How do you deal with a neighbor that lets her kids wander in our yard

Julia - posted on 02/16/2013

I say a hedge and child protective services a 3 and 6 year old should not be roaming the neighborhood unattended. I have a neighbor, who happens to be family do it is more complicated, who lets her kids come over unannounced to my house all the time. Our kids however love each other dearly, yet if my child knocks on her door unannounced she is quite rude and nasty to him and I usually get a nasty text. But as long as you are following the same guidelines you expect of her there should be no issue.

Tanya - posted on 09/09/2012

I know how you feel I have had a similar problem, I really like my privacy and one of my neighbours down the street just lets her dogs wonder into my yard and uses that as an excuse to come over ALL the time. ...It's hard being rude to people when its not naturally in your nature but you do have to put your foot down and let her know it is not appreciated.... Actually its not being rude, its earning respect....You have a right to the privacy of your own backyard....My neighbour still comes over but not as often and when i close the door etc. she knows it's time to leave.... Just be firm.... Thats my honest advice...She obviously isn't taking you seriously because your too nice....If she says that she can go anywhere she wants....I would say, really.... I beg to differ and Im pretty sure the law would agree with me....Its called Tress passing and it is against the law....Its also called break and enter if they come into the house without permission.....Hope you don't have to go there with her, but you need to make it crystal clear you will be respectedl....GOOD LUCK!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 03/22/2012

Not over dramatizing. I was told that by several case workers when they threatened to take my children away.

Jennifer - posted on 03/22/2012

I live in Ga. I was going through a bad divorce and so the ex family called dfacs on me. They told me that I could not let my daughter in another room by herself at any time until she was 7. They also told me that even though they could find no abuse or neglect and I had the required 3 days of food in the house that I had to sign a paper saying that I was neglectful because I did allow my daughter to play in another room or they would take my children away from me that day.

Shawnn - posted on 03/22/2012

I agree, with Meme and Sherri, Jennifer...Where do you live that you are "supposed" to take a child over the age of 4 with you to the bathroom??? Please! Overdramatizing events just makes the rest of us tend to downplay any other comments from that source.



FYI, I didn't even bring my newborn into the bathroom with me if I was at home. That is just beyond ridiculous!

Sherri - posted on 03/22/2012

Really Jennifer that is a little much don't you think? I am pretty sure I can leave my newborn in another room or even my toddler to go to the bathroom or even shower. I am sure not taking my 7yr old in with me. Heck I even let my 5yr old in the backyard by themselves.



Same in the US Meme. There is no such rule or law unless that is the rules in her house.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/22/2012

Jennifer-



Where do you live? Children of any age are allowed to be in another room when you potty, here in Canada. It's just a no brainer to make sure "young" children (under 3) are engaged or like my son (17months), put in a playpen.

Jennifer - posted on 03/22/2012

Call dfacs. Children under the age of 7 are not allowed to even be in the next room while you potty. So if she lets this child go in your home unattended then she is breaking the rules.

Amber - posted on 03/15/2012

put up no trespassing signs and call the cops when they do

Sherri - posted on 03/08/2012

She already stated she has a dog.

Jessy - posted on 03/08/2012

if you get a dog and post signs about it, never put up signs that say "beware for dog", this makes you liable if your dog bites, instead get signs posted that say "no trespassing" or "property protected by _________" . get the cops involved if you need to,

Courtni - posted on 03/08/2012

Okay, let me tell you what just happened here in New Mexico. A little boy went missing causing an amber alert. He was originally thought to be in danger, but he was found 2 days later in a 30 ft deep hole in the neighbors yard. It was too deep to breathe, so he was dead when they found him. Thankfully the home owner is not facing charges because they figured the child crawled over the fence. The child had family members in the house at the time and his cousin was also playing outside. Nobody noticed this child had disappeared. I would do anything you have to do to keep those kids off your property including calling the police if necessary. You don't want that liability if they get hurt. Even if they don't get hurt, they do not belong there and their parents have no right to tell you it's okay for their kid to be on your property. As for the whole racist thing....it's just an excuse. Tell them to take their racism home along with their kids. Nothing more than adult bullying.

Carrie - posted on 03/06/2012

We had a little girl in our neighborhood who had been allowed to wander from the age of 2. Her parents would just send her out of the house. When they needed her, they would call out or go to the likely houses looking. I found this disturbing since the little girl was stunningly beautiful and would be quite a prize for some sleezy character.



THIS is the issue for me. Talk to the local authorities, get their opinion. If you get a dog, post a warning sign so that you will not get in trouble if the dog bites. They may just come to play with the dog. A fence is expensive and may not work either.



Honestly, I would either call the police or social services. You could either argue that you have "intruders" or that this woman is not taking care of her children by letting them wander into people's homes and properties. I would work with the authorities and ask what they recommend. You have already done everything within your power. Time for help.

Brianna - posted on 03/02/2012

build a fence and start locking the door... i cant believe some people ugh thats soo rude of them. i had neighbors that there 4 boys would run around are house, tease our dogs, pick my FLOWERS, and peek threw windows! i would get sooo mad thankfully they moved away acouple months after we moved in. but now we have the other neighbors sister move in and they have a dog taht they let bark 24/7!

Mommyof2 - posted on 03/02/2012

Get a couple NO Tresspassing signs and chain up a big dog outside. lol

Or how about just walking in their yard and walk inside their house and say"oh, you're door was unlocked, since you don't mind your daughter letting herself in at my house I figured we're welcomed to do the same with your house."

Janet - posted on 02/27/2012

we had the same problem when we moved into our rented property - catch the kids in the act and tell them no - don't talk to ur neighbour just yet

Sonya - posted on 02/22/2012

I would get a fence if at all possible. I would also write a letter explaining that having unsupervised children in your yard is dangerous because you do not know they are there and are not watching them. get authorities involved as well. It is better for someone to think you are mean than be liable for their lack of responsibility and if a kid gets hurt, that is what will happen.

Angela - posted on 02/22/2012

This one is a hard one for me... I am by no means a 'crazy' or 'negligent parent' at all - just to start.



I have been pregnent with severe chronic pain - my partner left work to stay home and look after me, children and house. We moved only in Nov 2011 to a country town from the Gold Coast - so it is a big culture difference.

Bubby was born in Dec 2011 after months bed/couch ridden, our son was in special care for three weeks and without a veicle, it was hard. Now he is home and we have all four of our children with us.



Our oldest two (almost 7 and 8 years old) were visiting their friends only four houses away on our side of the road, one across the road and one across the road a few houses down. We are very far from the centre of town, and other than a few households - most other people in our street are in their retirement (including our direct neighbours who are retired and own noisy chickens, lol), and there is hardly ANY cars in our street.



Our oldests kids were visiting their houses, their friends were visiting here also. Everything was fine, except I was unaware our dauhter (the almost 7 year old) was stopping in at our retired neighbours place on the way home wanting to play with them as they do love kids. Also, when I would be sleeping (with my pain condition and recovery from complicated c-section birth) and their dad would lock the front door to go to the bathroom, knowing the kids were at their friend for only another hour or so and kids knew to come around the side gate and through the back door on those (very) rare occasions - they saw that as an opporunity to go to a neighbour and try and get them to spend time with them because "oh our front door is locked". Our neighbours were thinking that we let our kids to roam the neighbourhood, when it was actually a case of arranged play time at very close family neighbours houses... our daughter (who has depression and anxiety) of course wants to fill her life with anything distracting, even at the expense of telling untruths.



The retired neighbours came over, and let us know that our daughter (sometimes my son who followed her in) would tell them 'oh Daddy locked us out - can we eat something?'. They were concerned and voiced many of the different concerns I have read above... After a conversation which started so heated from their end, they realised that as well as all the issues and stress happening at home, my daugthers depression and our fight to get her more professional support in a small town (we refuse to just medicate her at this point), that the only time the front door is locked so their Dad could go to the bathroom and our infant and house would be safe - and they were aware our side gate was always unlocked because that is where we herd their chickens each time they escape from their own yard! They let us know they felt imposed on, we were not aware of this as there had been so many times they had asked our kids over to play with them and/or their grandchildren, and also did not know our daughter was 'stopping in' on her way home (again, from four houses away).



We listened to them, we didn't necessarily agree with everything they said, and we always kept things calm. We've changed things around with how the kids get to their friends place - and have been stricter with the kids whilst playing outside. We could have called the Dept of Childrens services on other families whose children come over unannounced, but instead we took the time to help out with the kids even tho we struggle in every way including with my health problems, got to know the children's parents and found out what was REALLY going on with them and they found out what was really going on with our family. A lot more peace in the neighbourhood - although we still struggle with the extreme anxieties and outbursts from our daughter in our own home.



I just wonder if there was anything you could do to actually help out? If you could look into some support services details you could pass onto them? or make more structured times they could come over and play... there are so many things you could do that call the police and Childrens services... That's just my opinion - if we could put ourselves in others shoes, if we could be more understanding and open instead of helpful etc - we can teach people more through our behaviour that just turning away because it isn't our problem to deal with.



You will do as you fell best of course - just want to add my opinion as I assumed that is why you put this up in a forum for responses. Hope whatever you do is best for all of you involved :)

Jessy - posted on 02/22/2012

a fence of some type is a good idea, whether its wood or plants. if they come over, return them home immediately and tell the kids that your house means your rules.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 02/21/2012

We had 3 teenagers hanging around our pool at 3am one night. The neigbours dogs started barking and the kids jumped our fence. I heard comotion and ran out on our deck (backyard). I could hear the little (big actually) buggers running down the road, my neighbour came out and said that he seen them in our yard and he thought they may be trying to break in! I jumped in my truck (with my PJ's on) and searched the streets around my house for them, I didn't find them but I had an idea of where they went. There is a trail with a bunch of tree's at the end of our road (right by our house), they like hangin out in there. I pulled my truck up to it, shined my high beams in the trees and yelled "If you fuckers ever come in my yard again I will skin you alive!".... Never had a problem again. However, we found out the next day that a 4 wheeler was stolen down the street and they more than likely were a part of that and were running through our yard to get away. Little shits! I don't put up with anything! ;)



Another time some teens thought it would be cool to play nickie nickie nine door at midnight. It scared the crap out of my husband and I (our dog freaked). My husband ran in the garage grabbed a bat and chased them down the street. When he caught up to them he said "Which one of you think it is fuckin funny to be banging on my door?" They all apologized and that was the end of that.. LOL



BTW - we live in a very safe neighbourhood, as safe as it can be in a large city.... But you will have these buggers anywhere. Boredom will get the best of them. It's actually a bit funny now... hahahaa

Barbara - posted on 02/21/2012

get a big dog! and a fence or maybe have a party in their yard a very noisy party. good luck x

Sherry - posted on 02/20/2012

I can't stand negligent parents who are defensive and think because they share a neighborhood with you, that their children can run amuck. I would write a note and have it notarized and you sign it, telling the other parents to keep their children reigned in on their own property and out of yours or you were getting the police involved. And inform them that the next time their child just walked in without knocking, you would call the police. Yes, they will probably be very angry, but when you confronted them they were angry anyway. This way, they know you are serious. Oh, and should they not keep their kid wrangled in their own yard, write down each occurance and the other parents reactions to your request.



One more thing, if you don't already, get no trespassing signs!

Heaven - posted on 02/16/2012

My Mom had that problem in the last neighborhood she moved out of. The offending mother wasn't even a neighbor; she lived at the complete other end of the street and simply let her kids go anywhere and do anything they wanted. One day her 2 year old almost drown in my Mom's small(foot deep and 2x3ft) goldfish pond. Had she not been on the way out to tend her garden at the time the poor little girl would have died. =/



I'd say you should get a "Keep Out" sign and get the police involved. If you don't and something happens to one of her kids on your property then she can take you to court get you put in jail, get your own kids taken away and generally ruin your life. Don't give her the opportunity and, most of all, don't let her kids suffer because of her.



Edit(after reading some replies): DO NOT be afraid to involve the authorities. If her children get hurt on your property YOU WILL be the one held responsible. Yes, she might get some neglect charges but you having never done anything recordable in the local authority database to prevent it from happening will label you just as responsible as she and you can lose your children as a result of her neglect. It's better to be scrutinized a little more closely than to lose your precious children because one of hers was hurt or killed on your property while you were unaware of their presence. Also if you don't have a fence, get one along with that Keep Out sign. You need to take these three steps to protect yourself from legal action should harm come to her children on your property.

Deborah - posted on 02/12/2012

@Sherri - you've NEVER had a water fight? Ever? Super Soakers/Water guns are TOYS for KIDS. How is it mean to play with a kid?



Using them on kids isn't hurtful or bad... maybe in the winter time it'd be mean but seriously, how is it any different than running through a sprinkler in the summer time? or playing on a slip and slide? or any of the other HUNDRED products they have made intended for water use?? oh no! they got wet! they're going to melt! Water stains, you know, it never dries, not even in the dryer!! (*Sarcasm here*)



And as for being 'assault', they walked onto your property in the midst of a water-fight... can't prove you weren't having one, can you?



My attempt was to be more amusing than a 'real' solution to the problem though.



Lighten up.

Sherri - posted on 02/11/2012

Samantha I seriously doubt that applies to 3yr old little kids.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/11/2012

Here in BC I just use my husband. We had a neighbour's kids messing around on our patio and looking into our bedroom window. He pulled on a pair of shorts, went out side and yelled 'What the fuck do you think you're doing?!'



Those kids never messed with our apartment again. Of course we did talk to their mom as well.

Samantha - posted on 02/11/2012

I'd take a water gun over a real gun....some states have those "castle" laws, shoot first ask questions later.

Pilvikki - posted on 02/10/2012

this reminds me... some 35 years ago hubby had friends who lived up the street from us. he'd walk into their house, say "what are you watching that crap for?" and switch the channels. they thought it funny.



their 3 kids would come over and raid our fridge... totally out of control. they thought it funny.



anyway, their youngest was 3 and allowed to roam as she pleased. i was doing the dishes one day when i saw her walking between the houses and into the empty fields behind the last house on the street. before i caught up with her, she had covered some serious real estate.



i brought her back home and her mother said "SHE'S ALWAYS DOING THAT!"



moral of the story: you can't teach a dolphin to type. you neighbours are trying to put the responsilibity of their kids on you. [and possibly your other neighbours as well.]



don't let them!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/10/2012

LOl you know we've all THOUGHT of doing it at one point or another Sherri :)

Sherri - posted on 02/10/2012

I just can't believe you would even contemplate doing that to little kids Deborah. More than a little speechless. You are an adult they are little kids.

Stifler's - posted on 02/10/2012

It's technically assault

Deborah - posted on 02/10/2012

Super soakers. Squirt 'em when they walk into your property. Winter or Summer.



It's not assault, it's freaking water. IF the mom comes over hollering, squirt her too.



Water balloons work well too, but those can hurt...



Edit: Fill them with Ice water.

Pilvikki - posted on 02/08/2012

don't plant anything, the plants would never survive! put up a sturdy 6' fence and get a large dog!

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 02/08/2012

Give the kids a nice bag of dog shit to bring home, tell her it is a gift for her Mom and Dad.... The nerve of some parents! My goodness....

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 02/08/2012

My daughter was taught that if the blinds are closed and the lights are off that you leave people alone. Seems that this mom needs to teach that to her children along with boundaries or someone's going to be arrested for breaking an entry later on in life.



My advice would be to go over to the mom again and tell her that her children aren't welcome to your house anymore and you're not a source of free babysitting

Elena - posted on 02/08/2012

You shouldn't fear calling the cops or cps. Bottonline is that you have an unattended child wandering around and entering your home. Calling the cops or cps is very reasonable. Just make sure you do it the next time this child wanders into your home.

Donna - posted on 02/08/2012

Our neighborhood has a lot of kids that walk to each others houses and yards to play. We have a basketball goal and several other outdoor play structures that all of the kids are welcome to play on and the same is true with most of the other neighbors. Maybe your neighbors are used to living in that type of friendly enviornment as opposed to one where everyone is so strict about trespassing and they don't see it as a problem. I would try explaining your view before doing anything drastic. I have never had kids come into my house without knocking, but I have toddlers, so the outside doors are ALWAYS locked to keep them in and to keep everyone else out.



I would be VERY careful about calling the police or CPS. I had a friend who did in a similar situation and what she found out was she wasn't such a perfect mom herself. The neighbor in question began taking video, pics and notes of anything she saw her doing that might be deemed unsafe (letting kids play too near the road, riding the mower with their dad, playing with stray dog, etc....) and she ended up being the one that CPS was investigating. Most of us wouldn't be "perfect" parents if being watched under a microscope and that is what you are setting yourself up for if you get the authorities involved.

Sherri - posted on 02/08/2012

I have to admit I did not read all the posts here but I would like to point out that I can see both sides. My father was a crazy person and didn't like anyone, including kids, even just walking through his yard, even if it was Halloween. Now I admit this is not what you are talking about but I just don't see why it is such a bad thing to let children play in your yard especially when you have children yourself. My neighbors, including the adults, play in my yard all the time and I have no problem with this. After all, how can you toss a football if both of you have to be in the same yard? Or how can a young child ride a bike if they cannot use my driveway as well as theirs?



However, walking into your house without knocking is just rude and I agree you have every right to take measures to stop this. If the mother cannot have an adult conversation about this and reach a mutual agreement, maybe you will need to get the police involved. Though my experience is that many police downplay what they consider domestic disputes between neighbors. They will more than likely just issue a warning.

Shani - posted on 02/08/2012

They are trespassing! If they dont leave as you request them, call the police. Then put up a fence to keep them out

Maria - posted on 02/08/2012

The only way to resolve the problem , is to put a six foot fence around your property with a lock on it . Maria from sheffield .

Maria - posted on 02/08/2012

My friend is having the same problem , the kids are always walking in her house and are at her house more than at there own home , there mother has a split personality and they have come to blows a few times , when her kids have said things that they have twisted to make my friend look bad . The best way to handle this is to put a 6 foot fence around your property with a lock on it it's the only way you are going to stop them coming on to your garden and walking in your house .

Jenni - posted on 02/07/2012

Oh I live in a court full of neighbours who refuse to look after their kids! The would ride their bike around our cars parked under the carport and all cars were parked in our property. They refuse to move for oncoming cars because they want to stand in the middle of the road. They harassed me 20 times in 10mins when I came home with a newborn! So I understand completely lol My husband spoke to one mother about her sweet non lying girl who I would be so happy to smash her face into the concrete (if I didn't go to jail lol) and she seemed to keep her distance yet bully her friends to do her work. I've threaten I will call the police if they do it again which has helped a little, yet I went to one of the other mum (ring leaders child) and explained to her that we have been constantly harassed by her son since we moved in (I kept it calm and cool) and we have never seen him since. I have reported to the police of the group of them threatening to burn my car and flicking his lighter at me. Take notes, detail records are important in a court of law, I even recorded on my phone (at their peak). If you won the house I would put up fence and gate to lock them out and get a big dog lol They are now in their teens and tend to leave us alone more (except think it's ok to chat in the middle of the road- hey I'm happy to run them over lol the mother is obviously not going to give you any support so it's up to you and your husband and lock your front door please! Not just to keep these kids (who sound like protentinal) out burglaries and murderers! Goodluck

Synthia - posted on 02/07/2012

Fence? or i agree call the cops the next time the enter your home uninvited.

Lorri - posted on 02/07/2012

Fences make good nieghbors ,The next time one of thier children wander into your home politly phone the police and tell them an unattened child has entered your home believe me they'll come take care of it .By the way if you try to make a border out of plants expect to have your plants destroyed.unless you have legal property lines nieghbors do tend to drift.I put up with a whole year of big machines going through my back yard because I thought I would be nice enough to let them add on to thier house.I didn't relize this ment an 8 o'clock wake up daily including some sundays.I love my nieghbors but we keep our distance.

Otillua - posted on 02/07/2012

if it was me id be reporting them to dss

Elena - posted on 02/07/2012

I agree with Megan. Call the cops and cps. Just explain the situation. I'm pretty sure that the cops will side with you =)

Megan - posted on 02/07/2012

I had the same problem with a 5 yr old that lived next door. I ended up calling the police and cps. And the little girl is now adopted into a great family and she is happy healthy and still hugs me whenever I see her (she's 12 now) Get their name address and the names of the kids and call CPS if they come over again. I would hate to start a neighbor war but they can't be allowed to wander all over the place and make themselves at home on your property. To avoid any retaliation you may want to take the child back home and knock on the door and tell the parents if you find their children in your yard or in your house one more time without permission the authorities will be called and they will be called without warning for any occurrence from that point on. You have to put your foot down and be the mean neighbor mom especially if their kids won't listen to you when you tell them they are not allowed over.

Sherry - posted on 02/07/2012

Yeah, put hedges or a fence up. There's nothing you can do to make your neighbors change the way they are. It's best just not to have anything to do with them.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 02/06/2012

I'd be marching the kid(s) right back to where they came from and having a nice stern talk with the parents. If it happened again, I would be contacting the authorities. That is uncalled for. The poor kid, it tells me they are not being cared for properly. I would be monitoring, when I could, want goes on over there. SS just may need to get involved. Sounds like very careless, neglectful parents indeed.... Maybe a good ass whooping to the parents would show them you are serious! LOL Goodness, if someones kid walked into my house and said their dad told them to come over, there'd be some shit hitting the fan and it would be their fan! ;) That is so uncalled for. Sorry you have to deal with such idiotic neighbours!

Nancy - posted on 02/06/2012

Plant thorny bushes as a boundry.