Erin - posted on 06/20/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )
I got a debilitating illness at the same time I discovered I was pregnant. My partner and I discussed it and decided we wanted to go through with the pregnancy as we were engaged, wanted a family one day, and given my fertility issues we may never have the chance again. He knew and agreed that he would help me with household chores and taking care of the baby. We moved in with my parents when she was born so that I would have the extra help whenever I needed to recover from surgeries or was too ill. The entire 8 months he would help on occasion, but I was still exhausted from the late night feedings and very sick in the mornings. My family had to leave for work and school, but he would simply not wake up even after me practically punching him awake. We were both not working and he would sleep the entire day leaving me to clean up after 8 people, and care for the baby alone. He promised that once we moved 8 hours away to be near his parents (I wasn't getting along with mine) that he would pitch in as he was sleeping so much from being depressed over the situation with my parents. Well she is 13 months now and it has gotten even worse. Where we would take turns with tasks once he had bothered to get up, now I was expected to do everything by myself, clean up after and cook for him while he got a 15 hour sleep every night and then played on the computer all day as my health became worse and worse. I have tried yelling, talking, discussing my issues, even letting him take her for a week while I was out of town for surgery to see how hard it is and nothing works. He says he understands my frustration and that he will try harder, but when I ask him to take her one morning, take out the garbage, or let me have a nap its a huge fight or it just never happens. If he says he will let me take a nap he brings the baby in every time she cries. I am about ready to kill him, or myself. Short of leaving (which would cause even more problems with custody and getting separate monies) I have no clue what to do. All I expect is that he clean up after himself and take over the occasional morning wake up call or feeding when I am really ill. It's not like he is doing anything else anyway as he is still not working while waiting to go back to college in Jan. I get around 4 hours of sleep and have lost about 15 lbs from simply not having the time to feed myself. Any suggestions?