How do you answer a question about sex ??

Nina D. - posted on 08/24/2009 ( 119 moms have responded )

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My nine years old. daughter, came to me to day and asked me ;mamma what is sex ? I didn`t know how to answer her . If you were me how would you answer that question!!! PLEASE..

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LAKECIA - posted on 08/28/2009

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Just being honest but not to forward. Be sure to use age appropreiate words and phrase.

Jackie - posted on 08/28/2009

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When my son asked last year (at 8 years old) how you make a baby, I at first felt like I didn't want to tell him, but then took a moment to remind myself how detailed he likes answers to be, so I said to him "are you sure you want to know? It's kind of gross" to get in touch with his "boy" and "embarrassed" sensibilities, and he was like "yeah i still want to know", so I told him no frills. I made it clean and quick, a sentence or two, and when he was like "ew" and changed the subject, I figured that was all he wanted for that moment. We did come back to it later with more questions and clarification (when he asked), and it's become easier to talk about it.

Jane - posted on 08/28/2009

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My daughter was the same age and asked the same questions. We told her the truth, with the correct anatomical words. She already knew that her body was changing and we had gone through the "what to expect" with her. We just explain that it was a natural part of growing up and that it was something that she could come to us with questions about at any time.



We explained that not everyone would be comfortable with her questions and that because of this she may get information that is not necessarily correct. We told her that some people may get silly, others may tell her strange stories like :the stork brings babies, etc. We also told her that it was a private matter, just like certain parts of her body are private, talking about those parts is also private.



My dd is very into medical things so anatomy and such is not shocking, so I think our talk was wells suited to her. I think knowing your dd is the best way to assess how to start the conversation and also when to stop if she has heard enough!

Pamela - posted on 08/28/2009

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having 2 boys who are now in their 20's, I have already dealt with this subject. so I can offer you some insight into how I handled it, as I am pleased with the outcome.I agree with the posts here that I have read in that honesty is the most important thing for her to get from you. conversations like these and how comfortable you are, and how comfortable you are able to make her while having them, will set the foundation for the relationship you will have with your daughter for the rest of her life. Your attitude and morals about sex will effect how she views it in the future too. Be greatful that she feels close enough to come to you with these questions. There are age appropriate books that you could read with her, or you could give her an age appropriate book like that on the subject and let her come to you with any questions she may have after she reads it, as my mom did with me so very many years ago. The book may also be a better way of explaining it, as you dont have to search for age appropriate words to try and answer the questions she may have. She could also use this book to show her friends that may be telling her untruths about sex so that she would be able to show them the truth rather then them being misinformed. In any case, it is always best to read the book before giving it to her so you can be prepared for the questions that may arise based on what information the book gives her. In conversations with my sons during those growing up years, I explained sex to my sons as being the most intimate way of expressing your love to the very special person in your life. I emphasized to them that although sex can certainly be had with any willing partner, in love or not, that making love with, or having sex with, a partner who you feel that love and emotional connection with is the greatest sex of all. I am proud to say in using this way of dealing with it, that both my boys had a solid relationship with the girls that they were with for their first times, and both boys were able to talk with me about it when it happened for them for the first time. I wish for you as close of a relationship with your daughter as I have with my sons - best of luck to you Nina!

Tomorrow - posted on 08/28/2009

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Nina,

I have been here. With both my son and daughter. Just be honest! There is no need to go into gory details however you have to overlook your personal discomfort and give her the FACTS. "This is what sex is..." and "this is what I expect you to do when approached for sex..." Please, please please DO NOT send your child outin the world without the basic information about sex. Miseducation and/or no education is harmful and can lead to innumerable issues later in life.

She is asking about a mature subject, approach her with a mature tone and mature answers. Keep it short, sweet and to the point and be sure to ask her she has any questions following your discussion. This frank discussion will may be short lived this go round, but it opens lines for longer factual communications later.

Above all else DO NOT GET EMOTIONAL! If for one second she feels like you are emotional, angry, sad, nervous, she may be hesitant to open this line of discussion later for fear of similar reactions.

When my son 7 (now 10) came to me the first time about sex, it was something he'd heard on the playground in a very negative way. I explained to him that what he'd heard was untrue and that ___ were the facts. He did not want to know more at that time. Sex and sexualitly has come up a few times since then and each time he grows more comfortable with the openness of communications. We approach the subject in a factual manner, education first, and then I leave it up to him to ask questions that require my opinion. I always end our conversation with my expectations of him and the allowances of our family.

I have treated my daughter's, now 7, questioning the same way. We have grown to discuss all manner of female based questions through, education based on age/individual approiate facts, neutral tone and expression, an open and honest approach to questioning, and a clear basis of expectations.

These types of disscussions are my favorite! You may be suprised how enlightening it can be to give your child good, clear, facts that will make her a stronger more self confident individual.

Good Luck!

[deleted account]

Hi there, if you have trouble with this type of question (and honestly, who doesn't?!) I would highly recommend a book called "Questions Children Ask" by Dr Miriam Stoppard...she has that question and million others, some more tricky than that one...like "Does sex feel nice?", "Why do babies die?" and "What does homosexual mean?"....The best thing is that she gives 3-4 answers appropriate for different age groups. For example with your question, the first answer, for 2-4 year olds, is simply "a special sort of cuddle between grown-ups, that sometimes makes a baby", then she has a much more scientific answer for the older kids etc.

Debbie - posted on 08/28/2009

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I believe you should tell her the truth, my daughter is 13 and my son is 12. My daughter is the one that asks the questions cause she is in high school so of course she will hear a lot of things that we probably didn't know at that age. I liked to tell them about what is necessary at their age. I hope later on in the coming years that my daughter has listen what I have said and want be pushed into anything she doesn't want to.

Ann - posted on 08/27/2009

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First you have to explain the basic anatomy of reproductive system and its function.. i think every child should know this first.. then you can easily explain what is really sex..

Carolyn - posted on 08/27/2009

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I would say baby right now you houldn't worry about that because it is not in yur category right now. I would also say when it's time to explain it I will .

Tracy - posted on 08/27/2009

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I totally agree with Gina. I was 9-years-old when my aunt (she was a student nurse at UVA) sat my cousin (10) and I down and went over anatomy of the female and male bodies and then began to discuss "human reproduction" and how "we" got here. I do remembering giggling, but my aunt was so "scientific" and "normal" about the information that we did not feel "weird" or uncomfortable. All discussions must be "age appropriate," as I will be having a discussion tomorrow morning with my neighbor's 15-year-old dauther. One thing to remember: when teenagers trust you, try not to betray that trust...it's extremely important. However, if the situation warrants further action re: parental or police intervention in the case of sexual abuse, etc., then of course certain judgments have to be made as to how to communicate about the situation without causing things to explode. When my 14-year-old was 10, I gave her a book as a present that targeted the "pre-teens" and "teens" (gotta remember the title). I read the entire book first before giving it to her. As a result, my daughter is very comfortable as a teenager (for now anyway)...LOL. Keep the lines of "honest communication" open.

Cynthia - posted on 08/27/2009

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I would tell her the truth, and what the Bible actually says about sex. I also would pray and ask God to give me the right words to tell her so that she would understand.

Alida - posted on 08/27/2009

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Quoting Nina:

How do you answer a question about sex ??

My nine years old. daughter, came to me to day and asked me ;mamma what is sex ? I didn`t know how to answer her . If you were me how would you answer that question!!! PLEASE..



I had a similiar situation with my at that time 6yr old, she is now 9. I answered her questions for her age at the time according to her age, but now she is telling what I told her to my 3yr old and my 5yr old, so now I have alot of questions but because I am open and honest they keep coming back to me and I Thank God for there questions you ask why do I thank God, well because they also tell me what other children and adults have said and they believe me because they know I wont lie or try to kiddy up the reality of the questions or what society puts in our childrens minds. So keep answering just be hones and answer age appropriately, be blessed my fellow mother.

Maria - posted on 08/27/2009

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Ah, the wonderful question! My daughter is 5 and she not to long ago asked how babies came out of the mommies tummy, so I told her.....not in totally graphic terms, but just in a way she would kinda grasp it..and she was ok with it, I also told her not to go telling her friends about it either, that it is something they need to ask their parents about.....whether or not she wont tell will be the thing :). But, yeah finding a way to explain in it a way they will understand it will definately help.



I also found my 11 year old a couple of books that explain about body parts and what it happening to her body and I think it helped her understand better of what is going on as well.

[deleted account]

I have not read all of the posts, but there is a great series of 4 books, called what's the big deal about sex and it starts young and goes to puberty. I read it with my daughter, taking turns reading it. She asked great questions and the book was very helpful. It has a Christian slant, sex is for two married people, but talks about sex being a very special way for married people to show they love each other. Very good info, tho'. and 9 is not too young to talk about it!

[deleted account]

i had the best question when i was pregnant with my youngest from my 3 year old daughter.....it was how does the baby get out of your belly so i said to her you have to push it out, so she was quite happy with that thinking you literally you have to push your stomach for the baby to pop its self out!!! then another question came 2years later when she had a sore mini.....whats the hole in my mini for??......so i simply said to her you know you wanted to know how a baby gets out of your tummy, well they come out of there. with that she shouted at me "well im never having babies if they have to come out of there!!! babies are massive!!!" i thought it was a brilliant responce from a 5 year old!!! and secretly i was thinking YES!!! one nil to mummy!!!

[deleted account]

Ask her what she already knows. My daughter at 6 asked me and it turns out she had "heard" that men and women took off their clothes and kissed naked. Well, yes they do. It was a way that married people showed that they loved each other. That was all she needed at the time. (She was a junior in high school before it occurred to her that you didn't have to be married to have sex! I realize that's our morals, so that's what we taught.) That was not the last conversation we had. We talked about it a lot. I always emphasized love,and that oral sex and heavy petting are sex also. Ask her what she's heard and answer those specific questions. Ask your pediatrician for help too. Ours had a great talk with my DD.

Pamela - posted on 08/27/2009

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At nine she can use a dictionary. Hope you have one at home. Sit down with her and look up the word in the dictionary. You will see it has many meanings. Point that out to your daughter. Let all of the definitions sink in by bringing them up in a discussion if necessary.



When the child asks specific questions regarding physical "sexual" intimacy, include in that discussion how the word is USED BY SOCIETY .



There are countless books, etc. to help parents explain sexuality to their children. I remember buying a well illustrated book that fully explained sex.....much like children get in biology class, and had an accompanying video that showed what happens in actual encounters when human emotions are added to the mix.



Google and see what you get.

[deleted account]

Be honest. Start simply & see how she responds, whether or not it's followed by another question. My son, then 7, asked how babies came out of the mommies. At first I was kinda freaked that I'd have to go into the WHOLE where do babies come from & so I told him that's a good question, that I wanted to think about my answer & that I would get back with him. A few seconds later I simply told him that God made a special way for babies to come out called the 'birth canal'. He didn't have any more questions!
So keep your answers simple & to the point. You may not need to go into as much info as you're probably thinking. But if she does ask more questions then just be open with her giving the appropriate names & wording for the topic, ie penis instead of pee-pee...so on & so forth.

Robin - posted on 08/27/2009

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This is a good question. Kids seem to be growing up alot faster these days. I have a nine year old daughter also. She hasn't asked me specifically about sex yet but she is developing already so my husband and I did talk to her about how her body is going through changes and about her period. I didn't want her to be surprised when she woke up one morning and realized she had started her period. I think it's best just to be honest. Once you start explaining things to her I think you will be able to edit your comments to what you think is appropriate for her to know right now at her age. Honesty is always the best policy!

Markita - posted on 08/27/2009

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Quick run to the library and get a book! 9 is still kind of young but at the same time you want her to be prepared. I would do a google search to see what kind of books are out there on the subject, maybe there's something that both of you can read then discuss. Good luck.

TeCara - posted on 08/27/2009

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Juyst tell her the truth. Odds are she already knows. She is asking you to confirm..

Sarah - posted on 08/27/2009

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Kids these days learn a lot of incorrect stuff from school at an early age so my advice would be to be honest and just let her know its a normal fact of life. My son actually had kids tell him some weird stuff in 1st grade and so I decided rather than have him hear wrong answers from classmates I would just tell him the truth. I explained the body parts and what they do and I also let him know that this is how life is created for not just humans but all animals. Kids are smart and it is important that they feel they can talk to you about these matters because if they can't talk to you then they will talk to their friends and that is not always a good thing. Its normal for children to be curios about sex and I think letting them know about it at a young age doesn't make it such a big deal later on.

Monserrate - posted on 08/27/2009

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At our house we're big on reading. By the age of 10, I gave my daughters (now 13 and 10) a book to read called "Growing Up it's a Girl Thing...Straight talk about first bras, first periods, and your changing body" by Mavis Jukes. It's a pretty basic book and has a few paragraphs on sex. Not too detailed, but just enough to answer the question straight and to the point. Then I asked them if they had any questions and if they learned anything new to help clarify anything. Good luck!!

Eileen - posted on 08/27/2009

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Basic question, warrants a basic answer.. age appropriate, and suited to the child individually. My simple answer would be " how babies are made" or "something that adults that love each other do.". or something like that, real simple.

Only venture as far as they are albe to question. Let their curiousity lead the conversation. and don't go beyond it! If they don't ask they aren't ready for the next answer so don't overwhelm them with too much info!... but don't hold back either. And whatever you do, not matter what, DO NOT LIE to the child! And DO NOT COWER AWAY FROM THE SUBJECT!

Keep it very matter of fact, and everyday, don't make a fuss of it. Talk as if you answer that everyday. its no big deal. ( then call your best friend and freek out because you are so not ready to hear that from your child! yikes!)

Michelle - posted on 08/27/2009

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I'd keep that line of communication open with her. Only answer the questions asked with basic answers for her to understand at her level
make sure she doesn't have more questions. Assure her that she can come back to you if she does
Kids do talk at this age and some are far more advanced than others. Probably want her to hear from you the correct answers first. Honest and direct too becuase you dont want her to feel she cant come to you again and start cutting off the communication with you down the road

Good Luck!

Pat - posted on 08/27/2009

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Before my children came to me with the question.. I was actually gardening and was in the process of explaining pollination to them.. it then occured to my middle child (7) at the time.. if that is how babies are also made.. pollination from a male to a female.. I told him .. sort of.. I said the daddy places a seed inside the mommy when there is lots of love between them.. and all the love inside the mommys heart nourishes and helps the seed grow into an embryo. I also explained to him that most animals reproduce that way.. I went into how fish and other animals reproduce,, It was very factual and scientific and age apropriate,.

Gina - posted on 08/27/2009

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9 is actually a little late in the game. Knowing that you want her to be informed and safe;you should speak with her before she hears about it in an inaccurate way at school. Be honest and yet recognize her level of maturity. She doesn't need details that foster an interest beyond comprehension yet. Be mindful of the fact that some parents are very closed minded and embarrassed by the topic;so, she should be urged to discuss sex with her parents and not other children whose parents may really freak out. There are alot of books at local libraries that you can use as a resource and actually read WITH your child. Peruse them first however to make sure they are age appropriate and do not condone any sexual activity that your family's faith may frown on. I always used correct biological terms that put a scientific and factual slant on the subject. She doesn't need to think sex is dirty or embarrassing...but, should come away knowing its place and its purpose ( showing love with our bodies and making a family). This is not a one time conversation. Good luck!

Nora - posted on 08/26/2009

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I agree that you should be honest, and let her know that whatever questions she might have to come and asked you and you will tell her to the best of your knowledge. Make sure you tell her that this is something that she needs to wait to experience, but any questions come to you. You don't want her to get them from someone else and then she will never ask you again. Keep the communication between you and her open where she feels that she can always come and talk to you about anything.

Gwen - posted on 08/26/2009

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Quoting Nina:

How do you answer a question about sex ??

My nine years old. daughter, came to me to day and asked me ;mamma what is sex ? I didn`t know how to answer her . If you were me how would you answer that question!!! PLEASE..



I would first let her know how proud I was that she came to me. There so many that don't come to mom.  I would then sit down and try and explain it on her level. We are suprise at how much our children already know. But also be ready for her questions, and pray hard my friend and ask for guidance.

Amelia - posted on 08/26/2009

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I got this question from my six year old when I was pregnant with my second. He definitely wanted to know how that baby got there and inquired past simple answers to the question. We checked out a bunch of books from the library. Some of them were story-like accounts of the birds and the bees. Others were more factual, medical. All were age-appropriate. As it turned out, he responded best to the factual, medical books that showed diagrams of internal organs. If your child is searching for detailed answers, there are a lot of good resources out there in book form. It also helped to depersonalize the question from "Mommy, how did you and daddy get that baby in you." to "How do babies get made?" That helped a lot.

[deleted account]

I know a woman who hadn't even told her seven year old that boys and girls have different parts, and had never let her into the bathroom while she was on her period so that she wouldn't know about it. That's just asking for trouble. I have been open and honest with my eight year old from day one, and she is properly informed without being frightened off by the intimate details.

Pam - posted on 08/26/2009

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I'm sure you don't need any more responses, but I have to add something that I didn't read in the others' responses. At nine, unfortunately, many kids have heard about porn web sites. My son heard about them on the playground - nice - and decided to try out playboy/playgirl on our computer at home. He had a female friend with him, and they used the one computer that didn't have the blocks! I truly thought the blocks were on every one. Anyway, maturity level isn't everything as my son is quite bright and asks the questions, and can handle the responses,but he is not mature enough or in control enough to keep it to himself. We have to address our kids' questions honestly or, you know, someone else will. What a lesson to learn.

Michelle - posted on 08/26/2009

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I think you need to establish first what it is that your daughter wants to know exactly. Ask her where she heard the word and in what context. And then, if you have established that she is actually asking you about the sex act, you need to be honest, but age appropriate with your answers. There is a great video called 'Where did I come from' that tells the story of conception from the sex act to birth in a non-threatening way that uses humour, and is aimed at children from as young as 4yo.

I will never forget my gaff when my own daughter was around your daughters age and she asked me where she came from. I went into a long and detailed discussion about how babies are made and born, with her looking more horrified every minute. I stopped and asked her what was wrong? She said, 'Mummy I only wanted to know what town I was born in'. Ergo, establish exactly what the question is she is asking first! Children think so literally.

Michelle

Betty - posted on 08/26/2009

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Be honest. Be open. And talk and listen. Listening to her and letting her ask the questions will let you know what she is ready for. Please please let her know that she can come to you. By the time my daughter was eight the kids were already discussing this and she came to ask me questions. She now talks with me about all kinds of things. She also trusts me in that I haven't ever told her a lie about any subject we have talked about. If I don't know an answer then I tell her so and we or I will look it up and now she is educating me on things I didn't know. By the time they teach it in school it is to late. My son has already started asking questions of not only my husband but also some of me as well. So if you have boys please be prepared for those also. Hang in there.

Linda - posted on 08/26/2009

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Distinguish between terms "sex" and "sexual activity"...sex is "male or female" " boy or girl"....sexual activity is reserved for married people...as a way to bring the two closer together and also to have children.

you could also tell about "gender"...female or male...everyone has "feminine" and "masculine" traits...that go against stereotypes...

good luck

Penny - posted on 08/26/2009

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I agree with Kristie and Monica. My 10 year old and I had the talk about a year ago. She "spotted" a little and I had to go into the conversation with her. I bought a couple of books to help us along the way. Trust me I was not ready either! But we made it through and we're both still alive! Good luck to you and your daughter and remember to let her know that it's ok and you're the one she can always come to and count on.

Aimee - posted on 08/26/2009

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It can be a tough situation, but you need to ask her what she thinks it means to Gage here ideas on the subject. My eight year old has had an "age appropriate" idea since she was six! In this day and age you need to make it as comfortable for the both if you as possible so she will feel free to come to you in the next few years. Best of luck to you, I know it's not an easy thing to deal with.

Genava - posted on 08/26/2009

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The word "SEX" is complicated when discussing matters with a nine year old daughter. If I was in your shoes, so to speak, I would first ask your nine year old daughter what she knows about sex. After you grasp onto what she knows build your talk around her knowledge. Just make sure the talk it too her level. When she get older you will be able to talk about sex at a level where she can understand. I have a 13 year old niece which I take care of and have been taking care of for the past 9 years. Each year we sit down and I ask the same question, "What new information have you found out about sex, purhaps you can teach me a thing or two?" My 13 year old is older; therefore, I have to let her think she is taking charge. This way as parents we can find out what they know and add onto it. Your daughter is 9, she may not know much or she may surprise you by knowing a little. Don't get upset for she will be experimenting with the word "sex" because of curiousity. Just support what she knows and add onto it little by little. My 13 year old understand some formal details but not all, I add onto the discussion each year explaining how it is important to cherish her body and do not disrespected it for "no" boy until she knows for sure she is able to handle being an adult. Once she gives her body to a boy (she is in 8th grade) she will become an instant adult and consequences will follow.



Now to make a long story short, get your nine year old daughter to tell you what she knows and build on from that point little by little each year. Make it a habit to take her out to each so that you and her can build a special relationship where you and her can talk about anything. Good Luck!

Penny - posted on 08/26/2009

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Quoting Nina:

How do you answer a question about sex ??

My nine years old. daughter, came to me to day and asked me ;mamma what is sex ? I didn`t know how to answer her . If you were me how would you answer that question!!! PLEASE..


Okay striaght up Nina .. what the hell is wrong with you? sex is a word in our language ...  an infinite  part of our lives .. a complicated and arty issue ? to include acts of sexual intercourse.. if your uncomfortable with words; , ,obviously SEX as a meaning is very difficult and uncomfortable for you.  a good number of the other mothers who took the time to post share your reaction ... my heart goes out to each of you .. I hear the draw of your breath .. my mother still reacts to words ... my children taught me how to stop reacting to words....teach her to use a dictonary, inflections rather than thier meaning our throwing her curve balls .. your reaction and reservation alone has had great power ... maybe you can explain that sex as a topic is long, like learning all the rules of a game .. PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY REACTION TOO HARD ... but please consider that sex is a perfectly natural and confortable part of life in general ..



like a child asking how does it work that the water just comes back like that? ... after being caught flushing the toilet for what seemed like the hundreth time in a day ....she is reading .. she is nine ... she could see that word every time she enters a supermarket .. sex definately comes up in my conversations .. children at my table would hear that word and know it ... perhaphs as a passer by in a park .. a play ground .. at the age of nine the fact that she hasn't said THE WORD ... she had to have seen it and heard it before now ... surely somewhere someone has discussed the sex of perhaphs a kitten or a terrier??



IT ISN"T SEX IF IT"S DIRTY  ... look up sex in the dictionary ... hey maybe you don't REALLY know the answer ... look it up before you share it with your daughter .. learn more ....



 

Alecia - posted on 08/26/2009

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I would sit down and explain to her that it is an natural act between a male and female. Explain to her that it is something that should be shared between a husband and a wife. Explain the consequences of indulging in a grown up act without being responsible. If you feel uncomfortable with this go to the library and aks about books that can help you discuss sex with your child in a manner that may be easier for you and maybe help her understand what you think she should at her age. In this day and age it is hard not to talk to your kids about sex we have to protect our children.

Julie - posted on 08/26/2009

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Oh, by the way - a VERY good read: 'The Wonderful Way that Babies are Made' You can order it used through Amazon.com. It is geared for age appropriateness... from little ones through teens -

Julie - posted on 08/26/2009

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It depends on what she meant - it could be the difference between boys and girls or the actual act itself -



Sex is what married people do when they privately show their love for one another.



It is important that she get honest answers, but not too graphic. Screen what movies she watches from now on as most portray sex as something very casual to be done on dates.



I told my girls that girls are like jewelry - the most expensive are kept under lock and key behind glass and tried on only by the owner... the cheap stuff is out on the countertop and is handled by anyone. Decide now which you want to be -



Make sure your daughter has good, healthy interaction with male role models, dad, uncle grandpas... so that very real need in her life is filled with good experiences and she makes good choices when it comes to a life mate -

La'Tonya - posted on 08/26/2009

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She's old enough to know, but young enough to only know the top layer. Try telling her that it is something that adults can do to show each other how much they love one another. You should also tell her that that is how she was made and that is another reason that adults have sex. At her age she probably won't want any more details.

Amy - posted on 08/26/2009

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I would ask her what prompted the question. Sometimes the answers are easiest if you find out what they are thinking to prompt the question. Did she overhear something? Did she see something on TV? Take your queues from her and everything will be fine.

[deleted account]

Quoting Nina:

How do you answer a question about sex ??

My nine years old. daughter, came to me to day and asked me ;mamma what is sex ? I didn`t know how to answer her . If you were me how would you answer that question!!! PLEASE..


 



our sex is what makes us boys or girls,



you know your daughter best be honest and keep it innocent and simple, continue to ask her what she thinks it means, this is just the beginning of a continued conversation you will have with her,  



remember to bring love into the conversation as sex is the instinctual act and love is the state of emotion associated with the act. remember to teach her that its her choice who she has sex with.



i have children in their 20's and i taught them that their body was their temple, thats why we wash it, feed it well and take care of it and others as theirs was their temple, and sex was something that all animals did it was instinctual, to procreate, but as  humans it was an act of sacredness,  it was most  important to love them from the heart, that was the love that lasted forever .



i also taught them the truth about STD's, such as if you have herpes as a female their is high risk that you may need to have a c-section to give birth so as to not cause complications in the infant , this was when them and their friends came home from school and told me what they learnt in sex -ed, they weren't actually told the real truth, or the whole truth, they were told a part truth,



i also have a 10 yr old son and he is an uncle, so he saw his sister in law be pregnant and was outside the labor ward when his neice was born, he knows the truth about babies and sex and when he first asked me the same question and i asked him what he already knew , he thought sex was kissing, i was so relieved.



How did you find out about sex?



hope this helps.



be honest and open.



 



 

Nikki - posted on 08/26/2009

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Nina- I think it depends on the maturity level of your daughter and what she is subjected to in this fast-paced society that we live in. I have a 13 year old and 5 year old. My five year old has yet to ask the question, but I am sure that it is coming sooner than I hope. It is a tough question.



I just finished reading the Purity Code by Jim Burns with my 13 year old they recommend the book for 9-12 year olds. She was not ready at 9, but looking back to my childhood, I would of benefited from this book at that age. It is a faith based message but really focuses on respecting yourself. Some parts are pretty raw and I was surprised how much my daughter already knew. It asks pretty pointed questions at the end of each chapter. The book may be an overkill for a very innocent question, but I definitely agree with the last poster that you have to be prepared to have many conversations about the subject.

Nora - posted on 08/26/2009

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My first conversation about sex came on my son's 10th birthday. I was mortified when the question was asked...he seemed so young. I thought what my answer would be and decided to keep it simple. Remember your daughter is still very young and is not ready to hear the "mechanics". So keep it simple. I told my son that sex was something that happened between two people who are married and love each other, and that's all he needed to know. Time will come when discussions will need to include more, but for now remember she is a little girl and simple is best. Hope this helps.

Sharon - posted on 08/26/2009

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I have found that the best way to handle those questions is to answer truthfully, but very generally. If they want more information, give it, but a little at a time. You'll be surprised at how little information will satisfy them. When they want to know more, they'll be comfortable asking you. Then their education will be built slowly and by the best person to teach them - you. If they ask a specific question, then they are ready to hear it. Much better than them asking someone else who gives them too much information too early! When my son was 5, and I was pregnant with my third child, he asked me how the baby would come out of my tummy. I was a little nervous about this question, but I told him that God made a special place for the baby to come out. He was entirely satisfied with that answer and I didn't have to go into any more detail at that time. We just answered each question and discussed sexual issues on TV and in life as they came up. My children are now 25, 23, and 20, and I know that they are ready for whatever will come. They all want to wait for marriage and are as prepared as I can get them for the natural desires and temptations that will come their way.

Signe - posted on 08/26/2009

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when my son (now 17) first came to me and asked " THE" question I wasn't ready either!..... I told him that "Sex is a description of what we are. Sex determines weather you are male of female. You know, weather you are a boy or a girl." He seamed to be ok with that answer, and I was ok with the fact that I didn't lie to him.... :)

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