how do you handle sibling rivalry?

Rachel - posted on 03/24/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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i have 2 boys, ages 8 and 10. at times they play so well together, but most of the time, they are fighting. they fight over everything from toys to who got more potatoes. when i say fight, i mean hitting each other, biting, kicking, the works. their dad is hardly ever around, so he blames me for losing control of them. i don't know what to do! i'll take any advice, please!

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Iridescent - posted on 03/24/2010

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We sat down with our 8 and 10 year old about a year ago and discussed this with them. We are estranged from most of our extended family due to how abusive they are, just as a background note. I asked them each if they honestly love each other. They said yes. Then I said, with the way they are acting, they are both unhappy. They agreed. They were fighting all the time. They were mean to each other and insulting. I asked them if they wanted to have a friend as a brother when they grow up, or if they'd rather have a family like mine, with nobody to talk to or depend on when you really do need it. They said they wanted the friend choice. I told them that they are getting to the age now, where how they behave will turn into the adults they will be one day. Behaving hatefully will make that type of adult, and if it's not what they wanted, they needed to change it NOW. That made sense to them, and although we still have typical fights, it's not day-in day-out fighting. Now it only takes a little reminder of that conversation to get them back on track.

Dree - posted on 03/24/2010

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LOL when you figure this one out please let me know. I have a daughter that just turned 17 last week and a son that will be 15 next month. They still argue and "hate" eachother!!

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