How do I report a teacher for abuse in the classroom?

[deleted account] ( 258 moms have responded )

My Son is five years old he was transferred to a new classroom and now he is afraid to go to school. There have been several incidents that I reported to the school social worker. 1. my son told me that his hands were grabbed and yanked down to the floor and the teacher told him to pick up his gloves she was screaming loud. 2. My son came home with an unreported scratch on his wrist, 3. My sons speech therapist wrote me a letter concerned as to why john was hysterically crying and putting his hands over his ears and didn't want to participate in speech therapy. When I asked my son what happened he replied, the teacher screamed at me, she yelled so loud, she said if i don't stop crying she's going to call my daddy.



This morning was awful, my son was hysterical, the neighbor had to carry him to the bus where he refused to get on the bus, he was begging me not to send him to school because hes scared of the teacher hurting him and yelling at him. He came home yesterday with a large scratch on the side of his face and a note from the nurse stating that he fell down a slide, John told me he didn't fall down the slide he said he can't tell me its a secret.



I refuse to send him to school until he is transferred back into his original classroom where he was comfortable and unafraid to attend. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated mhoolan@aol.com

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

Contact the local news media. Tell them how you're case of potential child abuse by teacher is being ignored.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/28/2012

18,900

9

3002

My mom owned a ballet school when I was growing up. She hired a teacher that was previously one of her students. Well, we also owned an ice cream shop so this teacher took on a lot of her classes....and of course I was in them all. I had known her since I was 4....I was about 10-12 years when all this was taking place...for 2 years I dealt with this...well, she was very physical with me. Had big long fake nails (she was young when she started with my mom, and was early 20's when she was teaching) and she really hurt me regularly. I would come home with big bruises on my wrists from her dragging me across the floor in front of everyone, nail marks and scratches, hurt shoulders from her pushing me....my mom did not believe me. Until one day when my mom was suppose to be at the ice cream shop, she popped in cause she forgot something at the studio and SAW her dragging me across the floor with her nails denting into my skin.



My mom ended up cutting her classes, and taking over all the classes again.



Kids need to be listened to, and I know you are listening to your child. but other parents may not be listening, and sure as shit the principal is not. Call a lawyer while you are at it. Do not get off the phone until something is done.

Andrea - posted on 03/27/2012

3

7

0

As a teacher and mom, talk to the teacher and go from there. I can't tell you how many times kids have flat out lied or exaggerated the truth. I'm not staying this is the case here. Just objectively talk to the teacher.

Amanda - posted on 03/27/2012

2,559

3

365

Sounds to me that it isnt that the princpal doesnt care, but feels like your son is playing you. Some children cant handle change and take time to adjust. Also some children lie and carry on to get out of dealing with the change.



Sit down relax and be realistic about what might really be going on. Children get hurt at school all the time, sometimes teachers do raise their voices to get childrens attention. Your son is in speech has his ears been tested? Maybe what he think is yelling isnt actually yelling at all.



Edit *Btw yelling is not child abuse lets not over react*

Mandy - posted on 03/27/2012

574

18

105

i would ring the department of education if it was my son. this is unacceptable.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

258 Comments

View replies by

Michelle - posted on 04/04/2012

8,077

8

3223

********Mod Warning******



Just letting you ladies know I'm going to lock this up.



Michelle,

WtCoM Mod.

Sherryl - posted on 04/04/2012

7

12

0

Do you know any other kids in the class. If so ask the other parents if this is happening to their children. If it is then persue to the board of education. If not sit down with the teacher and lay it all out. If you still don't feel right about it go in one day without an announcement and volunteer in the class and watch what is going on. ut deal with it first with the teacher, then go into the principle, then go to the board of eduaction. But in person or they won't do a whole lot for you. I wish you luck whatever you do.

Uwa - posted on 04/04/2012

3

2

1

Confront the teacher and even report to the head teacher personally.talk to the authorities.

Jeanne - posted on 04/03/2012

2

6

0

I would definitely not force him to return to those circumstances. He is obviously experiencing trauma in this classroom and that teacher needs to be removed from the school. There is no excuse fora teacher to scream at the kids. or to touch them in that manner. I would not stop until the school or school board corrects this situation. Every child deserves to feel secure and loved!



Transferring him back is a good idea but, something needs to be done with the teacher. ASll of the other children are in danger of the same type of emotional damage! This cannot go on. Take it to the top. And we ask ourselves why our children turn into Bullies! this teacher is a BULLY!

Hope - posted on 04/03/2012

4

0

1

You call the police and file a restraining order against the teacher. That's what you do hon. You have documented incidents where your child is telling you something very alarming and also- very different from what the school officials are telling you. This in and of itself is despicable and pathetic for a school to try to pull. If you call the police, a seperate entity from the school- they now have perfect reason to suspect foul play and will place a undercover cop in there to watch what's going on. If you can't get the police to help you- I'd hire your son a body guard and send him to school with him. See if that teacher wants to yell/abuse at him again. (no you really don't have to do that- just a kinda funny suggestion)

I would find a different school for him to go to and make sure you give him lots of love and support and let him know he can tell mommy anything. That's the best thing you can do for him- and don't let the school know what you're doing. Just go straight to the police and let them handle it.

Glynis - posted on 04/03/2012

33

18

2

Don't forget your camera ! Take pictures of any bruises, red marks, scratches on your kid when he comes home from school.



But be careful with your kid. Kids can be very wily. Try hard not to let your kid know you are doing this, so that he can't add a scratch or two just to get rid of a teacher he doesn't like. And don't think that at 5 years old, he can't conceive of this idea.

Glynis - posted on 04/03/2012

33

18

2

You can't be more wrong. If it's actually "yelling", the raising of the voice with malice intended, to frighten a child, this is indeed ABUSE ! Not all abuse is physical. Mental, psychological, and verbal abuse are ALSO ABUSE !

Christy - posted on 04/03/2012

2

1

0

Do not go to anyone at the same school because, they will defend the teacher!! I had a similar insident with my daughter I went to the administration of the school and demanded this teacher be investigated!! Then you make a police report they will privatly investigate this teacher!! I also went to some of the other parents that I knew and asked them if there child was acting different in this class room! I got a lot of action and what my daughter told me was true the teacher was fired!!

Kathy - posted on 04/03/2012

76

20

0

First go to the principal of the school and voice your concerns with them if they do not give you satisfactory solutions then go to the School district superintendent and have the same discussion with them. Do NOT give up and keep making sure the classroom is a happy place for your son to learn and enjoy going to school. I had a similar situation happen to my son when he was in the 4th grade. They didn't want to l;listen until I went to the superintendent and complained repeatedly until they finally fired that teacher. She was mean and breaking kids self esteem and self confidence down until they had nothing left. It took me 3 years to get her fired but I never gave up even tho my son was no longer in her class. As a parent it is our job to speak up and take charge when the teachers and educators try to beat our kids down to nothing. Do NOT give up EVER!

Melissa - posted on 04/03/2012

63

5

4

I would suggest that you drop in and observe the class. If I were you, I would peek in the window (if there is one) just to see what is going on, and that way your son won't see you. No offense, but you want to see how he is interacting as well so that you can get a true picture of what is going on. Drop in several times if you are able. That way the teacher knows that you are around.

Vesta - posted on 04/03/2012

1

3

0

Go direct to the school board. Talk to other parents. Volunteer in the classroom

Erin - posted on 04/03/2012

7

0

0

I'm a teacher but I'm also a child advocate and a mother first. Children fill my heart with joy and love and I couldn't imagine returning anything but the same to them. I went to Wal-Mart the other day and saw another teacher I work with across a department and a little farther away I saw some of our students hiding so she didn't see them. I laughed and continued shopping. Before I knew it those same students tackled me from behind and hugged me. LOL I LOVE IT!!! I love the kids and I love my job.

Joann - posted on 04/03/2012

18

0

0

I feel so sorry for your little boy. You are Right not to send him back to that classroom. ! I have been in the same situation with my daughter who has developmental delays and a form of MD. The first thing you need to do is document everything and everyone you have spoken to so far regarding this issue. then you need to file a complaint with the DOE in you state or area. this will help you if you need to justify why you are keeping your son home from school. I would let the school know you will be filing a complaint with the state unless he is returned to his previous class. In my case My daughter was telling me that the student teacher was pinching her arm. she also became fearful of going to school. she started to say she hated school (when she had previously loved it) and would cry and try to stay home. being a smart little girl she started telling everyone that the teacher was pinching her grandmother , babysitter, me etc.. she also had a speech delay and also received speech therapy. at first I was shocked at this and asked her to show me what she meant by the teacher "pinching" her. I asked her to show me on my arm. she proceeded to grab the skin between her thumb and fingers and twist her arm did come home with red marks several times that week. I was so mad I went to the school to talk to her regular education teacher and the student teacher to let them know that my daughter was reporting this to me and that I wanted it to stop. of course they both denied that it was happening at all. when it did not stop happening I reported it to the "acting principal " who was also the school social worker. The principal had left for another position a few weeks earlier. at this point I was told it would be looked into. my daughter came home from school that day telling me that the teacher and speech therapist where taking "pictures " of the inside of her mouth. (she had braces to try to correct her open bite) and they would often rub the inside of her cheeks and lips. we where often at the orthodontist 2x a week to fix broken wires! I was so made that I called the speech therapist at her home and demanded to know why they where taking pictures of my daughters mouth without my permission ! The therapist started stuttering and said she was doing a study of special needs kids with braces and some other BS . I let her have it full blast ( not the best thing to do i guess looking back ) I demanded she turn over all pictures to me ASAP. the next morning I was in the school in person to speak to the administration . I was told they would handle it (rather curtly, I might add) I am sure they knew they where going to be hearing from me before I even got there. they never got back to me but my daughter came home a few days later and said that the teacher was quitting and going to another school. she told me that everyone was upset and crying at school. (she had no knowledge of my phone calls or complaints) I made myself very clear that I did not want the student teacher or the speech therapist near my daughter again or I would file a complaint with the police. It is very clear that they let the teacher go and she did not have speech therapy again that year. it was close to the end of the school year and My daughter was moving to a new school in the fall. I was a young single mom in my mid twenties and fairly new to the sped in the town and did not want to be perceived as trouble, so I let it drop without a formal complaint filed with the state. But I never forgot that they had tried to turn it around on me for making a complaint about someone abusing MY daughter. if my daughter had not just casually told me about the against during dinner who knows what they would have tried to use against me. and what false allegations would have been made. I knew enough to take her to the orthodontist right away and have him document the cause of her mouth sores. ( I am a nurse) I would hate to think what could have happened if I had not known to do this. ) there where several people in the school who where involved with this. I regret today that I did not file a formal complaint and pray that the "student teacher " chose another field to go into. Hopefully not teaching sped children this was about 15yrs ago and I still get mad about it but we pick and choose our battles for our children. they only have US to speak for them do what your gut is telling you, But be prepared for them to play dirty pool. (it sounds like it has already started. cover all your bases and dont give up ! I feel for both you and your son, you may want to consider moving school with him if possible. but word does spread between school and teachers (they all talk and gossip. Lets just say I was not the most liked person in the district after that. I am sorry this is so long...this is the first time I have written about it.. guess I am still upset all these yrs. later. I am wishing the best for you and your son. It is a long road but you have a lot of company along they way..thank you for letting me vent. Hope I was some help.

Terrie - posted on 04/03/2012

134

2

5

Put a recorder in his pocket and send him to school. A mother did that once and it made the news. The teacher was not only released from her job but brought up on charges. Your son has be able to do it without being seen though. I have seen this done several times in the last few years. If the school system in not going to help then you are going to have to do your own investigating. But the proper thing is to start with the school superindent since going to the school counselor didn't work.

Diane - posted on 04/03/2012

2

0

0

Unbelievable Amanda can't believe your response A teacher yelling at a young child is totally unexceptable can't believe you think that's ok & are calling that poor child a liar! Listen to him & take it very seriously children do not act the way that poor child is for nothing!!

Susan - posted on 04/03/2012

28

11

0

If your son is in early intervention with speech, then does he have others who you could go to for help besides the principal? I know not all school districts are as helpful when dealing with a child with special needs, but maybe there is a department that handles complaints specifically along those lines? I had a son that was put into the school system early (three years old) because of a speech delay, and I found that the speech delay pulled all other areas of development behind. I also found that many teachers don't have the patience to work with a child with developmental delays, and get frustrated with them when they don't behave on the developmental norm they expect. Don't be afraid to be your child's advocate. Sometimes even good teachers get burned out, and do things that they have not done in the past. Ask if someone can sit in his class for you (say a friend or pastor) to observe. The principal may be going on previous experience. My middle son was treated horribly in kindergarten by a teacher who had been teaching kindergarten for 13 years. When I complained, I was told what a stellar teacher she was, and my concerns were brushed aside. I didn't realize it was widespread, and not just me until I spoke with another mom the following year, and she told me similar stories to what I had experienced. You might also ask another adult that your son trusts to speak to him about the think that happened that is the secret he can't tell. Perhaps he might share with someone else. Even if the behavior as some have stated doesn't fall into the category of "abuse", do you really want your child to learn to hate school at such an early age? I'll be praying that you are given discernment, and that advocates for you and your child are brought into his area.

Laura - posted on 04/03/2012

20

3

0

You know why I quit teaching? It wasnt the sweet children! It was the parents who thought their children were the only child in class, thought rules didnt apply to them, and were always looking for a lawsuit.... it was a nightmare.

Freda - posted on 04/03/2012

8

0

0

bulllying a child, yelling at a child, ridiculing a child is in no way teaching a child, where do you teach allison so i can make sure no child i know goes there, see this is a sad situation. a lot of teachers dont teach any more or they teach the pass test and that;s all they just want their day to be over with so they can go home. its a money thing not actually a teaching thing. there are a few great teachers, one of my grandsons in first grade this year has a wonderful teacher, she is an older teacher and has a great repore with her students she teaches without yelling and screaming and he has learned a lot this year and his manners and helpfulness are wonderful, she brought out the best in him . he even got terriffic kid this month, he loves school because of her, his sister loves school because she is not being bullied by the teachers either, but let one little thing be wrong, (hearing or eyes or ) not physically equal to other children and they think those kids are all stupid and they can do what they want to them and nobody will believe what they say. I am not gonna comment any further on this because if you read the posts you can tell who is a teacher LOL

Allison - posted on 04/03/2012

2

0

0

I never said it doesn't happen. What I'm saying is that you have to INVESTIGATE. Besides---your Grandson's situation was a bit different. There was much more physical evidence that made it easy to determine what was going on.

I just think we're raising a generation of wimps, because teachers aren't allowed to teach and when they try, they get persecuted. It's a really sad state of affairs.

Freda - posted on 04/03/2012

8

0

0

witch hunting for the teacher, i had proof when the teacher ridiculed him and called the house to say he wouldn;t do a jumping jack, my god the child was 11 and had stitches and glue all over down there and the teachers knew it and the nurse at school knew it, it was just another reason to put him down and make fun of him. another instance is where a teacher was not even trying to correct my grandsons papers, he cant see good and is supposed to have his tests read to him they did not so he just went down an d copied the question over onto the paper just as it was. so what did the teacher do he gave him credit for all of it making a higher grade than his sister on the same test. his sister made an a but gave him an even higher a average on the test, when i took it to the principal and asked what the deal was the principal said he didn;t have time to read it to him i guess. the teacher said he was embarrassed and wouldn;t do it again, but he also didn;t do what the iep said the rest of the year either, his sister said the teachers were all mean to him, if his sister were not in the same class we would never have learned any of this. My grandson was afraid to say anything he just hated school and did not want to go. Now he is a very happy child, the doctors told us it was the best thing we could have done for him,. witch hunt!!!!!! yep i guess we found our witch in the guise of a warlock

Allison - posted on 04/03/2012

2

0

0

Wow. Some of you guys REALLY overreact to things. I would take a day and surprise the teacher to visit her classroom. People assume that kids are always telling the truth when that's just not the case.

We are so quick to convict someone these days it's ridiculous. Investigate thoroughly, including talking to parents of other students in the class to see if their students have similar complaints. If so, then take it further, if not, then it could be something else going on with your son. You could be really MISSING the problem while you're out witch hunting for the teacher.

Natalie - posted on 04/03/2012

23

0

0

As a child who was bullied by a teacher, I know that teachers can say one thing in front of adults and treat the child completely different. My mom tried to speak to my first grade teacher about how she treated me and my visual impairment and the teacher responded politely to my mother. Later, she took me out in the hall and yelled and belittled me for having my parent say something. There are a lot of well-intentioned teachers, but there are also some who are just mean.

I think it would be great to talk to some other parents of kids in your son's class or go online and start researching this teacher. Other parents may have complained in the past. That may be a good way to determine if it's a difficulty with transition for your son or truly a mean teacher. You know your child better than anyone and only you can be an advocate for him

Tracey - posted on 04/03/2012

236

440

0

Rebekah, my own little brother has spina bifida, and now that I'm homeschooling my kids, my mom says she wishes so much that she'd realized it was an option for both of us. My brother was bullied by his second grade teacher, who told him in front of the class she wouldn't touch him because he was "dirty". She was literally a cruel woman, as many of both my and his classmates have since said--not just to him. She gave me the only punishment I ever received in school in my life, a paddling, because I was obeying another teacher and running to catch a third teacher before she left the building for lunch! In those days, kids could be paddled, but they could also be hugged when they were in K--maybe 2nd or 3rd (and were--except this one teacher who wouldn't touch my brother).



My brother ended up having to have YEARS of counseling because of this teacher. And he's still not emotionally right. He has deep, deep emotional scarring from her. Up to that point he was something of a class mascot, in nursery school, K, and 1st grades, where he was treated with kindness and affection by his classmates. That teacher treated him with such contempt that the kids stopped. They weren't mean to him, but they knew if they were nice to him the teacher would be mean to them. After that year, my parents changed his school to another district that had a special ed program. He didn't need it mentally and could walk (one of the first people in the country with S.B. to do so), but they needed him out of the school she was in. She would have made his life miserable. I never had her as a teacher, but she made mine miserable anyhow. Every bully in the school looked to her for cues. My parents had no good way to move me, though, so I had to stay there.

Anita - posted on 04/03/2012

4

24

0

You should contact the principal and have a meeting with him/her and also with the teacher. If the prinicpal doesn't do anything then you can go to the school board and state your concerns and what would they suggest you do, in this situation. Meanwhile you should contact the national hotline for child abuse and see what they have to say also. If you report it to them I will guarantee you the school will do something. Schools are mandatory abuse reporters and they have to report any claims or reports about possible child abuse. and if they don't do anything the best would be to report it to the hotline. It sounds like the teacher is mentally abusing your child and using the Bully method and the few things like yanking his wrists is part of the "bully" but that needs to stop. Might want to ask your son if the teacher does it to any other kids and then maybe get in touch with those parents and see what they have to offer and see if they want to go with you to the principal or school board... Good Luck !!! I am a mandated reporter I work with emergency services and what you have described has me thinking that the child is being mentally and physically abused and something needs to be done NOW!!

Valerie - posted on 04/03/2012

2

0

0

You are your child's only advocate - take your child out of that school immediately. Trust your instincts - do not try to "talk to the teacher" as someone else here suggested. I placed my child in a new school for 1st grade and the teacher would tell me at pick-up time that if my child seemed to be crying a lot it was just because she was adjusting to a new method of teaching (Montessori). It was not until after that year had concluded that my child told me that her teacher was yelling at her so badly she would go and hide in the bathroom daily to cry. That teacher retired that summer - and I will never go against my gut instincts ever again. If you think something is happening with your son - it is.

Gabriela - posted on 04/03/2012

7

2

0

document every episode, demand to have a sit down with the principal, inform your ombudsman, write a letter to the local paper, do everything in your power to stop this person from hurting your or other children, write to the board of school and everyone over the teacher/head masters head!

Rebekah - posted on 04/03/2012

62

16

0

I am the one who posted about the cyber charter school (K12). I had a lot of drama in school (though it was more with bullying and not with teachers specifically). My husband also had some drama with a special education teacher when he was young (he did not actually have learning difficulties. He had behavorial issues related to his home life). Anyway, this teacher asked the children to make a picture of something. My husband did what she asked and when she was walking around looking over the artwork, she held his up for all to see and berated him and made fun of his artwork in front of the rest of the class. Understandably, he never forgot that. Anyway, all this to say, we were both in agreement on looking into schooling our children (if God blessed us with children) at home. Initially, we thought traditional homeschooling, as that's really all there was at the time. But we ended up going with the K12 cyber charter school option because, being public school, it is a free education and we do not have the finances to pay for materials/curriculum.. We have 1 child, Joshua, who is almost 6. He was born with Spina Bifida (we found out at 5 months gestation), and because of this, requires Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, and Speech Therapy. He began tharapy when he was 3 months old. He attended preschool through the IU13 for 2 years and we now do school on the internet. He is doing amazingly well, seeing as his schooling is one on one (he is extremely sociable and tends to get distracted in group settings). My husband participates as well and does Math and Science with Joshua when he gets home from work. I have always stayed home with my son, though this has been extremely difficult for us financially. I worked with yong children for about 10 years and saw so much, that I never wanted anyone else to raise my son, so we have made many sacrifices. I also want to mention that Joshua has 2 online teachers (a general education teacher and a special education teacher). They are extremely good with the kids (we go into an online Phonics class, where Joshua can interact with other children, so I have been able to observe the teachers). I also email and/or call when I need to and they are very praompt and helpful. What we wanted for our son was an education without drama, which often comes in a school setting, especially with special needs children. We met a man at Walmart one day, who shared with us about his grandson, with physical needs, who was plunked into special classes with children who had mental/intellectual delays and his mother was fed up with constantly fighting the school for what her son really needed. I have heard/read many things, especially over the past 2-3 years that have really disturbed me, (this being one such thing), and yet have made me ever so grateful that God led us in the direction of schooling our son at home. I also want to mention that with the K12 school, you have to log in for your child by midnight. So, when Joshua has an appointment, or we go to our Tuesday morning group, we have freedom as to when to complete his daily classes. This is also good for him, because even though he does not have proper use of his legs, he is a very active child, and likes to move around A LOT. So, we take LOTS of breaks. I also LOVE to see my child learn. Not to mention the fact that I have been learning and relearning so much as well. There are so many options out there for schooling. Don't be afraid to do some research and see what might work best for your son and your family in general. :)

Laura - posted on 04/03/2012

20

3

0

Just reading your multiple, manic posts leads me to believe that the problem is more of a you problem....a transfer would probably be best for all.

Holly - posted on 04/03/2012

9

38

0

Go to your local police department as well as local news and report this also contact your local cps office and see if they can help!

Sakinah - posted on 04/03/2012

11

62

1

To Tanya Redfield, I totally agree with you on believing your child. I think that Roseva definitely should stand behind her child but I am also saying that because WE as readers don't know all the facts, more information should be provided and doing a little investigating would be helpful on her part. She has already pulled her son out of the school so she can't really be a jedi ninja mom without sending him back. She doesn't seem to want to do that and I understand, she can however talk to other parents and find out from them if they have seen or heard anything about the teacher that way she can get additional support to move her child back to his old class or to a new school.

Freda - posted on 04/03/2012

8

0

0

ok first of all believe your child and no going into the classroom will not help obviously she or he is not going to hurt or embarrass your child while you are there , My grandson has microcephaly and phyisically could not keep up with the other children in pe class . His pe coach constantly ridiculed him and made fun of him and put him in front of class and laughed because he couldn;t do what they did. well this past school year on june 30 same grandson had surgery on his testicles and had glue and stitches in him and school started two weeks late r he is in 5th grade and his pe coach ridiculed him called him a liar and threatened him with in school suspension because he could not do a jumjping jack, (still had stitches and glue) from being born with testicles inside him. well he came home and had been so upset he peed on himself and was crying, what the coach didnt realize is that his sister was now in the same pe class as him and she told us pe coach was just mean to brandon and always put brandon straight in the corner when he came in and always threatened brandon with iss and also made brandon run around and around and around the gym if he missed a basket playing basketball. ok that;s the last straw brandon is now virtual schooled at home, he no longer has a nerve problem, he has stopped biting his nails and never has accidents on himself. he is honor roll with the teachers online at home from charter schooll , he has friends in the neighborhood and other friends, but he is no longer afraid of doing his school work. this made me sooooooooooo mad but we could never prove he did anything, nothing ever came out of it , and he wasn;t the only one bothering him, i found out later from his sister he was bullied by several teachers who even though he was born with microcephaly and is hard of hearing and slow physically to move he was being bullied not by the other children who he made friends with but by the teachers. It seems since he had problems they didn;t want to deal with him even though he could learn just as good as anybody else. when we took him out of school he had an a in social studies and had won the science fair all by himself. i tell ya i have two daughters about to graduate college to be teachers one in music and one in elementary ed. from these experiences i am sure these two ladies are gonna make wonderful teachers they have seen how their own children have been treated .

Tanya - posted on 04/03/2012

48

137

0

To: Sakinah Crain-Gully I agree with you that there are two sides to every story, but I also think that MOST parents have pretty good instincts about their kids and whether or not they are telling the truth. There are those parents who think their child can do no wrong and that every bad thing that happens is the fault of someone else. But there are also those parents who are so concerned with making a scene, or just don't want to take the time to deal with it, that they ignore what their children tell them. There are also schools that intimidate parents and try to make the parents practically give up their rights without question...

I was a student in a classroom where the teacher was very abusive. When we'd tell the school principal or other teachers, we were told that probably we were just afraid of him because he was a minority in an otherwise very Caucasian school. We were dismissed as stretching the truth. This was not the problem, and I didn't care if he was purple with green polka dots... This man was abusive... he yelled, he threw things at students, he humiliated students, he looked down the girls' shirts and up their skirts, and made comments about how they were changing (puberty), he would grab your arm or shoulder and squeeze as hard as he could. Once when a student stood up for another student he really lost it screaming and throwing things. But when another staff member or adult came by he was the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet, (he was positioned in the classroom so that he could see people coming down the hall...and that classroom was at the end so they could only come from one way) but once left alone with us he was a completely different man. Eventually he was removed from our classroom... but only after he took his infant daughter hostage and tried to kill his wife with a meat cleaver. I still have nightmares about being in this guy's classroom, and I am 46 years old now, and he's dead. I am scared to think what might have happened to us in class one day, had he not gone off on his family instead. I'm saying that if you really think your child is that terrified, don't dismiss it and continue to send the child. And don't assume that because the teacher is nice in front of you, this is the case all of the time. Advocate for your child first and foremost...and while you don't want to falsely accuse a teacher, you HAVE to get to the truth of the story before you send your child back!

Marla - posted on 04/03/2012

6

4

0

I agree with Victorina. I took the same approach when my 12 year old son was being humiliated by a teacher in front of his peers. I met with the teacher and the principle with a note pad and pen in hand. I wrote everything down that was said and I looked the teacher right in the eyes and told her that I would not allow or accept anyone treating my son in that way. That if I had to pull him out of school everyday for that one class that I would do it until the issue was resolved. However, I reacted when I had several other student's parents approach me to tell me they were hearing that my son was being mistreated. With that being said, I had witnesses to his mistreatment and I made it cleat that they needed to resolve it or that I WOULD take it further. It was resolved. So, my advice to you is find other people who have had similiar experinces or can testify to her mistreament. You have to get proof and if you can't and you totally believe that your child is telling the truth then DEMAND that he be transfered. He is your child and you have the right to put your child in a place where he feels safe.

Nicole - posted on 04/03/2012

9

15

2

First of all if the principal is not listening an you must continue to send your son I would do it a few days more and put a tape recorder on him to get the proof I needed! I like what another suggested though, have his ears been tested? You need to rule out all suspicions so that all you are left with is the obvious truth! A case has to be built for a teacher to be removed. Is this a private school or public? If it is public and the teacher has any kind of tenur it could be even harder. But PLEASE make sure your claims against true teacher are real and true before you rip their life up. Abuse on a teaching record even reports of that are found untrue have serious consequences that can't be reversed for said teacher! So get proof you need either way. Send him with a hidden recorder!

Sakinah - posted on 04/03/2012

11

62

1

To Tanya Redfield: I agree that spending time in the classroom won't help because people always behave differently when they are being watched. I also agree that you have to stand behind your child first but you also have to react calmly and rationally. I comment as a parent and a teacher. Some teachers are horrible, I have dealt with a handful in my daughter's time of going to school. I think as responders to this post, there is information missing and in order to give her better feedback, the blanks need to be filled in. You don't want your child in a situation that is stressful or traumatizing but you also don't want to react without having all the facts.

Yolanda - posted on 04/03/2012

40

0

1

There have been several incidents where parents sent their kids to school with a recording iPod or something like that. I'm just saying, that's one way to figure out what's really going on- no it's not nice, but at least you might have piece of mind\. I've seen some teachers do inappropriate things with kids, and I've seen the reverse and the parent didn't believe it.

Tanya - posted on 04/03/2012

48

137

0

To those of you who say to spend time in the classroom... that won't help. The teacher obviously isn't going to behave like that if the parent is sitting there. It might give you clues, because you can tell how the teacher reacts to different situations, but it won't prove anything. If you can listen from outside the hall at different times that might help. I know there are kids who manipulate and teachers who are falsely accused, but as a parent you need to believe your child first, until you have reason to believe otherwise. If he is suddenly acting scared when this wasn't his behavior in the past then SOMETHING IS WRONG! Don't ignore it, and don't allow him to be left alone in the place that is scaring him until you are absolutely positive that it's all your son's fear, and that nothing is actually hurting him or scaring him...

Julie - posted on 04/03/2012

2

4

0

I would report it to social services. I went through something simuliar with my son when he was in Kindergarten. Although he never had physical injuries, he also became hysterical when it was time for school. I had parents tell me that he was being singled out and often was left outside of the kindergarten room alone. I went through all the steps with the school principal and board.

The best thing I did for my son was to pull him from the school and put him in a different school. Kindergarten is NOT supposed to be stressfull for your child!

Sakinah - posted on 04/03/2012

11

62

1

I am posting here and I emailed you as well just in case you check one area more than the other. I was wondering if you would be willing to share a little bit more information and maybe you can be helped better to find a solution. For starters, how often do you go up to the school to visit or help out? How does your son normally handle change? Why was he transferred to another class? Other than his speech does he have any other disabilities? What does he consider yelling to be? When you discipline/redirect him how do you do it...I ask this question because it can make a difference as to how he responds to the discipline or redirection of others. I have seen a lot of responses to your post...some helpful, some attacking, and some making it to look like you shouldn't even be posting this question. I will say that I am not emailing you to do that. I am hoping that you find resolution with the problem as I am very familiar with having difficulty with my child and different teachers.



You have many options here..



Call CPS, tell them what is going on with your son and let them investigate. I don't know your son, but I have worked with children for over 16 years. If you feel that your son is dealing with abuse from his teacher; you need to call child protective services and report the incidents each time and document everything. The down side to this is if your son is simply struggling with the change and the teacher is just being more firm but still appropriate with him, he may not like that and could result in the hysterics he is giving you. I have seen this before too and you showing how upset it is making you can fuel the fire.

Talk to the teacher directly and ask her how he is doing with the transition into her class. Take the approach of the concerned (nonaccussing) parent because you have noticed a change in your child's behavior at home. This may help the teacher put her guard down a bit and divulge more information than she normally would have.

Go to the school, find a way to watch without them knowing and see what's what for yourself. With my daughter who is now 11, she has had to deal with teachers who are less tolerant than what is acceptable. She has ADHD and is mildly intellectually disabled. She has had a bully just about every school year and one year she had a teacher that just didn't seem to know how to deal with special needs kids..I will tell you what. The best thing you can do for your child is advocate for them but do it appropriately. Make sure before you flip out that it is justified. Investigate his outbursts, make your presence known at the school (go as often as you can to watch what goes on) spend lunch times with him, find out where they are during each time of the day like recess and drive to the school and park where you can see them and watch. I call this all my jedi ninja technique. I have done this since by daughter has been in care with anyone other than me or family. In preschool I popped up unannounced and would watch where I couldn't be seen for a while before I picked up. I did not tell when I had days off so they would not be expecting me to come early (she usually did half days on those days). Last week I had to go to my daughter's school to make my presence known to a bully my daughter has been dealing with. All her friends were so excited to see me, but the boy who was the problem got real nervous and kept watching to be sure he knew where I was. I did not have to talk to him at all. The principal also spoke with him and I have not heard my daughter complain about this boy in 4 days when it use to be everyday. I was very upset when my daughter was telling me how this boy was cursing her out, telling her to shut up, flipping her off, and intentionally bumping into her during lunch. My daughter was telling the teacher and the response she got was "just don't look at him, stay away from him, AND stop telling on him". I was livid. HOWEVER, as my daughter told me all of this I told her what to do and remained calm in front of her. I know with her if I show I am upset about something that is going on, she may become even more upset and react to that rather than what is really going on. Kids feed off your emotion so keep that in mind.





Do whatever you have to do to make sure that the principal and the teacher are aware you will be around and the problem needs to be solved. I always make the teachers aware that I am a very active parent and that I will not rest until my child is in an environment that she can enjoy and be under no stress in. I always investigate first before I blow things up because if you overreact it may be held against you when you are justified. I am not saying you are over reacting because I don't know all the details. I am suggesting that you do a little investigating. I would not pull him out of school permanently as suggested because pulling him out does not allow you to investigate. Send him to school but stay close by and watch what is going on. I hope you get resolution soon. Drop him off at school if you can rather than having him take the bus. It may help him be more comfortable too. I would love an update.



Have a great day.

Tanya - posted on 04/03/2012

48

137

0

First of all, good job refusing to send him! He is YOUR son and you are his best advocate. Document everything you can... take pictures of questionable injuries, write down everything your son or another teacher says that seems to pertain to the situation. Then call the principal and have a meeting. Stay polite but firm. Do you know any parents of other kids in the class? Try to find some of them and ask them if they have noticed anything. But it might be just your son... we had a teacher who singled out one of our sons for constant ridicule and verbal abuse. We removed our son and homeschooled him when she was going to be his teacher for a third year in a row (he wasn't failing, as a matter of fact his grades were fabulous...they just kept moving her along with this class). YEARS later an aide told me things that had happened in the classroom. I wish she had spoken up then, but it confirmed that we were right and that was a terrible teacher.

If you can't get him changed by talking to the principal, or if he still is scared to go to school, go to the superintendent, and then to the school board. Don't stop! And don't let them make you feel like you're wrong... remember that teachers are the employees of the taxpayers...YOU...and you are the boss! Keep your child out of school until you are satisfied, and if you can't resolve it, find a different school or homeschool. There are lots of free, public online schools for all ages now...that would be an option. Most of all, make sure your son knows you believe him and you will protect him! Good luck! Message me if you want to vent! I've been there!

Lora - posted on 04/03/2012

37

19

1

I agree with the posts that say that you need to observe the classroom and the teacher. Go to your principal and let them know what your child has told you (there may be other complaints against this teacher that parents aren't aware of), voice your concerns, and tell them that you want to speak with the teacher. I wouldn't tell the teacher that you are planning on observing her class. I found out that my son's 1st grade teacher was a screamer just by sitting outside of the classroom for 5 minutes. I immediately went to the principal and suggested that he do the same. What, you as a parent, aren't allowed to do to your child neither are they as teachers. If, in fact, the teacher is physically 'disciplining' your son, it's against the law and as such is open for a law suit. I wouldn't go to the media right away, but talk to other parents of children in the class and see if they have complaints. I wouldn't allow him back in the classroom until you get the situation resolved but you should let the administration know why he isn't in the classroom so that his attendance isn't put into jeopardy.

Victorina - posted on 04/03/2012

12

30

1

Have you made a unexpected visit to his classroom? When my daughter had an issue i went to the school and observed. Then at break i spoke to the teacher and the principal in person its too easy to ignore or avoid calls. Express your concerns, i told the principal and teacher i would come daily and make sure all was okay. I also explained that there are anti bully laws for a reason and those laws are to protect the students and teachers are not exempt to the rules. I also contacted an attorney and explained to the school superatendant, principal and teacher i was not afraid of them, my student has the right to be safe in school and if they wanted to bully my child or attempt to bully me we would meet in court as well as i would press charges with the police for the physical abuse.

Your student doesnt have to change schools but it may be best if he does because it seems like an unsafe situation if the adults in power wont protect him.

I hope it works out. Good luck.

Pam - posted on 04/03/2012

2

0

0

To the person: A Caring Family Child Care Home: I am almost 53 and have plenty of experience. My first response is to protect the child. He is only 5 years old!!!!! He is still learning to trust outside of his home. How his early years of school go will set the stage for the rest of his school years. Who doesn't remember kindergarten? I do, and I graduated from high school 35 years ago! My reminder again is that they are not legally required to send their child to school at 5. Undo the damage. Take the child out. Change schools or home-school for kindergarten. Or redo kindergarten next year. Do NOT put up with this. He is ONLY 5! He should be believed and protected.

Pam - posted on 04/03/2012

2

0

0

First, it is not legally required for a 5 year old to be in school. TAKE HIM OUT! You have to undo all of this damage before next year! This is horrible. I am not sure why you felt you needed to ask for help. YOU are the mom and someone is HURTING your child. MAKE THEM STOP! If Mom won't protect him, WHO WILL?

Call the police if necessary!

Dedra - posted on 04/03/2012

3

0

1

Have you talked to the teacher at all? If I were you I would be down there right away seeing what she says is the reason for this behavior. You should also go in and observe. Don't be a distraction but find a way to watch. You don't want your child to be scared of school- and hopefully his teacher doesn't either. Get down there and get some answers. I can't imagine a teacher not wanting to work through this with you. (I have taught k for 7 years) I hope it gets worked out! Prayers for you, your son and good communication. :)

Lori - posted on 04/03/2012

1

4

0

There is definitely something going on with you son!! I would NOT talk to the teacher, go straight to the principal or superintendent. It they won't do anything, and some will not, go to the school board. If you get no help there, then go to the cops, and the media. In the meantime DO NOT send your son to that school. He has already been abused and is terrified of something at the school, if not the teacher. My daughter was verbally abused by a teacher, and humiliated, and it affected her very badly. Still affects her life, and she's 15 now. This happened in 4th grade. The teacher even called herself a 'witch' and wore a judge's costume for Halloween. I went to the superintendent, after setting up a meeting time. But guess what, the principal from the school was there waiting too, and we had not wanted her there, and she would not leave!!! She later denied that the whole incident ever happened. This is what schools do, they all stick up for each other, so beware!! Nothing else happened, and at the time I was dumb, I should have gone to the school board, and on. But there was no physical abuse, so no evidence. Also I should have removed my daughter from that school right then, but I did not. I had to physically DRAG her to school for weeks, it was horrible. Now, at 15, she does on line public school at home, and loves it. I would highly recommend it, we use Ohio Connections Academy, which is in many other states as well. I for one, do not believe a 5 year old would lie about all this! Good luck to you, I so feel for you!! Keep us all updated!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms