How do you discipline your 7 year old when they do not ever listen?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kristy - posted on 04/02/2009

6

23

1

Ok well I can say that you are headed in the right direction. You have to be firm with her, when my 7 year old acts up all I have to do is give her a look and she is ok, I feel if I have to tell her over and over again then its time for a nap, and its not a threat. I send her to take a nap and a lot of times she dont go to sleep, she talks to herself, but she stay in there and I have my time, other times she's out like a lite. Be hard on little girls and harder on boys They will not get the chance to run you over, you are the parent and she is getting over on you, remember what it was like to be grounded when you was a child, think about how you was raised, give them some of that or take some of that. You have to learn something everyday with a young child, they are sneaky. Just like we used to be

Shelagh - posted on 04/04/2009

312

0

19

As a parent, and a teacher, I would say that the most important thing is to make sure you have eye contact when you want to communicate with 'Planet Seven Year Old'. Use the three times rule - ask once, nicely ('Could you tidy your bricks up please'), ask once firmly ('Tidy your bricks up now please'), and then tell them what to do ('Tidy your bricks now'). Every time, make eye contact (it's extremely easy for a child to pretend they haven't heard if they haven't looked at you). Make your requests reasonable and achievable - 'Tidy your bricks', not 'Tidy your toys' - far too big and daunting a task. And model the behaviour you want - start to put a few bricks away, smiling and encouraging as you go. And when the job is done, don't forget to say thank you.

Maria - posted on 04/03/2009

72

13

4

Quoting Lisa:



I only wish time out had worked for my kids - they never argued and just did it, so it was pointess. So, it made me get creative.  EX> If they fought to much I would make them sit on the couch together and lovingly hold hands, do the old fashioned writing sentences (my glory was throwing it in the woodstove when they were done),  sometimes I will pull  a temertantrum (even in public) to let them see what they look like. They Hate that and it drives the point home.  My daughter slammed her door in my face (bad :(  so, I calmly took it off and stored it away - it took her 3 months to get it back, oh and if she put something up in her door I would take it down. We haven't slammed since.  It isn't about winning so much boundries. 






Lisa - you are my kind of MOM!  I have, on many occasions, pulled the tantrum game in public.  I have to remember the door idea - brilliant!

Lisa - posted on 04/03/2009

15

14

0

I only wish time out had worked for my kids - they never argued and just did it, so it was pointess. So, it made me get creative.  EX> If they fought to much I would make them sit on the couch together and lovingly hold hands, do the old fashioned writing sentences (my glory was throwing it in the woodstove when they were done),  sometimes I will pull  a temertantrum (even in public) to let them see what they look like. They Hate that and it drives the point home.  My daughter slammed her door in my face (bad :(  so, I calmly took it off and stored it away - it took her 3 months to get it back, oh and if she put something up in her door I would take it down. We haven't slammed since.  It isn't about winning so much boundries. 

Lisa - posted on 04/03/2009

15

14

0

Simple, calmly, No means No. Not maybe or later it means No. Follow through - if you say your going to do it, then do it.... And don't give silly threats that you know you would never, never do.  Talk to her not at her. Most kids are looking for a reaction so if you don't react negatively (what they want) then you can work on it together.  Give her options, meaning ex: if you do ( what ever) then this is what is going to happen (no tv, etc) [punishment needs to fit crime] so you can chose to stop and settle down or be punished. Then she is making the choice, sort-of. I'm not saying it will always go smoothly but it works - screaming doesn't solve anything.  My sister gave me this tool years ago and so far it has worked wonders. I do this by myself 1/2 a month since my husband ships out.  Good luck.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

27 Comments

View replies by

Ghazala - posted on 09/11/2012

5

0

0

mY SON IS 11 YEARS OLD AND DAUGHTER IS 8 YEARS OLD. dUAGHTER IS VERY WELL BEHAVED AND FULLY MANNERIZED WHILE BOY IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. HE BEHAVES BADLY OFTEN. HE IS NOT WELL ORGANIZED AS WELL AS NOT MANNERIZED.

HE STOP TALKING TO ME OFTEN I REALLY UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND? I M V UPSET ABT IT.

Ghazala - posted on 09/11/2012

5

0

0

mY SON IS 11 YEARS OLD AND DAUGHTER IS 8 YEARS OLD. dUAGHTER IS VERY WELL BEHAVED AND FULLY MANNERIZED WHILE BOY IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. HE BEHAVES BADLY OFTEN. HE IS NOT WELL ORGANIZED AS WELL AS NOT MANNERIZED.

HE STOP TALKING TO ME OFTEN I REALLY UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND? I M V UPSET ABT IT.

Ghazala - posted on 09/11/2012

5

0

0

mY SON IS 11 YEARS OLD AND DAUGHTER IS 8 YEARS OLD. dUAGHTER IS VERY WELL BEHAVED AND FULLY MANNERIZED WHILE BOY IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. HE BEHAVES BADLY OFTEN. HE IS NOT WELL ORGANIZED AS WELL AS NOT MANNERIZED.

HE STOP TALKING TO ME OFTEN I REALLY UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND? I M V UPSET ABT IT.

Ghazala - posted on 09/11/2012

5

0

0

mY SON IS 11 YEARS OLD AND DAUGHTER IS 8 YEARS OLD. dUAGHTER IS VERY WELL BEHAVED AND FULLY MANNERIZED WHILE BOY IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. HE BEHAVES BADLY OFTEN. HE IS NOT WELL ORGANIZED AS WELL AS NOT MANNERIZED.

HE STOP TALKING TO ME OFTEN I REALLY UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND? I M V UPSET ABT IT.

Ghazala - posted on 09/11/2012

5

0

0

mY SON IS 11 YEARS OLD AND DAUGHTER IS 8 YEARS OLD. dUAGHTER IS VERY WELL BEHAVED AND FULLY MANNERIZED WHILE BOY IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. HE BEHAVES BADLY OFTEN. HE IS NOT WELL ORGANIZED AS WELL AS NOT MANNERIZED.

HE STOP TALKING TO ME OFTEN I REALLY UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND? I M V UPSET ABT IT.

Rachelle - posted on 05/30/2012

2

3

0

Has it gotten better? Or am I in for really long haul with my son who is exactly the same way! And I have also done the time-outs with only books, taken toys out of the room. It's just like he doesn't care. :-/

User - posted on 03/22/2012

1

0

0

Wow.... I could have written this post!!!! You must e talking about MY daughter who is seven (eight in July)!!!

Sandra - posted on 04/03/2009

4

17

0

After raising 4 bio children and several foster children I have found that the most important thing with discipline is to ouline clear consequences to the child (both positive and negative) than BE SURE TO ENFORCE THOSE CONSEQUENCES EVERY TIME. Once the child feels secure that you will keep your word things begin to calm themselves with only an occasional testing of the boundaries.

Maria - posted on 04/03/2009

72

13

4

Take their stuff. Seriously. Sounds extreme but if you have an extreme kid... this was recomended by my sister's Pedi when my nephew was out of control. They took everything out of his room - I mean everything. Left him with white sheets and a plain blanket. Everyday he was good he was allowed to go to the closet and choose one of his things to return to his room. If he misbehaved, he lost 2. This was the beginning of the house rules change. After everything was removed, the rules were laid down and followed. This was a good technique for a household which may be "loosey goosey" with rules up until then, where the act of emptying the room marked the start of serious business. Taking one thing here and there doesn't have much impact when they have a roomfull of other stuff.



The bottom line is each kid has their own trigger. My daughter - it's Mom time, or not being a part of things - she's highly social. Sending her to her room, taking away a playdate, or cancelling special time with Mom impacts her - and thats what works for her. If I stripped her room of everything but still allowed her social freedom - it wouldn't effect her.



You know your kid. Don't be afraid to push her buttons.

Christy - posted on 04/03/2009

13

36

0

I highly recommend the Love and Logic concept. There is also an awesome book out called "Loving Our Kids on Purpose" that follows this concept.

Check it out and let me know what you think.

Crystal - posted on 04/03/2009

19

38

0

7 minutes in time out, even if it takes 7 hrs of putting him back in the corner.  Very frustrating, but rewarding.

Kristy - posted on 04/02/2009

6

23

1

I like this, although I cant try that on my 7 year old LOL she will look at me crazy and laugh

Sara - posted on 04/02/2009

306

3

40

I have a 5 year old that can be very stubborn sometimes. But we've worked thru most of the troubles and only have occasional problems now. We do a lot of the same things you do - behave and you earn privileges, misbehave and you lose them. She has a behavior chart that she can go up and down on depending on how she acts (I try and catch her being good as much as possible) and that helped us a lot.



One thing that caught my attention is the length of the time out. Generally speaking, most "experts" recommend 1 minute for every year of age. One hour seems pretty excessive to me. A time out is supposed to be a chance for the child to calm down and change the behavior or adjust the attitude. It seems if it goes on that long, she probably is way past even thinking about what she did wrong. Just a thought.



I'm also thinking it might be a bit much to expect her to always do something the first time she's told/asked. I know my daughter needs a reminder several times a day. She's younger, but I also taught middle school for 7 years and even my 7th and 8th graders needed to be asked more than once sometimes. It can be frustrating - I know I think the same thing sometimes "why don't you just do what I ask, the first time I ask it, and we'd all be much happier!?!?" but keep in mind why she didn't do what you asked. If she is defying you and choosing not to, it's very different than just getting distracted and forgetting, so your reaction should match the situation.

Good luck!

Theresa - posted on 04/02/2009

2

24

0

Thank you...These are all good things. If I tell her to do something, and she does not do it, we don't get to do fun things like go to the movies, play with friends, ect. I have been putting her in time out for an hour, and grounding her to her room for an hour with only books. I took all her toys out of her room.  It is just frustrating sometimes because maybe I don't give her enough positive attention, but I think that consistency is key, and at her age, I don't think it is to much to ask her to do something like clean her room or brush her teeth.  I feel like I should never have to tell her anything more than once......Reward for good behavior, and for bad behavior she suffers the concequences....Sometimes it is just frustraing!!!!

Jody - posted on 04/02/2009

2

23

0

If they wanted to be treated like a baby i tell my daughter that i will put her back in nappies - and she will not get the thing that she like eg lollies and watching tv and stuff like that , i find that works well

Kendall - posted on 04/02/2009

22

96

1

we have a 6 year old daughter soon to be 7 that has the same issue, we started by taking things away that she treasured then we got more frustrated to the point that now we ground her is she acts out of control, that seems to be working as she loves to go to her friends houses. hope this helps you out.

Kristy - posted on 04/02/2009

6

23

1

Good advice, I wish it was that easy with every kid, but I feel that if all mothers stick together, we can raise a health child. Ladies remember, it takes a village to raise a child

Kirsty - posted on 04/02/2009

15

16

3

hi i have just completed a course in understanding childrens behaviour and have been shown to make clear house rules and use actions and consiquence so when the child does miss behave use clam down which is between 30 seconds to 2 mins at max where you tell the child before hand if they miss behave that you will place them in clam down where you sit them next to you and once they have clamed down you start timing so with my son if he is shouting etc his time dosnt start untill he stops then he has to be clam for 30 seconds then just let him get back to what he was doing before he started miss behaving and if you are consitstant with it it does work and the time it takes them to clam down will decrease after time also a major part of the course was learning to look for good behaviour and PRAISE PRASIE PRASIE and we have been doing this for 10 weeks now and it works. hope this has been a help

Kristy - posted on 04/02/2009

6

23

1

when you have a little boy at that age, the best thing is to allow him to go so far, but give him room to get TOUGH. He will grow up to respect you and the ladies, just hold on so much, give him the space that you wanted but watch him closely. Allow the girls and boys to be close to him and you get close to them.

LeeAnna - posted on 04/02/2009

116

18

25

no idea but if you find out please let me know my son is 7 going to be 8 next month and hes a demon lol

Kristy - posted on 04/02/2009

6

23

1

You can always tell that 7 year old to stop acting like she wants to be a big girl and start acting like one. Make her feel like she is a baby. Then do big girl things in front of her and when she say that she wants  to go and wants whatever you have, tell her, you have to act like a big girl.



 



Then you can say that old fashion saying to her, I want a big girl who likes to listen to do what ever it is she likes to do or where she likes to go. If that dont work, ignor her until you ready to show off some steam.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms