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How do I get my step daughter's mom to be more involved in her daughter's life?

Christine - posted on 08/08/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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For the past 3 years I've been the main mother role in my step daughters life. She goes to her moms house one day a week. My husband and I have told her mom many times she can see her daughter anytime she wants, just let us know and not last minute. She can also call her when ever she wants. I've tried everything I can think of to get her mother more involved and it doesn't seem to work. I feel bad for my step daughter because she wants her mom to do more. I love that I get to take care of her and raise her, I love her and take care of her just like I do my daughter. But I know she wishes her mom did more. Anyone in the same boat? Advise? Should I just give up?

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Sharon - posted on 08/11/2012

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First off as a mom, I totally can anot even understand that! I have to share my daughter with her dad and his live in girlfriend and I would fight for one little second more every chance I get... But, honestly, depending on her lifestyle and what's important to her.... There's not much you can do. It sounds like you've done everything you can including going above and beyond the call really.... How old is her mother? Is she remarried? Go out a lot? I mean, as a parent, a child changes your entire wants and desires out of life. It's no longer about yourself anymore... That child is more important than anything. So if that isn't the case with her then that probably shows a certain level of immaturity and/or her instability and she may feel you can mother her daughter better than she can at this very time in her life. There are a lot of variables I suppose....

Either way the child needs love and nurturing and whether you are her real maternal mother or not you are filling that role and it will forever be in her heart that love you are creating... So instead of worrying about the other I'd concentrate on just being the best mom you can be to her. :).... Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 08/08/2012

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It sounds like you are doing everything you can. Unfortuately you can't change other people. All I suggest is keep the offer open like you are and hopefully she will come around sooner rather than later. If your step daughter can see that you aren't the one stopping contact and that it's her mothers choice then she will decide who she wants to be a part of her life.

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