How do we come to an agreement on what religion our children ahould be?

Melissa - posted on 10/23/2009 ( 174 moms have responded )

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I am Christian and my boyfriend (soon to be hubby) is Catholic. Both our parents go to church every Sunday. I haven't gone in a while but planning on starting to go back. I know it's where I belong. I had a son before we even met, and he is Christian. My boyfriend wasnts our other children to be Catholic when I know he isn't even going to be the one to take them to church. I will definatly take them, but I am not going to take them to a Catholic church. I would take all my children to the same Christian church. He also believes that we should have our children baptised when I do not believe that they should be baptised at birth. In the Bible, it says that when Jesus was born, he was dedicated back to God. And that's what I did with my son. When they are old enough to accept God into their hearts, is when I feel they should be baptised. Jesus wasn't baptised until he was in his 30's. How do we come to an agreement? Which is basically that our kids will not be Catholics and they will be Christians because I will be taking them to church, no one else. (sorry so long....just trying to get the most info out)

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Quoting Christin:

While I do agree that the Catholic religion is also Christian due to the fact that they both believe that Jesus is the Saviour....it is not the same. The Catholic religion practices many rituals and idol worshipping that is specifically forbidden in the Bible. As a Bible believing Christian, those rituals and idol worshipping doesn't make it the "same". Doesn't mean that Catholic's are bad people or that they will not go to heaven, but ultimately it is "different", so if someone has a strong conviction that they do not want to teach their children that these rituals will "get them into heaven" then this becomes a HUGE issue between a husband and a wife. If these things are so important to someone, then they should stick to their convictions and make decisions based on them, preferably before they get into a serious relationship and bring children into it. Now the children are becoming a pawn between two people who are supposed to love each other and are fighting about their LOVE of Christ. This is not how God ordained it in the Bible. He specifically says that we should be "equally yoked". Whether that is as Non-denominational Christians, or Catholics. Obviously, many people feel that there is a difference between the two or there would not be so much controversery about the subject.



You don't understand Catholicism at all. Catholics do not worship idols. They do not believe that their rituals will get someone into heaven who isn't saved. Yes, they have some different interpretations of things than Protestants-but really, when it comes down to it, so do Baptists, Methodists, Church of Christ, and Lutherans-that is why they are different denominations of Protestants. Catholicism is built around ritual, which some people need to feel comforted, safe, and fulfilled. They do not believe that these rituals will save someone, and they take them very seriously. The baptism of a baby is very similar to a dedication ceremony in some Protestant churches-it's a ceremony in which the parents (and godparents) pledge to raise the child in a wholesome, Godly manner. It has nothing to do with whether or not the child is saved-that is confirmation, which is similar to baptism. It's really the same things with different names in most cases. Catholics do not worship the saints or Mary. And while I may not agree with them (or with Protestants in most cases), their religion is the origination of all other forms of Christianity and as such, they are most certainly Christians. Please do some reading on Catholicism before you start laying more claims down about what they "believe."

Deby - posted on 10/29/2009

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My husband is of a Catholic background. First of all the Bible says, 'be ye not unequally yoked together". The purpose behind that scripture is this very thing. It is because you believe two different things. A donkey and an ox cannot pull the same wagon because they will pull it in opposite directions. I am not telling you not to get married, but I am telling you that you need to settle this before marriage, as it is huge! You need to focus on one scripture..."For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" John 3:16. Salvation is not based upon good works, it is based upon accepting Jesus Christ as your personal Savior. Baptism is something Jesus did as a symbol of washing away an old life of sin and walking in a new life of faith. He was baptized after death on the cross when he took upon the sins of the world. He paid a sin debt he did not owe, because we, (mankind), owed a sin debt we could not pay. My husband had never accepted Jesus as his personal Savior. He hadn't attended church since he was 14 years old. I had children from a previous marriage, and was raising them in a Baptist church. We had to get ourselves on the same page, spiritually. We sat down together and discussed what the true meaning of salvation is. After some soul searching and him attending church, on his own, he gave his heart to the Lord. We started attending church together. We have been married for 24 years now. He is a strong Christian. We don't identify ourselves as Baptist, Catholic, etc. That is denomination. We identify ourselves as Christians, saved by grace! I hope you can settle this before you are married, as it is the most important thing in your life. It concerns your SOUL!! Good luck to you and God bless you and your family!

Lori - posted on 10/23/2009

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This is something you should discuss in pre-marriage counseling with your clergy. I am Jewish and my husband is Catholic, and before I got pregnant we went to a course offered by my temple for interfaith couples. The one thing it stressed is it's the parents' responsibility to choose ONE religion for the children, and raise them that way. Sure, the kids can make their own decisions when they're older and educated enough to make an informed decision, rather than something like "I'm mad at mommy so I'm gonna be catholic". We chose reform judaism for 4 main reasons: 1) I didn't want my child to tell me I'm doomed to hell becuase i'm not baptised, 2) we both liked what judaism stands for and believes in, 3) the catholic church had no information for catholic-jewish unions and 4) traditionally, the child is raised in the faith of the mother. Ultimately, though, this is a decision both you and your husband have to make together.

Brooke - posted on 10/28/2009

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well maybe you should let your children choose what religion they want to follow?? I personally was born anglican but... I dont go to church I do not follow my religion either.

when my daughter is old enough I will ask her what she wants to do. I will inform her of both following a religion or not and it is completely up to her.

I went to a catholic school and so many of the teenagers there rebelled against there parents for not giving them the choose of what they wanted to follow.

Laurie - posted on 10/24/2009

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Wow- Catholism must have changed since I was Catholic. I never had a bible in Sunday school, I remember carrying a missile, having it blessed by the priest. I certainly do not remember being SAVED during my confirmation. My father still has statues of the virgin Mary in his house. I remember praying to Mary and saints as well. I myself am saved by the blood of Jesus and know that I will spend eternity in heaven. I myself am a saint. I go directly to the Father and I do not need a priest to do that for me...I have Jesus Christ for that. That is what the real question is here anyway. How can this woman ensure that her children will go to heaven? She knows the answer already. I pray she follows the will of God.

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Melissa - posted on 10/29/2009

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Yeah ok Jenny....you keep telling yourself that and when you haveto spend eternal life in Hell, you'll wish then that you believed. Evolution is crap...I did not evolve from a fish into whatever and into whatever else and to monkeys and that crap. If we came from monkeys or apes...then why are there still apes around not evolving? And what are we supposed to be evolving into? Since evolution doesn't stop, when will people be extinct and the next new evolved this be and what will it be. And don't you dare tell me that i am doing a disservice to my children. I will pray for your children, because there mother is ignorant in the teachings of the Lord!!! May God help you!!!!!!

Melissa - posted on 10/29/2009

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Jenny....When you die, your soul goes either to Heaven or to Hell, based on many different factors. The Bible is NOT just another fictional book. It is about real people and what they did in their lives. How do you know dinosaures were real? Because that is what you were taught in school? I do not believe evolution and am thankful that they do not teach it in schools!!! How do you know that what you believe is the truth. You're just a poor uneducated girl in my eyes....STOP POSTING TO MY QUESTION....YES MY QUESTION!!!

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Melissa, Catholics are Christians and I think it would be wise for you to learn more about the Catholic Church, before making any decisions about the church. Jesus is the focus in the Holy Eucharist. Many people believe Catholics worship Mary and statues. Mary is honored because she brought us our Lord. Statues are reminders and are beautiful to look at. I do believe if your boyfriend is serious about the children being raised Catholic, he and you should attend RCIA classes at a Catholic Church to learn more about what the church teaches. Your boyfriend should not care where they attend if he does not practice his faith!

Jenny - posted on 10/29/2009

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When you die you don't "go" anywhere. Your circuits shut down and your body decomposes. That's pretty much it, same as any other animal on Earth. The bible is a fictional storybook with factual background information (some people and places) like many other fictional books. Dinosaurs were real, Cain didn't marry some random girl (from who anyways?) after he murdered his brother, evolution is a fact and people don't live for thousands of years and never have.



I too attended church when I was young. I loved it for awhile at around 13 I was going to get baptised. That's when I started to ask questions that had been nagging at me. Through poor answers from those who should have had the information I looked into it further myself. I discovered it's a sham! I feel really let down that this huge spiritual industry is left to meld people's minds like it does. I am now a proud athiest and will do my best to let others know the truth, especially innocent children. Hey, if Christians can witness, why can't I right?

Melissa - posted on 10/29/2009

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Ta=hank you to those that actually answered my qeuestion. It is not a matter of going to church or not, but yes which religion we can agree on to rais our children in. Yes when they get older, I definatly hope that they will continue to go to church. Let's say they were raised in a christian church and they grow up and decide that they want to go to a catholic church instead, that would be fine with me. I just want them to grow up and know who Jesus is and his teachings that way they are educated in making such an important decision. To those who do not believe in Christ, I will pray for you and again, this is not about going to church or not or about whether or not they should choose which religion they want. It is what to do when they are tiny. They will be going to church because I strongly feel that is where we all need to be as we will not get into heaven by just being a good person, and reincarnation is bullsh*t!! So, again thank you to those who actually read my post. I will suggest going to both curches everyother week and when they get older they may decide which is best for them.

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Why do they have to go to one church? If you're going to be going to church every Sunday and your husband only plans to go every once in awhile then take the kids with you wherever you go on Sundays and then go with your husband and the kids to Catholic mass whenever he goes. You also may want to look into some other denominations, I'm not sure what denomination you are but some are more in the middle between protestants and Catholics and you might be able to find a church home that both you and your husband agree on. My advice is to look into a Lutheran church, they are protestant but have many more similarities with the Catholic church than most protestant denominations.



As for the baptism thing, I think it's great that you want your children to be baptized and it's certainly up to you when you want that to happen but there is biblical support for infant baptism. In Acts it talks about how they baptized the jailers and their whole families after Paul and Silas were released from prison, it is certain that their family included children of very young ages. Just something for you to think about.

Inez - posted on 10/29/2009

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Do you realise that Catholicism is a christian faith? The term 'Catholic' refers to the "church" as does Mormon, Church of England, Presbyterian etc. They are like clubs within the same sport, they each have their own rules and rituals but essentially worship the same god. What Im getting at is that Catholic or Christian, your kids will still be part of the christian faith. However, I believe that if you are the one who is taking them to church then you choose what church they should go to.

Emily - posted on 10/29/2009

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I am too lazy to read other replies so I hope this is original. I grew up Catholic, I was baptized at birth. I never really liked that, I felt a decision was made for me. I have three children and my husband and I have decided to take them to a Christian church. It was an easy transition for me since the teachings are the same. I have decided I will not let my children be baptized until they have made that decision for themselves. I think this church we have chosen is so much more suited for the children than the very traditional catholic church I was used to. I remember not really understanding what was going on at a young age. I also really believe God doesn't care what church you show up at just as long as you show up! (thanks to Dolly for that one) Whatever you decide will be the right decision for your family.

Kerri - posted on 10/29/2009

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But that's just it you don't get to decide what religion is best for your child that is not your decision. It's your childs decision when they are older. Take them to each church to give them the experince of each church but you don't get to actually decide what realigion your child will be. You only get to decide what you will be!!

Melissa - posted on 10/29/2009

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Well Kerri, you don't know me or my family. If you read the post I just wrote to Tracey, maybe you would understand what I was asking. You should read all my posts on this before you go giving you unGodly opinion. I wasn't asking whether or not to believe, but how to decide which religion is best for our family. Please stop posting to this...you sound like an ass!

Melissa - posted on 10/29/2009

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Tracey, I agree with you, that there really isn't an argument. It's not a bad thing that our children be baptised. I just feel that it is their choice to do so when they are old enough to understand the meaning of it. What I believe in and what my church does is a dedication ceremony. Where they would dedicate the child back to God, and we as the parents and Godparents are dedicated to raise the child in God's ways. So, that's not really a big deal. I do just want my children to be raised in th echurch and in God. And yes, this would be my boyfriends first, my second. But I do not like when people who do not believe in Christ at all try to give me advice on not taking them and that I'm brainwashing then, and to let then decide when they get older. That is a bunch of crap and not why I asked the inital question in the first place. I'm sorry I sound so bitter, but people are misunderstanding what I am trying to accomplish here. It's not a question on whether or not I will be taking them to church, because that's a definate. It's a question on how we decide which religion, christian or catholic, not is better than the other, but how to decide which is right for our family. That is all. Thanks :)

Kerri - posted on 10/29/2009

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How do you know that I have never gone to a church? In fact my grandparents use to force me to go to their church! And I honestly believe that is he main reason I do not enjoy the Christian religion. So do not tell me I have never been to a chur h we you don't know me AT ALL.

Tracey - posted on 10/29/2009

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if allowing the baby to be baptized is so awful why dont you just not take your baby to church? isnt that more awful? no matter what church or religion your child is raised under wouldnt you want him or her to be raised with God? There should be no arguement there. would this be your boyfriends first child? maybe its his family thats putting the pressure on him. either way as long as your baby is introduced to God by being dedicated or by being baptized the ultimate decision will not be yours or your boyfriends later on in life.

Melissa - posted on 10/29/2009

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Kerri....Why would I think you would pray? That would mean that you would have to believe in a higher being, and you already said that you do not. And how do they know what church even is or if they will enjoy it if they have never even gone? And yeah, I will let me children just do whatever they want. Maybe they want to go out and kill another human being. Maybe I should just say okay because that is what they want to do. Please you are being so rediculious!!! And as far as having "demon" children, you are out of you Fing mind....lol. OMG I haaven't heard something this funny in a long time!! My child is an angel and LOVES LOVES LOVES going to church!!!!! Just stop posting to this because I am asking people who DO believe in God for answers not YOU!!!

Kerri - posted on 10/29/2009

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Fiona,

im glad that someone agrees that it should be the childs decision. And Im glad that you are not going to FORCE your child to go to church with his grandmother or make him be completly has you are!

Fiona - posted on 10/29/2009

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I am an athiest but I choose not to instill my ideas onto my child and as his grandmother is catholic I offered him the choice to go to church with her and tried to answers as honestly as possible with facts about the different religions and when he was 10 he decided by himself that religion was stupid (his words) so I did not push it but if at some point in time he chooses a religion I will support his choice

Kerri - posted on 10/29/2009

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well then all I can say is that you are one of the many ignorant christains and your going to have the demon kids because you force your children to go to something that they dont want to go to or believe in. and to me that is horrible parenting. I wont pray for you because theres no point but i will hope that one day your not so ignorant. and allow your children to do things that they want to or to believe what they want to. but with most christains that doesnt happen so I wont be to hopeful!!

Melissa - posted on 10/29/2009

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Kerri....How do you knowo to believe in reincarnation? Did you see it through someone years ago who died? Get real!! And yes I WILL force my children to go to church when they are 10 and 11 years old because it is where they belong. All I can say is that I will pray to God for your ignorance!

Norma - posted on 10/29/2009

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Hi Melissa,

I understand exactly what you're going through. I am Christian and my husband's family is Catholic. I was stressing myself over this delicate situation because his family did not understand were I was coming from. I understand you are not married yet. I would really hope you resolve or come to a compromise before you get married. If not It can cause a whole lot of stress in your marriage and it can possibly end up in divource. I wouldn't want that to happen to you. I seen it cause a wedge between many couples. My first advice to you is always pray and ask God to give you wisdom in how to go about talking to you're soon to be husband. When I approached my husband with love, peace and understanding and told him that we are from two different religions I asked if it was okay if we can raise them up to be Christians? Seeing that he wasn't attending church at all gave me the upper hand. I told him if it meant that much to him I was willing to raise them to know both and when they get older they can decide for themselves (little did he know that I was one step ahead of him, I was praying). I told him if he felt that strong about it than he would have to make the effort in taking them to a Catholic church he chooses. In all honesty my husband knew he wasn't going to take them to church. He thought about it and said that it was fine to raise them up to be Christians. He wasn't estactic about the idea but in the end it worked out. I'm glad it worked out especially because I did not once bring it up before we got married. It could of cause a lot of strife and resentment. If both of you decide to compromise and raised the kids up practicing both religions don't beat yourself up for it at least there will be peace at home. Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying, you won't be compromising the truth, it's just Catholics do things a little differently then what we were taught as Christians. We are trying to win our family to Christ. What we can not do let God do the rest. God knows the heart. I would rather my family know about Jesus than not to know at all and be at war over it. If you really feel as strongly as you do I know you may not want to hear this than don't get married. You don't want to live together and not agree about this important issue. I hope this will help. Let me know the end result. I will keep you in my prayers that God will give you wisdom and peace that surpasses all understanding. Blessings, Norma

Kerri - posted on 10/29/2009

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How do you know that the bible is true? were you alive when it was written? Oh do you know some random person years ago didnt right it? how do you god is what your children will want to believe in when they are older? how do you know they wont find another religion? if they do find a different one that they believe in are you going to tell them that they are "wrong" and that they are going to hell? What if your kids are gay and dont believe in god then what are you going to do? and when I die I will go to another person. Reincarnation And Im not telling you to not take them im saying what if they get older and deciced that they dont want to go anymore. Im not saying like an adult older but just old enough to understand. I knew I didnt believe in god when I was 10-11 years old. are you going to allow them to stop going around then or are they going to be forced to go to something that they dont believe in like most christains do to their children?

Melissa - posted on 10/29/2009

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How are you a "godly" person as you put it if you do not believe in God. And the Bible isn't evidence enough for you? What about all the findings that were discovered. I wish people who do not believe in God would stop posting because they obviously have not read my other posts in this section to see that. I believe in God and WILL go to heaven and yes I want my children to believe in him as well so that they may spend eternal life with Him. If they decide to stop going to church, that is fine. But they will still believe in God, as I do. I stopped going to church when I got older, but I will be returning because I know that is where I am supposed to be to praise my Lord and Savior!!!So, people STOP TELLING ME TO NOT TAKE THEM OR TO WAIT UNTIL THEY ARE OLDER.....NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!! I am just trying to figure out how to go about finding the right church for my family, not if we should go at all. READ PEOPLE BEFORE YOU WRITE!!! And YES my way is the "RIGHT" way for MY family and YES i do believe that those who do not follow God are the "WRONG" way. I don't care anymore if I am offending people, because I have been offended by some peoples posts. If you do not believe in God, where will you go when you die?????

Kerri - posted on 10/29/2009

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So when they get old enough to tell you that they dont want to go to church anymore are you going to let them stop going? Or are you got\ing to countinue to force them to go no matterif they want to or not? You said that your going to teach them the "right" way while they're young, are you trying to say that your religion is the only "right" way? I personly dont believe in "god". There is no hard evidence of "god" So to me your "right" way is not my "right" way. And also are christains and other religions that believe in "god" the only respectful, godly, generous, responsible, and good people. Because I dont believe in "god" and I personally think that I am all of those things. I dont think you should force religion on anyone, especially children. You should teach them about both of the religions that yall follow and let them know that these are the religions that mommy and daddy believe and also teach them about others then when they are old enough they can decide what they want to be if they want to have a religion at all.

Angie - posted on 10/29/2009

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It looks like you already know that accepting Jesus into their hearts personally is the only way a person can go to Heaven. Acts 4:10-12 Then you must decide if that is what you are going to teach your children, which church would best help you meet that goal. Eventually your children will have to decide for themselves but the Bible also says "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 Hope this will help. You may also want to read Amos 3:3.

Annette - posted on 10/29/2009

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Wow, this is a very tough & personal decision.

My example.... I was raised Catholic. My husband was raised in a strict Baptist household. He leaned more toward Non-denominational Christian by the time we met, and I was not attending church regularly. We church "shopped" for something that fit our beliefs and needs before we started having children. We attended several different places. One day we attended a Modern Presbyterian church, and it clicked it was where were supposed to be. We did have our children baptized in the Presbyterian church. Baptism is an outward sign of your intent to raise your child in that faith. It does not mean that you cannot change your beliefs when you become older and informed. My husband had a Believer's baptism in the Baptist church as a teenager. I was baptized as a baby in the Catholic church, and chose to stay Catholic as a teenager when given the choice. But as adults we chose by Re-Affirmation of faith to join the Presbyterian Church. BTW... We also attend a local church very often that is Non-Denominational.

Good luck with your decision.

Melissa - posted on 10/29/2009

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I just want to thank the last 9 people, because they really understood my question. It's not a matter of letting them decide. I will do that when they are old enough. They can choose whichever religion that appeals to their beliefs most. But when they are young, I do want them going to church. As a parent it is my responsibility to guide them through the church of Christ. It's not a question on if I want them to go or not, they are going. And I don't want to hear they they are their own person and the freedon of sppech and religion crap. They don't have that right yet. Not in my house. They can say pretty much whatever they want, but they will not swear or disrespect anyone. And they do not know anything about religion yet to decide for themselves. As a parent I need to raise them the right way. To be respectful, Godly, generous, responsible, good people. What I was looking for is a way to decide which church I will be taking my children to. It's not a discussion an whether I will go or not, because I will. It's a question on how to come to decide on one church.

Shelley - posted on 10/29/2009

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I totally agree that you should only dedicate your children to God when small and allow them to choose which church they want to be baptised in when they are older. I'm probably going to step on toes here but Catholics are not taught to think for themselves and they are not made to read the bible if they did they would see a lot of problems with the Catholic faith. Before anyone gets too upset I was a Catholic until I was asked a question by a friend and started reading my bible. It is very important that you talk to your boyfriend and find out why it is so important to him to have his children Catholic, if he doesnt attend church himself then I would say it's just because he has been brought up to believe that this is what should happen without really asking why. You need to realise that Catholics are christians too but this is no reason to just christian your children Catholic either. You should belong to a church whose teachings you agree with and accept and are willing to live by and whose overall message is that of God

Natalie - posted on 10/29/2009

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Hi Melissa, I was in the same boat....My hubby is Catholic & I am Christian. I've come to the conclusion that i need to go where my hubby goes... & therefore my kids & i go where he goes. As a mother we are the one's who have to install Christianity into our kids. My hubby is not a Church going person but i grew up going to church every Sunday, attending youth etc. & that is still in me. My thing is it don't matter what church you belong to Just know that GOD is your maker & go to a church where you feel comfortable & exalt his name forever.... Hope this answers you question.

Tracy - posted on 10/28/2009

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I let My Children make there own decision as they grew up I didn't force any religion on them I thought to let them decide when they got older

Kerri - posted on 10/28/2009

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You dont come to an agreement of what religion they will be. You dont get to decided. That is they're decision when they are older. you dont get a say in it. You get to show them different religions. take them to your church. let your husband take them to his (or his parents take them) and dont stop them from learning about other ones besides the ones that yall are. This is one decision that you shouldnt have a say in. its somethingfor them to decide when they are older

Kerri - posted on 10/28/2009

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You dont come to an agreement of what religion they will be. You dont get to decided. That is they're decision when they are older. you dont get a say in it. You get to show them different religions. take them to your church. let your husband take them to his (or his parents take them) and dont stop them from learning about other ones besides the ones that yall are. This is one decision that you shouldnt have a say in. its somethingfor them to decide when they are older

Paula - posted on 10/28/2009

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My advice is to expose them to both set of beleifes and traditions. Let them get a feel and respect for both religions or sets of beleifs because no matter what, their family is a mixture of both and the exposure to both sets will make it easier for them to adjust and understand both sides of the family. Teach them as much as you can about both sides, then let them chose when they get older...and have them baptised in whichever religion they have decided. The way i see it is, you may not agree with all of the beliefs of you're husband's school of faith, but disrespecting and writing off his religion, even for the kids, is disrespecting him and his family. Do you want to teach your kids to do that? No disrespect met, I just want to expose a place for conflict and issues later...cut it off before it appears.

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i grew up methodist and my husband didn't..right now we are going to a babtist church and no my husband wasn't babtist before we started going..i don't think it really matters what church you go to as long as you have God in your heart..when your children are older give them the choice but until then do what you think is best for them..my 2 oldest refuse to go to church and i do not push them..they will go when they are ready..so it's an outing that we make with our youngest daughter every sunday..as long as your children know about God, Jesus they will be fine..good luck

Nicole - posted on 10/28/2009

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i am a christened catholic and my family also, my husband is a non believer and we have 5 children that we have christened in my belief that they are then blessed for the rest of there lives, on the other hand my childen will decide for themselve what they want to believe in when they are old enough to understand after all there's only 1 god!

June - posted on 10/28/2009

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I'm Anglican and I am also a Christian - so it's not really about being a "christian" that you are asking about. Sounds like the question is what church you will attend as a family. Why not see if there is an Alpha class http://www.alphausa.org/ being offered in your area before you get married to help you both get a better understanding of your faith. Marriage is work and equally yoked should be the goal - it will surely make it less stressful. I pray your husband can be the spiritual leader in your home as the Bible reflects should be his place. Unfortunately many women must take on this role when the husband does not. May the Lord continue to grow you both in your understanding and may you live out your faith so that your children may one day come to trust in Jesus - not a denomination.

CANDY - posted on 10/28/2009

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Both of you should read a book from the bible, say Daniel in concert with a book from

the Apocrapha, say 2 Maccabees and draw the similarities & contrasts. We are supposed to study to show ourselves approved. "Doctrinal prejudism" in our time is often not unlike the ongoing battles that persist between the children of Abraham, but we do not have to follow that path nor is it recommended that we do. We are told in the Bible that one man eats certain foods or worships on a certain day of the week that differs from another but as long as both eat & worship to the glory of God we are not to

split hairs over minor details such as this. Our greatest assignment is to "Let no debt

remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves

his fellowman has fulfilled the law" Romans 13:8.

Rosario Rosie - posted on 10/28/2009

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I am Catholic and my husband is Baptist and we decided since he had not attended church in quite some time and has some issues to work out with God that we would baptize and raise our daughter Catholic. We did agree though that we would show her the teachings of both religions. She has been baptized and made her first communion and she does attend Catholic mass and attends cathecism regularly. She is though shown the teachings of the Baptist church, which are basically the same just presented in a different manor. All religion is based on the same bible teachings, they are just taught differently. We agreed that when she was old enough that she could decide what religion she chose to follow. Allowing your children access to both only strengthens their faith and gives them the education to decide for themselves how they choose to praise our Lord.

[deleted account]

Alright-I'll buy that they need guidance. However, I think children need guidance that tells them the truth. So I suggest you ignore a lot of the b.s. that has been perpetuated through these answers and find out about the Catholic church for yourself. They ARE Christian, and it's stupid to say that they're not-only someone who has no idea about the faith would think so. My point was that you and your soon to be husband are not, right now, religious. Neither of you currently attends church-you said so yourself. So whichever of you is going to be the one to take them should be the one who chooses where to go. I think the idea of alternating is excellent-provided you're both going to go. But I don't think they should be forced to join the church or profess a faith just because you do-and I think that if they are forced into it then it's unlikely they'll stick to it when they're older. I also suggest that if you're going to church only for the kids, or only taking them because you think it's the only way to teach them what's right and wrong, that you re-evaluate things. You can't force a religion on yourself or anyone else-so if you don't want to be involved, then you're only going to go a few times with the kids anyway before you stop and it becomes a non-issue again. If you think it's the only way to teach them about God or about right and wrong-then you should realize that a church doesn't equal belief and a relationship with a creator is a personal thing, no matter whether one attends church or not. The most important thing is to keep your mind open and listen to your partner-so get rid of that attitude that they're going to go with you no matter what and there's nothing that can be done about it-that's not a "compromise," it's a demand. If he's making a big deal out of it, then deep down it means something to him, even if he doesn't currently go (and I have to point out, again, that neither do you-so this whole thing is the pot calling the kettle black) he has some connection to Catholicism. Bottom line is that no matter what you do, there comes a time when you can no longer control your children-and they will make their own decisions about everything from sex to religion to politics to what to wear to work and school and out at night. All you can do is give them the best preparation possible-so if you and your husband feel that includes religion, then sit down and talk, really talk, and come to a compromise about what will be done to instruct them religiously.

Jenny - posted on 10/28/2009

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The same way we all know what we believe in. What rings true to our hearts. I'm an evidence based person and I see no evidence supporting a god. I teach critical thinking and for my children to look at different angles before coming to major decisions. She hears about it from her friends, on TV, from previous daycares etc. I was a practicing Wiccan ten years ago and we talk about that a lot for one thing. My father's side of our family is Mennonite so she is exposed their beliefs as well. Just because the parents are athiests doesn't mean our children are not exposed to religion. My son is under 2 though so it doesn't apply with him quite yet lol.



Melissa, it is NOT the correct way, it is the correct way for you. It is not the correct way for me, it is not the correct way for Muslims, it is not the correct way for Buddhists etc. Your children may even turn out to be stronger believers if they come to it on their own and not from them just not knowing any other way.

Melissa - posted on 10/28/2009

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Well how do they know what to believe in if you do not give them guidence? Should she praise Santa because she believes in him? No, that's not right. And God is not a fictional character that someone made up. He is real and walked this earth and will again one day. And yes I do want to influence my children to follow in Gods ways because it is the correct way. They are too young to know what is real and what is fiction. They need GUIDENCE!!! And as a parent, it is our responsibility!

Jenny - posted on 10/28/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

Jenny,
I think you are soooo wrong. And this time I don't care if I offend you. I firmly believe in God and yes my children WILL believe in him as well, he is "The Way, The Truth and The Light" and without him, we are doomed to eternal life in Hell, and I do NOT want my children to end up in Hell because they thought it was okay to believe in nothing. If that's your choice then God help you! But I don't think bringing up a child in the church and in faith and in believing in the Lord is brainwashing!!! Maybe you need to seek the guidance of the Lord. But don't preach to me when you don't even hve a religion or don't even go to church.



Not a problem, I'm not easily offended.



It does not matter one ounce if you believe or not as far as if your children should. They are their own humans with their own minds and will come to their own conclusions.



Are you afraid they won't come to believe on their own? If they see their parents both being positively fulfilled by religion why wouldn't they go down that path too without young indoctrination? When my child asks if god is real I always answer by asking her what she believes. If she wants to attend a church, that is ok. I will answer her questions openly and honestly but she gets to decide what works for her.

Margaret - posted on 10/28/2009

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I say it is between you and your husband.Find the best of each perhaps and teach your kids both.Then when they are adults they can choose.Be open to possibilities!

Stephanie - posted on 10/28/2009

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me & my husband are having some trouble too im maronite catholic and he is sikh i believe my son should follow his father but my family keeps interfering

Melissa - posted on 10/28/2009

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Jenny,

I think you are soooo wrong. And this time I don't care if I offend you. I firmly believe in God and yes my children WILL believe in him as well, he is "The Way, The Truth and The Light" and without him, we are doomed to eternal life in Hell, and I do NOT want my children to end up in Hell because they thought it was okay to believe in nothing. If that's your choice then God help you! But I don't think bringing up a child in the church and in faith and in believing in the Lord is brainwashing!!! Maybe you need to seek the guidance of the Lord. But don't preach to me when you don't even hve a religion or don't even go to church.

[deleted account]

This is a tricky subject. I think as long as the child is raised in a Christian environment it doesn't matter where you go to church. If each person in the family is getting what they need from the messase God delivers through the pastor then that's where your family belongs. Not all Catholics are non Christian. Could it be that maybe you just don't know enough about your husbands beliefs to know if he is or isn't a Christian? Furthermore, if he is not going to be attending church and you are the one that will be taking the child then you should be going where you are comfortable. If the child gets the feeling that you are not happy at church then he/she may not be comfortable either. I agree that when your child is old enough he or she should be able to make the decision for themself but until then it is our responsibility as parents to guide them.

Rosemary - posted on 10/28/2009

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hi im rosemary,i am a christian,my daughter has been brought up the same way allthough we dont attend church as often as i would like,anyway my daughter has a son her boyfriend was also catholic we had her son christened in church of england ,her boyfriend went of with another girl dont no if she is the same as him.but your right to let your children choose as they get older just teach them what you know and the same for your. boyfriend.

Jenny - posted on 10/28/2009

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It doesn't matter if YOU don't believe in not believing. It is up to your children to believe what THEY would like. Basically you're asking the best way to brainwash them to your personal belief system.

Melissa - posted on 10/28/2009

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I appreciate everyone's comments. However, what some people are forgetting is that I want my children to be involved in the church for when they are born. Yes, when they get older they can choose what they wish to believe in adn I will whole heartdly support them. But they cannot choose when they are very young. Also, I will be going back to church next week Sunday and every Sunday after that. I do not believe in believeing in nothing. I believe there is a God and I want my children to believe that as well. I don't believe that just going to church will get you into heaven, not do I believe that just being a good person and doing good deeds and not going to church will get you into heaven as well. I definatly believe that you need God in your life to have a fullfillled life. You will NOT get into heaven without the Lord our Savior. I do not want people to bicker about this. I agree with many of you who suggested to go to each others church every other week. Also, Tammy has stated that both of us need to sit down and discuss our beliefs and discuss what we enjoyed about going to church growing up. While, I have not gone to church for a while, I do believe that it is where I and my children belong. I am not saying that one religion is right and one is wrong. I am just saying that we have different beliefs, but we both believe in the same God. I just feel that I should be able to take them to my church and raise them in my religion because I am attending church regularly (will be again), and he is not. And I don't think waiting until they can choose to take them to church is the answer either. How will they know what to believe if they never been there. I will be taking them from birth and there is no other option. When they get older, feel free to choose which ever religion. I do want to talk to my pastor about this as well as his priest. I feel that talking to both would be beneficial. Again, I really appreciate everyone's opinions. Thank you ~~~ Melissa

Jenny - posted on 10/28/2009

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A parent's religion is irrelevant to what the child's "should" be. Nobody "should" be any religion. Religion is not needed nor required to live a fullfilled life. Many people live successful lives not believing in anything at all. I'm one of them. If you believe religion makes YOU a better person or feel fulfilled, more power to you. But please parents, look at all this bickering in this thread about who's religion is "right", leave your children's minds alone and let them form their own beliefs on life.

Debbie - posted on 10/28/2009

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This is a very important decision to make as you both have different beliefs. Perhaps you can sit down with your boyfriend and read the New Testament scriptures about Christ's church. Let God help you to decide, from the Bible (God's Word), not only as to how you should raise your children, but also for yourselves. Begin with reading the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, & John). This will tell you about Jesus, and how we can become His children and part of His church. The book of Acts will tell you about the acts of the apostles and the acts of the church. It will tell you about the purpose of baptism in Acts 2. You have to read God's word in order to know what He expects of us. The old testament has the prophecies of Jesus. The New Testament is about Jesus life, burial and resurrection, and how we are to live our lives like Him, and how to be prepared to go to Heaven to be with our Lord and Savior, it also explains how the Old Law was done away with. In Ephesians 4:4-6 it says "There is one body (the church) one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all." I hope the two of you desire to raise your child(ren) the way God wants you to. And the only way to know that is to read and study His word in the Bible and then to obey Him. Your family will be in my prayers as you make this important decision. Your are welcome to reply to me if you have any questions. I'll do my best to answer them. God be with you.

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