How do you deal with your 4 year olds lies?

Deanna - posted on 08/20/2010

IF my children lie they go to the corner immediately. We don't tolerate lies in our family.

JuLeah - posted on 08/17/2010

It is normal for four year olds to lie - they can't really tell lie from truth, lie from what they wish, lie from what they imagine .... it is confusing to learn, as we ask them to lie all the time, "Tell your sister you are sorry" (they are not sorry) "Tell Grandma you love her" maybe in that moment he doesn't want to say it and doesn't mean it "Tell Uncle you love the gift he gave you" (maybe he doesn't)

In the 4 year old brain, if you say something, it is real - when he play 'dragon' he is really a dragon for that moment .... he will learn in time, but understand he has no morals or values attached to this, a lie is a means to an end, nothing more.

Sandra - posted on 08/17/2010

Thank you guys! To make it clear, I am not trying to discipline him, that is his dad`s job! But I want and need him to understand that the same rules aply to all of the children (I have a 13 year old daughter and we have a 1 year old son).
I think I would not make such a big deal out of things, but I think we need to put down the rules, since the littlest one will not undertand later as to why things are different when brother is there for the weekend. I am afraid his mom is not big about rules, so that makes it extra hard. I am sure with some things he is just trying to see how far he can go.

Jodi - posted on 08/01/2010

Can I just clarify, is he saying he is allowed to chew gum all night at his mum's house because you tell him he can't ("well, my mum lets me...")? I know that one. I am also a step parent, and my husband and I used to get that from my step son. We have a standard response....the rules in this house are our rules, not your mum's rules. You can follow her rules at her house, but not at our house. Ok, so it's a lie, but I think you should instead focus on your house rules, vs. mum's house rules. He will eventually get the message. Right now, he is playing you against his mum. Just don't give into it.



I also agree with the others, you need to involve dad in this too. Eventually he will realise that you are a team, and that neither of you are going to budge on YOUR house rules, and he will stop with the lying to avoid them.



And it is normal for all kids this age to lie. Around here, they get in more trouble for lying about something than for the act itself :)

Amy - posted on 08/01/2010

My 4 year old went through this as well! He would lie over little things, like "I didn't take the gum out of my mouth" when I was looking at him as he was putting it back in his mouth. Whenever he lied I told him that we don't lie about things and that telling the truth was better, and by telling the truth he wouldn't get in as much trouble as he would by lieing. After a couple months it stopped as quickly as it started, probably because he realized he got in a lot mire trouble for not telling the truth!

Bo Lynn - posted on 08/01/2010

Have his dad talk to him about it. You being a step-parent, he probably doesn't care much what you say because he knows that you're not his real mom (and I'm not trying to be rude about it). As long as he knows you and his father are on the same team he'll realize he can't get around you either. But I would leave the punishment up to his dad. Tell the boy that you don't quite believe what he says and you both should ask his dad about how he feels about it. When he sees your teamwork, then you can start to talk to your hubby about ways you both can work on getting his son to respect you as an adult and as a person that cares very much about him.