How do I punish my 8 year old for taking a lip gloss, which I refused to buy for her, from a shop?

Tahnia - posted on 04/23/2010

She will know that it is wrong when you take her back to the shop. That is the best thing you can do. My daughter gets a small amount of pocket money for doing jobs and if I wont buy her something she will ask if she can use her money. The only thing that she cant buy is lollies.

Karin - posted on 04/23/2010

Dear Dawna, great idea! I might try this! Thanks!

Louise - posted on 04/23/2010

No thankfully I have not been in this situataion but I would go back to the shop and get the security guards to have a little chat. This should be enough to embarass her into not doing it again and hopefully she will get the message that she is taking money from the shop owner who has a family to feed. I am sure she will be very remorseful after that. Good luck

Karin - posted on 04/23/2010

Dear Lexi, thanks so much for your comment. I think you're right. The prospect of having to apologize to the shop owner today after school is already working and I hope that this will be the thing that will stick with her and stop her from stealing again. I agree, she was probably overwhelmed by wanting this lip gloss so much and couldn't control herself (thought she could get away with it). I'm just glad I found it! We've had a very long chat about right and wrong this morning and I hope the message is getting through :-) Thanks!

Dawna - posted on 04/23/2010

depending on your child's motivations and what she values, you could also try making her pay for it with money out of her pocket when she takes it back. in that case, don't let her keep it, but make her give the store the money. (sort of like the store stealing in reverse.) kids tend to sense what's "fair" in terms of themselves at that age, and stealing may have more impact when she is the victim. if she has a piggy bank and likes to save her own money like i did at that age, that could be a good motivation to never do this again.



of course, you may need to get the manager to cooperate (by pretending) before hand on taking the money. they may not be allowed to if it is unopened. if it is opened, she'll simply be paying for what they will have to discard.

Lexi - posted on 04/23/2010

When I was about the same age I stole a lip gloss too. My mom would have made me take it back and apologize but I stole it from a store out of town and she found it when we got home. Instead she made me write a letter to the store owner, explaining how sorry I was and why it was wrong to steal. She gave me the whole scary talk about what could happen if I'd been caught and how disappointed she was in me too. I was so ashamed of myself. I don't remember if I got grounded or anything but I'm sure there was some other form of punishment. The letter is what stuck with me though, having to admit what I did and apologize. I think every kid hits that phase at some point and has to test out those impulses and whether the self control is worth it. I guess the important thing is just to teach them that it is!

Cindy - posted on 04/23/2010

You're welcome. Don't worry though, at that age when something like that happens and the kid is a good kid they usually don't do it to be bad or really even know what they did was wrong which is why it will be also important to explain it to her.....Well I mean if you want to!

Good luck!! :)

Karin - posted on 04/23/2010

Thanks Cindy! Encouraging. It seems to have worked with you :-) My daughter is normally a really good girl, too. All the more upsetting when something like this happens!

Karin - posted on 04/23/2010

Thanks Shannon, that's what I'm going to do. She'll have to take the lip gloss back and say sorry. It's a small boutique, so I don't think they have a security guard. Sadly... Hope the girl behind the counted will be enough to scare her :-)

Cindy - posted on 04/23/2010

That sounds all too familiar! I did the same thing with this Tinkerbell chapstick when I was 7 years old and when my Mom saw it of course she was upset (dont get me wrong i was a good kid) at first she asked me why I did it, and then she sat me down and explained to me that it is wrong to steal, and just basically explained to me all the reason why it is wrong and bad to do.



And then she gave me a little scare by telling me that I could've got in trouble with the police. She did end up grounding me for around 2 weeks I wasn't allowed to play with friends or watch tv. She didn't take back the chapstick. She told me that if I ever did it again that she would take me back to the store and have me tell them what I did, and trust me at that age yes I did know what embarassment was, and I didn't want to be embarassed like that. So I never did it again and everything turned out fine.

Shannon - posted on 04/23/2010

Karin,

Yes I have with a child I used to babysit, (not with my own yet) but I made him go back in the store and i went up to the service desk and i asked them to have there security guard come up to speak with me and the child that scared him, i gave him the choice of either the store calling the police or talking to the SG. I think it worked never had a problem again but the memories still go on. Hope this helps