How do you get teenagers to pick up after themself and pick in to around the house

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

18 Comments

View replies by

Deborah - posted on 01/31/2009

1

3

0

Quoting Isabell:

How do you get teenagers to pick up after themself and pick in to around the house




When you find out, let me know...  They seem to only do things when there's something in it for them...  Deb J

Sarah - posted on 01/31/2009

3

6

0

My kids must do house cleaning every saturday. They have until noon to complete them. If they don't they don't get paid, but still have to get them done before any going out, computer or TV.

Isabell - posted on 01/30/2009

19

0

3

I want to thank all the responses.  The teenagers  are 18 year old 22 years old and 23 years old..When they were toddlers they did more and I had time to make sure their chores were done.  Now as adults  children  they seem to have no time for chores or even to pick up their stuff when left were it doesn't belong> I have thought of letting them pay  for maid mom services,  but unfortunately husband didn't agree.  I was wondering if someone has an idea on this issue.

Anne - posted on 01/30/2009

4

10

0

It is so nice to have teenagers confirming that that structure and consequence for inaction works. It has worked with my son so far, he was suprised that I was so willing to buy him some of the games he wanted after refusing to do so while he was younger. What he did not know is that I was empowering myself so I had leverage for when I needed it and it has worked so well. When he begins to laag behind I confiscate the games for a period that i know he will miss it and I tell you it works like magic. He usually will do whatever it is immediately and offer to do more so he can get it back immediately but I always stick to my guns and it has become less and less that he falls out of the band wagon. I guess the older they become the more careless they become but I am motivated and ready to engage him to help him stay on the straight and narrow. Before you all mothers think I am a slave driver, i am so not, i am the most reasonable mother you will find but I too can stick to my guns like a statue and refuse to give in when I know it is the right thing to do.

Fontea - posted on 01/30/2009

8

27

1

l think its harder to get them to pick up when they are teenagers they need to start picking up after themselves when they are little .the sooner they learn the easier for all. our 5 kids had to do it even when they could not talk we would help them put away and say pack up when your finished.always told them what a good job.As teenagers no probs i noticed they do the same to their children.rewarding younger children also helped. good luck

Hayley - posted on 01/30/2009

49

20

2

i've started early with my babies, they pack up after themselves at 5yrs and 21mths.I am crossing my fingers like made hoping it never changes. I use the tough stance, if it's not packed away after they have used it then it gets taken away for a day. If it's not packed away a second time, it goes in the bin or to 'someone who cares about and appreciates their things'. (important stuff i have really kept but they dont know that). For your teens, maybe get a large plastic storage container and whatever you see that they havent picked up, put it in there, by the end of the day or week or by rubbish collection day, if it's not been taken out of the box and packed away, then it goes in the bin or to the op-shop/charity, including car keys, wallets, homework assignments, clothes...the lot...be tough and definitely dont go buying the replacements for them...let them work for them. (obviously you can really hide their important stuff like keys away and bring it out at a later date once they have strressed over it enough and learned a lesson.) Dont be a slave to their laziness. If the dirty clothes arent in the laundry, dont wash them and they'll soon learn the house rules if they have nothing to wear when they have somewhere special to go! But first, sit them down and lay down the rules. Teach them to respect you and all that you have done for them and tell them your job as a parent is to teach them to be functional people in society and if they cant manage to even take care of their own things in their own home then you must have a lot of work to do still and that is pretty sad that at their age, you still have to treat them like babies and clean up after them especially when you have worked so hard for them and given all you have. Lay the guilt on them in a way...take away all their privilages if they still dont get it! It could mean more too, if your husband/partner actually talks to them and says hey listen, your mother is doing so much for you and you cant even put your stuff away. Show some respect to her or she'll have a breakdown! it's all extreme measures but you are starting late with them. They need to know if they want you to respect them, then they need to show the same care and respect to you.

Carrie - posted on 01/30/2009

1

34

0

I always like to remind my daughter of her cell phone that I so nicely pay for her to use each month. When she does not do what she needs to do around the house then she does not earn the time to use her phone. I believe phone, computer, tv, ect are things she can earn time for. I have gotten her in a routine that as soon as she gets home chores and homework must be done first then she can do what she has earned. Hope this helps!

Pamela - posted on 01/30/2009

2

12

0

Like others have said, the thing that worked with me and my brothers when we were in high school was take away the computer/tv/video games/car (if they drive)...it may not work right away but trust me it doesn't take long.

Sarah - posted on 01/30/2009

3

6

0

You have to keep at them they are just like toddlers, always pushing their limits. Don't back off. Let them know what is expected of them and don't wavier. They will get it, they will probably never convert completely but know that when they move away they will take all your lessons with them.

Larissa - posted on 01/30/2009

21

19

1

im a teenager myself n i wasnt aloud 2 go out if i didnt help do sum chores around the house

Anne - posted on 01/30/2009

4

10

0

Very true, once you define for them what you want and what they must do, just remember to be consistent even when they fuss and throw tuntrums. Refuse to engage in discussions of renegotiating your rules, unless it is discussing change of timing. When they throw tantrums dont get involved and never never loose your cool however you get tempted to, just remember your goal and stick to it. With time they will have no choice but to succumb when they see you mean business and not just acting out of emotions. However, if they persist irrespective then I think that is when the punishment will come to play, like promise to withold allowances or permission to go visit with their friends, sleep overs. You are powerful, dont let your child ever make you think otherwise or manupulate you out of your power. Use it and yes use it in love. It is tough love to do this, you will be helping your child to learn how to take care of herself and her home also once she is out of the home so do it with pride and resolve knowing you are being the best parent they will ever see or get. Go Shannon, power to mums hihihi. All the best.

Shannon - posted on 01/30/2009

2

2

0

that is great advice, and it just makes sense, we forget that they only behave the way we have allowed, and then get frustrated when they make a big deal of picking up one thing!

Anne - posted on 01/30/2009

4

10

0

It help to have a conversation with them to make them understand that they need to put in their weight in the house and you are by no means a housemaid. Teenagers are not children, they know when they are being unreasonable and if you dont say or make them see it they will tend to just misuse you and refuse to stop and deal with the guilt of knowing they are misusing their mom or dad in picking after them. Also put your foot down in laying down your hygiene ground rules in the house so they know they have either to chose to do it or they are going to do it because it is the rule in the house. You want your house in order and they can wait to mess up thier room or house once they are out of the home but as long as they are in your home they will treat it with respect. However I must say if you did not get this things in place already until now they are teenagers then you have a heavy haul to pull to get them on the straight band wagon. I wish you all the best, it is possible.

Karon - posted on 01/30/2009

1

1

0

Quoting Isabell:

How do you get teenagers to pick up after themself and pick in to around the house



Only had this conversation with my friend this am!!!!  Told her I feel totally to blame cos he is nearly 17 and I still mother?smother him.....!!!!! Then expect when I feel I need help keeping on top of things I expect him to just change a habit and help....Not a good example....



My advice is to from an early age include your kids in the general running of the house, NOT taking advantage as I know some people do (close to home) but just regular 'chores'....You will be grateful of the help when they are a little older and also it really does make them a more independent person....



My plan is now to start doing what I should have done sooner...not treating him like a baby but I know I must remember that I have to 'train' him....and change his attitude as well as my own..



Good Luck xxx

Gayle - posted on 01/30/2009

1

3

0

take away things they enjoy if they dont help,  your the parent, use your authority. Have you had them help since little ? they get used to the routine then... I would take away 1 thing that they enjoy, no help - another, and continue that way, even grounding them! and make sure you carry out your threats, otherwise they wont learn, and  make it that they help regularly, not just once in a blue moon.

Cleo - posted on 01/30/2009

5

50

1

very hard i try and use there computers say not pc/wii etc if there items r not picked up

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms