How do you know when you are done having children?

Patty - posted on 10/10/2009 ( 33 moms have responded )

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I already have three children but I am wondering whether I should have a fourth. I am torn and will be 40 soon. How does a person make such a huge decision when time is running out?

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Sari - posted on 10/11/2009

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well if you dont and you feel you should it will always be there with you for the rest off your life . i experienced this too had another child our forth and yes it was harder than the first as you have the demands off the others however this baby is now 15 and he is the best gift off our lives !!! go for it !!!!

Shavone - posted on 04/14/2013

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I'm also ready to have another baby. I have three children and cant wait till I have another one... I'm not near 40 but I'm married and able to give a another child love. I'm not sure how I am going to tell my family.

Sheri L - posted on 10/10/2009

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That is a very personal question. In that there is not one answer that covers everyone. You and your husband are the only ones who can answer for you. It is best to stop because you both decide (or feel) that you are done. If you are stopped by 'outside forces' there will always be a part of you that doesn't quite fell 'complete'.

I have five girls, the first was born before I turned 30. Their brother died in the womb at four months, just before my 37th birthday. I had another mis-carriage after our last daughter was born. A few months after that I had a heart attack @ 42 years of age. I was told not to get pregnant because my heart could not take the stress. I would have felt much better about the decision if it had been ours to make. Belive me, we have enough going on with the 5 girls. But I still wonder, now and again, what if.....

[deleted account]

Quoting Erin:

i find the comments "if u have it n your heart..." how would one not find room in their heart 4 more? ESPECIALLY your own children???



A heart is big enough to love many and always room for more.



"If you have it in your heart", For me personally that comment meant you have an empty spot in your heart, cannot imagine your life without having another and have your heart set on it.

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Lori - posted on 08/08/2012

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I am suppose to go to dr. To see if I need a hysterectomy today. It's my decision and I have a girl and a boy. I am scared what if I change my mined 1 day. It will be too late. I have prayed and I am still not sure!

A - posted on 10/11/2009

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If you and your hubby both desire to have another baby, and you're financially stable enough to care for all of you and the new baby, then go for it! It should never be anyone else's decision than your own for such a big thing. However don't feel that you have to rush into things either. If you aren't sure about it now, should you change your mind down the road, you can be pretty much any age to adopt and help a child in need of a home! (That's what my DH and I have decided to do if we decide later we want a third child) Good luck, and I know you'll make the decision that is best for you and your family!

Adrienne

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i also have 3 ,and it took me couple of yrs to think that..but one day i was absolutely sure that i do not wish to hav e anymore children, i belive u will just know..if u have any doubts about it u may want some more...

Luann - posted on 10/11/2009

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well for me it was had four children didn't want five. I had to have a hysterectomy after my fourth child people wanted to know if I was upset and that was my answer. so since you are wondering I would say you are not done.

Mimi - posted on 10/11/2009

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I think you can never have enough kids...

so my recomendation would be, go for it and have your fourth. if you dont, you might regret it later.

Sky - posted on 10/10/2009

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My husband and I decided to have 4. We only have one now and I am 21. So I have 9 years to make my other 3. I plan to be 23 when I have my 2nd.

Priscilla - posted on 10/10/2009

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I think you've answered your own question. If you are still thinking about it, then you probably aren't finished. I have three also and am presently trying to fall pregnant with my fourth and final. Yes it's a big step, bigger car etc, but time is running out, it's now or never, and if you chose never, will you be kicking yourself if you didn't atleast try for JUST ONE MORE. Best of luck, lets us know what you decide...xx

Jodi - posted on 10/10/2009

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I was 36 when I had my youngest. It was really tempting to have another one. My husband and I gave it so much consideration. In our hearts, we really wanted another one. But we really also had to look at it from a practical viewpoint. I was 36, my husband was 40. We have a blended family that already includes 4 children (2 of those children don't live with us full time, but it is still a big commitment), and we would be 60 before the youngest of them was independent. When we tossed these things around, we decided not to have any more, and just focus on giving the children we had the best of ourselves :) In many ways I am happy with that decision 4 years later. But occasionally, I look at my "baby" and have a little pang of regret......but only for a moment.

Tracy - posted on 10/10/2009

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That is something to discuss with your husband, you both have to be on the same page, My husband and I decided and we have 4 the youngest 7,we are good in the child dept. and we are both in our eary 40s

[deleted account]

You need "me" time as well. Do what your heart tells you, pray about it. If you still have a sense of longing and it's strong then I'd say have another. It gets alot harder to raise children as you get older just do to the lack of energy. My advise would be to pamper yourself, give yourself a spa day and meditate on it. Good luck!

Dee - posted on 10/10/2009

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I think you just know one day. I drove my poor husband batty until I got our fourth. I still sometimes get the urge, but its just for the stages, not another kid. GIve it thought and prayer. Imagine your life pregnant right now, or chasing a baby. Then imagine 3 being your finished number. If it makes your heart hurt to think of being done, you aren't really done.

[deleted account]

im a 20 year old mother of a boy whos a year and four months old and am 7 1/2 months pregnant.. i think having children is the most fascinating expieriance but only you can make that call about having another... i think u should have a check up with ur gp and if its ok go for it !!!!!

Olga - posted on 10/10/2009

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if in your heart your really want that fourth child then i say go for it... but if your having second thats by saying you'll be 40 soon and torn.. then maybe your realizing that you might just be too tired and already busy with three wonderful children. Like someone said below.. pray... god always gives the answers. I give props to any women with more then one child. I have one little angel and I am done. At 25 years old I made the decision that i was done... :-) ...anyway.. good luck! and wish you the best with your decision.

Aundrea - posted on 10/10/2009

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Thats a very hard question to answer...loving a child is easy. Leave it in gods hands if its meant to be then he will bless u with ur fourth child.

Lacey - posted on 10/10/2009

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I think that the fact you're asking this question seems like you're not done. If you and your husband are on the same page, I say go for it! Only you know what works for your family. Good luck!

Rebecca - posted on 10/10/2009

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HI my name is rebecca and I am having my fourth one. It is also my last one, but i asked the same thing to my mother inlaw and she said that the only person that will know is you. You know how your body is and if it would be able to handle it again. I beleave that if you actually think about the pros and cons of having another that at the end of all the pros and cons you will have your answer. Also like my mother inlaw told me you are the only one that knows your body so I would go by that. I hope this helped out if not than i am truely sorry.

[deleted account]

i find the comments "if u have it n your heart..." how would one not find room in their heart 4 more? ESPECIALLY your own children??? Anyways...I don't really have a good answer for this question :( I think you and your husband should discuss the matter and see what reasons you have for or against having another child and do what you think is best! There's a customer of mine that came in and told me his wife had their 15 year old son when she was 42!!! I can't imagine that!!! But if you would like to have another child I would try to be as healthy as possible! And he said that water aerobics totally helped her in pain with her pregnancy...



The other thing I figure is if it was meant to be you would have another child no matter what you did! I think our predestined plans play bigger parts in our lives then we would like to think!!! This is the only conclusion I can come up with to explain why some people can do everything "right" to avoid getting pregnant and still manage to get pregnant, or others who do everything "wrong" and don't! Leave it to Him and it will do what it should!!!

[deleted account]

I had my only Son at 25 years old. I'm 27 now and already I'm concerned about health issues for me and my child if I got pregnant again past 30. I love my Son dearly, I don't want to rob him of attention while he is so young (1 1/2yrs). If I do have another child it will be when he's at least in playschool (age 3). Still even then it will be a debate and a big decision.

[deleted account]

If you are healthy, can afford another, have it in your heart for more and so does your spouse, go for it! I just had my 8th baby at 40 and we are done now. I could keep going but my spouse wanted to stop at 8 and I'm fine with that. I feel very blessed for what I have.

Rebecca - posted on 10/10/2009

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Im in the same boat as you. I have a son and a daughter. I am almost 31 yrs old. My husbsnd says that he is done, although I know I could probably convince him for another. But I am really undecided if I am done. I do think if I was to have more I would have 2 more. We can definately support financially, and all that but I just wonder if I should just stick with 2 of have more...I just dont know if Im done, and I dont know how to tell if I think I am done?? Im so confused.

Angela - posted on 10/10/2009

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go with your heart i did i have four the 4 was not to happen but it was meant to be she came along she is the icing on our cake we love her

Tamzin~Rose - posted on 10/10/2009

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thats a really hard question, i guess it really depends on the person and how you feel about if you would want another, also financial situation and if you could afford it not to mention your own well being. if you already have three wonderful children do you really need another, you also should take into consideration the fact that if your coming up to forty then you would be about 60 when the child reaches 20, plus getting to 40, that age you need to start worrying about your health a little more too. things can change with health rapidly after 40, sorry im rambling. im sure you will do what you feel is best. :)

Tara - posted on 10/10/2009

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I already decided Im done after 30. I want more but im just 22 so i have 8 years. I know I want 4 and I have 2 now.

I guess you just have to ask yourself are you really done? Im sure you know what having a baby involves.

Julia - posted on 10/10/2009

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Put it in Gods hands. If he has another child for you, then you are very blessed.

Pam - posted on 10/10/2009

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im a mother of 2 girls plus i have a step daughter. i know i'm finished having my babies as my hubby n i can't see ourselves with anymore. my girls r everything to us. my hubby n i sometimes talk about having another to c if we get our son but i know that we will have 9 daughters b4 we get our son. i have to admit i sometimes have the desire for another but i think of going back to nappies bottle late nights again n i know that ia m done. my last daughter i was in labour for 54 hr 22mins so she pretty much made the decision for me.

i know a few of my friend mums have had babies in their 40s, i think they have more patience then some1 like me in their late 20s.

i guess u will know when ur clock has stopped ticking.

Andrea - posted on 10/10/2009

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You sound like one more would make you happy, But thats a good question. Im such a young mother that I cant even imagine having 3 going on 4, I'll stick with my one. But if you have the room in your heart which im sure is huge already... I think you should go for it.

Valerie - posted on 10/10/2009

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That is a very big decision! I believe that If you and your hubby want a 4th try now while you can. I also am a firm believer in prayer. Pray about it and you will know if that is part of God's plan for you to have another baby. Good luck!

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