How do I handle my children?! I need help before I snap :(

Mazy - posted on 10/25/2011 ( 34 moms have responded )

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I'm scared, really scared of snapping at my kids. Not just yelling, but possibly hurting them. I have two boys that are 18 months apart (AM is 28 months, IM is 10 months) & they are driving me insane! The older one WAS toilet trained, but has reverted back to wetting himself & doesn't seem to care if he has wet pants. However, he WILL NOT let me go back to diapers. He was fully toilet trained since 18 months, but just within the last month or so has started peeing again. If I try to go back to diapers, cloth diapers, or pull-ups he hits, bites, screams & just takes them off. He will go through every single pair of pants in one day. I've tried several types of reward systems & none of them matter to him. He even tossed his toys BACK into the toy jar!! I'm at a loss.

The younger one is even scarier. He is always banged up & bruised because he gets into everything. He's been walking for almost two months now, & able to climb stairs & furniture for three or four. He's always climbing up to high places & JUMPING! I found him jumping out of the bathroom sink once & he JUMPED down the basement stairs this morning (thank God I have a cat!! He landed in the litter box & was miraculously unharmed.) I try so hard to childproof, but he still manages to climb over (or just push out) gates, or his brother opens doors for him, or someone has left a cord somewhere...I'm sure when other people look at my baby they must think that I beat him because he always seems to be bleeding from the head. I'm so afraid that he's going to have some type of brain damage. The part that really angers me though is that he doesn't seem to care. Even when he fell down the stairs, he was laughing! Later his brother pushed him against a chair so he ended up with a big gash on his forehead, & he laughed at that too!

There is so much screaming going on, I can't take it, AM screams & bites his little brother every day. I scream back at him. IM screams about the screaming...Neither of them will focus on anything at all, they just throw toys around the room all day long & shreik. My house is always a slovenly pigsty & I can't clean it up. As soon as I mop, someone dumps food on the floor. I do know that I get most frustrated right before my period & that's usually when I'm the most afraid of hurting them. I have spanked AM out of anger before & I don't want to do it again. (Any tips on how to deal with PMS?) Right now I'm a stay at home mom, but I am thinking about going back to work just to escape them.

P.S. I already know what some responses will be. I can't go to a gym or "get out" for a few hours because my husband comes home just in time to put them to bed (7:30/8pm) and then I have to clean. Often, he leaves again right after they go to bed. Also, I don't have any female friends in the area, so girls night out doesn't work too well for me. Also, I've tried taking the kids to group places, like the library, but they misbehave so badly that we have to leave. They don't sit through storytime, instead run around, or hurt each other.
:( Thanks for any advice!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

JuLeah - posted on 10/25/2011

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Ok ... drink a lot of water - really, it helps. Stay away from coffee! Drink green tea.

Put music on in the background that you like, feel the beat, and sing along - that helps too

Make sure you are eating right - no processed foods, no crap, no junk - give your body all the help you can - fresh, whole, close to the earth

TV - in the background - a comedy show - a nature program .....

Insense - find a scent that makes you smile

Call Birth 2 Three - Call Head Start - ask for resources - they are out there

Your kids are reacting to you, and you are reacting to them - so you are feeding off one another and it just builds

Let go of the wet pants for now - normal for kids to regress with a younger child comes along

Post an ad and hire a teen to come in after school three days a week - you don't have to leave the house, but you can go take a bath, read a book, call a friend, take a nap

Get as much sleep as you can - loss of sleep puts us on edge

Make sure you are getting enough B Vitimans - very important - for stress B Complex

PMS? that is not normal, don't listen to what your doc might have said - many docs don't know much about that

It is usually a lack of the B vitimins - B complex ... Sugar takes the b Vits out of our body. Do you eat a lot of sugar, drink a lot of coffee? - Sugar is in everything, so read labels with care and don't use artifical sugars- they are worse

Take a vit B complex - can't stress that enough and no more sugar or coffee - green tea is best

JoAnn - posted on 10/25/2011

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Sweetie, first and foremost you need to take a deep breath! If you believe in God, know that he has blessed your family with two little boys.
I'm on the outside looking in and reading word for word what you've written here and it sounds as if they are lacking structure and a schedule to follow each and every day. They also need calm tone repromands directly to them within about one foot distance away. No yelling from across the room which is why they tend to yell back. I don't know if you repromand by any type of spanking but it sure worked with my son early on. But, before you spank either of them for anything at all, you need to take about 3 long deep breaths and make sure you control yourself so that you can start to control them. If you don't spank or are afraid then they definitely need a time-out area or chair that you will control. One minute time-out for each year in age. Your younger one is following the lead of the older, so your main focus needs to be on your older son for right now. Please research Super Nanny and Nanny 911 for more professional tips to gaining full control of your household. It is your household btw and they are your offspring.
Please don't think that I'm judging you because you better believe I've had my fair share of losing my temper but I found ways to control it at least during the times where repromands were necessary. And don't think for a second that anybody is perfect because we definitely aren't. I also used to make my son watch the nanny sitcoms with me to show him exactly how bad behaved kids versus good behaved kids were. It also shows the times when they did get to do more things outside of the home just for the sake of sanity and enjoyment for the parents. You definitely want to be able to enjoy your time at the library or out to eat.
You have a huge community of moms here to offer advice and words of encouragement. You have made the decision to be a stay at home mom, now you just need some helpful tools that will make your time with them enjoyable for you and them. I know you can do this, just believe.... :)

Vickie - posted on 10/25/2011

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All children are born into this world with 6 adults, two parents and four grandparents. This is God's plan for raising these kids because it really takes that many. Share your fears with your husband. I hope he will be understanding and lend a hand. You need a day off. You cannot do this alone. Start asking everyone for help. Your parents, his parents, your brothers, & sisters, in-laws. If you don't have any family nearby then perhaps a church family will need to be adopted. True Christians will love and accept you and reach out to help you. They just need to know that there is a need. Your boys are very active and they need a safe outlet. perhaps you could enroll them in a preschool for a few hours a day. You will also need to find some parental support and education for yourself. Try the local community college, your pediatrician, or a DHS office.
MOPS is mothers of preschoolers an excellent Christian organization to look for in your area. Something both you and your boys will enjoy. Another is HIPPY it can be found @ a DHS office. A teacher will visit you in your home. I have eight children and have done both. I'm also a preschool teacher and know how to make children mind without losing my own. It is possible you can do this. You will have to reach out. A preschool teacher should be your best friend during this season. While your boys are young. You need a mentor who could share lots of ideas about discipline, behavior management, and successful strategies for a peaceful home. If I lived near you I would step in and help. Ask your neighbors if they would like to exchange baby sitting with you or have some play dates. I will make myself available if you need to call me for more parenting advise on potty training and safety rules in the home for your boys. I'm willing to help if you need me. But it would be better to establish a support network in your neighborhood. It is absolutely necessary for your success. Praying for you. Vickie

Jessica - posted on 10/27/2011

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I have 2 boys. They are 1 & 2 yrs old. Exactly 1 yr & 6 days apart. I too have had the urge to beat the children! I now take zoloft & vitamin b. Mine also do everything together and the younger one also is a dare devil with bruises. Take a deep breath, put them in cribs and step away for a few minutes. Calmly talk to them at eye level. I use time out method. They feed off your attitude. If you change yours they will change theirs! Takes a week or two and alot of patience. Good luck! I also stop and pray when I'm ready to scream! Jessica in Michigan

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I agree that finding the right parenting tools will help. Love and Logic is a good one. I'm sure there are others. You have to find the one that works best for you. I've found that I have to find out what my kids' hot buttons are and then use that for rewards or consequences, if necessary.

Another thing I would suggest is to learn EFT. It's a simple tapping technique designed to calm your energy systems and clear blocks that are causing problems in your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Children are sensitive to the energies around them and can sense our stress and emotional upheaval. By focusing first on you and calming yourself, you will be much better equipped to teach and train your children. They will also respond more favorably to your greater sense of well-being. Go to www.EFTuniverse.com to learn this amazing tapping technique for free. It's simple and can be used on anyone for anything. It's a great tool to have in your wellness toolbox. Before we can "fix" the kids, we've got to "fix" ourselves.

Also, I believe in the power of prayer and of unseen assistance, but because God honors our agency, we have to ask. Be specific in your prayers. Every day, ask God to send angels of light to calm the energies around your children and in your home. Ask God to protect you, your children, and your home from negative energies. It really works for me! Try it!

Praying now for blessings of calm energy, love, and light to be sent to you, your children, and your home . . .

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Mazy - posted on 10/28/2011

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Thank you ladies for all of your helpful responses. Note: I may have accidentally mentioned PPD when I really meant PMDD. All this craziness seems only to happen the five days before my period. Then, BAM, it's all gone & I can handle anything!

I know it's not them or their schedule; they are great with schedules. I started taking omega 3s & plan on cutting out ALL c affine and alcohol the week before my period, since that seems to be the worst time. I only have one cup of coffee a day and maybe a couple of drinks a week, so I won't miss it. I'm also going to eat more at that time. I think hunger makes me cranky/starts headaches, so I'll nibble on something fresh while my kids have their snack time.

Also, I spoke with my father about it & he said that basically when my brother & I were little, my parents held a no tolerance policy toward our behaviour. We were never spanked (at least not that I remember!), but instead they would tell us exactly how they wanted us to act (like before going into a restaurant, store or library). If we deviated from it, they simply picked us up & took us home. At home if we fought over a toy, they took it away without saying anything & gave it back later after we had forgotten about it. My dad said that we quickly caught on & stopped fighting or horseing around & they never had to "yell" at us. I don't remember my parents EVER yelling! I tried this on my older one at the library right after the conversation. He was "bad", so we just left. He was very, very upset & talked about it the rest of the day. The next day, we tried again & he was a perfect angel, AND the little one followed his cues & was a delight as well. I'm sure I'll still have moments where I''ll want to blow my top, but I'm going to go with this All Or Nothing route for a bit since the last three days my kids have been great!

And thank you for all the wonderful, encouraging words!
-Mazy

Rachel - posted on 10/28/2011

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with all due respect to the wonderful ladies who have suggested it, please don't emotionally blackmail and manipulate your children. Have you looked into progesterone yet? I would recommend everyone on this thread who have been put on anti-depressants for post pardum depression to look into bioidentical progesterone. At the very least, it'll make your anti-depressants work better because progesterone is the architect of seratonin and its receptors.

JoAnn - posted on 10/28/2011

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Marie, you are so on point with that... I was going to respond to Vickie but left it alone. I'm in the same boat as you are and I know that there are plenty others. Although I love my husband to pieces, he chose to accept a position with lots of travel. His mom lives in Virginia and only gets to Texas 1-2 times per year. My dad lives across town and is someone who only cares about himself so he doesn't give a poop. Therefore, it's just me!!! The remaining grandparents and great-grandparents are all deceased.

Jodie - posted on 10/27/2011

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I have a 3yr old and almost 5yr old and my two run a muck all the time as well I stuggel some days more then others and I feel the same way you do. Normally I take a deep breath in and say to them "use are being very silly very naughty and use are hurting my feelings, I think I might go pack my bag and go away and never come back how would that be?" They both say at first don't care mum Then i go get a bag out and they come running in and they say no mum don't we are sorry. It works some times but not always so maybe you could give it a try.. But there are days I have that are really bad I just start crying in front of them and they give me cuddles and say sorry 100times over I just don't speak for about 15 mins to either of them this works too. But taking toy's and sending them to naughty corner smacking their hands doesn't work. They just know how to get the better of us some times.. As to the toilet thing try just letting him run around with wet pants and see how he likes it, might be yuk but maybe he might change his mind about walking around with wet pants on all day. Good luck

Marie Jayne - posted on 10/27/2011

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Actually Vicki not all babes are born with 6 adults!! My LO was born with only 2 grandparents and when she was 15mth old GOD decided to take one of those away from us. The other never sees his Granddaughter, , My partner works away from home so how many adults does that leave??? Yep 1 ME. so where is GODS plan for our LO if every Child needs 6 Adults!!

Kathleen - posted on 10/26/2011

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I have to say and I am sorry if this sounds crazy. Some of that is very normal especially with boys. My favorite is jumping off things or running into the wall or furniture and getting scrapes and bruises. My son thinks it's funny to jump off the couch and smack his head into the coffee table. He falls outside, he cries for a second...then laughs hysterically. Won't be the first or the last they will get scraped. As for the potty training and the oldest reverting, try an inbetween solution...cloth trainers...and for a few minutes since if like me you are always in the middle of something when they have an "accident" and yes I realize this answer is crazy but I let my son wait. He knew when he had to go, and said I have to go mama than stands there and pees. He can wait the few minutes it takes for me to finish the dishes then I will help him. Took 4 days and he didn't like his wet pants and decided he would go in the potty. For the misbheaving such as biting and hiting, keep putting him in time out, try not to yell be consistent. he will get the point. He probably is expecting the yelling and does it on purpose. Mine did that for awhile. He was very upset than I would just walk him to time out and leave him there till he calmed himself. As for baby proofing a house...I do not think it's possible. Just try to make it as safe as you can. block or move cords, cover doors, latches, latch cabinets, socket covers. Just attempt to make it safe. They always find a way. I am sure your reaction to all this is because it is frustrating and not really an outlet for this. It is ok to give yourself a time out. I do it all the time. I put my son in his room and I go hide in the bathroom and cry/scream for five to ten minutes. Then I can continue with my day.



Just breath, they are boys and they are in that age to do these things. Just be consistent with time outs, if you need a time out give yourself one. Do your best to make sure the rooms are pretty well childproofed. Have the older one help with clean up to alleviate some stress on you. He is not too young...you will have to help, but he can help put away his own toys with specific direction. They may need to get that energy out, so take them to the park/playground let them play (yes there will prob be some bumps and scrapes) or take them to a grassy field, and let them run around with a ball or chase each other. Or get in there with them and chase them around the field. It is tough, not going to lie, but then you will have days that make it all better, or instances they make you smile. My favorite when my son does something so wrong, but yet so funny and I have to use all my might to not laugh and make him clean it up, sit in time out, or pick it up.



Also try starting a routine, and yes it will be hard at first. At bedtime or naptime. Sit down with both or lay down with each when you put them into bed and read a story. It will help to sit still during a group story time.



Oh and cleaning like mopping, sweeping and scrubbing...I do it, it's hard, but lately it has been on the wayside and does not get done as often as I like. Heck I still gotta get the living room vacuumed. I get lazy and tired and just plain do not have the energy. So instead I procrastinate and I sit and read or watch a show with my son lol Except for the clutter of toys in the house...daily i make sure the dishes are done, meals are prepared and I attempt one other chore. Being a mom of toddlers there are many daily chores that were probably done everyday without fail until they came. Give yourself a break, i learned awhile ago, my house does not need to be spotless. There is a huge difference between cluttered and needing minor attention and really being gross and a pigsty. Do a little at a time, and there are a few things at least the older one can do to help. Sometimes I let mine help me unload the dishwasher, he knows he has to put away his toys when he is done with them, he knows where his dirty clothes go when he takes them off. He even helps me cook sometimes, he loves to help make cookies even though the dough doesn't always last long enough to make the cookies lol.

[deleted account]

Definitely talk to a doctor. I do have to say though... one of your complaints is about them not being able to sit still... That is NORMAL. Especially for 2 year old boys and while your little one may be walking and climbing... he IS only 10 months.

You've already gotten some good advice ideas, so I'm just going to add.... Hang in there and cut all 3 of you some slack!

Lillian - posted on 10/26/2011

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Okay ,Mazy for one thing I am glad that you are women enough to cry out and admit you need help.method women are born knowing how to be a mom,any women who are not afraid to say she made a lot of mistakes .no.1 get help some one to come in with you a couple hours a day,2 take parenting classes .3 get to know yourself and how you responding to you children and how it effects you their is nothing wrong with your children they too brand new ! and 4 find a way (everything is possible )for husband to spend a little more time with the children ,the best investment you will ever have.

Savvy Mama - posted on 10/26/2011

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Look up Raising Godly Tomatoes dot com. I am not so much of a Christian, but there are A LOT of very helpful tools that I have used. It takes time and patience - and works as long as you remain consistent.
Another idea I am going to give you is make a list of rules and consequences that are specific for each rule.
Teach your children quiet voices by being the example and using a quiet voice yourself. I completely understand the urge to yell back. It is VERY hard not to yell back! Patience and commitment to learning the skills that Godly Tomatoes teaches and it is worth it!
I agree with some of the other Mom's - speak to your doctor. It could be anxiety, post-partum depression (which isn't always directly after birth...), or just simply a need to talk to someone who can help. If you don't want to see your doctor and you do go to a church - speak with the pastor's wife? My sister does this (of course - the wife is getting her PhD in Counseling right now...).
I hope that you find something! :)

Elizabeth - posted on 10/26/2011

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First of all "Mazy" I think you are pulling our legs at least a little bit and exaggerating the situation. The situation sounds just a wee bit far-fetched to me. However, I cb wrong....so...Lots of good advice here except that insane "spare the rod' crap. It's so ignorant. I am glad to hear you in all of your overwhelming difficulty at least know better than that and do not want to hit your boys again. Hitting children is illegal in most civilized countries and for good reason. Hitting small children makes an unhappy parent feel better perhaps momentarily then comes the guilt, shame and humiliation for all parties. It teaches them nothing you actually want for them. The "rod" in the bible was actually used to GUIDE and protect the sheep NOT BEAT THEM!!! Good luck Mama.

Anh - posted on 10/26/2011

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i put my kids in a safe place, ie: crib or excersaucer, then go to the basement and put a pillow on my face and scream as loud as i can. then i go outside on the doorstep, front or back and stand there for 10 deep breaths. it helps release any tension i have and i come back upstairs and can help my screaming child a little better.

Karen - posted on 10/26/2011

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get ur kids into a nursery, even if its only part time to start with, they probably just have too much energy they will calm down once they are doing something that occupies their minds, my 2 grandchildren ( 20mths and 4yrs ) stress my daughter out when they haven't got anything to occupy their minds, nursery helps a gr8 deal then play time with mum after dinner, make it fun for them it will help tire them out, make sure you have safety gates in door ways and on stairs and get some help off the doctor for yourself you could be suffering from depression, as for the eldest reverting back to wetting himself just make him wear his wet pants till he himself dosn't like them on, then say to him is he a baby cause big boys go to the toilet, don't shout at them just talk to them in a firm voice to let them know your not willing to put up with their behaviour hope it helps you take care

[deleted account]

I agree with the posts here and might add a few suggestions. If you had parents that parented the same way, you may need some parenting education. There are various ways to do everything and it is surprising the impact that good attention, calm leadership, and consistency have on them. (Ever watched The Nanny?) Some schools sponsor parenting classes. There are many good books. Etc. Now, if it is possible that your temperment or anxiety leads the way, you may have Generalized Anxiety, PMDD, ADHD w/depression, Bipolar, etc that affect you which affect them. Or one or more of the children may have something that may need medication or counseling. Don't delay. You'll never regret spending time to get it right now and make life easier for you all. God bless you for knowing to reach out.

Sue - posted on 10/26/2011

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okay here is my advice...i have a question for you to consider...who has authority in your home? I have been in homes where the children are definitely the ruler of their homes because there is lack on consistent (if any) discipline. "The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother" this is very true in the scenes that you have shared with me. Please I share this in love...but your children should not be acting this way....and to take on another job just to escape them will only worsen the matter. Imagine what your children will become if this is not dealt with in the next ten years. It takes a commited parent to help train them into well-behaved children. I also stay home with three and I know how terrible they can be. but I have found that being consistent (this is a very exausting job but duable) with discipline and I mean discipline that breaks this child's will. I am not saying violent angry hitting....but a swat in the bare bum (stay with just three good smacks) EVERY time they disobey you, disrespect you, dishonor you.

For the saying is true...
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him (Proverbs 13:24).

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him (Proverbs 22:15).

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die (Proverbs 23:13)

As for when you get angry, usually it is because it hasn't been dealt with right away and it builds up till you explode. To avoid this deal with it immediately, do not hesitate no matter how they respond. Also if you find yourself getting fumed, have a spot in the child's room where they can sit and wait for you to calm down...this way they also settle down and think about what they did. Then after you have calmed down take care of the discipline immediately. Before every discipline i find it important to ask the child if he or she knows why they are being punished (yes they even know at the age of 2) and remind them the consequences of such behavior. I even tell them how sad it made me when they chose to disobey. Then after i proceed with the dicipline, I hold them close to me and remind them over and over that I love them.....so they know I am doing this out of love and not anger.
I have also found that other added on discipline is necessary for the more willful child. Consequences include not allowing certain priviliges, taking away precious possessions, seperateing this child from family occasions. I know it sounds terrible, but it makes a clear picture to the child that his/her actions separate them from a pure relationship with their parents. Again I remind them how I still love them, but obedience is what I desire of them, and that is what love does.

Make a list of behaviors that are just not acceptable, and stick to your guns. Ask your husband to help you be consistent. Also ask him to have a talk with them....my husband tells our children they need to obey mommy while he is at work, and when he comes home he asks how the children have been with me in front of them. daddy should have top authority in your home....and your children should know it.
As far as the potty training, really if you deal with their heart issues...being consistent with discipline and setting a firm foundation, the potty training will eventaully happen. (don't know any older kids having trouble with this!) Please find a good support group that will help you and are like minded in discipline.

Rachel - posted on 10/26/2011

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bi-polar at your period? That's not bi-polar, that's progesterone deficient. Please please please look into progesterone deficiency (I'm willing to guess that's been your problem). Some days I can handle anything, but I can tel you a few weeks ago when I was trying to order halloween costumes online and the website kept failing, then I called the company and the call got dropped while I was on hold I just started screaming and screaming and screaming. Omega 3s vitamin B's, these are progesterone precursors. Sugar and caffeine inhibit progesterone as well. But if you are as far gone as me, you need Progesterone Cream (just to get to the point where you can gain control enough for the diet/exercise/church stuff to work. But yes, please google progesterone deficiency (which I think is far more common post pardum than is usually acknowledged). Please look into it.

Jan - posted on 10/26/2011

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I taught elementary school for 18 years. As a teacher, I learned the importance of consistency- consistent praise for the right and consistent consequences for behaviors that need correcting. There is a class out there for you in parenting- look for resources. Parenting is the most challenging and rewarding job ever! Love and Logic classes are very good. I highly recommend them! Please look into this! I am quite sure that they may even provide child care during these classes and if not, ask them for help in finding some. It would be best, but not necessary, ifyour husband can go with you too. Maybe he can just schedule it in.... Also, health wise, I recommend a plant based progesterone cream. I am happy to send you information on that. i have a CD you can listen to- Dr Lee. He has done many years of research on the benefits of supplementing with progesterone cream. Email me if you are interested and I will stick it in the mail. That will help YOU feel better. We all empathize and are here for you!

Sarah - posted on 10/26/2011

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I definately think a trip to your Physician is in order! You can't expect your previous treatment to be effective when you have had such dramatic physical and mental changes. It sounds to me as though you may have delayed onset PPD in addition to your previous bipolar diagnosis (which is often misdiagnosed anxiety disorder) I understand how frustrating little ones can get, especially when you feel alone and unsupported. You have got to take care of yourself first. Not only will it give you the tools to handle stress, but your children will most likely calm WAY down once you calm down. They respond to you like little mirrors! If mine are acting crazy I can almost always trace it back to me having anxiety or tension. I'm praying for you! It isn't easy at all!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/26/2011

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If you feel like you are constantly going to snap, and you are bi polar, then maybe you should talk to your doctor about that. Motherhood is difficult as it is.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/26/2011

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Ok, so the whole reverting after potty training is completely NORMAL! Really, it is. So many kids do it, including my own. Just stay calm, and address it in a calming tone. Not yelling and screaming. You do not want to encourage bad association with bathroom habits by yelling.

Secondly, it really sounds like you need a structured disciplinary tool. Your son doesn't care if he gets a toy taken? Well that is fine. But you need to find a different way of handling it. Time outs work, counting to 3 with a warning, making HIM clean up what he has done wrong. You must do all of these things with a calm tone. If you need a time out, so does he. Those 3-4 minutes can really help YOU clear your head, while he is out of the path of destruction.

Your little guy, well....stacked baby gates, and baby proofing are all I can say. Some kids are just climbers. You see him doing something, pick him up...sit down with him and tell him "no, danger". he understands more than you think.

Good luck!

Christina - posted on 10/26/2011

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:.( My heart breaks for this situation! Anyone of us can give you any type of advice out there, but positive energy has to come from within! It sounds like a vicious cycle at this point spinning out of control quickly. It can only come to a hault and be turned around if you’re willing to put forth the effort and change things around for the good of your loving family. That has to come from you, we can’t give that part to you babe. It’s going to be hard at first...things will probably get a lil worse before getting better because kids don’t like change and it seems like their used to running the roost. However lucky for you -- your kids are still very young and this is not a lost cause by any means...just means you have to be ready to do some serious life changing habits & get your house in order! I don’t even know where to begin....



I think for starters one of the boys (I would say the younger one - since you say the older one does fine most of the time) could attend a daycare facility or mother's morning out group (maybe even just part time) for a few weeks/months (just to get your house in some sort of order) This will be worth the money you will have to spend on it. Consider it a necessity at this point! That’s where it needs to start. If there is no order, structure or control in the house the kids WILL take control as you can see. Daycares are great for getting kids on a daily routine. With the younger one out -- you can focus on getting the older one on a routine schedule. ROUTINE, ROUTINE, ROUTINE!! It has to be the same exact thing every single day in the same order for them to understand...I know YUCK right? But once they have the routine down, then you can be more lineate with getting off schedule some days...but not until there’s order! They have to understand....This is how it is! Stop yelling! The most insane thing that I learned is kids feed off of torturing us lol. They know they have pushed our buttons & they enjoy that. How powerful could a two year old feel when they see they have made their grown mom mad? Very powerful...so don’t give them that power! The most important thing you can say to them during "heated moments" is NOTHING AT ALL...you know why? Because they have no clue at all what you’re thinking!! :) Crazy huh? But it works! I’m not saying total silent treatment for hours (that’s neglect)...just no yelling! Be calm, tell them if they don’t do (whatever it is) they are going to timeout (crib, chair, room..Whatever) when they don’t do it....direct them to this spot -- with NO TALKING at all (most important)...don’t say "I told you if you didn’t do what I said" , don’t say "that’s it MR"...don’t say ANYTHING at all! That’s the trigger...he’s now thinking -- what is she thinking? What is she going to do? And that’s how it should be! Gently guide or pick them up and take them to this spot for the allotted time (1 minute for each age -- & this is probably not going to work with the younger one...he’s too young -- which is why he should go to a day care during this re-structure) I know it’s tough when were tired cause we just want to sleep in, but Moms are on FT duty most of the time. It seems like you don’t have a lot of support near you, so you have to work out a schedule that is going to work & can be enforced every single day. Figure out a time that you need to be up (before them even if that’s 5am) enough time to get yourself together, have a plan and enforce it. Once in order you will see that bedtimes at this age should be around 8ish and you will have some AHHHHHHHHH peace & harmony for yourself to relax, take a bath, watch tv, drink a glass of wine or simple go to bed and get some rest for the next hard day ahead of you! You defiantly need to focus on getting the older one back to toilet training, this is tough the first time around, much less when they do good & then revert back! :( He may feel like you have no time for him, which it sounds like you don’t. He may need a little one on one time with mom! My son is two and is a great lil helper!! Once you have some sort of order then you can slowly bring the younger one in and work him into the routine. Let your older one be of use and tell him he is the BIG brother and it helps mommy when you teach your baby brother to share & be nice!



Girls night out and a break sound great, but the bottom line is that’s not ever going to happen unless you can get things in order first. LOL…I don’t get this and my house isn’t in the chaos yours is in at the moment, that’s unfortunately something some moms don’t get when the kids are at this age. Daycares have PT slots available as well. You could choose to put them both in daycare just for the mornings. This gives you plenty of time to get your house in order (chores, cleaning, dinner plans) and also gives you a break! Pick them up at noon and have fun with them! If your children constantly see you in a bad mood or frustrated or yelling....where do you think their getting that from? Kids learn by positive reinforcement, not negative. But I think sitting down with your husband is the most important first step. I understand he’s not there a lot...he’s working hard for you to be a stay at home mom (a luxury I WISH I had). But getting him involved and having him help you with a game plan will help him understand what you’re going through. He may not be able to be there in body…but he should be supporting you emotional & mentally! Put on paper three separate schedules. You need one most importantly. You have to be rested, calm, collected and in control, you can’t be that if your running around going crazy. Your youngest needs one and the oldest needs one. If they are busy with their schedules and daily routine, they won’t have time to argue & whatnot. My two yr old cleans up his own mess, if he wants to play then he understands he has to clean it up. We make it a game (who can pick up the most toys the fastest) trust me they love competition...this will get a room cleaned up pretty quick! 1 step at a time...work on things slowly, your kids are still young and its not going to happen overnight. But slowly you will see consistency always wins. Be firm, but loving. Reward and have consequences. I do hope you find a plan that works for you. In you first sentence "OR POSSIBLY HURTING THEM" is a scary thought! We’re all here to help you, but you have to start with you first!



Remember --- your kids came into YOUR world! You didn’t come into theirs! :)



Good Luck Girl!!!

Mazy - posted on 10/26/2011

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I was diagnosed as bi polar in college, but have not had any issues until my period started in July. (I'm only this stressed a week before).

My older son WAS toilet trained, he just stopped using the toilet about two weeks ago. I fine force him...I can't, he's too big! I'm just going to make him wear the plastic pants until he gets back on track.

I have talked to my husband & he doesn't see where there is a problem. The kids are angels when he's home because they miss daddy & he does only fun things with them. I'm not complaining....that's just the way it is. And I can't really afford a sitter because I don't work. *sigh*

Every morning I just stretch & say lets try again today!

Debbie - posted on 10/25/2011

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Oh and I forgot to add, I was put on anti anxiety medication. It worked but I felt like a zombie. I weaned my self off and now only take Omega 3 fish oil tablets. They worked better than the antianxiety meds.

Debbie - posted on 10/25/2011

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Hun, You sound like me a couple of months ago. I was feeling so anxious about my childs behavior I was constantly on edge. Ill never forget losing it in the car one day, saying the f and c words and f shut up and screaming like a possessed person and then I looked around as I was at the lights and this woman was looking at me like I was insane. I was mentaly exhausted and needed a brake. My partner had been overseas for 5 weeks and my wee girl had pushed me to the limit. It happens to us all my friend, Try not to be too hard on yourself. I felt so angry at times that I physically wanted to hurt my child and that shocked me as I am not at all that person. When you can learn to handle your stress better your kids BAD days wont seem so bad. Its not easy, just remember there are tonnes of mums out there feeling the same as you everyday x

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 10/25/2011

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I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but have you been diagnosed as bi-polar? Because I have bi-polar and I can be like that too especially with my 7 year old. That's the only reason I asked. I also suffered from PPD with her.

Have you tried to go to children groups? Or looking for a sitter or someone like Juleah suggested? I know it's hard sometimes especially when your closest family lives a long ways away. I just moved from NY where my closest family was down the hall or a 15 minute drive to BC where my closest inlaws are also an hour away.

I would also suggest talking to your husband about your problems with the boys and trying to get his help because they're his kids too.

Medic - posted on 10/25/2011

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Um Sharlene...she does not have an 18 month old. Please do not force a child to use the toilet. They will only rebel. Go through and child proof your house even from the 2 year old, ie: child proof door knobs, latches and locks. Try and make a "safe" room for your children to play. During the day relax like JuLeah suggested, nice music, nice smells. And most of all keep those boys moving!!!! Good luck!

Sharlene - posted on 10/25/2011

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Hi . You need to take a breath calm down ,1step at a time do you put the the 18 month old son on the toilet every 1hr and let him sit there for 10 to 20 mins and try putting undies on him but you must try to put him every 1hr on toilet ot potty,and as to the biting everytime he you bite him back and then he will relize that hurts as to screaming go down to his leave and in a calm voice say no more screaming, if hes still doing that sit down and talk to him, as to your 10 month old can you get safety gates .All the best Cheers

Mazy - posted on 10/25/2011

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Ladies, thank you for your words of advice & encouragement!!

I don't have family that lives nearby (the closest are an hour away & both work full time), otherwise I would definitely utilize them!

I do think it's PMS or PPMD. I have not been diagnosed, but my mother had PPMD, a baaad case of it...maybe it's genetic? I never had any PMS symptoms until after the birth of my second child when my period started (6 months after he was born). I can only guess it's a hormonal change. I did read somewhere that fish oil & vitamin B complex can help a lot, so I am going to get those this week...see if they help for a month, then go after St John's Wort if I need it.

I've tried very hard since leaving my job to maintain structure in their day. They eat, nap & bathe at the same times every day & are very good about taking cues to move on to the next thing. However, they have NEVER had to sit still or be in a group setting for anything until recently (reading group & music group at the library), & they aren't doing well with it at all! They are both very clever children, and I think it's their cleverness that gets them into trouble!

I think the little one is the instigator. The older one is usually an angel, but copies the "bad" behaviour of the baby. I can't scold the little one for some things because he doesn't know any better, but the older one certainly does & he tries to test my limits. I am certainly going to go check out the MOPS & HIPPY groups. Thanks!!!

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