how do you tell your kids about they father who have not see them in 10

Katrina - posted on 02/11/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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they father wish o see them .the last time was 10 yrs ago

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Charmaine - posted on 02/11/2009

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That's a difficult question..., its really up to you if you allow him to see your kids, if u know his going to disrupt your children's life its better he stays away, but if your kids are old enough to make up their own minds and want to see him and ask questions about his disappears for 10 years so they can understand why he wasn't around, don't stop them, they have much right to know as u. Just make sure you sit down and talk to them, ask them how they feel about the situation and what do they want to do...let them know your there for them as you have been from the beginning and no matter what happens your always be there if things don't go according to plan...... eventually they would have to find out what type of person he is, his always gonna be there dad.....but if u do decide to let him see them make sure , you and him talk, so you know why its taken so long to get in contact and why he didn't see them sooner, you and your kid deserve a explanation, how his gonna make it up to the kids and how regular does he want to see them. your kids deserve better in there life's ..but if he slips up his not worth putting your kids through that again.

Kate - posted on 02/11/2009

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My son is 15 and has not seen his biological father since he was 3, maybe four. If his father asked to see him today, I would tell him to wait until he was 18. My son has already told me he has no desire to meet his biological father. Have you asked them if they would like a visit with him? Personally, if there is a visit between the father and the children I would make sure that it is supervised and that a time limit is imposed for the safety of the kids.

Susan - posted on 02/11/2009

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Quoting Katrina:

how do you tell your kids about they father who have not see them in 10

they father wish o see them .the last time was 10 yrs ago



Hi Katrina



I have this similar situation as my son has not seen his dad in 5 years (His Father's choice).  My one piece of advice is do not talk ill of his dad.  When my son askes about his dad I usually respond with something like this.  Honey, I know you are upset and hurt about your dad and him not being aroud, but he is the one who is missing out. I say that because he is the one who does not get to enjoy a great relationship with a wonderful boy who has so much to offer.  I am hoping that he is off trying to learn how to be a better man so if he ever does come into your life he returns with the ability to be the man you deserve.  But if he does not return to your life he is the one who losses out on so much.



I really do try to stay away from good or bad descriptions.  If he asks more detailed questions I answer them honestly with as much of a positive spin as I can.  It is not always easy as I struggle on  daily basis with the balancing act as you do, but I hope it will make my son a stronger man and a great father in his own right someday.  I hope that this helps - goood luck.

Kira - posted on 02/11/2009

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Hi Katrina,



well i would say there are many factors that play into it. It depends on how old the children are and what the childs feelings are towards their bio father. being he hasnt seen them in so long im guessing the kids are around 10? i would maybe take them out or even sit down for dinner and tell them that their father is interested in seeing them if they dont warm up to the idea right away let them know its okay and that you understand give them time to adjust to the  idea-being that a stranger wants to finally be reunited again. they may take to it well, or maybe not just be there to support their thoughts and feelings about it. 

Jennifer - posted on 02/11/2009

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Thats really Hard, my daughter is 3 and hasn't seen her father since she knows what a father is. That would be up to you if the child is old enough you can let them decide but in my opionion they are the biological father not a real "father". You could either tell them it was their father or just let them meet him so he could "see" them granting his request. It may be sneaky but it may leave a lot of problems out of the picture. It depends on how forgiving or how tough your children feel about their "father".



Jen

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