How do I punish my 6 year when she was bad at school?

Holly - posted on 03/31/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 6 years old and she is in kindergarten. She has been to 2 other schools since pre k and she was a very good student at the other schools. This school she is not doing very well each day she comes home with a white card usually which means she gets 10 min time out in school. I have tired taking the Wii away, talking to her, and not letting her go to her grandparents house on the weekends. Today her teacher had to call me because she was not listening to the teacher at. I don't know what to do. Please help! Thanks!

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Kate CP - posted on 03/31/2011

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Why would you punish her at home for something she did hours ago at school and was already punished for AT SCHOOL?

Talk to your daughter about making good choices at school and reinforce that at home. Kids aren't bad. They make bad choices. Both you and your daughter need to realize this. I would also suspect that she's feeling like nothing is very stable right now as she's in her 3rd school and she's only in kindergarten. I bet she's acting out because of that.

JuLeah - posted on 04/01/2011

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Ok, so first off ... don't 'punish' Your goal here is to 'teach' and we learn nothing from punishment but how to avoide punishment. Second, your child is not 'bad' She is doing some behaviors that are not working for her teachers.
You need to figure out why. Your dauhter is attempting to tell you something very important with the only langauge she has; her behavior. Like when she was tiny and told you she was hungry with a cry. She is attempting to tell you what is wrong, but you have to learn how to listen to her.
Her teacher's are not on the ball if all they can offer is a white card and a ten minute time out. They need to be making effort to figure out what is not working and you need to be in their faces if they aren't.
And, 6 year olds often don't listen ... it is not what they are known for really. I have concerns that the teacher calls you as a means of dealing with the issue. What else is she attempting to do? Why is the child not listening? And don't say "because she is bad" There is a reason, I promise you. Odds are she won't be able to use words and tell you, you will have find another way to figuring this out. Observe her at school maybe? Find out what 'exactly' are the behaviors the teachers don't like ... when is she doing them?
I knew a boy who would act out everyday almost ... the teacher did the same dumb thing; sent him to the office.
Well, turns out, the kid didn't understand the math and was too embarressed to admit he needed help. He acted out each day before math, was sent to the office for the math lesson and avoided what he didn't want to deal with - of course getting further and further behind in math in the process.
When given the help he needed, and when he no longer wished to avoide math, he stopped acting up in school.
See what I mean? There is a reason for all behavior, there always is.

Amanda - posted on 04/03/2011

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First off get to the bottom of what is causing the problem behavior, and if it is truely problem behavior in the first place. My oldest is in second grade, in K and 1st if he came home and had done something heinus during the day you bet we would punish him also, basically because there are precious few hours to learn during the school day and (only if what he did was major) their punishment usually wasnt acceptable for us. Now if he did sometihng little, talking in the hallway, walking around during lunch, and he lost a recess we just talked with him about whatever rule he brokeexpalined why the rule was put in place and therefor why he has to follow it. Now to this year, this year is totaly differant, all because of his teacher- he has a lady who is 65, she should have retired about 15 years ago, she is hard and unforgiving, so loosing a recess is a near daily occurance for him now- and 99% of the time he is loosing recess for some petty reason, tapping his pencil for example- so he has not really recieved any extra punishment from us this year. So like I said make sure that your daughters behavior is unacceptable in the first place, is she truly doing something she shouldn't or is the teacher being picky?

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You know your kid best, but I just want to bring up that every kid is different on the sleep issue.... At that age, my girls NEEDED 12 hours/night. Yet their just turned 3 year old brother has never slept a 12 hour night in his life (he DOES still nap... most of the time).

Sylvia - posted on 03/31/2011

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What Kate said -- I don't see how punishing her at home for something she did hours and hours ago, and has already been punished for at school, could possibly accomplish anything positive. (It might very well teach her to stop showing you the white cards, but that's probably not the outcome you're going for.)

If she's already been to 3 different schools at age 6, she may be feeling pretty insecure. she might be worried about what's going to happen next. She may be afraid to make friends, since what if she just has to leave them all to go to a new school sometime soon? Maybe she and the teacher don't see eye to eye. (BTDT with my DD.) Maybe the teacher's, or the curriculum's, expectations are unreasonable. Whatever the case, there's almost certainly something going on under the surface that you need to understand before you can help your DD change her behaviour for the better.

What exactly is she getting the time outs for? Is it always the same thing, or a variety of problems?

Is she getting enough running-around time during the school day? I read a horrifying article earlier this week about an elementary school in ... Florida, I think, that has eliminated recess (!!!!). Is she getting enough sleep?

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Beth - posted on 04/03/2011

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I totally agree with the sarah i have a 5 yr old that will be in kindergarten next year so i truely worry about this issue..i would meet with the teacher the talk honestly to ur daughter as to what is really going on is she having trouble with the other kids as well as issues with her teacher.. I know Elesea came home upset at another student that had done something to her and she felt that it wasnt resolved like she thought it needed to be.. communication is the key here so talk to ur daughter over and ice cream cone and let her express to you how she sees things at school...

Bonnie - posted on 04/01/2011

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I don't think she should necessarily be punished, but maybe try to talk with her and find out what could be bothering her or causing her to do this.

Holly - posted on 04/01/2011

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just an idea maybe you could go with her one day and just watch her and see how her day goes first hand, or stop by without her knowing and watch from a far tell the teacher first

Holly - posted on 03/31/2011

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Yes she usually gets about 10 hours of sleep each night which is the right amount for her age. I do ask kayla if they get to go outside and I personally don't think they get to go out enough so when she gets home we usually go outside and play!

Holly - posted on 03/31/2011

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Thanks for all the help so far I have started to talk to the teacher daily. There is nothing different besides the new school. And I understand her going to 3 schools could be a problem, and also the kids at the school since she has never never had a problem at any other school.

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3 different schools and she's only in K? That could be part of the problem right there. Kids are fairly adaptable, but they also crave consistency.

Have you talked to your daughter to find out what the problem is? Have you talked to the teacher about working together to resolve this issue? That is where I would start if you haven't already. Past that.... I'm really not sure.

Holly - posted on 03/31/2011

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hello tell us anything new in her life, like a new parent, new home, even a new laundry soap due tell thanks holly

Sarah - posted on 03/31/2011

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You need to get to the bottom of what is causing this. Arrange a meeting with the teacher to talk about the issues. It sounds as though the problem may be the teacher, in which case you need to speak to the principal. She seems to be taking a very negative approach and not attempting to encourage your daughter positively.At this age there should be constant communication between parents and teachers. Do you speak to the teacher every day when you pick your child up from school?

I personally don't think you should punish her at home when she has already been punished in school. This will only lead to her being secretive about what has happened at school, when you really need to be keeping the lines of communication open.

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