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How do other mothers of preemies respond to people questioning their baby's development?

Andrea - posted on 02/15/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My son was born in January of 2009 at 28 wks and 6 days. He weighed 1 lb. 15 oz., and was 13 inches long. He is now 13 months old, weighs just over 22 lbs., and is around 29 inches tall. He is still not crawling yet. People ask all the time about what he's doing now and when I tell them I get the head tilt/fake smile thing. I've tried to just blow it off but it's hard sometimes! I know how small my baby was and how far he's come in 13 months. His physical therapist says that it's all about quality and not quantity and is pleased with what he's doing now. I'm just wondering how other mothers answer and/or what they say when talking about their child's age vs. development.

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Cherish - posted on 02/19/2010

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Hi,
I have 3 children w/special needs.
I have asked moms that have preemies "are they behind"...
I am not doing it to be mean,just to relate...
Tho reading this I can see how offensive it may sound.
I do get offended when people ask me "whats wrong w/ him" or "is he talking yet" about my 7.5 yr old son....

Renae - posted on 02/16/2010

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My baby is developmentally behind due to sleep deprivation. At 10 months old the physio and occ therapist said that his gross motor development was stunted at that of a 4 month old. He just started crawling (well his version of wriggling along on one foot and one knee) at 11.5 months. I get it all the time. He is of normal size now so people expected him to be crawling. I tend to ignore comments, especially all of the "helpful advice" that will make him crawl. And the MIL who kept putting him on his hands and knees and pushing his bum trying to force him to crawl, even though he was getting exhausted, crying and kept falling over, is no longer allowed to babysit!!! Oh I'm still furious at her.



We go to gymbaroo which is like fun baby exercise, singing, dancing etc. My baby is twice the size of the others and twice their age! Of course he had to be put in the class according to his skill level not his age. I'm sure the other mums wonder what's wrong with him but I cant be bothered explaining anymore so I just smile and go about doing the activities.



The problem with explaining to people that my baby is delayed is that it leads to a million questions and then another million suggestions about how to "fix" him. These people usually have no idea how difficult my baby is (I do hate that term "difficult baby" that's what the nurses would call him in hospital) and no idea what we go through.



I see it like this, I would rather he takes his time and develops each skill to its full potential than rushes and does not fully develop. Did you know that in psychology they teach us that very intelligent people are often slower to develop as babies? They think it is because they are developing to a greater extent than normal. Did you also know that Einstein's mother was told he was intellectually slow because he was slow to develop? Tell them your baby is the next Einstein! I sometimes say that :) lol.



So to answer your question, I dont usually say anything. Just "no he isn't crawling yet" and ignore whatever they say next and dont answer them. I'm a bit rude actually, but I dont really care anymore! lol.



Sharon's suggestion is a good one.

Sharon - posted on 02/15/2010

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Start telling people his adjusted age. That will make more sense to them and raise fewer questions. You can "his adjusted age is.." or just "he is ## months old" without mentioning its his adjusted age.

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