How do i get my son to stop being so attached?

Diane - posted on 01/24/2010

I was a single mom. My sons are 27 and 24. I had one just like you do but the other one wasn't. You can do a number of things. 1: get him into a nursery program a few hrs a week. If he is with other kids his age he'll learn to play and be without mom a while. Then you can spend time with your daughter. 2: Just pick him up and hold him. 3: Put him down and LET HIM SCREAM. No one ever said it would kill a child if he screams. It's his way of yelling at you for not getting his own way. He'll stop crying eventually when he sees you're not giving in. It's also a good time for a nap!!!! Believe me, if you give into his whims now, it won't get any better in teenage years.

Geralyn - posted on 01/22/2010

Marian, I agree with Brenda. He is just needing his mom. Obviously, you have to tend to both children, but perhaps you could keep him close to you. Thinking outside of the box, instead of thinking that he needs to be broken of his attachment, should actually work to helping him through this phase of development. The posting moms have also given so good ideas to incorporate both children into fun activities.

Brenda - posted on 01/22/2010

As far as your problem, specifically, there is no such thing as being too attached. However, I am an attachment parent, so I will be wearing/holding my eight month old well into and through his toddler years.

Your one year old is figuring out some cognitive things right now, such as object permanence. These things cause them to want to be held more often because their world is changing. At this age, they are seeing you as their only point of stability in a chaotic world. Just think of how rapid their development is between birth and two years old. He also may be hitting a growth period, and growing is painful, so especially if you are not nursing at this age, they need physcial comfort because of their growing pains. It is tough when they are close together, but know that the more you answer his needs at this time, the less he will need holding later on. Good luck.

Brenda - posted on 01/22/2010

'.. this is what you called Oedipus complex, where the a baby boy is fixated with his mother.. this is a normal behavior...and this really heightened at this stage'

This is totally out of context. I cannot be quiet about this. I'm sorry but I really can't stand it when someone butchers my profession. Freud? PLEASE. Sigmund Frued was a brilliant man, but to him everything had to do with sexual desire BUT NOT LIKE we think of sex. Please, learn a little more about Freudian psychology before you start giving advice about it. Freud's view of sex is as energy, not as sex. Sexual energy is basically primal energy. According to the Freudian view, the idea of the Oedipus complex (and it's companion, the Electra complex) is something that affects adults and does not have anything to do with siblings, and happens during the psychosexual stage of the phallic stage. A one year old is in the psychosexual stage of the Oral stage. They don't enter the phallic stage until four-five, after they've passed through the oral and anal psychosexual stages. (These stages are followed by the phallic stage, the latency stage, and finally the genital stage which is puberty). Please, before you start spouting psychological advice, learn what you're talking about.

Personally I am not a Freudian therapist, I am a humanist and Rogerian for the most part, though I do some existential and gestalt therapy, and don't agree with a lot of the Freudian ideas but I am trained in all forms of therapy. I add this just so no one can say I don't know what I'm talking about because I do. I'm in the practical part of a counseling master's program, and have already been trained on many of the theoretical aspects of therapy. And beyond that, my background is in psychology, and I have studied Freud's theories for about ten years.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychosexua... (Yes, it is a wiki but it is accurate)
http://psychology.about.com/od/theorieso...

Thank you that is all.

Jan - posted on 01/22/2010

Doing activities with both such as reading them a story or playing with a ball will help. He is jealous of the time you spend with your daughter. That's normal. He will out grow it. I promise!!

Cathy - posted on 01/22/2010

have you tried doing joint activities with your children so your little boy gets used to sharing you with his sister? He would then get your attention and get to spend time with his sister so may be less jealous. It is normal to be jealous at one and it will get better as they both get older. You could also encourage your daughter to interact more with her brother. two year olds have a little understanding of sharing (a little!) . Good luck x

Rosie - posted on 01/21/2010

Boys r very close to there mothers my son was like that too, I can see how it could be a bad thing but it can also be a good thing. My son is 18 and he is still very attached to me, I wouldnt change it for the world.

Sharon - posted on 01/21/2010

My little boy was much the same whereas my daughter not as much. It is completely normal. I suggest you just go with the flow for now (if your sanity can stand it) and as he gets older he can be taught to share your attentions. At one, he is still a baby so give him all the cuddles he needs. I hope this helps a little.

Traci - posted on 01/21/2010

I am so sorry to interject this completely off topic comment, but Fatima, so you even know what an Oedipus complex is? It has absolutely NOTHING to do with what Ms. Dominguez is talking about... at all.



"The process alleged in Freudian psychoanalytic theory whereby the normal boy sexually desires his mother and is consequently jealous of his father and secretly wishes to kill him."



I seriously fail to see how this applies. She is talking about siblings, and her son is probably too young to really be in the midst of that. According to wikipedia, most boys will experience this around 3-5 years of age, certainly not at one year.

Alison - posted on 01/21/2010

IMHO, young children need SO much attention. Breaking him off is not the answer. Plan time to be close and intimate with both children, then when you have to make supper (for example), put him in his play pen with a Baby Einstein DVD.

You'll probably notice that there are moments in the day when he is more likely to be content on his own. Be sure to take full advantage of those moments. Don't try to leave him on his own, when he is tired and cranky.

Traci - posted on 01/21/2010

Um. I hate to point out the obvious, but he IS a baby after all. Aren't babies supposed to cry? Aren't babies supposed to want to be close to their mothers? Why would you try to 'break' an infant of anything? He doesn't know what he is doing is wrong, he only knows that he wants his mother.

While I do not know all the details of your situation, it sounds like perhaps he's feeling a little jealous or possibly neglected (NOT saying you are doing that, just an causual and possibly stupid observation.) Maybe spending some time with your son, making a point to be sure he is your primary focus, may help him feel a little more secure? Not sure, I only have one child, so I suppose I have little to offer...

Other then that, I have heard very, very good things about this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Birth-Order-Book-W... (Birth Order: Why You Are The Way You Are)

Maybe there's some knowledge to be gleaned from understanding the way siblings relate and develop with each other, and the important role you play in that relationship?

Nikki - posted on 01/20/2010

i have no idea but when you figure it out please let me know