How does everyone find balance between being a mommy and a wife??

Erinn - posted on 04/10/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I was just curious because with 2 children under the age of 4 can be sooo draining that by the time they're sleeping, i'm so exhausted it can be tough to be attentive to my husband and thats not fair to him! How do you find balance between the two??

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Becky - posted on 04/10/2009

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Oops, guess my suggestions (which I don't really have any) are of no help. I work full-time and am in school part-time for a master's degree, so I feel like it should be my husband pouring the milk for me! Besides, aren't we the ones who endured 9-10 months of pregnancy? Time for mama to get pampered!



I guess the balance is very different depending on who is working out of the home, etc.

Katrina - posted on 04/10/2009

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hi i have 6 kids 11,9,8,5,2,8m and im only 30 i am exhausted as well because buy the time im finishing the house work its time to fix the kids and when all of that is done he gets home from work and then i have to try and please him as well and i really dont wont to do anything but just sit and relax but i have found that if i have a nice relaxing bath after the kids are in bed we can have one together or he will come and wash my back(not like i cant do it myself but he wonts to try and make me feel better) or you could do it for him when his in the bath makes them feel like you still love them and that you would like to spend time with them we also just lie in bed and rub each others back and talk about whats on your's and his mind as men hold a lot in, we also try to ring each other during the day just to see how they are and to say you love them that makes them feel alot better as well they think you are thinking of them so they dont feel like you have forgoten about them and there wonted just try little things they do understand but i no its hard to have time to spend with each other, dont know if this would help but good luck

Rosalie - posted on 04/10/2009

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Thanks Kristeen, and besides, if you have the milk jug in your hand anyway, do you think giving it to him after you're done so he can pour his own earns you points?

Kristeen - posted on 04/10/2009

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I agree with Rosalie & Julia. The little things like a hug & kiss as soon as he comes home, & asking the kids not to interupt when you 2 are speaking, sitting close together on the couch (even if it is some crappy tv show he wants to watch) still helps to keep that connection. If he gets up early to go to work, try getting up early & having breakfast with him (this may seem like an effort if you are tired, but it is worth it & if the kids are still napping, you can always nap with them too). And Rosalie's suggestion of pouring his drink bevore the kids, is not a stupid one, it is a simple act that tells him he is still important - men can feel pushed into the background when mum's are so busy running around after the kids. If you are splitting jobs trying to get them off to bed, let your husband do the bath or stories while you do the quick after dinner tidy up, because it gives him a little quality time with the kids.



With regard to energy levels, exercise does help, but it doesn't have to be anything regimented, it can be chasing a ball around the back yard with the kids, jumping on the kids trampoline (they think that is great), or even danicng to the wiggles video along with the kids. Movement is the key.



And all those household chores, little kids love to help, let them pass you the washing when pegging it out, let them climb in the bath & wash it with a little gentle soap on a sponge while you are doing the rest of the bathroom (it is occupying them & helping you get cleaining done).



Also, the odd night or weekend where you can leave them with relatives always helps.



My boys are 9, nearly 8, & coming up to 5. When the 2 older ones were little I was constantly tired , but the things I have suggested helped. I know it feels overwhelming now, but it does get better.



Take care.

Rosalie - posted on 04/10/2009

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Becky - the question was "how can I be  attentive to my husband".  Of course he can pour his own milk.  Love is action.  It takes small gestures like this to let him know he is still important.  Doing that once in a while doesn't make him co-dependent.

Rosalie - posted on 04/10/2009

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Of course he can pour it himself.  Love is action.  Pouring his milk once in awhile isn't making him co-dependent.

Julia - posted on 04/10/2009

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Yes it's draining...I have 3 kids under 4!!!    My youngest is 9 weeks...and is now settled in the evenings..which is great!!   One lady recomended exercise...she is right!!  ...I have started exercising...start off little...you'll get there..even if you feel tired and just want to sit on the couch...go for a 10 min brisk walk first!!    I have found I have got more energy now...and I've only just started exercising again.   Make sure you are eating well...and not snacking on junk food too...it's just too easy to do!!  your body will thank you for it!



As to being a wife too....know what your husbands love language is.....words of encourgement.....'thanks for going to work for US today...we really appreciate it'.   Physical touch....give him a hug as soon as he gets in the door....  Gifts....help your kids to make him a present during the day!!.   what I'm trying to point out is...it's still easy to make your man feel loved and respected by you as his wife by being a mum aswell.  I'm sure you'll be able to find more time for those romantic dates you used to have down the track soon....it is a busy time with little ones...but they grow up.

Tiffany - posted on 04/10/2009

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Balance is exactly it Erinn.  I have 2 kids 4 and 5, 15 months apart.  Everything in life can bring on challenges, that is a part of life.  I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband who helps me with the kids.  I hop you are getting the help you need.  My husband is a successful Attorney who works 60-80 per week, and he STILL helps.  Right now while I am typing away he is playing chase with the kids thru the house!!!  Having kids is NOT just YOUR responsibility...they have a Dad too.  Energy----if you are not yet exercising, begin today!!!  20 minutes a day of walking and some yoga will give you TONS of energy and will keep your libido up too!  no excuses, while they are napping, after they go to bed, before they get up, or jsut put on a movie for them and go workout in another room.  You will also be setting a great example for your kids.  Tired, yes, I get tired too, but my new workout regime on the Wii has given me back much needed energy.  Also, what time are you putting your kids to bed?  shoot for 7:30 so they are alseep by 8.  Good luck!!!  You can do it!!

Shelagh - posted on 04/10/2009

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Split the jobs - you bath the kids while I clear the table, you fill the washing machine while I cook dinner. Your husband doesn't need you to be attentive to him - he's a big boy now, and he just needs to know that you appreciate having him around. We also found it helped to set aside one evening a week when we didn't just sit in front of the TV - we opened a bottle of wine, and had conversation - we called it a 'sofa date' and it seemed to work.

Rachel - posted on 04/10/2009

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don't take everything on by yourself, your a partnership do it all together, and don't get your self stuck in the rut of you having to do all the work in the house and making him feel special, it cuts both ways if your working together making tea bathing the kids putting them to bed etc, your spending time together cutting your work in half so you'll be less tired and be able to sit down earlier at the end of each day

Becky - posted on 04/10/2009

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Rosalie - pouring his before the kids? Why isn't he pouring it himself!! :)

Becky - posted on 04/10/2009

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Rosalie - pouring his before the kids? Why isn't he pouring it himself!! :)

Stephanie - posted on 04/10/2009

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Lots and lots of coffee!!!! I tried not to drink it but once i did i had so much energy i couldnt stop drinking it!!!

Teresa - posted on 04/10/2009

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hi i am a full time mum n i have got 3 kids my oldest is 9 middle 1 is 4 n youngest is 20 months old and i am pregnant with my 4th baby. i think u have 2 learn 2 cope thats how i did it.

Rosalie - posted on 04/10/2009

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by being flexible.  If husband has a flexible job he may be able to spend daytime hours with you from time to time.



Put him first by pouring his milk before the kids, asking him how he is, going out of your way showing common courtesy, sometimes asking the children not to interrupt.

Becky - posted on 04/10/2009

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I have no idea! I only have the one baby (5.5. months) and between working full-time and going to school part-time for a master's... i find my husband and i always catch up at the end of the day in bed and talk for about 30 minutes as we are drifting off, maybe not very long-time, but try to pack in everything. If you find the solution, let me know!

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