How do you let someone know how hard being a sahm is?

Sasha - posted on 05/21/2012 ( 75 moms have responded )

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I'm 22 and have a 4yr old boy and a 2 gonna be 3 yr old boy. My boyfriend/husband always has to come home and ask me "So what did you do all day?" He see's the house is super clean, dinner is made, kids are bathed and dressed, and laundry is done... What else is he looking for me to do?? He makes me feel like I don't do anything, and he always has to shove in my face that he's the only one that makes all the money. And, it really gets me depressed and down. I do tell him that i don't like it when he says that but he just brushes it off.. What do i tell him or do to make him see how much work it is to be a stay at home mom?

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Christy - posted on 05/23/2012

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The best thing to do is go on a retreat for a weekend or even a day trip where he has responsibility for the kids all day on his own. I know sometimes this is not possible for various reasons, but if you can get him to walk a day in your shoes he will see how difficult your day actually is.

Jenn - posted on 05/23/2012

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Mine did that, too. I finally asked my husband if he thought I sat around and ate bonbons all day like Peg Bundy. He laughed until I told him I wasn't doing the dishes or taking out the trash anymore, & those became his chores. He hasn't said one peep about anything since.

Carissa - posted on 05/23/2012

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he probably will never get it but try not cleaning the house or making supper and when he comes home and says what did you do all do say nothing and when he says why didn't you do all those things say I just wanted you to realize how much I do do all day...oh and let the kids make a mess and don't pick up after them.

Kristie - posted on 05/23/2012

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my hubby will clean and cook but not that often(well he usually cooks on weekend) but arg ya know. I threaten to go on strike(for maybe 1/2 hour) but then I have to go clean the mess. I could be a bit neater but that's not me.

Beth - posted on 05/23/2012

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The sad fact is that some people will just never get it. My husband is the same way. And he thinks because once in a while he's home all day alone with our son on a Saturday or something that he gets what it's all about, but that's so not the case. A normal day of my husband and son together is them watching movies together or maybe going to the park. He's not cleaning, he's not running errands, he's not working at the preschool (we go to a coop), he's not the one who's had to say "no, no, no, no, no" all week long, he gets to be the fun parent. I've wanted to "go on strike" so many times, just so he can see what it would be like if I truly did nothing all day, but I can't bring myself to do it. Even if he doesn't appreciate me as much as he should, I still take pride it what I do, and I know it's important and worthwhile.

Kristie - posted on 05/23/2012

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i hear from hubby every night about whats going on at his plant. he dont like when all I talk about is things I watch on tv and oh ya kayla did this.. mostly it's what i watched on tv or if i talked to my family on phone...

[deleted account]

Ask him what 'he' did all day. We are the opposite from from you and your Hubble and my son thinks Daddy works really hard, and Mummy sits in front of a computer and goes to meetings! I might earn the pennies but I agree with my son :-)

The truth is anyone who criticises a stay at home parent is jealous. I can't deny wishing I had more time with my family, but as a team you have to do what's right financially and emotionally for your little unit.

Enjoy your children x

Kristie - posted on 05/23/2012

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I tell him im getting ready to mop or sweep and he complains I wait till night to clean, it is useless to clean dring the day with my kids around

Kristie - posted on 05/23/2012

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my husband works and although I am not super neat the house is as clean s it will get with 3 kids. He doesn't like how I clean am raising the kds and whatnot... When I was in the U.S Army Reserves and he was home with them(once a month saturday and sunday) he had the house spotless an kids behaved(sorry to say it's because they don't spend much time with him working 2nd shift). I do my best and he thinks it's easy. Told me he had 4 loads of laundry washed and folded(our dryer takes several trips around to dry everything completely) since it's clogged under the house. Gee maybe if I worked and he stayed home(literally sahm i dont drive) it might wok out that way for me. WTF can't weget credit for cooking their food, washing their clothes and making sure the children are clean. Maybe we need to go on strike!!!! He sees how on the weekend the house gets a mess(he says since he doesnt work on the weekend neither should I) although mothers day night he said the opposite and I shouldn't get to sit down and rest here and there. give me a break I gave birth and you had 5 minute of pleasure and Im tortured for rest of my life?!?! come on!

Brenda - posted on 05/23/2012

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Try using your imagination. Develop some great adventures! When he asks you what you did all day, let your imagination run wild! Perhaps he's asking just to see if you had the privilege of some extra time in your day to do something fun? Who knows. Bottom line? This too shall pass. Embrace the question and use it as a challenge to put a little humor in your relationship! A stay at home Mom is a hard worker! Don't ever let anyone tell you any different. Especially with two children the ages of YOUR two children! But the hard work will pay off if you focus on the right things. And humor can alleviate a TON of stress! Happy Nurturing!

Samantha - posted on 05/23/2012

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Someone posted this story on here a couple years ago. I thought you might like it. :)
http://www.circleofmoms.com/stay-at-home...
-------------------------------------
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'

Kim - posted on 05/23/2012

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dont do anything all day but feed & change kids. NOTHING ELSE maybe then he might SEE what you do. He can always stay home & WORK and you can go to work & have a break. My guess is he wouldn't last very long. Good luck

Heather - posted on 05/23/2012

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Ask him not to ask him what you did all day! It's rude and hurtful when they do that. I would stop making the house so super clean, he will get way too used to it, but that's me. Being a SAHM isn't all about keeping the house totally clean, the laundry done, and having dinner cooked every night. Try taking day or two off per week and relax, take your boys somewhere, get out of the house. Then when the house isn't so perfect, you can actually say that you went somewhere, and didn't clean the house, and you can tell him that dinner will be ready when it's ready. I would stop doing all of this, as your setting yourself up for failure at some point. Find a part time side job, like blogging, selling Avon, etc. Something that you can do that's just for you, or all of this is soon to come crashing down.

He is probably not so impressed with the clean house, etc. anymore. Find a hobby or something to do with your boys a few days a week!

Cathey - posted on 05/23/2012

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I spent 15 years as a full-time homemaker (gardener, canner, etc.,) another four years adding a college degree, 15 years in the work force (and still...) and now I'm back being full-time homemaker and part-time writer (no $$'s.) I fired the husband with this attitude! That's a bit drastic, I know, after 20 years. (The "new and improved" is better.) I will praise the full-time homemaker with sincerest heart and soul. Because, I know. I also know I'm unbelieveable good at being a wife and mother. It is what I do best! It's taken a lot of years to know that...I went on strike and did all that...it helped for too short a time. Hey, ya'all you got each other. Just know what you do, cannot be done by all. There's the thing! You know what you do...and in hindsight, it's all you need.

Ebone - posted on 05/23/2012

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I to have dealt with this same kInd of ignorance
An money is a form of control, continue to do what
Your I did alot of praying for control of emotion
and god is stl wking on me, I realized a dysfunctional
Mother left my children dysfunctional they feel
Our hearts and see our tears hear our yelling I'm not
Married but my boyfriend is the bread winner no strike
Made him do any better. Focus on your babies and
SeekGod first boldly.

Stifler's - posted on 05/22/2012

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I think damo used to be like this with logan or i just thought he was until we had renae and i told him daycare was 80 bucks a day

Sasha - posted on 05/22/2012

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Lol i like what you said Sharon, it's very true. If it wasnt for me we would have to pay for a lot more things.. I wish i could smack him to but thats a no no lol like i tell my boys

[deleted account]

The other thing you could do is when he asks what you've been doing all day, you could tell him that you have been saving him money on child care, cleaning service, ironing lady and take away dinners because if you went back to work, you'd have to pay for all those things. (OK, the takeaway dinners are optional. But if you went back to work, I can guarantee that you'd eat more takeaway as you'd be too tired to cook every night.
Seriously, I just want to whack your hubby as his attitude sucks.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/22/2012

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LOL, pretty much said exactly what Sharon did. Guess I should have read first ;P

~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/22/2012

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Best way to tell him, is to show him. Go out for a weekend to your friends, parents, whatever. In one weekend he will understand.

Stifler's - posted on 05/22/2012

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I'd be like what does it matter what I did. If the house is clean and kids are fed, bathed and dressed then who cares.

[deleted account]

You can talk until you are blue in the face, but the only way to show him is to make him do it. Go and stay with a friend for a day or two and let your partner do everything (and I mean everything - don't do anything to help him or make it easy) that you normally do. With a little luck it will shake some sense into him.
Attitudes like his make me sick. Try not to let it get you down, I know it's hard when you're not appreciated and you don't have your hard work acknowledged. Chin up and I hope you can get the message across.

Amanda - posted on 05/21/2012

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My hubby was did the same to me. One day I had enough and went on strike.

I didn't do the dishes or the laundry, didn't take the kids out, didn't tidy up, hoover, sweep or mop the floor. I even refused to cook for him. The house was a pig sty
It took half a day and he hasn't said a word since.

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