how do you tell your 10yrold daughter about period

Rebecca - posted on 06/09/2009 ( 40 moms have responded )

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i have a 10yr old daughter and wondering when is it the right age to start telling her about such things and how much do you go into it, i dont want to confuse her im so lost on this and its freaking me out that i'm already having to think of this with her she is growing up to quick i cant keep up, is anyone out there going threw the same thing or have had the talk with there daughter and what wording did you use so she understood. i jut dont want to be too late and she gets them and not prepared and gets scared

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Kellie - posted on 06/09/2009

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my daughter is now 11 and she started to experience the cramps at about 9. When she got the cramps I simply explained that they were growing pains that girls go through around this age. That was enough for about a year. Pains continued as they do and by then she was more interested in why they wouldn't go away, this was the door opener for me to sit quietly in her room with her. We also have a Human Body book, like an encyclopedia which mykids find facinating & often look through. We looked through that and i let her take the lead and answered her questions without going into too much detail Picture reference help alot. (of the female body) I told her that it wasn't anything to be afraid of and that all girls go through it. My daughter took it as a sign as "Oh I'm really a big girl now". A week later she came home from school and mentioned that the female teacher was speaking to the girls about what to bring on camp in the lines of hygen. To my suprise she said. "Mum? Alot of the girls didn't understand what the teacher was talking about" and when they asked her, she felt good knowing and understanding. Her advise to her friend was that she should go home and talk to her mum cos there is girls stuff to find out" god love her...A few months back we were shopping at BigW and she saw a book in the book section called TEEN TALK-GIRL TALK by Sharon Witt. She brought it over to me and asked could she buy it. After looking through it and asking myself was she ready to know, I said yes. I told her it wasn't a game and it was a serious book that needed to read responcibily. She read it and it helped emensly. The book is designed for early teens, fun caractures and written almost in the scence of a comic magazine. There are 3 volumes (1 for girls, 1 for boys and 1 for both) I opted to buy some little panty liners in a trendy package and she keeps them in her drawer, Just ready for that day. Just be brave and keep it light, not so serious. Giver her the confidence to be able to know she can talk to you about everything, if she sees that you are embarrased, she might think its too embarresing to talk about and clam up, cos now's the time they need it. Good luck with it. hope i have helped a little.:)

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Sarah - posted on 11/11/2011

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I say ask her what she knows? Be truthful with her! She will come to you in the future if you are open honest and not withholding.

Sarah - posted on 11/11/2011

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I say ask her what she knows? Be truthful with her! She will come to you in the future if you are open honest and not withholding.

Victoria - posted on 06/25/2009

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There's also a book called The Period Book. My daughter started reading it when she was about 10. She asked questions about it as they arose in her mind over the course of 2 years and when she finally got her period 2 months ago (at age 12) everything was so calm. After having 3 boys before her I was happy to have the help of that book.

Good luck!

Jaime - posted on 06/25/2009

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What a great question to ask, and what great answer's from everyone. I am sure to be crossing this bridge in the next couple of years and will have to remember all the above advice. My daughter is 8 and has already started to develop, so it is only a matter of time before the questions come, she knows the basics but I am holding off for a little bit for an in depth conversation. My daughter and I have a very open relationship and talk about everything and anything, so this topic should be a piece of cake for us HOPEFULLY LOL

Michelle - posted on 06/25/2009

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It is never easy, there is no wrong/right way, other than to not do anything at all. The reality is, they will probably not remember a thing about this one event. My oldest has graduated this month and we just talked about memories and she remembers nothing about that day. So as freaked out as you think she is, be up front with her about everything as she asks those questions. You want her to learn it from you and no one else, and when she gets older, she won't remember if you messed it all up anyway.

So have fun with it, keep it airy and not serious. RELAX!!!

Linda - posted on 06/25/2009

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Hello!!! My daughter is 9 years and she is freaked out anyway about the whole period thing..I just told her the basics and told her if she has any questions she can ask me and I will explain it... I tell her it is natural and that every women has to have it to become a Mom.. She asked if there was an easier way..LOL I said no sorry honey. It is just part of life. She is alright with it now, but I think still a lil worried about the "what ifs" ..

Michelle - posted on 06/24/2009

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One more thing... I have two daughters and the day that my daughters started, I planned a special day for that one daughter. I took her to lunch or dinner and shopping so that we could talk about these changes and why they happen. What the purpose of these changes were for to prepare them. As we were shopping, there would be a question here and then a question there and it was a great opportunity for quality time and great conversation.

Michelle - posted on 06/24/2009

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Go and buy a book that talks about the human body. Sit down with her and share how the female body works and the male body. It is vital that you do both and that you do it without hesitation. If you act like it is to hard to share, she will feel that it is a source of embarassment and that will carry through to any other talks that you will have with her. I will also add that it is easier than you think. You are making it hard. So just do it and run with the flow of her questions. You do not have to add anymore than she askes for. As this will be the first of many sex questions. Sex needs to be a topic of many conversations and not just a one time thing.

[deleted account]

Tammy Tucker has it nailed. One extra thought, get on with the job! The lnager you wait the more chance you will miss it and she will be figure it out with someone else's help or on her own. My mother missed the window and was gone when I started for a week on a job. I made sure my first daughter of four knew the facts, what had to be done, and had supplies on hand a year ahead of time because I realized she was as resevered as I was and would do what she needed when she was ready. She started leaving me little notes I had to deciper to figure out she needed more supplies! LOL I never even knew she had started. I was sure glad she was ready!



Mother of 10.....6 boys and 4 girls

Nicole - posted on 06/24/2009

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Hi Rebecca, Its a hard one. I try to be open with my daughter when she asks questions as they tend to go to their friends for advice too. In my home town at the community health centre they run mother daughter groups starting at the age of 10. I'm going to be doing this with my 10 year old at the end of the year. you should look into it, it may help! My sister done this course with her daughter last year and it help out heaps. Good luck!

I have three daughters aged 10, 9 and 3. I say help!!! And I'm feel sorry for my poor husband!!!!

Sue - posted on 06/23/2009

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Hi! I also have a daughter who will be 12 in November, but I noticed that when she was 9 she started developing breast, little pubic hair and hit a growth spurt. I just broke into a light conversation of when we begin to grow up, our bodies change, went through the whole girl puberty thing with her, even though I knew she would not understand totally. 6 months after her 10th birthday, her period started. We were out, but because of our talk, she knew what was going on. Since then, she is continuing to grow and develop and actually looks 14 and not 11. She really did not understand everything I was saying until it happened to her, but at least had an idea because of our talk. Keep it simple, not too much info, does not need to know the birds and bees just what happens when our body goes through changes. good luck

Estrel - posted on 06/23/2009

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Hi Rebecca
I have a daughter too, she is now turning 21. Big dif's i know, but let me tell you how so long ago i dealt with the same issue. At the age of 7, she asked me why we need to use sanitary towels (at that time is used them), all i said was " well when girls get big their body changes so they get ready to have babies, and mommy just uses it like a plaster for a day or two then it's better for a while. You do some odd replies like " oh well i'm not having babies" or "how gross" the secret is not to go where they do not wanna tread. So unless they ask you another question, they will leave it there and be quite content that you answered their question.

A good way to get her talking first is to go shopping with her and get her to collect different items off the shelf for you and when you get to "that" department and she finally asks, you have the opportunity to start the conversation. (at home ofcorse) ;-) I would keep the books aside as graphics can be more of a shock, ask her to tell you when she is ready to see pictures. Since the day of discussing it with my daughter we have had a very open relationship and she feels i will always be honest with her. It is the beginning of a wonderful mother daughter relationship. I wish u well with this.!

Cheryl - posted on 06/23/2009

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The book by American Girl...Care and Keeping of Me was a really good resource. I bought it when she was about 8 and kept it handy. We reviewed each chapter together (I previewed first) and then we had open discussions. I let her ask questions and I answered as openly and honestly as possible. When 'it' happened, she was in school and was prepared (she WAS 10)...she knew enough about what to do to get herself excused from class and to the nurse's office. When I got the call from school, she said, "Mom, I think I'm having my punctuation mark."

Angela - posted on 06/23/2009

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There is a great book series, if you'd like a little help!! It's called "God's Design for Sex" Book 1 starts w/ just the basics about your body & how it's exactly as God intended it to be, different from a boys body etc...
Book 2 is more detailed & so on..

My daughter's favorite ( she is almost 11) was The Body Book by Nancy Rue!! Totally Awesome book explains everything from how their body works, changes to expect, what their friends may be talking about to how to except their body types & make good food choices!! It's really great & it's in "magazine format" so, she totally loved it & learned alot!!

[deleted account]

I didn't get around to reading all of the moms responses so I am sorry if this is duplicated. I started my daughter on the Amercan Girl book series on Growing up..it explains all about body changes & menses, you & she will find it really useful, I read it with my daughter so I was always on the same page & able to answer questions as they came & it also answered some of my own questions as I was raised by an Indian father & it all just happened to me without any assistance.

Margaret - posted on 06/23/2009

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reproduction 101 I had to have the chat with my step daughter we went through the whole process of the body maturing and reproduction and contraception

I asked her why she thinks kids arent allowed to drive

she answered because we would have a crash and I said yes and having a crash can change your life forever and sometimes it can never be the same again.

and I asked her why do kids not have kids but wait til they are old enough and ready and she said because it would be like having a crash and everything would change.... and she definately understood what i was trying to get across to her....

anyway we got a pad....I got some water and put food colouring in it and we checked out how a pad works by absorbing fluid...and discussed menstruation....and we also had some fun inflating some condoms....she was 10 when we had the chat but she had been terrified by the discussion because she had already asked her mum and her nana and only been told IT IS EVIL!!!! when she asked what sex is.

being able to laugh with her about it made a massive difference and she has since felt comfortable to come to me to discuss any related issues.

Laura - posted on 06/23/2009

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My daughter is 11yrs old and has had questions from the time she was 5yrs old, and I believe if they are old enough to ask then they deserve a truthful answer. I started seriously talking to her about it when she was 9 because you never know. My daughter had a few questions but not many and she actually knew more than I knew she did, school starts teaching them young to. Its hard to believe that they are old enough to have this talk with but its here. I never used any special wording and I also went online and showed my daughter pictures of the organs which she thought was great because she knows what her organs look like inside her. My daughter was never scared of it because she knew I had it and even though she knew its a pain in the butt and there was no way she was excited about getting it she knew what was happening to her body and that was what she was scared of the not knowing.

Amie - posted on 06/21/2009

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I've had to have this talk with my 8 year old. She has some friends that are older and already gone through the sex ed class in grade 4 that teaches them about puberty. One of those little shits though thought it would be fun to confuse my daughter and tell her a period is when you get hair in your arm pits. We've already had a few talks with her though about what she's going to be experiencing soon and what she's already experiencing. (she started puberty herself this year) So we went and got the books... The Care and Keeping of You ~ A book for girls... and What's happening to me?
They've been good for her. We still sit down and go over things when she wants to brush up on what she's learned. Her first response though when she found out exactly what was going to happen was... ewwwww mom that's gross. LOL!

Rhionna - posted on 06/21/2009

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I think I'm doing it so early as my mum didn't tell me until I was already going through puberity when we had The Chat, and my poor sister was a very early developer and started her period aged 9 and had had no information given to her!

Rhionna - posted on 06/21/2009

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I've already started this, although with my sons, they are 3 and 2 and i have a 7week old daughter. My eldest started asking about how i got a baby in my tummy, so i told him we had special cuddles- then he asked how would the baby get out! I bought a book called Lets Talk about families. he looked at all the pictures and asked so many questions, it's helped us get through some embarrasing questions but i think you just need to be completely honest and try not to let your embarrasment show, if you are uncomfortable talking about it then she will pick up on it and may not talk to you about more serious issues later on! Good luck!

Erin - posted on 06/17/2009

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Everybody is right. There are a lot of ways to start this discussion with your daughter. I actually started preparing both my daughters (one is 15 now, the other is 4) very early. When we started potty training, both girls went with me to the bathroom and I didn't try to hide anyting from them (and this is not easy!!). If they happened to be with me when it was my time of the month, I just explained that this was something that happened to a woman about once a month when they get older (very age appropriate response). When it came time to give a more detailed explaination, my oldest had no problems understanding what was happening to her and she wasn't scared or confused. Schools and girl scout clubs here in MO also give this information in 5th grade (you have to sign a parental consent form for the kids to be involved in the session) but my daughter already knew all about it by that time. As a parent, it's not always easy to have some of these discussions, but there are a lot of resources available now (books, internet, community chats) and the more comfortable you are during the conversation, the easier it will be for your child. Good luck and good parenting!

Pamela - posted on 06/16/2009

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There are many ways. I had a great book that I found about both male and female sexuality that was made explicitly for children to read. I gave it to my sons when they were in their early teens so they could know about their own bodies and the bodies of girls around them. It also came with a video. Do an internet search on ways to explain....I am sure you will find enlightened material to help the process!

Tara - posted on 06/16/2009

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At 10 I think she is definitely ready to be told in an age-appropriate way about menstruating. I got my period at 9 (I was a DD cup by 11, so had already had a lot of development by then), but because my mom was open and honest about it, I wasn't afraid. There are a lot of books available that your daughter could read as well that present the information with the correct body terms but in a bit more fun way than some of the "textbook" type books you could get. As long as you are honest about it, she'll be much more comfortable with the idea, and less likely to feel that some of the information she is likely to hear from other girls at school is the truth.

Tricia - posted on 06/16/2009

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There is a book called PERIOD - My mom gave it to me when I was about that age - we read it together and it did help!

Dabra - posted on 06/15/2009

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I think most schools do that talk in the schools. It is a great idea and does take the ease of the parents. Although, I still think that it is good for parents to have an open conversation about this subject with there kids. If they do have the talk in school ask your daughter if she has any questions (keep the lines of comunication open, always!)

This is your first hurdle! Just wait until your kids get into the 9th grade (my daughter is finishing up her first year of high school). I had to sign a paper saying it was OK for her to be in a SEX ED class. Which totally helped me take the ease of talking about sex. Everyday I asked her how the class went today and everyday she said fine! I did think it was funny when she told my mom how she learned how to put a condom on a bananna. She needs to learn and at least someone else tought her!

Tanya - posted on 06/15/2009

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I know the parents should be the ones that explain this but in our area the schools also do it in 5th grade they separate the boys and girls, and girls get the "period" disscussion they get pads and some books and she school sends books home to help the parents with questions. Do they have this in your area?? I think it's helpful expecially for the parents that do have trouble talking about stuff like this.. (and expecially for little girls with dad's raising them - I see it as very helpful to dad cause i could just imagine my husband trying to explain all this to my daughter).. But I think she is ready at 10 to have the talk about periods she will get them soon she should be ready - my oldest daughter is 6 so i have a few more years to go. Good Luck :)

Dabra - posted on 06/15/2009

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I would start the discussion now! I will never forget the doctor telling me that girls tend to get there period 1 year before you got it. my daughter got her period when she was 11 (I got mine when I was 12). I started the discussion early with my daughter and she was well informed. She got her period when I wasn't around. Since I talked about it early with her she was not freaked out about it. I got books from the library that helped me explain to her about your period. you should do the same, it is a big help!



good luck! http://my2.tupperware.com/dabrahirsch

Joanna - posted on 06/15/2009

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if you look on-line you should be able to find some information that you think is suitable for your daughter, with my daughter i kept everything simple and made her understand that periods were nothing to be scared of. When she was 14 i had another child a son now 17 months and if everything had gone to plan i wanted her to be with me for the birth so she would be involved and understand everything about giving birth that i could not fully explain as i had a c-cec with her but my plans went out the window as i needed an emergency c-cec at 36 weeks!

Marie - posted on 06/15/2009

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I would go to the library and get a book about periods and early sex education and then I'd sit down with my kid and read it together and discuss any questions she may have. Be completely honest with her and be as innocent as possible too. Has she been asking you any questions lately. My son who's 7 has been asking if babies come from your tummy and how do they get out. I told him that yes babies grow in women's tummies but that really I feel he's too young to know how they come out and that i'd tell him in a year or two when i feel he'd understand better. He accepted that. Good luck.

Kathryn - posted on 06/15/2009

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AT THIS POINT SHE PROBABLY ALREADY KNOWS ABOUT IT.
JUST FIT IT INTO A CONVERSATION GENTLY AS POSSIBLE SO AS NOT TO SCARE HER.

Amy - posted on 06/15/2009

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However everyone has good answers....I have a suggestion....there is a book called "what's happening to me?" It answers and explains all sorts of things like puperty, masterbation, and more......it makes it easy to discuss these things with your children...male or female.....my mother got me the book and I got my daughter the book.....and have since passed it on to other friends with male and female children! It's an old book but definalty worth it.

Pam - posted on 06/15/2009

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I was the same as 'Juliana Parker' was with her daughter. When she was old enough to ask, I answered honestly and without any embarresments or feeling silly. Its a natural part of growing up. When I was young my mother felt silly about talking with me about it. Resulted in me knowing much when I started. I always felt I would be honest and open when my daughter was ready. She felt silly talking with me about it, but because I tried to be nonchalant about it, it made her feel like she could talk about it easier, no big deal. She wanted tampons, I dont like them, so we did talk to her doctor about that and the doctor told her if she was confortable with em use em. Just make your daughter feel like its totally natural part of life by not feeling embarresed to talk with her about it.

Kirsten - posted on 06/15/2009

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Hi Rebecca!

I've already had two chats with my daughter and one with my son...they are 7 and 6!!! As most moms know, privacy is a forgotten luxury with younger children and bathroom time is when they suddenly need you the most!!! My son began asking me about 'blood pee' on the way to school one morning after barging in on me. it was a bit tricky...but I just kept imaging the phone calls from the school and other moms if I didn't deal with the situation. I explained that it was the way a womans body prepared to hold a baby safe in her tummy...by making a 'cushion' inside her and that if a baby didn't arrive, the cushion came out with the womans pee. It seemed to satisfy both and no one asked how the baby got there in the first place...so I got off lucky. I know the time is coming when I have to have THAT conversation...maybe you can give me some tips for that one! Good Luck!!!

Kirsten

Robin - posted on 06/15/2009

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Sorry I'm late to the conversation. I have a 9 yr. old who starting asking questions as well. I bought the book called "All About Me" from the line of American Girl books. We read it together about 6mths. ago and she's come back a few times to ask questions. The wording and approach are wonderful. Highly recommend as a first step in a lifetime of mother/daughter intimate conversation.

Leigh - posted on 06/15/2009

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Good luck, I'm so pleased that you are willing to have this dialogue with your daughter, hopefully this is a start for any other 'things' you will have to talk to her about!

Rebecca - posted on 06/09/2009

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thanks alot everyone on the information and i will just keep it simple and just have some books and liners ready in case she askes questions i just had no idea how to tackle this, but i feel more at ease now as the approaches you did were all good and thank u again

[deleted account]

What Tamara said, basically. I recently told my 9 year old about it and I used very simple terms. I said, "About the same time a girl starts getting breasts she also starts menstruating which is what we call 'having a period'. [she had heard her older sisters talking about it] At that time your body starts getting ready to be a grownup and to have babies. Every month your uterus builds up this lining of blood which will help a baby grow if there is one. At the end of the month if there is no baby there, the blood is not needed so your body gets rid of it. It comes out of your vagina and we use these pads to catch it and soak it up. It doesn't usually hurt and the blood does not come straight from a blood vein so you don't have to worry about bleeding to death." I think one of the things she was worried about was how can you lose all that blood and not die? ha After I told her all that she was totally satisfied and said, "Oh, okay. When is that going to happen to me?" and I said, "Nobody knows for sure but based on my experience and your sister's, I'd say when you're about 12." She said, "That's weird." and I said, "Yeah, it really is." and she laughed and that was the end of it. She hasn't mentioned it since then (a couple of weeks).

Juliana - posted on 06/09/2009

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I have a daughter and I went with the idea if she was old enough to ask the question, she is old enought to receive the answer. I explained to my daughter about having a menses and what to expect when she did have it ( bleeding, cramping, etc) and the use of pads vs tampons. I explained to her not to be afraid when it happens and what she will see and that it is normal. My daughter is now 21 and loved how open we were when we had those types of conversations. She was never scared because she knew exactly what to expect.

Tamara - posted on 06/09/2009

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I'd start with a simple factual discussion, explain that some of her classmates are quite possibly going through the same thing and than ask her if she has any questions. Keep it simple and don't go into ridiculous amts of details.

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