How easy will it be for my sons father to get visitation after not being around for 4 1/2 years...

MJ - posted on 11/15/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have sole legal/physical custody of my 4year old son and his father has not seen him since he was 1 year old, and has no relationship with him. I have tried to reach out and he responds like of course i want to be in his life but after a few weeks of calls I never hear anything again.. He owes me 108k in back Child Support, Child Support Services recently found out he was employed and garnished his wages. So for the 1st time in 4 1/2 years i started getting child support payments last month.. Now that he has been garnished he filed for review to lower his child support.. I filed out the forms i was sent for them to recalculate this order -- He called me and asked me for my address so now i think he wants to try for visitation so that will also lower his support payments - he lives in another state far away..what are the chances he will get visitation? My son would not know him if he walked up to him on the street... Advice please!!! Thanks

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Dove - posted on 11/15/2012

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You might want to talk to a lawyer now, but I wouldn't worry too much unless/until you get court papers.

MJ - posted on 11/15/2012

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When i was awarded the current order he was missing in action... he never showed up for any hearings.. I even reminded him and the just ignore them and so the judge threw the book at him for not showing any interest in his son and saw what i had to go through to serve him and try to find him... The judge wanted to order that he not have ANY visitation until he pays his child support and shows he is a responsible and interested in his son. He has 9 other childern by the way and he felt he was very wreckless...

Dove - posted on 11/15/2012

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When you were awarded the current order was your ex fighting for more? If so, and it was denied.... you will have a better chance of no change being made. If he wasn't fighting for more, but decides to now.... there's no telling for certain what a judge will or will not decide.

MJ - posted on 11/15/2012

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Ok. Thanks! But I already have a court order and I was awarded sole and physical custody and the visitation was ordered to be decided by between the parties...he has never once asked to visit his son. I have asked him to come visit and get to know his son but he always has an excuse... So the court order is already in place and I just wonder if the judge will change it if he asked for the visitation order to be changed? My lawyer says its very unlikely I'm in California and the order stands and he basically has abandon his son until he got garnished and now he wants the visitation changed to lower the support...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/15/2012

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Right, I understand. And, honestly, with a guy like that you don't want to break your boy's heart each time his father decides to cop out...but that's also what a court ordered visitation would help with.



It give you ammo, if he's not seeing your son during his scheduled visitation, you could get the orders changed, but you'd need the documented proof of no shows. Depending on where you live, you could pursue abandonment, but I don't know if they'll let you do that if he's having his wages garnisheed for the support.



I'd take it to court, get the orders in place, and then you'd at least have the option down the road to petition for full custody, no visitation, but still have the support.

MJ - posted on 11/15/2012

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Ok-- Yes I agree I have been the one trying to contact him for the last 4 years so that he can have a relationship with his son but he calls a few times and then disappears and we never hear from him until i reach out again... he basically abandon us and i had to hire a private investigator to find him... I have been the one asking him when can you come visit him, skype? nothing he always has an excuse.. and on top of that he has 9 other kids all around the same age as my son or a few years older/younger.... and the only reason he is contacting me now is because the wage garnishment -- He has not shown any interest in visiting or seeing his son ever...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/15/2012

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Probably easy, actually. CS and visitation are separate issues. If he petitions the court, and provides information indicating that he's interested in a relationship with his child, and he's not a child molester or doesn't have any restrictions on him as far as being around children, a judge is going to advocate for the relationship.



And, I say, rightly so. He has just as much right to get to know and have a solid relationship with his child as you do with yours. I agree that he should have to pay support, but you need to understand that the support (or lack thereof) will generally not deter a judge from allowing visitation.

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