changed, etc. but after you have done that, lay them back down and WALK AWAY. Say "I love you," "goodnight," and "I will see you soon" and leave.

Anna - posted on 04/05/2010

try to remember that things are changing on a daily basis with newborns and at 4 weeks, she's probably going through a growth spurt. if she truly can't be soothed back to sleep with the paci, try nursing her. the simple act of nursing is soothing to babies. if she's really screaming, try nursing her while laying down. this way she's already in sleep position and the transfer back to the crib will be gentle. this process usually takes 10-15 min with my lo.

Shannon - posted on 04/05/2010

Alison Laliberté--for a while i did swaddle and i did it good she was very snug in her blanket, but it got to were she was waking herself up to get her arms free. She would work so hard at getting free she'd make herself throw up so i started laying her on her side with rolled up receiving blanks tucked in front and behind her. Now she rolls onto her back when i lay her on her side so i just put her down on her back (cause i'm afraid she'll roll onto her face one day). Thank you though.

Alison - posted on 04/05/2010

1. swaddle
2. swaddle
3. swaddle

If the swaddle doesn't work, you must not be doing it right.

Shannon - posted on 04/05/2010

Thank you to all of you for your advice and help. I'll try a little bit from each of you and see what happens. I really like the advice about putting the shirt that smells like me in the crib with her (i don't know why i didn't think of that). Its very hard for me to let her cry because at night I don't want her to wake my husband and during the day I wears me down emotionally, but I'll try to make it work if it's best for her. I'll post her progress or lack of depending. Thank you all again...this was very helpful.

Shannon - posted on 04/05/2010

Megan Harker--- She does really need the pacifier. My mom kinda got her started with that. I haven't been to sleep since noon yesterday because every time that paci fell out of her mouth last night she woke up. My husband works 10 hr days and I don't want her crying all night waking him up, so I try everything in my power to keep her happy. Thank you for your advice..I'll work with her during the day while he's at work and see if I can't get her used to the crib, but I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about the paci yet. I'll keep you posted on her progress!

Lisa - posted on 04/05/2010

let her cry until she goes back to sleep if shes not hungry or wet there is no reason why she souldnt stay sleeping so let her cry for 5 mintues or so and see if she falls back to sleep

Roseanna - posted on 04/05/2010

She needs to be put into the crib and not taken back out! even if she cries all night, sit with her sooth her but dont get her out. keep her pacifier as its a comfort to them just keep a spare one with you incase she loses that one. i wouldnt remove that from her untill a later age where she is settled.
I sat up with my daughter for a week! and after that it was amazing she went striaght down no problems, its if you can handle it. Good luck

Brandy - posted on 04/05/2010

Try not giving her the paci to go to sleep with take it away all together. let her fuss it out a few times and she will finally self soothe and fall back to sleep. sometimes you just have to let them cry it out. yes this sounds mean and will make you feel awful. I have 3 kids. one is 2 and the other 2 are 1. I had the same problem with my middle child and i let her fuss it out a few times, usually after a week they finally calm back down. they don't need to be picked up everytime they cry. just go in there and try rubbing her back or belley, if she is laying on her belley pat her butt softly and see if that works. also try taking a shirt that you wore recently and have not washed and lay her on it the scent of you or your husband will calm her. it really does work. it will get better. if you need anything else or have any more questions feel free to email me at bncolgan3@yahoo.com. just make the subject questions for moms so i know its not junk mail.

Sarona - posted on 04/05/2010

Perserverance might be the key for you. As hard as it seems, you both will have to work hard to get your little one back into her first routine of sleeping in her crib and using the swing as playtime or time out only, not for naps.
I've been pretty much 'routine' with my son and now he's use to the "just put me down and leave me alone" sleep habit, believe it or not, so in saying that, unless you stop giving her the paci altogether and try putting her to sleep without it again with abit of that famous word 'Perserverance' you might find she too will realise who's boss and naturally well with fingers crossed, sleep well without it.
Maybe abit of cot mobile music that never stops playing can be in replacement of the paci, only a suggestion but hope you manage to get baby settled so that you can catchup on rest, you need that too. Just remember all babies are different :-)

Crystal - posted on 04/05/2010

I wouldn't worry too much. My oldest slept in our room in her crib until she was almost 2. That was due to the size of our home though. If she woke up and saw she was in her crib she would scream her head off. She hated her crib. My second child slept in her swing until she was about 3 months old and she would sleep through the night! I just put her swing by my bedside and strapped her in and we were good to go! It wasn't hard at all to get her in the crib then when she was a bit bigger(3mo.). My third child slept in one of those papisan style vibrating chairs with the 5 point straps by my bed until she was 3 months. She started sleeping through the night for 10-12 hours when she was 4 weeks!! Each kid is different. Find your own magic trick and make it work!! If any of these ideas help then I wish you luck. As far as the pacifier goes, my oldest couldn't even talk without hers in her mouth!! She had it until 2 1/2 and then I had to blame it on the dog for chewing them up just to get rid of them without her getting mad at me, she didn't want the dog to get in trouble so she was ok with it. My 2nd child used one but it wasn't a necessity so when the time came to get rid of it she was ok with it. My 3rd child won't even take one! She never needed one! Don't give up, I know it seems like forever and you will never get sleep again but just keep taking it one day at a time and as your baby gets older she will adapt to different situations. Try to be consisitant even if she cries, your just going to have to let her. She will be fine and won't remember any of these when she is older so she won't think your bad for putting her through the crying just to get her in a routine that works for everyone! Good luck!

Tanya - posted on 04/05/2010

Hi Shannon, I'm no expert but it's all a weening process for both the swing and the pacifier. This will require you to sleep beside her and gradually move your distance from her side until she is used to being on her own again, this takes time and eventually it will give you the rest you need. It is all a subconcious thing for her and needs to be reasurred that you are there. You may also need to give her something other than a pacifier during the day so she doesn't long for it or rely on it, as they can do damage to her mouth and speach when she is older. Maybe that will help? No harm in trying new ways until you find the correct solution to your problems. Good luck.

Megan - posted on 04/05/2010

Does she really need the pacifier to go to sleep? My 6 week old boy just likes to have a good suck, then he doesn't mind if I take it out before bed or after he falls asleep. Sometimes it would drop out of his mouth and wake him up so now after he's been asleep for a little while, I gently pull it out of his mouth myself and he doesn't move an inch.



As for your sleeping issue, I can't help much because sometimes he just refuses to stay asleep in his bassinet, even if he's fast asleep in my arms. As soon as he realises I'm not holding him anymore, he wakes up and that's it for that nap!