How do I get my six year old grand daughter to sleep in her own bed instead of with mommy or daddyl This is every night, and when she visits me she want to sleep in my bed

Grandma - posted on 07/08/2012 ( 48 moms have responded )

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my six year old grand daughter sleeps in either her mother;s or fathers bed every night. When she comes to visit, she wants to sleep in my bed, I believe that by six she should sleep in her own bed by herself, someone should not have to stay down with her or rish the cries is she wakes up alone Any suggestsion on how to change this sittuation amicablly

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Jenn - posted on 07/09/2012

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And...seriously...co-sleeping destroys marriages? Where is the facts in that? And "God is watching?" as if the child is sinning? That's absurd and mean.

[deleted account]

Its none of your business where she sleeps. They are the parents, not you.



Co-sleeping destroys marriages.. LMAO That is completely absurd! We co-sleep and my boyfriend and I have a wonderful relationship.. You may not be able to have "action" in the bedroom as much as you want..but you have the kitchen..the shower..the living room...the deck....etc :P

Jenn - posted on 07/09/2012

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It isn't your issue to resolve at their house. If you don't want your grandchild to sleep with you, don't have her sleep over. Meddling in how they raise and love their daughter frankly isn't your business and you will only find yourself on the outside looking in if you try to change anything.

All children are different and some are more needy than others. Allowing a child in the family bed isn't an awful thing by any means. My children slept in our bed until they were 6 and 4. They now share a room and still come cuddle in the night during weekends" it is lovely, sweet and precious memories for our family.

Both of my girls are well adjusted, outgoing, have no attachment issues and make straight A's in school. If they need the closeness of mom and dad, we do not deny them. Children grow so incredibly fast and too many parents push them away onto their own far too soon.

[deleted account]

Oh really? Recent studies say co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS. Plus every dr I talked to and the literature they gave me say sharing a room for the first year is the safest way to go. Even CPS workers I talked to say this. co-sleeping is NOT dangerous. Bed-sharing when not done properly IS.

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/01/09...

""""Popular media has tried to discourage parents from sharing sleep with their babies, calling this worldwide practice unsafe. Medical science, however, doesn’t back this conclusion. In fact, research shows that co-sleeping is actually safer than sleeping alone.""""

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-p...


Notice is says medical science does not support what your saying. Know your facts before you spread your folklore. :)

Molly - posted on 07/09/2012

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I love how most of the posts supported the parents' choice. Co-sleeping is a form of attachment parenting that a lot of people subscribe to. All signs point to confident and well-adjusted kids.

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48 Comments

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Stella - posted on 08/18/2012

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Is the parents position to solve this situation! My son who is five now, used to do almost the same. We would put him in bed and then he'd show up around 2, 3AM. As hard as it is to get up in the middle of the night, we would take him back to his bed! You can never give in, a kid in your bed, as much as you love him, can make you life and marriage very difficult!! Another thing we did was that got him two betta fish. We put the fish in his room and told him that the fish don't like to sleep alone and he was responsible for them. It worked out awesome, no more visits!!

Nadia - posted on 08/17/2012

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She is only 6 give her a chance. She will realize herself that she is a big girl and will go by herself to her own bed. Don't force because she could get scared and u don't want that. Give her time granny she will get there:-)

Yoshi - posted on 08/16/2012

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Why don't you get a little roll away cot and put it next to your bed. Sounds like she has separation anxiety. Maybe she is afraid of the dark and she just wants to feel safe by seeing someone is in the room and she is not alone. My Grandma always used to let me sleep with her I soooo love her for that! It was so comforting and still to this day I would still try to get on her
lap and let her rock me to sleep. I understand where you are coming from, but at the same time, It's not gonna last forever. What ever you do just remember that they grow up so fast and when you look she will no longer to be able to sit on Grandmas lap in that safe spot!

Ashley - posted on 08/16/2012

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I agree with you Grandma! I believe that by this age she should be already in her bed or getting the idea of it. Maybe you should just casually bring the conversation up with your child and see what they think. They may be opened to suggestions, but never brought it up. Grandma's are a significant part of kid's lives, so I am sure she wants to stay with you a good deal. My suggestion would be to maybe by her a smaller bed or even one of those comfortable blow up mattresses for when she stays, and put her at the foot of your bed.
Try not to take such a dominant approach with your child because they can get very defensive and it could be a negative outcome, but when she is at your house that is your business!

Annabelle - posted on 07/25/2012

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I agree, let mom and dad make the rules for their homes. But in your home she follows your rules on sleeping arrangements. Start out by making a "bed" for her on your floor, than advance to creating a space for her in a guest room - let her pick out bedding, etc.

Roxanna - posted on 07/21/2012

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Sounds like she has seperation anxiety. Talk to her Mom, see what the ritual is at her house. because of lack of space, when my children go to granma's, they share the bed. My oldest,17, no longer feels comfortable with it and she has her air mattress in the living room. My 9 year old loves to cuddle with BOTH grandmas!
Heck, I am 41 and when we visit MY granma, I like to sleep with her! Ofcourse I get no sleep becasue she snores, but I won't tell her that!
My 9 yr old sometimes wants to sleep with us when she is feeling insecure or she has had a bad day. At nine she is almost 5 feet tall and hogs the bed.....we have a King size bed...I'm 5'10"......hubby is 6'4 and a very big boy.......we don't sleep....at all...becasue SHE snores too!
Seriously, talk to the parents of your grand daughter, but don't make them feel bad, Your girl may just have some issues!

Elizabeth - posted on 07/17/2012

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my son is turning 2 on the 27th and we had the same problem he slept in our bed every night. now he falls asleep either on the couch or in our bed he has to fall asleep with someone but then me and my fiance moved his toddler bed into our room and i put him in it when he falls asleep completely and he sleeps in it until usually about 6 or 7 and then is up or if he wakes up at 3 or 4 he climbs out and comes to sleep with me and daddy until 7 or 8

Jenn - posted on 07/14/2012

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Medical professional? For a six year old who co-sleeps with her parents?! It is western culture that insists children sleep by themselves. Most other cultures around the world bed share (and it most often has nothing to do with economics!) for centuries and have closer family bonds because of it.

The OP is coming from a grandparent view, and let's be honest, grandparents very often see the next generation of parents as inadequate and ignorant. Her assessment of her granddaughter is from an outsider looking in. If she really had concerns, she should share them with the parents, with an open mind to how the parents may raise the child differently than she would.

Six years old is still very young and immature. The child may be an only child which would make it very likely she'd cling to the comfort and security of co-sleeping longer.

Corinne - posted on 07/11/2012

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Take a step back. This is not your child and how she is brought up is not up to you. If you don't want her sleeping with you and you don't want to answer her cries, don't have her sleep over.

Jenn - posted on 07/10/2012

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Six is still very young and emotionally immature. Expectations are often too high for this age, I've found. As stated, she co-sleeps at home and has her parents right there. Her reaction to sleeping away from home and away from them is perfectly normal! There is nothing wrong with the child nor the parents. If the OP wants to help the granddaughter sleep over at her own home, she should do so with that in mind.

[deleted account]

She has trouble sleeping alone because she is 1, not in her own home and 2, use to co-sleeping and having her parents always there. Perfectly normal reaction.

Shari - posted on 07/10/2012

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I read the question and I understand that she cries but I am familiar with children's crying to get a reaction becoming a habit. I mentioned that if she cries with terror obviously she should be reassured. Our household has experience with night terrors but my daughter still sleeps in her own bed. When she needs me I go to her.

Katrina - posted on 07/10/2012

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I havemy neice and nephews -who are in foster care and require extra attention etc - stay over with me. As a mother and their aunty, they are aware that the rules in my house are the rules in my house.Everyone sleeps in their own bed. Although, due to their circumstances I've taken adifferent approach.They've been told what I expect (in a loving way of course) regardless of whether it's the same rules at their home, as it is here, or not. Ialso took them out to choose a quiltcover set for when they sleep over and a night light for beside their bed. We have a differentbedtime ritual for each child, because each has different needs. They also get to watch a dvd in bed while they drift off to sleep. I also have soft light in the hallway to light the way to the toilet and my room if needed. I guess I'm telling you this because maybe having her own special things to enjoy,may help your grandaughter to feel more comfortable to sleep in her own special place when she stays over your house. Giving a suggestion to your daughter about changing arrangements in her own home, would depend on your relationship with her.My mum and I are as much best friends as we are mother and daughter, so she can pull me up in a loving way about absolutely anything. If you and your daughter are not that close, it may come accross as offensive, so maybe weigh up the risk factor there.As for staying with her till she falls asleep, sometimes, you just have to do these things. If it proves too difficult, you could instead, have a special day with her, and also dinner, get her in her pyjamas and take her home. That way the bedtime stuff is a non-issue for you but you and your grandaughter have bonding time together and you give your daughter and her husband some down time and a little break. Wishing you the best of luck.

Sandy - posted on 07/10/2012

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My boys are 9 and 11. When they visit my parents, one sleeps with Grandma, one with Grandpa, because GRANDMA likes it that way! Maybe it is because she doesn't see them that often and she enjoys cuddling with them. (If my husband and I are staying, the boys sleep in the living room).

It does sound like she might have security issues that you might want to nicely ask about. You will not be able to change anything though.

Jill - posted on 07/10/2012

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No problem. Just wait a few years, she won't want to sleep anywhere near anyone! Seriously, you raised your kids your way, trust them to raise theirs the way that is best for them.

Dove - posted on 07/10/2012

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My son used to freak out when he woke up and I wasn't there. There's absolutely nothing wrong with him. He's just attached to Mommy and used to co-sleeping since he's done it from birth. Thankfully he outgrew the freaking out and now just yells out 'MOM' until I come back in (I wake up earlier than he does). lol

Tassia - posted on 07/10/2012

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Wow...did you guys even read her question? If the 6 year old cries if she wakes up alone and someone has to reassure her; there are some issues there and they need to be investigated. My daughters are 2 & 3 1/2 they love to come in my bed in the middle of the night sometimes just because they like to be with me. But if they were having trouble sleeping alone and crying then I would like to find out why. She should talk to the parents and have them find the reason and try to resolve the problem for the child’s sake.

Shari - posted on 07/10/2012

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I let my daughter (4) cuddle for a few minutes and then send her off to her own bed and say "you can cuddle me when the sun is up." If she tries to come in often I just ask "Is the sun up?" I explained that if mommy does not get enough sleep she turns into a Crabby Apple. She doesn't like when I am grouchy so she needs to let me sleep at night when I am supposed to. If she were having a rough time, though, I would sit with her for a few minutes, possibly turn on the radio quietly on a good station that won't talk about war, car accidents, or zombie attacks, which even at a young age today's kids understand. If worse comes to worst give her a notepad and crayons, let her draw until she falls asleep. Further more, I think it is reasonable to want a child to sleep in their own bed. Think of how short your patience or concentration is when you are not getting sleep. Quality and quantity of sleep effects everything from hormones to posture. She may not even know how capable of sleeping on her own she is b/c she hasn't done it in so long OR she may have true fears. We don't always understand kids fears but that doesn't mean they do not deserve consideration so watch for signs that this is just too close to her limit--rocking, pulling her hair, true hiperventalation. But you should be able to tell the difference between a "give me what I want, Now!" cry and an" I am terrified to be alone" cry.

Jenn - posted on 07/10/2012

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Co-sleeping is dangerous if parents are irresponsible. Bed sharing has been done around the world since, well, forever! Now there are those parents who drink too much, take meds or drugs and put children at risk sleeping next to them. Common sense still needs to come first. Sorry to get off topic but innacurate "facts" drive me crazy!

Elizabeth - posted on 07/10/2012

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It sounds to me, like she might have some security issues. Maybe at first, you could put a cot on the floor in your room when she comes to visit. After she's comfortable with that, it may be easier to get her in her own bed. Does she have a favorite toy or blanket for comfort? Maybe something constant from home could make the transition easier, and give you the space you want.

Jessica - posted on 07/09/2012

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It's none of your business nor your responsibility to change her sleeping habits..

[deleted account]

Exactly, everyone has different parenting approaches. Doesn't mean either one is wrong unless its interfering with the safety of the child. In this case it isn't so...whatever floats your boat.

Rachel - posted on 07/09/2012

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It is whatever works... talk to ur grand daughter... find out why she likes to share the bed with mommy or daddy... it might be as simple as scared of the dark... abd j can trouble shoot from there... i also agree co sleeping works for some and no so well for others... i know it will never work with me and my son... he is a bed hog and so am i... we dont mesh... lol

Ana - posted on 07/09/2012

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I'm sorry.. kids sleeping in the parent's bed DOES NOT destroy marriages.. I know of many examples of couples that let the kids sleep in the bed with them. The kids are very well adjusted and the couples have strong loving relationships.. and tell them "God is watching" ?!?!! really?

Alexandra - posted on 07/09/2012

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Talk to your daughter/son about this. Maybe she is afraid of being alone? White noise, night light, teddy bears, there are all kinds of stuff for her to have in her own bedroom that can make her comfortable. If there is another issue, then I believe a medical professional should be adressed at this age.

Jenn - posted on 07/09/2012

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I agree too about making those changes in your own home, but it should be done in a way that works for both grandparent and child. Sticking her in a room down the hall isn't going to work. A pallet by the bed to start, sure. Or right next door with a nightlight and open door. In the grandparent's home, children will often behave differently and be more open to new ideas if it is presented in a fun and loving way. My mother's house is magical to my children because she has created that kind of relationship with them. They will try anything with her! But don't ever bother trying to parent your grown kids on their parenting. Guaranteed to backfire.

[deleted account]

I do agree with that. Gramma can have her own set of rules. At YOUR place, then its your decision.

Melina - posted on 07/09/2012

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I think that at your house she should abide by your conditions & at six she is old enough to understand that. I have no problems with co-sleeping but it's personal choice. Therefore let her make the decision. If she wants to sleep at your house it has to be in her own bed.

Tracie - posted on 07/09/2012

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Their house, their rules. Your house, your rules. Kids are smart. She will either figure out how to sleep on her own (which would be a huge benefit to her, imho) or she will stop spending the night until she is ready to sleep alone. Give your grand daughter all the power in this situation and she may surprise you with her choice. Good luck.

Rosalee - posted on 07/09/2012

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If the child is sick with a high fever,only that time but no,no,no.Thats a bad habit.

Rosalee - posted on 07/09/2012

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Put her in her bed,and tell her not to get up.Be firm.Tell her God is watching.Tell her ur in the next room.She should be in her own bed at two .That distroyes marriages.

Stephanie - posted on 07/09/2012

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You CANNOT make a person raise their child the way YOU want. My husband was an only child to a single mom and would go into her room in the middle of the night until he was almost a teenager! He is perfectly normal. It's not going to do any damage to your grand daughter to feel supported, loved, and cared for. Parents do not turn off at bedtime and if my child needs nurturing in the middle of the night, so be it. We fought my son on staying in bed for a long time and bedtime became harder and harder. Now that we do it "his way", he sleeps better, listens better, and we are closer. If you don't want her in bed with you that is your choice, but you can't dictate that to someone else.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/09/2012

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It's your choice to not let her in your bed, but it's not up to you where she sleeps in her own home. You're going to alienate her and her parents if you push the subject.

[deleted account]

When I was little, I used to go into my parents' room in the middle of the night until I was six. My mother was pregnant with my sister. She took me aside and said that when the baby comes, I won't be able to sleep in their bed anymore. I stopped doing it. My eldest used to come into my bed at night until he was three. My youngest still comes into bed with me and she is nearly four. The funny thing is that my mother makes a fuss and says my daughter should be able to sleep in her own bed all night despite me doing it at the same age. It's funny how people forget. If you really don't want your grandaughter making a fuss in the middle of the night, then kindly ask that she doesn't sleep over until she can sleep through the night. If you don't want to do that, then you will probably have to put up with it. She will outgrow it. Some children just need more support at night than others.

Michelle - posted on 07/09/2012

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My daughter is now 11 but she slept with us on and off until she was at least 7 or 8. She is perfectly normal and well adjusted. I feel you should let it alone, she's not your child. Unless she kicks or snores what's the harm of letting her sleep with you? My mom loved the extra cuddle time w/ my daughter.

Dove - posted on 07/09/2012

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It's not your child, so it's not your problem. If you don't want her sleeping with you... don't have sleepovers.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/09/2012

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I agree with Amy. It is non of your business. If you feel uncomfortable with her sleeping with you, talk to the parents privately and let them know she will not be sleeping over unless she can sleep in her own bed at your house. They can talk to her about it, and if she wants to stay with you she will do that. But other wise, their home sleeping arrangements are not your business.

Amy - posted on 07/09/2012

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Personally I think you should just stay out of it. If you don't want to share your bed when she visits then let her know that if she's sleeping over she has to stay in her own bed. If she doesn't want to then let her know she can't stay. My son is 6 and still sleeps with us some night, he always starts in his bed and ends up in ours most nights although he is getting better. It sounds like the arrangement doesn't work for you it does for some families so unless your daughter asks you how to change it you should really keep it to yourself.

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